Things are getting hard.........................

[Toby_Zaphod]

I’m really starting to feel issues with my body after years of looking after horses etc.

I have had 3 operations on one knee & one on the other over the years, I have arthritis in both & they aren’t feeling too clever at the moment. My right shoulder was broken & dislocated years ago & arthritis is getting into it now & it’s stiff & painful. I suffer back pain every day & have bouts of sciatica. It’s a case of I know my back will be hurting each day it’s just how much. A couple of weeks ago one of the horses spooked when I was leading him to the paddock & he pulled back & he dislocated one of my fingers. Finger is extremely swollen & I only have partial use. Dr says it may take 12 months to go down & even then full use is unlikely to return. In all I seem to be falling apart & winter is coming & I am dreading it because all my aches & pains get much worse.

I help my wife turn out 2 in the morning & muck out them out then go off to work. We bring in both in the afternoon & I poo pick both the paddocks every day & adjust the fencing. Top up the waters, tread the muck heap etc. I stack the bedding & hay deliveries I also drive the lorry to venues, training sessions as well. I feel It’s all getting a bit much for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love being around the horses & they relax me. I haven’t ridden due to injury for years & I still really miss it even after all this time. My wife & daughter depend on me & I don’t think they could cope without my input. At the moment I feel my brain is writing cheques that my body can no longer cash. I haven't said anything to the family but they know that I'm having a few problems.

I’m sure I’m not the first person to feel like, I don’t want to let my family down but I think I may soon have to cut right down on what I’m doing.

 

[Flame_]

Aw that's so sad.

There has to be easier ways of enjoying horses with your family than it being a dreadful struggle. Maybe have just the one horse on full livery, or something. I hope you can sort something out and I'm sure your family will understand where you're coming from, talk to them about it.

 

[Auslander]

Poor you. I think you need to tell them what you've told us. It may be that they can start to tweak the management/call in additional help to give you a break, and let you do the bits you are physically able to.

I'm struggling at the moment - acute sciatica and an achilles tendon injury are pretty much crippling me, and I have no backup- luckily my horse is happily living out 24/7, and doesn't mind that some days I can't poo pick, or bring him in because I hurt too much. If he was stabled, I'd be in real trouble!

 

[Goldenstar]

You must tell them this you are not letting them down .
How old is your daughter ?
I if can offer one bit of advice to try go for a massage once a fortnight is perfect it makes a huge difference to me if you look about around you you wil probally find people working from home or who will come to your home and it way cheaper than at sports / health club I found a lady near me who's great and does and it costs half what I was paying.
Please don't suffer in silence tell them .

 

[*hic*]

It sounds to me like a bit of the care that's been lavished on the horses needs to be diverted to you! My husband helps me out a huge amount and like you his body has suffered over the years. For looking after you: Are you sure that the painkillers that you have been prescribed are sufficient for what your body now needs? Are you in fact taking them appropriately? I ask this because my husband is a great one for deciding he doesn't need his "leg tablets" and only taking them when he is in considerable pain. He doesn't think to take them when other parts of his body (he has damaged shoulders and wrists) are in pain! He's a typical stocial male. When I can persuade him to take tablets as needed things are much better for him.

Being able to relax and sleep properly / comfortably helps loads. We have a huge bath so he can lie down and soak and although he was terribly against it at first we now have a memory foam mattress topper that has made a magical difference to how he sleeps. He had his first pain-free full night's sleep for years the first time he slept on it.

As for the chores: How are the finances? Can you get a mechanical poo picker? Would a water source nearer the horses' waters help? If you are carrying bucket after bucket would an extra hose or two mean that you could just turn on the tap and save that effort. Alternatively a small water bowser and car or rideon lawnmower can get the water to the spot without taking it out of your body if it's too far for a hose. Mucking out: I've just switched to woodpellets. It's not as cheap as strap but there is far less to do, muck heap is smaller too so less need to climb in and tread it all down, and it's delivered on pallets so no stacking. I use a sack truck for moving stuff round the yard, like you I'm not in the first flush of youth and it's much easier to stick a couple of bales or sacks of feed on the sack truck than to carry them.

Depending on ages / licences can your wife drive the lorry or could your daughter take her test and drive? Again it sounds a bit patronising but if the lorry is tiring to drive have you got your seat adjusted as well as it might be and / or would a back rest help?

I've had to try to make things easier for both of us with the horses (as you may have gathered from the foregoing!) I know that my husband will be having his knees and hips replaced and I have to be able to manage things by myself whilst he's recovering, he also occasionally has to work abroad for several weeks at a time so things have to be doable for me alone.

The main thing of course is to discuss with your wife and daughter how everything can be managed in a less hard on you way, hopefully though I have been able to provide some solutions

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I agree with DOD.
As we get older we all need to make adjustments to our routines to make keeping horses that bit easier. We use long hoses to water the horses, carry bales etc in the wheelbarrow (which is a new 'easy-push' one), have a field-vac, and have some sheep which actually reduce the need for much removal from the fields. I can recommend the memory-foam mattress too!
It does seem to come upon you all at once, as you get older. 5 yrs ago I broke my ankle and don't seem to have been right since! This summer I was 'rear-ended' in the car and so that's another summer off riding! BUT I bought a bombproof, very sensible mare who I can ride or not as I feel and who I can virtually guarantee I am not going to fall off, as that is something I wish to avoid at all costs now. Maybe something like her would allow you to ride again, if you would like to. And you certainly need to talk to your wife and daughter about ways to make life more comfortable.

 

[Archangel]

Problem with horses is that it is an everyday thing and you never get a break, even when you are feeling crocked.
Could you get some help in to poo pick, tread the muckheap etc. Your wife might be feeling the same way! You feel you can't stop because things need to be done, but there will come a point when your body will stop it all for you!

I ignored my achilles tendon grumbling away because the dog has to be walked no matter what and now I can't walk. I take the bike as it doesn't hurt then but this morning I crash off and the bike is wrecked and I have to carry it back limping away. I arrived back and announced "I am going to get someone in to do the housework" (and finally rang the doctor!)

 

[jeeve]

Poor you. I think you need to tell them what you've told us. It may be that they can start to tweak the management/call in additional help to give you a break, and let you do the bits you are physically able to.

Agree with this, when my dad told me he could no longer rug/unrug the horses I thought he had just lost interest, but i soon realised that he was really unwell, he dies within 18 months.

It is likely you are just slowing down with old age, (me too), but if you do not say something, they will take you for granted like I did my dad, and assume you can do what you have always done.

once I realised the situation I changed things.

 

[misst]

First of all I hope they know how lucky they are!

Second look at how much they can do instead. There is no reason why you need to "let them down" but they cannot help you if you don't tell them - it works both ways. If you have been doing it for years your daughter must be old enough to do some more of the care now. Is assisted livery or full livery an option? If not can you get a little freelance help in? Does your daughter contribute towards costs? If so then fine, if not - why not.

Driving the lorry does my knee and back in every time. I am not sure why but assume it is the position I sit in and the position of the pedals.... Can anyone else drive it occasionally or can you change it? (Expensive I know).

As far as turning out goes can the others not do this so the early mornings are not such a bind? I am knocking on a bit now and have a dodgy knee and sore hip and my daugher has a dodgy shoulder - but like you we soldier on

Don't give up but find good easy ways to do things. Pay someone to stack hay and shavings for you if your family cannot do it. Does your daughter have a strong boyfriend? Always useful even if they are not horsey - they like to score brownie points with the "in-laws"

I have a pull along trolly which I bought when my daughter had her shoulder operated on twice last year. It holds poo, a bale of hay or shavings, rugs - all sorts. It can be pulled one handed and is easy to manage. It tips up to empty.

Lastly don't wear yourself out or get yourself injured handling the horses - it is not only no fun but your family will be devasted if they find it could have been avoided. Show them this thread. x