Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
Im back!!
Mum has been away seeing my grandparents and the beastly woman didnt leave the laptop for me to keep you up to date.
Much has happened since my last entry so I will attempt to fill you in.
As you may recall I was last going out for a romantic walk with fit mare. Well that kinda was a disaster .. I fell over. Completely over my own feet and ended up in a bit of a heap. Mum was livid and fit mare I fear now thinks I am too much of an idiot to be seen in public with her ever again. I admit to it being my fault I was keeping a wary eye on road work signage to protect mum from any evil lurking behind it and didnt see the hole in the ground. It was so embarrassing!
After that mum gave me a day off and called nice aunty Claire to come and have a look at my back. She gave me a nice massage, said there was nothing wrong with me and refused to give me a sick note. Fit mare got 2 days off! How is that fair? Mind you Aunty Sarah then rode me whilst mum was away so we got to go very very fast across the fields. Which is ALWAYS cool!
Then mum introduced me to a new man whos going to do our shoes. Hes so trendy! I like him. He has the coolest whiskers I have ever seen. Theyre like the sheepskin blinkers posh SJ mare wears. I wonder if he looks about when jumping over fences? I SO wish mum would let me grow mine like his she shaves mine off.
New shoe man did poof bags feet and fit mares feet and then said he couldnt do mine. Apparently he needed to make me some shoes specially. Poof bags said this is because Im a special child and need dustbin lids instead of shoes. I prefer to think that it means I am a big macho beast who needs big macho shoes. Anyway he had to come back specially with my shoes later that week. He does keep referring to my weight which I think is a little personal and is the cause of my latest embarrassment (which I will come to in a minute) so we could fall out but Im on the side of liking him at the minute.
Which brings me to my next point. Over reach boots. They are from the same satanistic, ruin-a-boys-standing-in-the-neighbourhood school of thinking as spaniel stirrups and lemon smelling shampoo. Im sorry but what the heck are they about? Apparently my feet are a bit poorly so new shoes man has fitted my dancing shoes differently. Because of this I have to wear these idiotic things on my feet for the next 6 weeks. I look an utter plank. I look like a hairy spanner on legs. The wreckage of my street cred can be found down the lane in case anyone wonders what it is. I look like i'm wearing some random ponys trainers around my ankles. I am doomed to be single for the rest of my life, if its not fly masks its over reach boots
Finally whilst mum was away army man came round. You may note Ive not called him evil this week. Thats because finally I think hes coming round to my way of thinking. Because mum was away Dad had a lesson on poofy and then a lesson on me. Finally army man got to see the Destroyer in full flow! He was impressed (I could tell!) and said a few nice things about me. If we can just get to see eye to eye on the amount of work i have to do then I could even like the man. He does think i can jump a little bit. You see ladies I might be a big feathery beast but inside is a Milton just waiting to come out ..(come out of where we'll discuss next week!!)
Im back!!
Mum has been away seeing my grandparents and the beastly woman didnt leave the laptop for me to keep you up to date.
Much has happened since my last entry so I will attempt to fill you in.
As you may recall I was last going out for a romantic walk with fit mare. Well that kinda was a disaster .. I fell over. Completely over my own feet and ended up in a bit of a heap. Mum was livid and fit mare I fear now thinks I am too much of an idiot to be seen in public with her ever again. I admit to it being my fault I was keeping a wary eye on road work signage to protect mum from any evil lurking behind it and didnt see the hole in the ground. It was so embarrassing!
After that mum gave me a day off and called nice aunty Claire to come and have a look at my back. She gave me a nice massage, said there was nothing wrong with me and refused to give me a sick note. Fit mare got 2 days off! How is that fair? Mind you Aunty Sarah then rode me whilst mum was away so we got to go very very fast across the fields. Which is ALWAYS cool!
Then mum introduced me to a new man whos going to do our shoes. Hes so trendy! I like him. He has the coolest whiskers I have ever seen. Theyre like the sheepskin blinkers posh SJ mare wears. I wonder if he looks about when jumping over fences? I SO wish mum would let me grow mine like his she shaves mine off.
New shoe man did poof bags feet and fit mares feet and then said he couldnt do mine. Apparently he needed to make me some shoes specially. Poof bags said this is because Im a special child and need dustbin lids instead of shoes. I prefer to think that it means I am a big macho beast who needs big macho shoes. Anyway he had to come back specially with my shoes later that week. He does keep referring to my weight which I think is a little personal and is the cause of my latest embarrassment (which I will come to in a minute) so we could fall out but Im on the side of liking him at the minute.
Which brings me to my next point. Over reach boots. They are from the same satanistic, ruin-a-boys-standing-in-the-neighbourhood school of thinking as spaniel stirrups and lemon smelling shampoo. Im sorry but what the heck are they about? Apparently my feet are a bit poorly so new shoes man has fitted my dancing shoes differently. Because of this I have to wear these idiotic things on my feet for the next 6 weeks. I look an utter plank. I look like a hairy spanner on legs. The wreckage of my street cred can be found down the lane in case anyone wonders what it is. I look like i'm wearing some random ponys trainers around my ankles. I am doomed to be single for the rest of my life, if its not fly masks its over reach boots
Finally whilst mum was away army man came round. You may note Ive not called him evil this week. Thats because finally I think hes coming round to my way of thinking. Because mum was away Dad had a lesson on poofy and then a lesson on me. Finally army man got to see the Destroyer in full flow! He was impressed (I could tell!) and said a few nice things about me. If we can just get to see eye to eye on the amount of work i have to do then I could even like the man. He does think i can jump a little bit. You see ladies I might be a big feathery beast but inside is a Milton just waiting to come out ..(come out of where we'll discuss next week!!)
