Tell me I'm crazy and to jog on

[Wellingtondog]

I know what responses (if any) I will get to this but in case there's a glimmer of hope...

I am a first time horse owner (loaner) and I have had some great support here. The dilemma I have is that my mare is pretty old and I took her on specifically to remind myself how to fully care for a horse (she's a total gem in every way to do) and give her some fun and keep her fit in her quieter years. I am coming back into riding so she's a fab confidence giver.

In the meantime I keep my ear to the ground for horses up for sale to get an idea of what you get for what money and what I would like to buy ultimately (my self-imposed timeframe was spring 2017 for money reasons).

Anyway... Disaster. I am head over heels with her field mate. Just adore them both and love spending time with this other mare as much as my own. She adores people, comes rushing to say hello when you go into the field and is brave, calm and affectionate but perhaps not the sharpest!

But she's only 5, nearly 6. Has been broken. Done the basics but no more and owner hasn't touched her since they got her in the Spring

They were starting to think about getting her some training and shod again. But circs have just changed that now mean I think this mare might be sold (not related to or caused by the horse). I am distraught.

Please sane experienced horse owners tell me this is for the best and I'm mental to want to take her on??

 

[Holliehope]

Young horses can be both challenging and rewarding
They take lots of time and patience
There not the ideal choice for a first horse but if your willing to give them time and the correct training they give you the best bond you will ever have
I would recommend lots of lessons from people experienced in schooling babies
And may be send her away to get her re started for you ?

I should be telling you not to do it it's a silly idea but if you feel a bond with her and she you then follow your heart babies are the most rewarding to work with and sometimes it's better to have a blank canvas to work with than a ripped one

Good luck in what ever you decide
Do you have photos of her ?

 

[Wellingtondog]

It's so hard. I would definitely want to send her away or pay someone to help bring her on. Plus lessons but that's so expensive. I just feel so protective of her. i have one pic of her up in the field next to my old lady but on phone and it's not giving me option to post a pic 🐴

 

[Leo Walker]

My rising 6yr old is vile! He was very different at 2/3/4. This year hes been horrid! However, if the one you are talking about is ok now, then you probably wont have to deal with the "kevins" the way I have! The other thing to bear in mind, is if the horse is cheap and you can afford professional help, then you can pay for someone else to deal with it :lol: Its not cheap, but if the horse is cheap then it might be worth it

 

[Wellingtondog]

Nobody knows what she's capable of yet - they bought her, left her up in the field and then they were going to send her away to see what she could do.
She's very sweet on the ground up in the field but I would anticipate months of someone else having to ride her rather than me 😔 I just keep panicking what will become of her....

 

[Holliehope]

May be say to them you would be interested if she was up and riding
They might then send her away for you least then you can see how she goes ridden and give you a better idea of how much help you would need
I must admit most 4 year olds are lovely if started correctly it's when they turn 5/6 they become Devils as they start to feel there feet and test there boundaries

 

[SpringArising]

You're crazy!

Don't ever buy a horse because you feel sorry for it or you're worried someone won't look after it as well as you.

I'm guessing you're fairly novice from your post? If so it's a really bad idea to buy something young and green. You said you're going to have to spend loads of money sending her away and getting lessons - you're already losing just there alone. And that's if nothing goes wrong in the process (and it's a horse, so something will!).

If you want a horse buy something that's suitable for you now.

I bought a horse in pretty much the same circumstance as this (I was offered her because she was too green for the owner and she was selling up), I said yes, and it went lame pretty much immediately after I handed over the money and didn't come right for months.

 

[Wellingtondog]

You're so right Spring. And money will be the thing that will stop me. Because my mare is a darling and a perfect first horse so I'd be paying for and caring for two. Plus a raging jam-covered toddler 😆

I might try and keep track of where she goes and maybe when she's further on in her education. Just hope she does get one 😔

 

[LHIS]

I might try and keep track of where she goes and maybe when she's further on in her education. Just hope she does get one ��

Yes, try and keep track of her, you never know, she may come p for sale once someone has got her going, and you might be in a position to buy her further down the line.

 

[epeters91]

I agree with Spring it's easy to buy an unsuitable horse because you've fallen for it. I had one when I was younger and I fell off him nearly every time I rode him! A more experienced ride used to help me out with riding him but once I got on he knew he could throw a few bucks and get me off. I think as much as it will upset you she would be better going to an experienced owner who can offer her the best start to her ridden life. Out there somewhere is an already establish horse just waiting for you to find them and fall in love with them you will have much more fun with a horse suited to your needs and experience xx

 

[han_nah]

It's always hard when you feel you have a bond for them!

I found my mare was horrible at the age of 6! At the age of 9 we are finally on the same wavelength and no more arguments.
My other youngster was horrid at 5 but at the age of 6 were all good! I guess it could be the attitude of actually I don't have to do this

Could you speak to the owner and say your interested in her and maybe spend a few days a week over the winter just getting her in and working with her, I'm sure the owner won't mind if she hasn't got time herself to do this before selling her on, and also you will know if it could work or not? Could be a problem if you start to getting a bond and then the owner decides not to sell her.

 

[xgemmax]

I'm the same as the above poster, at 6 my boy was horrible too, hated him and was contemplating selling, he's now nearly 9 and glad I kept him but he's been bl**dy hard work!

Don't do it, stick with your nice easy mare and look at getting something more experienced later on

 

[Wellingtondog]

Thanks for the advice. No chance of speaking to owner - very very sad situation and mare is in care of my YO currently. She is now thinking she won't be sold but will just stay out in the field. I tried to persuade YO to take her on but she likes TBs and this one's not!
I will stick to mine and just cuddle her in the field for now. I really want to see her ridden but would end up a bag of nerves if it was me I suspect....

 

[rachk89]

To me it depends on how good of a rider you are. I bought my 6 year old when I was going through a total confidence crisis. Now to anyone on here and to me it was a stupid idea in the short term. But now that I am finally over my confidence issues I am fine with him and he has started challenging me because I am challenging him and making him work. My only good luck was that I found a half warmblood that would act like a riding school horse for me when I was scared. He put up with me and helped me through it. Really I should on paper have bought a laid back horse that was dead to the world. But what good is that when I want to compete in dressage? It was a risk but it paid off.

Saying that though I have been riding for over 20 years and know what I am doing. So it depends on how competent you are and how well natured the horse is.

 

[Leo Walker]

What did you decide in the end Wellingtondog?

 

[Wellingtondog]

What did you decide in the end Wellingtondog?

I don't want to part with my loan mare so I think money-wise it would tip me over the edge tbh. I am struggling to not get attached which is made harder by circumstances as my YO is in charge of her at the moment and bringing her in each day I think but we haven't crossed paths this weekend so I've only cuddled her in the field. I wanted to bring her in myself this week as I'm off so have more time but don't think YO will let me. I did ask if she'd consider buying her but she only likes TBs! So I'm resigned to either keeping track of her and then by the time I buy she might have been brought on a bit or just getting on with mine and keep emotional distance. She's so sweet though.... 😔 YO said no way of telling if her nature would translate to riding but we're all intrigued to see her ridden... Waiting to see if that ever happens.

 

[Wellingtondog]

Just a quick update - owner's situation much improved and spoke to them this eve. Have said as a novice I would prob do more harm than good riding but I offered to bring her in and groom/handle her whenever I have the chance and they nearly bit my hand off. Trying not to get too attached but nice to know I might be helping them out. They are worried about her lack of socialization so thinking of moving her to busy yard. Just hoping I can keep track of her until maybe time is right!

 

[millikins]

I may be entirely wrong but your OP sounds like someone who is underestimating their ability rather than over egging their skills. If you really like her and can get a good price because the owners know she will have a good home I'd say go for it and spend your money on lessons.

 

[Equi]

You are crazy. Jog on...and take the mare with you! How will you ever know what challenges you are up for if you don't try them? The owner seems happy to let you try some stuff. If you can try her out a bit, do. Maybe you are ready, maybe you are not. You'll only know if you try

 

[Wellingtondog]

So brought her in this afternoon. She was nervous but is obviously fairly laid back (or at least will be once she's been there seen it done it a bit more!)

Bearing in mind she isn't used to being brought in or handled much she did so well. I groomed her, picked out all her feet (near side took a bit of patience but not a big deal). She flinched a teeny bit when lorries went by on the road next to yard and pawed the ground a couple of times but I was really impressed with her. ❤️❤️❤️

 

[Wellingtondog]

Just revisiting this thread to say I bit the bullet and contacted the owners. I've since moved yards and miss this mare terribly and encouraged by this thread and my fellow liveries I decided to see what they said.

They don't want to sell her but were so lovely and willing to try and find a way to get us together...They have approached someone to get her started again (not convinced it's the right person but not sure it's gone anywhere anyway yet). But once she's had someone get her back into work that's it - no rider and a quiet yard with not a lot going on.

They are happy as Larry for me to ride her, and are discussing moving her to my yard. This puts me in a weird position which I wouldn't touch with a barge pole in most circumstances but think I can trust them.

My question is - being in charge of a youngster either all the time or just for scheduled lessons/sessions etc what resources/books/links/methods would help me? I would need to agree money and boundaries with them but I want to find an expert who can do groundwork lessons with me, horsemanship and lunge/long rein stuff. Then when I have her trust I might get on 😂😂
Is it better to find different instructor for groundwork than ridden? Am I likely to find someone who can tick all these boxes? And what are some good ideas for making her braver? She's a wuss on her own apparently.

Thanks in advance...

 

[Makemineacob]

Whilst you describe yourself as a novice, it is clear that you are keen to do things right and seek help. I can totally understand your situation as it is very difficult when your heart strings are pulled. There are many "novices" that end up with a horse which is deemed not to be suitable on paper but it is about understanding your limitations and to get the right help, both of which you seem to be doing.

My worry for you is that the owners now appear happy for you to effectively care and do things with the mare (for free!) and that you have to be aware that they will be able to take her away at any point. You could put all your efforts into her and you could without her (by them taking her back or selling her once her education is improved), are you prepared for this?? What are their reasons for not wanting to sell her?

If you are clear with potentially being hurt further down the line and you get the right help then go for it. I am a great believer that animals and people are brought into our lives for a reason, most times it is not at the most convenient time.

With regards to training, for groundwork then I would recommend Warwick Schiller, Clinton Anderson etc. warwick schiller has a monthly subscription for very little cost which gives you access to hundreds of videos covering pretty much every aspect of dealing with horses. I would personally steer well clear of parelli. For someone to help you then have a look at Intelligent horsemanship associates (they stem from Monty Roberts/Kelly marks training), they will offer free advice over the phone and I'm not sure if this is still the case but they used to travel out to help for just the cost of fuel. I have used them many years ago with a particularly "damaged" horse and they gave me some very good basics to start working with him.

Please feel free to PM me if you want any advice on any particular point and if I can help I will. I am by no means an expert (37yrs experience but we all can always learn more) but if I can help or point you in the right direction then very happy to do so. One thing, be careful if on a livery yard of people wanting to muscle in to give you "advice", there are people who will take advantage of a "novice" owner and they can cause more trouble than good. x

 

[EQUIDAE]

It sounds like they want you to pay to school their horse...

 

[Wellingtondog]

Makemine thanks so much for your advice I will research the names you've recommended. A close friend of my yard owner swears by Monty Roberts and sent her youngster to his place for 6 weeks with great results.

Re the getting hurt you are completely and utterly bang on (and Equidae I agree it could sound like that). If it was any other owner I've met I'd agree with you. Their reason for not selling her is purely attachment. They struggled to replace their two previous horses and want to spend time with her but health prevents owner from riding. They are gentle almost hippy-like and very laid back and I am 99.9% sure if they had to sell her I would get first dibs. They "collect" animals and have a mass of dogs and cats at home and 4 horses (3 ponies and this mare) but they don't really do much with them. I would see this as a loan - long term/perm arrangement if it works and am happy to take on education costs as I will learn and benefit too. When my mare goes back/retires I have said I will be happy to take on livery etc for her too. This would usually be a massive risk but their attitude was much more "we like you and <horse> likes you so let's work something out." I hate to see this beautiful horse with no job to do and just hanging out in a field so it feels right for her and I get to spend my horse buying fund on training as no outlay costs. They are considering breaking her for driving but after talking to me started saying one of the ponies might be safer for owner to drive with anyway. So the whole conversation was open and what they could do to get her to me without losing her and access to her. I am trusting my instincts.

 

[Makemineacob]

OP I think you've made your decision . If you go into it with your eyes open and understand the risks and your limitations ( which it certainly appears you are) then go for it and I truly hope it all works out for you. Don't know what area you are in but I would highly recommend Guy Robertson in Rawcliffe bridge (yorkshire) for getting her started etc. he is an amazing individual.

Keep us posted how you get on (or PM me if you prefer). Best of luck to you both x