Tell me about your anti-horse families!

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diluteherd

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After a big row with my dad this afternoon about my horses, (I plan on loaning my mare out and have bought a new 4 yo to break) I am now at a point where I feel like raising my little white flag of surrender and selling all my ponies. I think mentally I can't take much more bullying from my brother, dictatorship from my father and plain uninterest from my mother, although she loves to tell people how she poo picked for me .. although it was a good 14 years ago and the last time she came anywhere near me whilst poo picking was 2 years ago, I was on crutches and had my leg from thigh to ankle in a big metal frame after coming a cropper off my horse. I asked if she could push my wheel barrow out the field as it had been a heavy down pour whilst I was out in the field and the wheel barrow (a two wheeled beast) full of soden poo was to heavy to push with one arm and one leg and my crutch kept slipping in the mud and I had already fallen over several time..She didnt move it for me in the end - however that counts as poo picking! lol

I understand its not their love, but what hurts the most is I pay and look after them solely.. however I get into blazing rows with my father as he decides he should have they say what goes on with them and I get very little support if any. I even get moaned at because I have a few red rosettes hanging from a beam in the kitchen!

I wont get into the bullying from my brother!

I guess you think Im just spoilt little brat and what I am saying is obviously one side of the story, Im sure my parents would tell it in a far different style.. I guess Im just looking for a comforting pat on the back and can be told Im not the only one with these problems.. :(
 
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I understand, I have a loan pony and while they aren't against it and will come and give him an apple or take photographs they're not interested one little bit in daily care and moan about 'does he need the farrier again' or 'that bag of feed didn't last long, give him less from now on there's loads of grass'

How I envy those people with horsey parents, I fought for ten long years for a decent loan pony!
 
At least your parents take photos, a horse i shared was my world found out today that i have 4 photos of me with him, 1 i took the others are by my instructor. Never going to see him again only only have a few pictures and shared him for 3 years.

Ps I know i sound like a whiny child but its a touchy point when you look at the pictures of my brother playing hockey
 
On the one hand, I would never expect anyone to share an interest in my hobbies...BUT!...on the other, absolutely no one would dictate what I do with anything I pay for. All I can say is that these things become moot once you are able to live on your own (patronising as that sounds...it really wasn't meant to!) :)

FWIW, I will be immensely proud if my (currently 2yo) daughter is responsible enough and mature enough to look after horses well while still young enough to be living with her parents :)
 
I don't have a single photo of me on my horses :(
My mum hasn't learnt all theory names either and doesn't know which one is which.

I have bought all my 6 horses myself, I pay for all the feed and haylage, saddles, tack, everything! I have bought 2 stables and a horse lorry. I got thoughly shouted at for buying the stables... don't ask me why and was forced to sell MY horse lorry. All this and I'm only 24!
I think I should also add that if

my parents both drive new range rovers and go on £10k+ holidays (I've seen the bills!!) I don't mind doing it all myself at all, but I just wish they could be proud of me and my horses, I think that's what upsets me the most.

Since the blazing row this morning neither have spoken to me...2 adults with combined age of 123 years and they act like this!!

I do feel bad as my dad isn't very well at the moment, and I know we shouldn't be arguing but he just pushed me too far today, I feel so guilty and evil right now :(
 
diluteherd said:
I just re-read my post maybe I am just a horrid spoilt brat :/
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You may be privileged but you certainly don't come across as spoilt! I don't know any definition of spoilt brat that includes paying for things yourself and poo-picking with a broken leg! :D

I'm only (!) ten years older than you but I'll happily be proud of you on your parents' behalf if they can't quite manage that ;)
 
I don't think you do, i think its just a standard thing of if you are young and ride you must be spoilt. I am forever being called spoilt (If i was my parents would of got me a pony or at least known its name) all because i ride, for free i might add, as i help out on a farm and am retraining horses. I think we all have the problem when parents are not horsey we just want them to care about our interests (or at least take a pic)
 
I am nearly 50, and have had my horse for 20 years.
I still try not to discuss horses with my parents, mum in particular. Everything wrong in my life has been 'because of that horse'. Every relationship break-up there has been the comment, 'well you do spend so much time/money on that horse'.... everytime money has been tight, time has been limited, or I have been stressed, the finger is pointed.
I do love my parents, but they still, after all these years, just do not understand.
 
Whenever I had a problem with anything at all, even if its not at all connected to my horse, I get the lecture about how I could be spending my money on better things and spending more time with my kids and keeping my car cleaner. The fact that Im a 41 year old mother of 2 teenagers with a job and college course seems to be completely lost on them, apparently I care more about my horse than I do about anything - sometimes I think thats at least partly true where my mother and sister are concerned - my OH is a wonderful support and my kids adore my horse - to listen to my mother you would think my kids were starved and neglected. I honestly think they just grudge the fact that I can afford a horse and still have a car and a holiday every year but I work damn hard for these things and go without myself to make sure my family gets.
 
God, that sounds so much like my dad and stepmum:(

They earn so much, well into six figures, big house, cars and expensive holidays each year (3+ weeks in St Lucia, in an exclusive resort, which must cost thousands), yet me spending ANY of MY money on 'that thing' is a complete waste, and 'why aren't you like your brother'.They don't actually say that, but it's very strongly hinted at.

My mum, bless her, isn't really into horses, but at least she makes an effort!

Oh well, at least I don't have to live with them.;)
 
I was lucky enough to have a horsey mum, but my dad's favourite saying was ""bloody horses!" and he actually cited this as one of the reasons for divorcing my mum, after 22 yrs marriage. The fact that he was seeing another woman was glossed over :D
I got back into horses when my OH and I had been married for twelve years, had three kids and I had been a full time mum. When my daughter went to grammar school I decided it was time for me to have a bit of fun. I had Blaze on part loan, which was fine with OH, but he blew his stack when I bought her! I now also have a young TB, I work to pay for everything for them, but he still whinges that I spend too much time at the yard. His hobby is classic cars. I have tried explaining that I can't just leave them in a garage for a few days, as he can his cars, to no avail :)
Most of the time he is ok, just the occasional rant, but he never shows any interest, or comes to watch me if I go to a show.
 
I'm so lucky :-)

My mum isn't horsey but she nags me to tag her in pictures of the horses :-)

The chesnut mare has recently been replaced with a chestnut yearling colt though and she hasn't clicked that it's a different horse!!! Love her
 
My mum is horsey and helps me with anything I ask! (I'm 32!)

But, my OH just doesn't ''get it'' and our major arguments stem from the horses. If it isn't the money I waste on fuel to get to the yard, then it is the fact that I can't compete or get them shod as it is too expensive and therefore I MUST sell them. Makes me sad, in reality I do struggle but they are kept 'rent free' and all in all you can't get horses to keep cheaper than my two. He shows no interest in the horses - I don't expect him to, but he has openly admitted he'd rather stick hot pokers in his eyes than ''come to see them''. - And they all look the same!!!!
Sigh...
 
Thankfully, my family like horses (Don't ride but are supportive)
However, I dated a guy once and went to his house for dinner. It was more terrifying than an interview with Alan Sugar!! They grilled me on what grades I got at school, then scoffed and looked disgusted when I said they weren't great. They then asked what I did for fun and I said I rode horses.

Then the rant began.

His father (who was almost yelling at this point) told me how vile horses were and that they should be banned from the roads and treated like cattle. He said some other really hurtful things, but I was almost in tears at this point.
My idiot of an ex didn't say a thing in my defense :(
 
I don't think what parents earn should be an issue. They earn it so it is their money to do with as they please. They have worked hard to do so and raise their children so if they go on expensive holidays good for them. It sounds like you live at home, at 24 why don't you move out and that would give you the separation I think you need. I don't think you sound spoilt, but I do think you sound like an adult, living as a child, with their parents. There is only one way to solve that one.
 
I never got any bullying, just no-one was interested at all, except my sister. My mum paid for the lessons, but never watched, or came to see a show, in fact when I won my first rosette I just hung it in my bedroom, and didn't share the fact I had it, because I knew it wouldn't create a response. I'm not bitter, they just didn't 'do horses' and still don't! I've not been slated for my choice though, and when I got my first pony (I was 21!) Mother lent me £30 for the farrier as I'd spent all other money on new stuff for the pony! :D

I'm OK with it, as my husband is horsey! It was actually my first husband I had issue with, about what I spent, the amount of time given to the pony (when I clearly should have been baking and ironing at home :p) so when we split (I don't do dictators, so he went down the road...!) I decided I'd either stay single forever and do what I want, or my next B/F would be horsey!

Luckily I found him, and we have 5 between us! No complaints about time spent at field, riding, what is spent....he is the one who sorts the winter hay, and gets in the feed. :D

I see you are living at home - when you get your own place, things will be different. Chin up!
 
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Reading this thread there appears to be some that totally ignore the fact that you have horses, some that totally resent your horses, totally resent the time you spend with your horses & totally resent the cost implications of having horses.

On the other hand the OHs have Classis cars, which must be time consuming to maintain & attend shows etc & I dare say others play rugby, golf etc which again takes serious amounts of time.

Reading some of the posts here really shows one thing, it isn't really that your OHs have issues with your horses, it appears that there are serious issues in your relationships & there seems to be little or no understanding or middle ground between some of you.

To be honest I wonder if you actually sold your horses wether it would make any difference in the relationships, or would there be something else brought forward to cause friction.

Just a thought? :(
 
Nah said:
Thankfully, my family like horses (Don't ride but are supportive)
However, I dated a guy once and went to his house for dinner. It was more terrifying than an interview with Alan Sugar!! They grilled me on what grades I got at school, then scoffed and looked disgusted when I said they weren't great. They then asked what I did for fun and I said I rode horses.

Then the rant began.

His father (who was almost yelling at this point) told me how vile horses were and that they should be banned from the roads and treated like cattle. He said some other really hurtful things, but I was almost in tears at this point.
My idiot of an ex didn't say a thing in my defense :(
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My ex's parents were also negative towards it, and we had some blazers, they yelled, but by god, I yelled louder! I think all were glad when I ended it.... :p
 
I am so very, very lucky! My Mum is 100% horsie :). We haven't got the wealthiest of lifestyles but we work hard and pull together to afford to keep both of the horses.
And she is the BEST competition groom in the world..I don't know how I'd cope without her when we're out and about. She is all and all a complete STAR :D.

On the other hand...my Dad (and his whole family) despise my "hobby" and take pleasure in slagging it of at any given opportunity. Some common ones include:
"When are you going to grow out of this horse nonsense and get a proper job?"
"You are wasting your life, you'll never be successful playing with horses"
"You came second? And won a trophy? Well you didn't win!"

And holy cow, when I decided not to go to university and take my BHS exams instead!!!
Please don't get me wrong, I *think* genuinely they just want me to be happy, but what they don't understand is horses MAKE us happy! :)

And I agree with above, if you can afford it - MOVE OUT!!
 
I am not the only one... Thank you!! I am the only true horsey person in my family, although it was my sister that got me into horses all those years ago. She stopped due to boys and clubbing, but I carried on and ended up working with them. I don't know due to rubbish money, but decided if I want my own, I need a better paid job. My OH isn't really anti-horse, but its taken me a long time for him to "agree" in me getting my own! Even this morning he was going on about how a horse costs over 5k a year to keep blah blah blah! I told him its my 5k, he new I was a horse lover before we even got together and to just deal with it. My parents aren't horsey, mum takes an interest and would like to have a go, but that's it. Dad is dad, don't really get much out of him... But that's a good sign, bless him! I'm trying hard to get my niece involved so I have back up!!

As I say to my OH, its my money, and as long as it doesn't affect him then I'll spend how I please! Some women can spend over 5k a year on clothes, hair and make up!!
 
I am the only horsey one in my family. I do everything on my own, muckout, ride etc... I wish my mam came up more and got more into it as I feel left out sometimes as all the mother-daughter pairs on the yard go to all the PC events together and mothers always help on the yard.
But she does help a lot at competitions and I am grateful for that.

My dad on the other hand thinks he is a genius with horses and is constantly telling me what to do and how to do it. He has no experience with horses and it drives me insane with his moaning about the pony.
 
my in laws hate horses and think they are a waste of time, money, education and everything else.
i keep getting told that it's not healthy for my kids to be around horses as they poo, my in laws breed birds and encourage my kids to go in the avery and get pooped on! they say horses cost too much, they spend £200pw on live bird feed!

when i say i'm going to go out for the day to the beach they condemn me saying that i should just take the kids to the beach without the horse. i do lots with my kids but the horses are my time/sanctuary. my kids are well mannered, respectful and know how to care about things. my step kids who have been allowed to do as they please are selfish, inconsiderate and greedy.
 
No one in my family is horsey but they do show interest. My Mum comes up yard with her camera to take pics, she will come to shows etc. She even bought my lorry for me until I could pay her back.

My OH doesn't have a horse now but can ride and never moans about time/money etc.

I don't think you need to be horsey to take an interest in something which means a lot to someone you love. I'm not in to some of the things my OH is, but I will support him and watch as that is what relationships are about isn't it. Supporting each other whether partners or family.
 
I completely understand, and this isn't my view, but maybe they think at 24 you could have bought a house/moved out/pay more board if it wasn't for those *insert word* horses?:) Mine aren't overly keen, I don't live at home though, and so it's not really an issue, but I know where you're coming from, I'd love 6,, how do you manage time-wise? x
 
I'm in the middle on this. My Mum, bless her, when she was alive, totally resented the money and time that I and my daughter spent on horses. I don't think that this was made any easier for her by the fact that I only got into horses when I was 42 - but there wasn't anything she could do about it at that stage - my time and money :).

Daughter (23) started riding at 9 and got her first horse at 13, which I've now inherited :rolleyes:. Since then, she's had 5 others, three of which she backed herself and sold on. I love being at shows with her and always ask about the horses (and dogs and finally her boyfriend ;)) but now live too far away to see her compete on a regular basis :(.

My OH can take or leave horses, but recognised that it was my time and money and was quite supportive - he used to drive us to shows and help out despite not really being interested and this last week has been looking after my horse as I've been laid up after coming off her :eek:. I catch him having quiet cuddles with her and swear she likes him better than me - but then all he does is give her tidbits and fuss her :D.
 
I've had Sailor a year and I'm yet to introduce him to my famiily! I think the only way I would do that is by hacking him the 8 miles home :O
They don't understand the bond I have with him, although mum is slowly coming round to it! It's really strange. As a result of having the horses, I dont seem to exist much at home during the week :( I'm there abit more at the weekend, so they actually know I am there.
 
My mum once asked me whar colour 'the horse' was. We had owned that horse for 9 years at that point!

Mind you after seeing pushy parents at some shows over the years I think I was possibly blessed!
 
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