terrible guilt - i failed him at the end

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darkhorse123

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its the first tiem ive admitted this but its 2 months today and i have to share.

My shih tsu gucci wasw pts in september after a sudden worsenign of his spinal condition

We all really thought it was being managed, but it badly detiorated so so quickly

He was 9 - id had him since he was 6 weeks old - he reallyw as like my child. I loved him so so much.

He was in a lot of pain, took him to vets and they kep thim overnight - I was distraught, thought he was goign but no - morning after i got a phonecall to say i could collect him - i was overjoyed.

That night at home was so special - I was so happy he was home and getting better. He wasnt right, but i thought it was jusa thim beign poorly. We watched films all night - shared normally forbidden foods and just cuddled on couch.

Next day, he slept at side of my bed it went wrong. He was cryign in pain, couldnt move, be picked up - was howking and shrieking

This was a sunday - i took him to emergency vets, saw hsi pain, his eyes begging me to release him - I asked them to put him to sleep

Even now im crying. I was alone - my husband works away. They brought me forms to signed - I did it so so quickly - him laying in so much pain in his basket on teh vets table.

She went to get whatever she needed to get -and we were alone. I gave him a huge headrub and crying said bye

Teh vet came back and I just could nto stay - oh god i so so hate myself but I just couldnt - even now i hate myself/ I could hardly breathe - I was in a starte and i just managed to blurt out p[lease me nice ot him - my typing is horrid cos im crying now thinking of it

so yes - i ran out the bloody room

i just so so wish id been stroing enough to hold him while he went - i so so regeret it. or i wish id waited till my mum or husband coudl have come and done it - held him, been with him - but i saw his eyes, hsi pain and needed him out of pain asap - i just could nto watch him die
 
You didn't fail him x

I wasn't with my old girl when she went.
My Mum was with her, and the vet who had treated her, her whole life, and TBH from what she told me, I am glad I wasn't there, sometimes the final few minutes can be distressing to watch.
The vet will have been compassionate and will have known what to do, he will have done it many times.
You said your goodbyes, you freed him from terrible pain, just because you were not there for the last few moments, does not mean you failed him and he probably would not have been aware of it anyway, all he will have known was that he wasn't hurting any more, and that is the bravest thing we can do for our dogs, to free them from pain.

Don't be too hard on yourself xxx
 
Please don't feel guilty. I've been with dogs when they are being put to sleep and the only thing that troubles them is seeing their owner upset. He probably just thought mum was going to get his lead to take him for a walk. He will not have felt abandoned in anyway.

I cannot imagine how awful it must feel to not have your dog with you anymore - i couldn't cope - but the important thing to remember is he is not in pain anymore and you will still hold the memories of the good times with him. You are not in the wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of.
 
oh my goodness. poor you, no wonder you are all over the place! Have you been hanging onto that for all this time?
Listen, you did the right thing, you took him to the vet when you knew the time had come, you said your goodbyes. Gucci wouldn't have known different, all he knew was that he was going to have a wee sleep. please don't beat yourself up over this. speak to your husband, it will be easier to say it now that you have said it here. Nobody will blame you for this, your hubby will know just how much you loved your wee dog. You most certainly didn't fail him, I am sure 9 years of love and care would have meant more to Gucci than anything else.
big hug to you. xxx
 
ty so so much - i havent told anyone in real life - they all just assumed i was there
I mean it - ty . I coudl nto compose myself and knew it woudl upset him more - i was in no state to help him, really wish i had have been but i wasnt
 
festnuttyfairy said:
oh my goodness. poor you, no wonder you are all over the place! Have you been hanging onto that for all this time?
Listen, you did the right thing, you took him to the vet when you knew the time had come, you said your goodbyes. Gucci wouldn't have known different, all he knew was that he was going to have a wee sleep. please don't beat yourself up over this. speak to your husband, it will be easier to say it now that you have said it here. Nobody will blame you for this, your hubby will know just how much you loved your wee dog. You most certainly didn't fail him, I am sure 9 years of love and care would have meant more to Gucci than anything else.
big hug to you. xxx
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yep ive told noone till now - ty xxx
 
Stop beating yourself up over this. It doesn't matter that you weren't there at the moment he went: what matters is that you adored him, spent time with him and did the right thing by him.

I feel your pain and the sadness is appalling. You have nothing to feel guilty about because you did the absolute best for your boy.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. :( Try not to beat yourself up over it - you did the right thing for your dog. I know it's tough. When I was around 13/14 had to have our cat pts & they asked at the vets if I wanted to hold her, and I just couldn't. I'm 31 & still regret it. That said, I know it was for the best & as someone had said, sometimes it's harder being there than not. *hugs*
 
cinammontoast said:
Stop beating yourself up over this. It doesn't matter that you weren't there at the moment he went: what matters is that you adored him, spent time with him and did the right thing by him.

I feel your pain and the sadness is appalling. You have nothing to feel guilty about because you did the absolute best for your boy.
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^^this
massive ((((hugs))))
I couldn't be there when my old girl was PTS, I asked my OH to go and my Dad also told me he'd be there with her too.
I said all my goodbyes that morning :(
 
ty all so so much - you hav eno idea how much this has helped me. I thought i was weird for nto beign able to be there - its like everyone who loves their dogs are. No one coudl love a dog more than i loved that dog - and even now if i coudl rewind and replay I just know i coudl not handle seeign him die. I just really couldnt

Its made me realise you need a plan in place for all your animals - made long before any illness occurs because when you are upset and distressed you just cannot think - you go into panic mode
 
I know lot's of people who weren't with their animals when they went, it didn't mean they loved them less!
I still can't believe you have kept this to yourself for 2 months! What a shame. :(
 
festnuttyfairy said:
I know lot's of people who weren't with their animals when they went, it didn't mean they loved them less!
I still can't believe you have kept this to yourself for 2 months! What a shame. :(
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i was so ashamed of myself and angry with myself - its such a huge relief to share and be told im not totally evil - i felt it myself so you have all made me feel so so much better. I really was in total not control mode - i just wanted his pain ending, he was in so much pain but at the same time it was so sudden and unexpected - i lost it
 
Darkhorse, I wasn't allowed to be present when my cat was pts. The vet asked me to leave the room. I was then allowed back in once she was gone.

Please don't feel guilty, please take comfort from the fact that you acted so quickly to relieve your dog from his pain and suffering.

Grief is a terrible thing, and I'm so sorry for you.

If it's not insensitive to suggest it, perhaps a new dog to lobe and cherish may help you move on. You obviously have so much to give...

Virtual hugs (((( )))))
 
amymay said:
Darkhorse, I wasn't allowed to be present when my cat was pts. The vet asked me to leave the room. I was then allowed back in once she was gone.

Please don't feel guilty, please take comfort from the fact that you acted so quickly to relieve your dog from his pain and suffering.

Grief is a terrible thing, and I'm so sorry for you.

If it's not insensitive to suggest it, perhaps a new dog to lobe and cherish may help you move on. You obviously have so much to give...

Virtual hugs (((( )))))
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amy ty so so much. I do have a new dog whom i believe gucci sent me. I woudl never have goen looking for a dog but my yo knew all about gucci and 2 weeks ago asked me if i was ready to care for another. Her friend runs a local rescue and had got one special dog in who needed a very loving home. If the rescue owner hadnt have had a german shepherd who harted other dogs she woudl have kept this dog.
He is with me - hes 4 and had a hell of a life. He is so loving and its like it was meant to be - he is my shadow.
I would never have looked for a dog but i truly believe this dog found me - i like to think gucci sent him to me.
We are both giving each other lots of love - I love him to bits
But i guess its liek beign a mum of human children - we love them all - i still and always will love gucci and felt hurt over how i let him down
Everyone here has helped so much - I really have not told anyone in real life so I had no "words of wisdom", just guilt

Joey my new dog needs me but i so need him just as much - me and him are guccis gift to each other - i do believe he matched us up xxx
 
i cant add pics here but you have all been so brilliant - all my pics of gucci and my new dog joey are on my fb page - id love to share them so please add me - deborahpetrutiu

ty everyone xxxx
 
I'm a vet and I always give people the choice to stay or not and tell them, absolutely truthfully that sometimes if they don't want to stay, it's better not to. If the owner is upset then the dog knows something is up, whereas it's actually sometimes more peaceful if it's just the vet and nurse, calmly but lovingly handling the dog. My nurse will always be stroking them and I will be telling them what a good lovely dog they are.
You didn't fail your dog in any way.
 
smiggy said:
I'm a vet and I always give people the choice to stay or not and tell them, absolutely truthfully that sometimes if they don't want to stay, it's better not to. If the owner is upset then the dog knows something is up, whereas it's actually sometimes more peaceful if it's just the vet and nurse, calmly but lovingly handling the dog. My nurse will always be stroking them and I will be telling them what a good lovely dog they are.
You didn't fail your dog in any way.
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ty so so much - i really could not control myself,if i could i would have but I knew i was upsetting him and not helping so i had to go and leave him to proffessionals who woudl be kind and not upset him further -
Oh ty so so much that means so much - it really does i cant say how much
 
OMG your post brought tears to my eyes. It's obvious how much you loved him and what a lovely life he had with you. I think you did the right thing in stopping his pain so please try not to feel guilty.

((((hugs))))
 
I have had dogs all my life (over 50 years) and it is only in the last 8 years or so I have stayed with my dogs at the end. I really couldn't face it and I do believe my distress would have transmitted to the dogs. I was also worried that my memories of those last few minutes would be bad. I have to say that having now stayed with my dogs it has always been very peaceful, but would not blame anyone for choosing not to do so. As already said your dog probably would not have known you weren't there, and ime veterinary staff are incredibly caring and compassionate at this time. Please don't beat yourself up and feel guilty.
 
Oh hunny, that made me cry :( Please dont beat yourself up, you loved him and I can guarantee he knew that and took that love with him. You didnt fail him just because you werent there right at the end. I doubt he was even aware, he was probably already somewhere else.
Huge hugs, what a thing to carry with you for two months without voicing it. I hope you feel better now you have managed to talk about it. xx
 
Vizslak said:
Oh hunny, that made me cry :( Please dont beat yourself up, you loved him and I can guarantee he knew that and took that love with him. You didnt fail him just because you werent there right at the end. I doubt he was even aware, he was probably already somewhere else.
Huge hugs, what a thing to carry with you for two months without voicing it. I hope you feel better now you have managed to talk about it. xx
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This. I hope you're feeling better in yourself now. You have nothing to feel bad about. Xx
 
Please don't feel guilty - I wasn't there for my old girl 5 weeks ago I couldn't miss any more uni, and she's the only dog I haven't been there to hold them whilst they were PTS. I did and still do feel awfully guilty for it, I didn't even get chance to say a proper goodbye, but then I think I spent the weekend sat in her bed, hand feeding her liver and helping her outside etc helping her keep her dignity, bless her and the same goes for you we did the best we could for them.
I wish I'd got to say goodbye but then all she knew was me going out of the door saying bye see you soon as I usually do before I go back to uni, so maybe it was better.
Speak to your husband about it, it might help to be able to speak about it and let him know what happened.
You have no reason to feel guilty xx
 
Oh sweetheart you are in such pain but you did make the right decision you cared for him from puppy to adult and beyond please dont beat yourself up I know you feel guilt for leaving him there but he was probably in that much pain he didn't know you where there or not, the main thing in my book was he was loved and he knew he was loved and you love him heart and soul. He's not gone he's just left a paw print stamped on your heart to cherish that's all. Take care hun x
 
When my Chlo was put to sleep, I stayed with her. My boyfriend didn't-he couldn't, he was far far too upset. Chloe was being shovelled treats by the lovely vet and vet nurse, and if I'm honest, she wouldnt have cared if I was there or not I don't think.

The vets will have been kind and compassionate and personally, you were SO upset, I wouldn't have thought that that upset around him would have done any good. You were best to leave.

We can all only do what we are capable of. Failing him would have been to ignore his suffering, ignore his pain and let him hurt-you took him to the best place and they took his pain away. You did anything but fail him. And think how great his last night was. Xxx
 
TBH, when we lose a much loved dog, I think it is human nature to always seem to assume we could have done more/quicker/whatever and sometimes we just can't. I had always been of the "I will be with my animals when they are PTS" but when it came, with my old horse, the vet asked me to leave as my distress was upsetting my horse - and my old staffie girl died on the operating table. You are suffering enough so don't put yourself through even more pain. You took the brave and only decision and ended your little dogs pain. If you could not be there, then maybe it was a good thing as he would have focused on your grief.

Hugs. I have 3 healthy snoring dogs near me and am at the point now of getting ready to thump the next person who asks me how old No 1 staffie bitch is (11), followed by " how long do they live for?"

And share with your OH. And don't feel guilty.
 
Oh my goodness how horrible for you. You did not fail him - you did your very best. He had a wonderful last night and you did not wait for anyone to be there because you knew what had to be done immediately.

There is no shame in not being there. For my part I always think it is for ourselves in the end that we stay or go. Your dog will have hardly known what was happening and a lovely kind vet will have held him with a kind vet nurse to help I am sure.

I am so sorry that you had to do this by yourself and now you are trying to manage all your grief alone. Is there no one you can tell? If possible tell someone or maybe contact the vet concerned and talk through his last few moments to reassure you?

(((hugs))) x
 
Oh, if your Gucci could talk to you he would tell you its all fine now, thank you for a fab last night, stop being a dafty, and look after the new dog he has sent you xxx
 
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