The truth about horse ads (very silly)

[Krysztyna]

A friend just emailed me this:

Seller’s Terms
• Nicely Started: We can lunge him, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
• Recently Vetted: Someone else found something badly wrong with the horse
• Jumping Courses: When tranquilized to the eyeballs & lunged 6 hrs straight beforehand
• Well Mannered: Hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week
• Professionally Trained: Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a month
• Needs Experienced Rider: Dangerous
• Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you might be able to ride him
• Already Broke: Two fences, one arm, six buckets
• Unregistered: Probably stolen
• Started: We quit while we were still alive
• Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains
• Event Prospect: Big, fast horse great
• Dressage Prospect: Big, slow horse
• Hack Prospect: Pretty colour
• Sporting Prospect: Short, fast horse
• Endurance Prospect: Has bolted for miles
• Show jumping prospect: Impossible to keep in a paddock
• All Rounder: Average in every discipline
• Flashy: White socks
• Attractive: Bay
• 15.2hh: 14.3hh
• 16.2hh: 15.3hh
• To Loving Home Only: Expensive
• To Show Home Only: Very expensive
• Elegant: Thin
• Showing condition: Fat
• Bold: No brakes
• Athletic: No brakes but good-looking
• Exceptional movement: Cat leaps
• Forward going: Bolts
• Spirited: Psychotic
• Quiet: Lame in both front legs
• Dead Quiet: Lame in all four legs
• Bombproof: Lame all round, deaf and blind
• Pony Type: Small and hairy
• Arab Type: Looks startled
• TB Type: Looks terrified
• Quarter Horse Type: Chunky
• Warmblood Type: Big and hairy
• Draught Type: Big and exceedingly hairy
• For sale due to lack of time: Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital

 

[stencilface]

Very good

I think I have definitely gone for a few that 'needs experienced rider' - yeah - no sh*t, or a bullet!!!

 

[Henbug]

seen before, laughed before

seen again, laughed again

 

[mrgoop]

Fab
Made me chuckle, thanks for that

 

[sachak]

ive seen that before but makes me laugh everytime

 

[JM07]

As you say.....Very silly.

 

[BroadfordQueen]

I laughed at,
"Bombproof- lame all round, deaf and blind"

 

[Booboos]

I like the Arab type LOL

 

[chillidragon]

In which case Brandy is an attractive, bold, forward going, show condition, unregistered, spirited pony type who has lots of potential, needs an experienced rider and is only for sale due to lack of time.