The day of PTS/last time you see them

Gypley

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Without going into too much detail- as i'll get too upset typing this, I'm having my horse of a lifetime PTS on Monday. She's on retirement livery so I've 'weened' myself off of seeing her every day so the hole doesn't seem too vast when shes no longer here.
I'm going to see her for the last time on Saturday and was wondering what people do in this situation?
Im planning on giving her a good groom and lots of her favourite treats and I'm also going to leave a huge breakfast for her on Monday morning. I'll be taking some of her tail to have something made too, but is there anything else that maybe you regret not doing if you've every been in this situation? I don't want to look back and think 'I wish I'd done that' ...

I'm sure you all won't, but please do not criticise me not being there on Monday. I just simply cant be there.
 

MotherOfChickens

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((hugs))

I took lots of photos of him out with his pals and some vids, took him for a short walk in hand to look at a view that he always seemed to appreciate and gave him a good groom and just hung out with him really. I also bought him a load of pears as they were his favourite. cried lots. I wasnt able to look at the pics and vids for some time but I am glad I took them x
 

eggs

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I have my horses at home so I have seen them on 'the day' but then I don't really have an option. A couple of times I have held them but on other occasions a friend has held them for me. They honestly don't know what is happening so won't notice if you are there or not.

Like you I give them a good groom and make a big fuss of them. A big feed is always appreciated! I also take some mane and tail although so far I haven't done anything with it. I also take a lot of photos.

It is a tough decision but I always feel that I have made it with the horse's best interest at heart.
 

Michen

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The horse I planned to have put to sleep I bought a big bag of apple mollichaff and let him eat it all week. The morning of he had endless carrots and polos.

My horse of a lifetime who I lost as he recovered from surgery, last time I saw him the vets led him into theatre and offered to stop to let me kiss him but I didn't because I was too distressed and embarrassed. That will haunt me forever.
 

Sprout

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I am so sorry.

I took pictures, gave them a lovely groom, and some treats, but the bggest thing for me was trying to be happy in the moment as they pick up on your emotions ..... difficult I know.
Huge hugs. Xx
 

FestiveFuzz

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It was the day of, I opted not to take photos as it was clear she was in a lot of pain despite the meds and her spark had gone and that wasn't how I wanted to remember her. I gave her a good groom, scratched all her itchy spots, took some tail and fed her all her favourite treats and way too many apples.

I held her whilst her shoes were removed and have kept them in a safe place and then gave her one last kiss and handed her over to one of the yard staff to hold in the final moments as I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together.

I have no regrets with how the day went and wouldn't have changed a thing.

Big hugs to you as I know how difficult it is to say goodbye xx
 

tashcat

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So sorry OP, will be thinking of you.

We lost our boy quite suddenly, but still had a bit of time to say goodbye although he was in a lot of pain despite meds. I didn't take any photos as it wasn't how I wanted to remember him but if I were in your scenario I would have. He was suffering from severe colic (later turned out to be a small intestine perforation that even scans at horsepital couldn't detect), so couldn't feed him, but again if I could have been in your situation there would have been lots of carrots involved!

I remember hugging the life out of him and telling him how much he meant to me and how grateful I was that he let me part of his journey, and that he held on so I could say goodbye. I didn't care that we were in hospital and that there were a lot of vets and nurses around, I just had this once chance to tell him everything and thank him and I did. I stayed with him as they put him to sleep - we had to stand at a distance but I wish I could have been closer. For me I couldn't leave him in that moment and it was the last thing I could do for him in comparison to all he had done for me - but I completely understand why others would rather not be there.

The biggest comfort I had was lying with him afterwards. I got to tell him everything and stroke him knowing he was safe and out of pain. I know you won't be able to do this, but if I'd had the chance I would have sat with him before whilst he grazed and spent those last few hours in his company.

I think what I'm trying to say is the make the most out the time you have with him, even if its just being with him. Don't be afraid to speak to him and tell him things - even if for your own comfort than his. My boy wasn't a cuddly pony, but we enjoyed each others company by quietly being together and it was important to me to thank him for 12 amazing years.

Sending so much love and hugs your way, its the hardest but also the kindest thing xx
 

Mahoganybay

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My old lady that was pts was groomed, took some tail, lots of pictures, fed apples and carrots and I stayed with her in her final moments, she went to sleep with a mouthful of grass. Myself and my family and a few ladies from the stables all sat round her in a circle whilst we waited for the removal guy. I have bittersweet memories.

My replacement mare, was only 12 when pts and I had battled with injuries for numerous years before the arthritis set in. She was on box rest / injured for the majority of time she was with me, costing in excess of £7k in vets fees.

On the day she told me enough, I rang the vet and arranged for them to come that day, i groomed her, took some tail, pictures etc as I had done my old girl and then
I left her in the care of my yard owner and my wonderful hubbie and I went home.

I have tried to make sense of why I could stay with my oldie but not her, and I think it's because I felt like i had failed her, she looked stunning,, but was just broken beyond repair, whereas my old girl was 31 and I had accepted she had a good life and the time was right.

My boy is 16, he is my everything now after a few rocky years, I hope he is with me for Somme time to come, not sure which camp I will be in once his time is upp.

Whatever way you do it, remember the good times and before long your tears willl stop and you will be able to smile at the memories.
 

Gypley

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So sorry OP, will be thinking of you.

We lost our boy quite suddenly, but still had a bit of time to say goodbye although he was in a lot of pain despite meds. I didn't take any photos as it wasn't how I wanted to remember him but if I were in your scenario I would have. He was suffering from severe colic (later turned out to be a small intestine perforation that even scans at horsepital couldn't detect), so couldn't feed him, but again if I could have been in your situation there would have been lots of carrots involved!

I remember hugging the life out of him and telling him how much he meant to me and how grateful I was that he let me part of his journey, and that he held on so I could say goodbye. I didn't care that we were in hospital and that there were a lot of vets and nurses around, I just had this once chance to tell him everything and thank him and I did. I stayed with him as they put him to sleep - we had to stand at a distance but I wish I could have been closer. For me I couldn't leave him in that moment and it was the last thing I could do for him in comparison to all he had done for me - but I completely understand why others would rather not be there.

The biggest comfort I had was lying with him afterwards. I got to tell him everything and stroke him knowing he was safe and out of pain. I know you won't be able to do this, but if I'd had the chance I would have sat with him before whilst he grazed and spent those last few hours in his company.

I think what I'm trying to say is the make the most out the time you have with him, even if its just being with him. Don't be afraid to speak to him and tell him things - even if for your own comfort than his. My boy wasn't a cuddly pony, but we enjoyed each others company by quietly being together and it was important to me to thank him for 12 amazing years.

Sending so much love and hugs your way, its the hardest but also the kindest thing xx
Well done for being there. I really want to be and I'm scared of feeling guilty forever about the decision, I'm just not sure that I can. I do feel like I owe it to her and that you cant just pick and choose the 'nice' bits and then opt out of the difficult things. I may well change my mind before Monday. I'm just not sure yet.
 

MotherOfChickens

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Well done for being there. I really want to be and I'm scared of feeling guilty forever about the decision, I'm just not sure that I can. I do feel like I owe it to her and that you cant just pick and choose the 'nice' bits and then opt out of the difficult things. I may well change my mind before Monday. I'm just not sure yet.

I used to be a vet nurse and I've been present at literally hundreds of small animal and quite a few horses and I'll not judge anyone for how they go about it. For my horse, done by injection, I stayed while he was sedated and the catheter was put in, I then left him. He loved people, I know he wasnt worried by the vet and he was PTS in a familiar spot where he'd been hand grazed many times. Just see how you go and remember you are dong the right thing, it doesnt matter what others might think of it.
 

Sparemare

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There's nothing wrong in not being there with him when he goes. We've had several PTS here and the last owner couldn't be with her horse when he went as she was in pieces and thought he would get upset because she was so distraught. I held him and he went really peacefully. He was calm and happily stuffing his face. You do what's right for you x
 

ihatework

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Well done for being there. I really want to be and I'm scared of feeling guilty forever about the decision, I'm just not sure that I can. I do feel like I owe it to her and that you cant just pick and choose the 'nice' bits and then opt out of the difficult things. I may well change my mind before Monday. I'm just not sure yet.

When I had my favourite horse put down about this time last year, I did see him on the morning but wasn't there for the actual deed. For me, my biggest (probably irrational) thought was that I didn't want him to sense what was coming. So I kept things as normal as possible. He had a groom and loads of carrots and I took a chunk of hair but that was it really. I handed him over and walked away.
I always thought I would be there for it, but when push came to shove I didn't feel that I owed it to him. What I owed was the decision at the right time and to have it happen as calm and quietly as possible. I have never regretted not being there.
 

Damnation

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I held Miss P whilst she was PTS.

The day before I had groomed her, taken her for a nice little walk, gave her a bath and fed her all the crap she loved (peanut M & M's and Wotsits).

I still have the huge chunk of tail that I cut off the day before and plaited and it still smells like her 7 years on. If I ever get married I want it incorporated into either my engagement ring or wedding band. I want Buffy's tail hair incorporated into the other ring.

You do what is right for you. It was the worst day of my life, I won't sugar coat it. The deed itself was over within a minute, my mare was calm and oblivious and the vet was amazing. I held it together until she went then just broke down. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to be there.

I will be there with Buffy when she does if I have the choice, but that is my own personal choice, I know I can keep it together until it is over.

Do what feels right OP. It is a very personal time for you so you have to go by what feels right. Even if you just stand in the field and pat her and feed her some treats.
 

Hexx

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I spent the whole day with mine. I made the decision at 11 am to have him pts, but they couldn't do it as the wagon wasn't available to take him away until late afternoon. So I spent the day in his box, grooming him and chatting to him. The yard staff were able to say goodbye and so were a lot of the liveries.

He had incurable laminitis and bowel cancer - he had not been eating and lost a lot of weight. I had bought some horsehage for him as he wouldn't eat our normal hay or haylage. He hadn't had any of it as the laminitis was diagnosed the day I bought it. So I gave him the whole bag of horsehage and he spent the day eating it and seemed to thoroughly enjoy it while being fussed over.

I was there for sedation (which he didn't bat an eyelid at as he was too busy guzzling the grass), gave him a big kiss and said goodbye and left before the final injection. My YO stayed with him and I sat in the office with my friends until he was gone and taken away and then went home.

The YO gave me some tail and his shoes (which the farrier had taken off and polished up for me) a couple of days later when I went back to clear out my stuff.

I don't think I would have done anything different.
 
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scats

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I give them lot of cuddles and tell them how special they are, last one allowed me to lie and have once last lie down cuddle with him. I cut some mane and tail off.

Big hugs, it's a horrible thing to have to do, for us. For them, well they really don't know anything about it. I always feel absolutely drained afterwards, so take care of yourself xx
 

0310Star

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I had my mare PTS just under 3 weeks ago so I can really empathise, its an awful decision to have to make but its something we can do for our animals as our final kind gesture to them.

A friend of mine surprised me by booking a last minute photo shoot the night before (baring in mind said friend lives in NZ, it was an amazing gift) and the photographer sent me one of the photos that day so I had something on 'that' day.
If you can have some nice photo's done I would really recommend, I am still waiting for mine but it is something nice to look forward to after a horrible situation (if that makes any sense at all!)! And I can have some nice photo's up at home of her looking happy and content.
I also took a bit of her tail, but I am unsure what I am going to do with that yet so its stored away for now.
On the day she had a really good groom and lots of extra strong mints!! She was happy as larry!

Good luck Monday, I will be thinking of you x

ETA:
I decided, after speaking to the removal people, to stay until she was sedated and then walk away up the fields and I am so glad I did. As soon as she was unaware that's when I left and I have no regrets at all. The vet and removal people were sooooo good, they sorted it between them and a girl on my yard let me know when they had gone, the whole thing was over within 10 minutes start to finish (the vet said she was gone in about 1 minute of injection) and I wouldn't change how it happened.
 
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Snuffles

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Im glad to see that some of you weren't there at the last moment. I have had two pts and couldn't be there at the last, only for initial sedation. I have felt guilty ever since as Ive felt a coward. Feel better now. I didn't take last photos as they were both very distressed through colic and it was sudden in both cases. As you have had time to make the decision, photos and their favourite treat and somewhere familiar, (I mean not a strange stable or similar)
 
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0310Star

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Im glad to see that some of you weren't there at the last moment. I have had two pts and couldn't be there at the last, only for initial sedation. I have felt guilty ever since as Ive felt a coward. Feel better now. I didn't take last photos as they were both very distressed through colic and it was sudden in both cases. As you have had time to make the decision, photos and their favourite treat and somewhere familiar, (I mean not a strange stable or similar)

I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all! The person at the pet crematorium (removal) said to me that sometimes staying until the last moment can be very stressful for all involved - horse knowing something is up, vet under a lot of pressure, owner inconsolable etc - and he said, which I completely agree with, it is the last thing you will see and your last memory and some people don't want that as their last memory, myself included. Once sedated they have no idea that you're there or not, I just kind of though of it as me being the last person she saw and I walked away after she was no longer aware but I don't have the awful memory of her going down.
Its all personal preference, so don't beat yourself up!!
 

Leo Walker

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I stayed with mine as I felt I should. I'd had him from being a baby and I wanted to make sure I was there till the end. Luckily for me it was very, very, very quick and he was down as soon as the injection was done. But for those people worrying, once he was sedated he didnt know whether I was there or not, so I dont think it makes any difference.
 

OldNag

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OP I really feel for you. It's horrible to have to make the decision. You have to do what's right for you.
Both of ours were PTS by injection and I stayed, but I didn't have my children there. It was peaceful and it was a relief to see them free from pain.
With old mare, she had been on box rest and had been on very restricted grazing for so long, so on the morning she was out and allowed to graze ALL of the field, which she did with gusto. She then had a huge bucket of all her forbidden food.

My advice is do whatever feels right for you. I found it very therapeutic to have some tail hair, and I need to get it made up into bracelets for my children.

Hugs to you xx
 

fburton

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I wasn't there when my horse of a lifetime was PTS. I knew it would be too traumatic for me to be there at the end, but was fortunate to have a vet friend who I could trust to make sure it was done properly, by injection. I didn't (and don't) feel guilty or a coward. I said goodbye the night before. On the day, she texted me to say he went quietly munching a carrot. I know it was absolutely the right decision to PTS, but that attending would tear me apart emotionally. It's totally okay that people feel differently about it.
 

Gypley

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Thank you all for your kind words and sharing your experiences. Ill see how I go on Monday but wont beat myself up if I cant manage staying
 

meleeka

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Make sure you smell her. It sounds silly but from my own. Experience you then won't forget the smell of her ever, and it is a comfort. I can still remember my old girls smell.
 

Damnation

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Thank you all for your kind words and sharing your experiences. Ill see how I go on Monday but wont beat myself up if I cant manage staying

Your mare won't know what is happenning, she will be blissfully ignorant of the whole thing.

We stay until the end for our own conscience more than for them really.
 

Frumpoon

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It was a bit of a snap decision for me after watching him go downhill over time

Obviously he had loads of kisses and cuddles and chats and like others I took pics of him

But 3 days ago I deleted them all (he went to heaven over a year ago)... I realised I didn't want pics of him from the day he died, he looked sad and old and poorly and not like himself at all. I had a fair few pics from his glory days so I hang onto those instead
 

MagicMelon

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I have my horses at home so I have seen them on 'the day' but then I don't really have an option. A couple of times I have held them but on other occasions a friend has held them for me. They honestly don't know what is happening so won't notice if you are there or not.

Like you I give them a good groom and make a big fuss of them. A big feed is always appreciated! I also take some mane and tail although so far I haven't done anything with it. I also take a lot of photos.

It is a tough decision but I always feel that I have made it with the horse's best interest at heart.

I do exactly the same, except I dont take photos on the day or once Ive made the decision in the days leading up to it, mainly because looking at them would make me sad. Id rather remember them when they were healthy. I'm always there, I have my horses at home so I quietly groom them, talk to them, explain why Im doing it etc. Just helps me cope with it a bit better. I am always the one holding my horse (usually feeding them tonnes of mints/treats right up until they cant anymore), there's normally someone else nearby mainly because they can speak for me afterwards to thank the vet etc. when Im in too much of a state as I always sit with them for a while afterwards crying my eyes out. I always then cover the horse with rugs (if can be seen from the road) and let my other horses smell them for an hour or until the digger comes to bury them. This is the one bit I cant be around for so I leave my OH (or mum) to deal with that bit, but I always request they cover the horse in their rug before they're buried. Dont know why, just do.

It's a horrible horrible decision and for me, no matter what the reason was I always feel like the worst human being in the world. Ive had 3 PTS now, it doesn't get any easier. I'm dreading the day I'll have to have my veteran (horse of a lifetime) PTS.
 

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So sorry, OP.

I don't criticise you one jot for not being there on Monday. When my oldie was pts earlier in the year, I did go to the yard to say goodbye, but I had a couple of good friends with me, one of whom took some tail. I couldn't be there for 'the moment', however, and we went off for strong coffee. One of my friends kindly offered to hold him for me - I know I couldn't have done that.

Do get some tail (I know you were planning to.) I've had some lovely things made. Also, take your time clearing out your horse's things afterwards. I found that very hard, but kindly refused help as I wanted to do it myself as a kind of closure.

They're special creatures. Treasure your precious memories and happy times.
 

Elsbells

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Without going into too much detail- as i'll get too upset typing this, I'm having my horse of a lifetime PTS on Monday. She's on retirement livery so I've 'weened' myself off of seeing her every day so the hole doesn't seem too vast when shes no longer here.
I'm going to see her for the last time on Saturday and was wondering what people do in this situation?
Im planning on giving her a good groom and lots of her favourite treats and I'm also going to leave a huge breakfast for her on Monday morning. I'll be taking some of her tail to have something made too, but is there anything else that maybe you regret not doing if you've every been in this situation? I don't want to look back and think 'I wish I'd done that' ...

I'm sure you all won't, but please do not criticise me not being there on Monday. I just simply cant be there.

Sadly I was faced with the same in December. I too had turned my mare away for a year in a big field with a few friends. She'd had a good 16 months unridden retirement and yes, we'd gone through a kind of weaning period where I didn't see her sometimes for a couple of weeks at a time. This sounds hard but it did help enormously as she'd been my world for a good few years up until then and we were as close as we possibly could be. The day before we brought her and her companion down to a fresh field and a bale of haulage where they spent the night in horsey bliss. We groomed, cut tail hair and took pictures of both mares and then left them happy and feeling loved.
The following morning my OH and my friends OH went up to hold the girls as they were going to go together which made it all a little more bearable. We'd booked them to be the first of the day and by 9.00am I had the call to say it had been done. I was riding my little pony at the time as I felt it would be the best place for me to be out on a hack, alone with a horse and it was.
We are all different but for me it was the easiest I could make it. I don't feel I needed to be punished any further as loosing her is an ongoing heartbreak enough. For me the magic left with her and horses/riding just isn't the same and I don't think I will be in it for very much longer as it isn't the same for me.
My heart goes out to you xx
 
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