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Izzydonkey

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I'm having a bit of an issue with a friend (possibly not anymore) and just want people's opinions on if I'm being out of line, sorry if it's pointless thread but this has annoyed me.

Story goes that on Saturday we went to a small low key training event that she had organised, I had offered to help multiple times but she said she had it sorted. This event was an hour away due to needing certain training grounds, I drove us there and we both rode my pony. When we got back I asked for fuel money to which I got a dirty look and she said she would see. So I brought it up the day after and she said I was out of line asking for money since she organised it. I'd said I was surprised to have had to ask since most would have offered since it was a team training day, to which she said nobody would have offered and she shouldn't have to pay. What do you guys think?
 
You are not wrong.
I'd just take this one on the chin and as a lesson. The lesson being that she can buy her own box if she doesn't want to contribute to petrol.
 
I think she's a cheeky b**ch and you're better off shot of her.

Sounds like she's taking the mick. Don't drive her anywhere or let her use your pony again. And if she asks you can charge her in advance!

Have had one too many a friend like this lol. X
 
Oh I used to know one of these would drive me mad! Don't have a box but gave everyone a lift to Hickstead, get the the car parking bit, everyone else hands over the petrol money, said person says oh I'll give you it later, never did. Wasn't the only time they did it either talk about mugged off!
 
I think these things should be discussed up front not after the event especially as you were presumably going anyway so it wasn't something you were doing especially for her?

Yes it is usually polite to offer some money towards fuel and I certainly would but I wouldn't spring it on someone afterwards as they may have thought that I was happy to do it for nothing. Maybe she thought you were just sharing favours. Being up front saves any misunderstanding.
 
sussexbythesea said:
I think these things should be discussed up front not after the event especially as you were presumably going anyway so it wasn't something you were doing especially for her?

Yes it is usually polite to offer some money towards fuel and I certainly would but I wouldn't spring it on someone afterwards as they may have thought that I was happy to do it for nothing. Maybe she thought you were just sharing favours. Being up front saves any misunderstanding.
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I take this on board, as I'm here to get.opinions but the training was for an event that requires 2 people and one horse and is very much a team event, neither of us could do it without another person but since I'm the only one with a trained horse, equipment and transport I can't afford to pay for all the fuel too, she says she will pay half for competitions but not training. I don't see the difference
 
Izzydonkey said:
I take this on board, as I'm here to get.opinions but the training was for an event that requires 2 people and one horse and is very much a team event, neither of us could do it without another person but since I'm the only one with a trained horse, equipment and transport I can't afford to pay for all the fuel too, she says she will pay half for competitions but not training. I don't see the difference
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Fair enough but I still stand by my comments setting out the conditions of the arrangement should be done up front then your "friend" could have declined at the outset and neither of you would have gone. If you want to chuck this friend over one incident (if it is) then do so, but personally I would just put it aside and not make the same mistake again.
 
mmmmm difficult one. If it was a one off and I was going to go anyway I don't think I would ask for peteol money as she was my friend and it was just occasionnaly. what are friends for. on the other hand I can't see in you purse anf if it happens more often you may want to ask. But if you do I would always make that clear prior to driving.
live it, learn it.
 
I don't ask for fuel money, if the person doesn't drive then i have to and it would be because i want to do something with them. I would ask for money if they phoned me and said "i need to go to such n such" though.
 
If this is the first time she's done it and she's an otherwise good friend, I would let it go this once and make a mental 'note to self' not to let it happen again, i.e. discuss it up front next time as sussexbythesea has said, preferably without reference to this occasion.

It's a different story if the friendship isn't that great and/or she's done it before. None of us needs 'friends' who have a regular negative impact on our lives. I think most people would offer/insist on either sharing the costs or coughing up for the days food and drink if the driver refused petrol money - especially given that the horse/transport/equipment etc. is all supplied. It's a matter of pride for most of us.
 
I had a "friend" who got a lift and back door to door to an event several hundred miles away and she gave me £20.......despite me stopping twice to fill with fuel.....not a coffee or anything in return-never again. It's just taking advantage expecting the other person to pay for everything although agree that in future it's best to sort it all out beforehand.
 
Did the other person pay for the training session or the hire of the place where you had the training session?
 
If you were taking a pony each and you were going to go anyway I can see why she might feel like she doesn't have to give you any money.

However, the fact that she was riding your pony as well makes me think she shouldn't be causing a fuss about being asked to contribute! I think yes you probably should've stated that you wanted money before you went but I think she should still pay you now.
 
Foxy O said:
Did the other person pay for the training session or the hire of the place where you had the training session?
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No she didn't pay for anything, what annoys me most is she thinks the effort put in to arrange is worth more than the fuel and the effort I put in driving, being new to towing I still find it tiring.
 
Elbie said:
If you were taking a pony each and you were going to go anyway I can see why she might feel like she doesn't have to give you any money.

.
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Really?! The more weight in the trailer the more fuel you use. I wouldn't actually take money but I probably would expect to at least have it offered. Usually I ask for a cup of tea instead.

I'd let it go this time but next time you go anywhere tell her in no uncertain terms that you need fuel money. And I agree, I find towing tiring too. It is plenty of effort being the transport!
 
To be honest, I personally can't see any reason why she should feel she shouldn't have to contribute, she may feel that since she organised it she doesn't have to pay, so what she organised it, you provided the horse, allowed her to ride it, train on it and in the future compete on it, you took your car and trailer and you drove, personally I believe your contribution is far higher than hers in terms of what you've put in to this 'team' effort, if it were me, I'd be damn grateful to have the opportunity to ride someone's horse, someone who could get me to the training and competitions, cheeky woman! I'd certainly have no problem with paying some petrol money and yes whilst prior agreement of such things does help, if I were in her position and I'd assumed there wasn't a contribution needed and then op had asked for one, I'd have paid.

Op do not take the attitude that since it is a team thing you wouldn't be able to do it without her, you would, just find another rider team up with. It is her that has no trained horse, no transport and no team spirit, it's her who relies on you.


She is no friend.
 
She's not reasonable but since you did not arrange in advance I think I would probably take it on the chin and remember it next time she wants to do something using your horse transport smile nicely and say no.
 
Thank you queenbee, that's what I was thinking, just needs to hear it from someone else, I only asked for £8 when it has cost me about £20.
 
I would never ask a friend for money if I was going to an event anyway, if they offered I would say "oh buy me a coffee or something when we get there". I would always offer money towards fuel but reckon most of my friends wouldn't take it either and I would end up buying them a bottle of wine or something.
 
I think thats quite cheeky of your friend. Maybe as you hadnt asked in advance she hadnt thought of it and was therefore surprised/embaressed maybe, so next time (if there is a next time!) agree any money up front but if youre both riding your horse and its your vehicle/trailer taking you both half the fuel costs is not unreasonable imho.
I had to ask a friend to move my old horse at short notice, she did maybe 50 miles (2 short trips) and wouldnt take any money, so I popped £40 in a thankyou card for her as it would still have been cheaper than hiring transport.
Another friend used to take me out from time to time and always refuse fuel money saying i was helping her by keeping her company so if we were going to an event lunch was on me but if just for a hack somewhere different id drop a box of choccies round or something.
 
Honey08 said:
I would never ask a friend for money if I was going to an event anyway, if they offered I would say "oh buy me a coffee or something when we get there". I would always offer money towards fuel but reckon most of my friends wouldn't take it either and I would end up buying them a bottle of wine or something.
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Same.

I'd be disappointed if the friend didn't offer but I'd put it down to experience. A good friend is worth more than £8.
 
I have never felt the same about my "friend" since she travelled with me on that trip which must have been 300 miles round trip and handed me £20 when I filled up at the start, my fuel was about £120, she was collected from her home and returned there, totally took the p...! You shouldn't have to ask for money, I would never have travelled with someone without offering at least half.....
 
You live and learn. Next time you take a friend or vice versa, I would sort it out before you go. Personally, I wouldn't dream of not offering to contribute towards fuel.
 
You sort it up front or lose a good friend .I lost my transport last year and my good friend who no longer competes takes us out .If i didn't pay i would feel that i could no longer ask her as she is my friend not the bank.....She fills up before we go and then before we go out again she refills and the difference is what i pay .If i drove i would have to put that diesel in to go in the first place ...If its a local event i pay her £20 but we do go quite a distance especially with the regionals coming up etc .Having said that there was a girl on our yard that asked my daughter to compete her horse and she completely took the mickey .I offered to pay entries and she had to pay fuel . She then decided she just wasn't going to pay ,i had entered events and she sold the horse and refused to reinburse me . Lesson learned as she would never have been able to sell the horse without my daughter riding it everyday as she was terrified of it . No thanks nothing .You only do it once
 
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