The Confession Board

DappleGreyDaydreamer

DappleGreyDaydreamer

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Currently feeling sore after a stupid, embarrassing fall off my horse so I decided to ask you lovely people to confess your most humiliating and awkward horsey accidents for a little giggle :D

I myself have had several between my two boys, my previous horse was a big clumsy cob, and he did rather love to buck, and I was once bucked off into a muddy puddle after I had been trying to show off cantering bareback in front of the very attractive new farrier. It did not go to plan!

Another, courtesy of my current Connemara, would be the second day we were at our new yard, and I was just introducing myself to the yard owner for the first time, and he then decided it would be a good idea to smash his way through his stable door, jump over the electric paddock fencing and terrorize the YO's ponies... I made a lovely first impression eh.
 
Went to a shoot, got a bit drunk, rode the land owners 17hh Irish draft who hadn't been ridden for years.

Fell off getting a leg up (or leg over would be more appropriate) and cracked my ribs. Got back on and took him into a field and went for a canter and I just tumbled off hahaa.

Lovely horse though. Offered it to me but I never did get around to actually tryin him.
 
Drank most of a bottle of port before mounting at the boxing day hunt this year. Horse bucked as the meet set off and I ended up sitting infront of the saddle on his neck in front of... Quite a few people including lots of family. Oh and I fell off about twenty minutes later as well!
 
Not completely my fault, we once rolled up at Towcester track, went to unload and had forgotten the horses. Luckily the yard was only 20 minutes away.

One very chilly Meet I was given a double dose of sherry, 'One for each foot' they said, I have a very low alcohol tolerance, I slid off doing up my girth :( 15 years later that still gets brought up. :D
 
Got horribly drunk the night before an endurance ride. In an incredibly hung over state I took a novice horse out, on what was supposed to be an easy 20 km, misread a sign and ended up very lost. Hadn't taken my water bottle, ended up on my hands and knees with my face in a stream drinking alongside the horse.

They had to send the search party out for us.
 
First time riding at my swishy new dressage/SJ yard: I had the right horse, big warmblood dressage type, shame I forgot to check his girth before leaping on. Ended up on my back under him, in the indoor school with lots of interested liveries wanting to look at the new people. I was mortified.
 
In 2010 at a one day event, while rider went to pay start fee and get number, she asked me to lunge horse 10 min each rein...lunge line snapped at buckle, horse pissed off across field, through middle of three dressage arenas, and ended up inside hospitality tent!!! I did walk of shame, but still had horse ready for test and told rider he was 'warmed up'
 
Brilliant stories
Last year I went to dressage, I decided to use the trailer ramp to get on but the saddle slipped, I got fully on board when he started trotting, saddle went all the way round and I hit the deck. The car park had been empty but just as I went to get on some men in a fire engine turned up and witnessed the whole thing
 
My mare rolled with me on board last time I went hunting - I managed to jump off in time but it was soooo embarrassing and everyone was giggling about it for the rest of the day- it was definitely the highlight of an otherwise dank and drizzly day!
 
I have to pick just one?! :D

As a teen I was trying to impress a boy I really liked. He was riding his bike out with us on a hack in the hopes of impressing another girl on the yard, but I thought my far superior riding skills might win his affections over to me! One of the places we loved riding back then was a meadow that regularly flooded over with a layer of water, and me and my pony used to love going for a gallop through it. I had probably done that same run a hundred times, but just as we came flying over the water my pony stumbled a bit and I lost my seat and ploughed into the water while my pony bogged off back to the yard as fast as he could. The fall really hurt, but I was doing my best to grin and bear it and laugh, as was eveyone else, except I'd gotten really drenched and I was also on my period, and my panty liner swelled up like a giant nappy to quadruple its normal size inside my jods. I tried waddling back to the yard making squelching noises, but it was so shameful that the boy I liked offered me a pity ride on his bike back home. Needless to say we never really hit it off after that :D
 
fattylumpkin said:
I have to pick just one?! :D

As a teen I was trying to impress a boy I really liked. He was riding his bike out with us on a hack in the hopes of impressing another girl on the yard, but I thought my far superior riding skills might win his affections over to me! One of the places we loved riding back then was a meadow that regularly flooded over with a layer of water, and me and my pony used to love going for a gallop through it. I had probably done that same run a hundred times, but just as we came flying over the water my pony stumbled a bit and I lost my seat and ploughed into the water while my pony bogged off back to the yard as fast as he could. The fall really hurt, but I was doing my best to grin and bear it and laugh, as was eveyone else, except I'd gotten really drenched and I was also on my period, and my panty liner swelled up like a giant nappy to quadruple its normal size inside my jods. I tried waddling back to the yard making squelching noises, but it was so shameful that the boy I liked offered me a pity ride on his bike back home. Needless to say we never really hit it off after that :D
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I'm really sorry but that is the funniest thing i've ever read :D
 
Mine is from yesterday.

I slipped on the muck heap whilst emptying a rather large barrow. I slipped on the plank and instead of letting go of the sodding barrow, like a numpty, I held onto it resulting in the contents going all over me - including inside my clothing as I found to my shame when I had poo in my bra!
 
fattylumpkin said:
I have to pick just one?! :D

As a teen I was trying to impress a boy I really liked. He was riding his bike out with us on a hack in the hopes of impressing another girl on the yard, but I thought my far superior riding skills might win his affections over to me! One of the places we loved riding back then was a meadow that regularly flooded over with a layer of water, and me and my pony used to love going for a gallop through it. I had probably done that same run a hundred times, but just as we came flying over the water my pony stumbled a bit and I lost my seat and ploughed into the water while my pony bogged off back to the yard as fast as he could. The fall really hurt, but I was doing my best to grin and bear it and laugh, as was eveyone else, except I'd gotten really drenched and I was also on my period, and my panty liner swelled up like a giant nappy to quadruple its normal size inside my jods. I tried waddling back to the yard making squelching noises, but it was so shameful that the boy I liked offered me a pity ride on his bike back home. Needless to say we never really hit it off after that :D
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These days I generally find HHO a bit dull, but you have seriously brightened up Monday morning for me :D I am so sorry I am having such a laugh at your misfortune, please forgive me :O
 
Trying a horse last year, I fell off going into canter. Felt such a fool! Not surprisingly the girl felt she didn't have any other suitable horses for me to try haha.
 
Bernster said:
Trying a horse last year, I fell off going into canter. Felt such a fool! Not surprisingly the girl felt she didn't have any other suitable horses for me to try haha.
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Oops haha! Similar thing happened to me actually, got on the first horse, asked for canter, and he was far too strong for me and bolted off around the arena. I managed to hang on, but I swear we did about 8 full laps of flat out gallop before I could get my head in gear and do a one-rein stop
 
When I worked at a riding school, many moons again, we used to do a big staff ride on Boxing Day. I had a pint of beer at the pub halfway round and promptly fell off trying to open the next gate. I then compounded it by doing the same thing at my next job.
 
fattylumpkin said:
I have to pick just one?! :D

As a teen I was trying to impress a boy I really liked. He was riding his bike out with us on a hack in the hopes of impressing another girl on the yard, but I thought my far superior riding skills might win his affections over to me! One of the places we loved riding back then was a meadow that regularly flooded over with a layer of water, and me and my pony used to love going for a gallop through it. I had probably done that same run a hundred times, but just as we came flying over the water my pony stumbled a bit and I lost my seat and ploughed into the water while my pony bogged off back to the yard as fast as he could. The fall really hurt, but I was doing my best to grin and bear it and laugh, as was eveyone else, except I'd gotten really drenched and I was also on my period, and my panty liner swelled up like a giant nappy to quadruple its normal size inside my jods. I tried waddling back to the yard making squelching noises, but it was so shameful that the boy I liked offered me a pity ride on his bike back home. Needless to say we never really hit it off after that :D
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Ha Ha that is a cracker!!!

I was showing my new mare inhand on Saturday, she has a massive trot and managed to trip me up in the ring so I fell flat on my face in front of many spectators.

Many years ago I suffered the humiliation of being bucked off in the sea in front of a party of school children on their Nature Study lesson.
 
I have a few. My mare was trotting down the long side of the indoor arena. At the end she was facing were some huge double doors and it had been snowing, so as we are trotting towards said door, a load of snow falls off the roof and rattles the door on the way down.

She did the honest to god, slowest spook of my life, all she did was turn left.

I didn't.

We were both incredibly confused.
 
I got on my 17.3hh mare far too soon after she had thrown me and I was still on crutches. Ride was lovely and she was beautifully behaved. Then it came to getting off and I realised that getting off would hurt my legs a lot (both badly injured in the accident) and furthermore they weren't strong enough to held me up anyway. I hit a brilliant idea of lining her up with the muck heap and gently lowering myself onto it. Unfortunately it was softer than I had expected and sort of disintegrated under me so I ended up on my back with legs not strong enough to stand. Horse stood quietly if not slightly bemused until three other liveries came along, one took her and the other two eased me up. I wasn't allowed to ride again until I demonstrated I could get off.
 
pansymouse said:
I got on my 17.3hh mare far too soon after she had thrown me and I was still on crutches. Ride was lovely and she was beautifully behaved. Then it came to getting off and I realised that getting off would hurt my legs a lot (both badly injured in the accident) and furthermore they weren't strong enough to held me up anyway. I hit a brilliant idea of lining her up with the muck heap and gently lowering myself onto it. Unfortunately it was softer than I had expected and sort of disintegrated under me so I ended up on my back with legs not strong enough to stand. Horse stood quietly if not slightly bemused until three other liveries came along, one took her and the other two eased me up. I wasn't allowed to ride again until I demonstrated I could get off.
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Best one yet, love it!! :D
 
Three of us got our horses ready on the morning of the show and as the lorry was a fair way from the stables we loaded everything for the day into a wheelbarrow and it pushed round when we took the horses.

It took us a good few minutes of staring at the space previously occupied by the lorry before one of us said... "where's the lorry?" even the horses were looking at each other... "where's the lorry?"

It had been stolen. We couldn't take it in - it was quite bizarre - we even went looking for it like it was hiding.
 
I have two stories;

First story was whe I was showing a horse to s potential buyer, he'd returned from schooling livery where he'd been an angel, and was the same at home. People loved him and wanted a ride do I tacked up and got on. No sooner had I swung my leg over the saddle, the angel turned devil and bronced and bolted. Jumped out of the arena and dumped me on a car bonnet in the car park!! They didn't buy him!!

Second is my current boy, hacking back to the yard from a lovely ride. Took the bridle path short cut to the road home, and saw a few chaps chopping the trees, they had a big chipper that I wasn't too sure how the pony would feel about.
Anyway, kept going and they saw me so turned the chipper off, they pointed to a little gap for me to get through. Right next to the chipper!! We walked through but then pony stood and wouldn't move, right inbetween all the men and the machine. Then the shuffle before a big pee happened, I had bright red cheeks as the pony does a huge pee. I was apologising all the time!!!! Mortified!!!
Thought I'd endured the worst, but had to go back and ask them to unlock the gate for us to get through!!
 
Nativelover said:
I have two stories;

First story was whe I was showing a horse to s potential buyer, he'd returned from schooling livery where he'd been an angel, and was the same at home. People loved him and wanted a ride do I tacked up and got on. No sooner had I swung my leg over the saddle, the angel turned devil and bronced and bolted. Jumped out of the arena and dumped me on a car bonnet in the car park!! They didn't buy him!!

Second is my current boy, hacking back to the yard from a lovely ride. Took the bridle path short cut to the road home, and saw a few chaps chopping the trees, they had a big chipper that I wasn't too sure how the pony would feel about.
Anyway, kept going and they saw me so turned the chipper off, they pointed to a little gap for me to get through. Right next to the chipper!! We walked through but then pony stood and wouldn't move, right inbetween all the men and the machine. Then the shuffle before a big pee happened, I had bright red cheeks as the pony does a huge pee. I was apologising all the time!!!! Mortified!!!
Thought I'd endured the worst, but had to go back and ask them to unlock the gate for us to get through!!
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Ha ha - that's made me laugh and made me remember that on the same ride I confessed about earlier, we went to visit one of our liveries who lived on a posh housing estate in a village we passed through. We stopped to do Christmas wishes and she came out with chocolate biscuits and other goodies and all the horses peed - there was a veritable river running down said posh street...
 
Great confessions! :D

I could fill a whole thread with falling off stories but my most ridiculous was when I was trotting my hunter up the village and having a nosey into the pub to see if there was anyone in there that I knew. Unfortunately, the horse spotted a windfall apple on the road......he stopped dead, I didn't!! Landed in a very unladylike manner on the road to loud cheering from the pub doorway where a good few people I know were just leaving..... :p
 
Mine was just last week. I have a very tricky young mare, she was being very sticky but was just going nicely across the arena and decided to stop and look down at the pole she had been over several times , I did a slow motion tumble down her neck landing like a ton of lead. Instructor was mortified and thought that maybe learning on the internet would be the way forward for me!!
 
Ah, I was entering the school on a new Police Remount for one of his first group training sessions. I had done a few schooling sessions on our own, and was keen to display the fine mount I had bought, and our recent schooling.

His recent schooling included opening gates, so I gallantly said would do the gate for the others. He stood as requested. I unhooked the long catch, did a turn on the haunch to open the gate, and swizzed round for a turn on the fore to navigate round the gate...

He was only a 4yo, and although very confident he was perhaps not the most accurate. The gate was not really wide enough, but I was not put out as we had also done some training about not panicking in a small gap. We proceeded through the gate, only the long catch went right down my long leather riding boots. The horse did not panic as he walked and I stayed, upside down on the gate catch.

Someone had to come and lift me off the dratted catch, once they had almost fallen off themselves from laughing. The horse just moseyed round....

They do say that pride comes before a fall!

I was a bit sore from splitting my difference, but I forced a smile, re-mounted and he did OK for the ride.
 
Red-1 said:
Ah, I was entering the school on a new Police Remount for one of his first group training sessions. I had done a few schooling sessions on our own, and was keen to display the fine mount I had bought, and our recent schooling.

His recent schooling included opening gates, so I gallantly said would do the gate for the others. He stood as requested. I unhooked the long catch, did a turn on the haunch to open the gate, and swizzed round for a turn on the fore to navigate round the gate...

He was only a 4yo, and although very confident he was perhaps not the most accurate. The gate was not really wide enough, but I was not put out as we had also done some training about not panicking in a small gap. We proceeded through the gate, only the long catch went right down my long leather riding boots. The horse did not panic as he walked and I stayed, upside down on the gate catch.

Someone had to come and lift me off the dratted catch, once they had almost fallen off themselves from laughing. The horse just moseyed round....

They do say that pride comes before a fall!

I was a bit sore from splitting my difference, but I forced a smile, re-mounted and he did OK for the ride.
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Wowzers!
 
Bernster said:
Wowzers!
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Oh, believe me, wotking with Police Horses is fraught with danger.

Next remount I had, we were on a patrol in an area with town and country. He was not even quite 4yo, and so I took him for a bit of country riding before facing the town.

It was a lovely piece of common land, and together with my companion we decided to have a bit of a canter. Spot Dot had not done a deal of ridden canter, but the area was quiet, so we struck off with confidence. All was well, but the open common land narrowed down to a bit of a muddy track, and I said for my companion to go ahead.

Spotty found that quite interesting, got a bit on his forehand, and promptly tripped over his oversize size 9s. That would not have mattered, as he did not fall to the floor, if only the track did not have a bit of a camber on it....

We slid sideways, luckily I realised what was happening so lifted the underside leg up as we slid over the mud.

Nothing injured but pride, we got up, my companion again almost fell off with laughter, and we had a problem. Nearside was immaculately groomed, bright yellow reflective and bright bay horse, tack polished with boot polish for extra shine. Offside was.... mud. Pure and simple mud.

Miles from the lorry, a trip through the town still to complete.

We rode back in a tight pair, my posh side to the pavement, and my partner shielding the muddiest part from Members of the Public in the road.

Never work with children or horses!
 
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