Things you would ask your dog

[ArklePigInBlanket]

Shamelessly stolen from the thread in the tack room.

I'll start

Why do you whine when you've finished your water when you could paw the bowl like a normal dog?
In fact, why do you know to paw the upstairs bowl but not the downstairs one?

Why are you scared of your own farts?

 

[paisley]

I love that you still want walks at 15. Could we negotiate a 5:30 start and not the current 4:45 because ‘it’s light and the birds are up, so get up and attend to me!’

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Are you really hungry?

 

[Fleece Navidad]

If I get a second chair for my office would you sit in that, or is part of the fun grumbling at me for taking up too much space in *your* chair?

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Where does it hurt?

Why do you like gross puddle or bucket water over the clean water in your bowl?

What is it about hot air balloons that freaks you out so much?

Do you have any regrets from that time you ate entire loaf of bread then threw it back up?

 

[ArklePigInBlanket]

I too would like to know about the gross puddle water!

 

[pistolpete]

What happened when you had your accident and came home injured. Could we negotiate on the barking and lack of recall?

 

[ArklePigInBlanket]

Oh I also need to add, why are you scared of Samoyeds and literally no other dog on the planet?

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Ooh! Also....

Who do you love the most?

(I actually think the answer is my mum and not OH or me!)

 

[ArklePigInBlanket]

Ooh! Also....

Who do you love the most?

(I actually think the answer is my mum and not OH or me!)

I was going to add this but I'm not sure I want the answer. We both fulfill different roles, he is Minister for Physical Education and I am Minister for Cuddles & Emotional Wellbeing so I hope she loves us both equally

 

[TheresaW]

Why won’t you come up the stairs Odin? We know you like sleeping with us when we are camping. We know you do steps quite happily on walks.

 

[CorvusCorax]

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

 

[paisley]

Could I book a turn on the sofa please?

 

[twiggy2]

For different dogs on different days it could be
'can you hear me?'
'Why so fast?'
' what did she do to you?'
' who burst your bubble?'
'What are you on?'
'Can I have some?'
'How can you eat that?'
'Why not poop outside the kennel?'

 

[ArklePigInBlanket]

I also need to add

Are you aware the world won't collapse if I leave you home alone for a bit longer, I promise I'm coming back.

 

[Spot the Merry Risk]

I know you’re nearly a whippet, but could you possibly manage to look happy occasionally?

What is it about (agility) weaves in competition that you don’t like, do you feel nervous, or is it me?

 

[Amy May In A Manger]

Why do you moan on the car so much?

Can we also rethink getting up at 5am?

And, yes, are you really hungry?

Have we made you as happy as you've made us?

Could you not have stayed a puppy forever??????

 

[meleeka]

Where do you actually think I'm going to go when I shut the bathroom door? Do you think there's a secret door in there that I'm going to go through and escape?

Why do you dislike foxes, squirrels and cats so much, but a pigeon waddling around 3 inches from your face is ok?

 

[NiceChristmasBaubles]

Why are you so easy at home, and going out to town, cafes etc., but get so ridiculously excited at ringcraft? And why do some dogs there wind you up, and not others, and why do you feel differently about these individual dogs week on week?

 

[DabDab]

The younger two, nothing...neither is much of a mystery tbh.
The westie I would ask questions for as long as she would tolerate me. 15 years she has been my grubby, quirky little mate, and she is still an utter mystery to me.

 

[Boulty]

Are you an f ing idiot? WHY for the love of god are you so obsessed with chasing traffic?! (& erm anything else that moves) You do realise if you stopped you could have sooooo much more offlead time right?!

 

[Bradsmum]

Why do you dislike all dogs so much?

 

[CinnamonChristmasCookie]

Why do you need to be on my knee all the time? Why does mentioning or touching your bum make you so vocal? (Goose)

Why do bigger dogs worry you when you’ve never been attacked in your life? (Mitch)

I think my two are pretty straightforward, loving, reasonably obedient, happy, but I might come back when something occurs to me.

 

[Clodagh]

Who did that….
(This morning, pile of something on one of the beds. Can’t even tell which end it came out of) .
And why did whoever it was think it was a good idea to eat it in the first place?

 

[Clodagh]

And Scout… if you were a good boy out shooting you could come every time, right?
That’s telling not asking

 

[Birker2020]

Why do you suddenly inexplicably end up on three legs and non weightbearing with no yelp or cry, yet two days of Metacam and you're back to normal for five or six months until it happens again?

Are you really deaf or does the beagle urge to sniff and track whilst doing that energy saving lope take over and you develop selective hearing?

 

[skinnydipper]

You have your bed, my bed, why last night did you decide to sleep sprawled across my route to the loo?

 

[Unicorn]

WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

This!

Why do you dislike all dogs so much?

And this!

And what happened to your ear?

(I suspect the answer to this explains at least some of the above )

 

[Spot the Merry Risk]

And Scout… if you were a good boy out shooting you could come every time, right?
That’s telling not asking

And Scout, is that what I think it is on your duvet!!

 

[Clodagh]

And Scout, is that what I think it is on your duvet!!

He doesn’t do that !