Thinking of giving it all up..

[EquestrianFairy]

I am truly sat here debating giving everything up- I don't think I enjoy my horses anymore and it feels like too much of a chore and a financial strain than any enjoyment.

If I give this up I will need a new hobby though; and while I sit here racking my brain I don't think I have another sport I like.

Feeling so deflated, I'm unsure what I should do for the best.

 

[Tammytoo]

Why don't you enjoy your horses anymore?

If you have money problems (and who hasn't these days!) could you get a sharer?

It's a depressing time of year, dark mornings and evenings, horrible weather.

 

[EquestrianFairy]

I have a sharer, I guess I'm not struggling financially it's more a case of ploughing money into something I'm not enjoying.

Why don't I enjoy them? Because I don't feel as a rider I have the talent to enjoy them. I don't know how to work them in an outline or school correctly and no matter how many books I read or how many lessons I have I always seem to feel the same.

I basically reckon I'm just crap and unless I have a horse that knows its job (which I don't) then I kid myself into thinking I actually have a clue!

 

[Wagtail]

I have a sharer, I guess I'm not struggling financially it's more a case of ploughing money into something I'm not enjoying.

Why don't I enjoy them? Because I don't feel as a rider I have the talent to enjoy them. I don't know how to work them in an outline or school correctly and no matter how many books I read or how many lessons I have I always seem to feel the same.

I basically reckon I'm just crap and unless I have a horse that knows its job (which I don't) then I kid myself into thinking I actually have a clue!

It sounds as though you have not found the right instructor. I often find that the way the BHS teach does little for teaching people 'true feel'. It all seems to be about shortening your reins and pushing the horse into the contact. If you are being taught this way then you will never know how to ride a horse in an outline and to school correctly. Find an instructor who will spend time getting to know your horse by actually riding it. I do not believe anyone can teach effectively until they have ridden the horse they are teaching their client on.

 

[sadiedeb]

No you're not crap (I feel exactly the same I knew nothing about horses and now I have 2 and am learning as I go along - but feel embarrasssed that I don't know what I am doing but the horses are well and that's main thing)

You say you have a sharer can they take over full time for a while to give you a break and reassess things - if you give it all up now (at a time when most of us feel low like this but also financially drained which doesn't help) you might regret it - so loan might be best under your thinking clearly.

Do you do the horses by yourself or are there others with you (I find it hard because it's just me although share with a friend's horses) it can be lonely

 

[kerilli]

It sounds as though you have not found the right instructor. I often find that the way the BHS teach does little for teaching people 'true feel'. It all seems to be about shortening your reins and pushing the horse into the contact. If you are being taught this way then you will never know how to ride a horse in an outline and to school correctly. Find an instructor who will spend time getting to know your horse by actually riding it. I do not believe anyone can teach effectively until they have ridden the horse they are teaching their client on.

Amen to all that.
OP, if you are prepared to give it one last try, ask around for an instructor who has patience and feel, who will be prepared to go the extra mile with you if necessary.
fwiw i spent years and £££s on instructors (up to and incl FBHS) before finding someone (very very experienced) who teaches the way i need to be taught, and who had the patience and expertise to teach me feel. they're not always easy to find but when you do find one, it is an absolute revelation.
you could try having a break for a week or two if your sharer is willing, see how much you miss the horses... i suspect it might be a lot more than you expect...

 

[millreef]

I posted a similar post about this time last year and Wagtail was also one of the first to encourage me to carry on. Thank goodness! Listen to the good advice from the other posters - a good instructor is worth their weight in gold. Good luck and set yourself a new Years resolution.

 

[Waffles]

I used to feel a bit like that from time to time when I had my old horse (I had him 17 years). I had him PTS in April and was utterly, utterly heartbroken. I honestly hadn't realised how much my life revolved around him and how much I loved him (I had him PTS as he had cancer btw). I decided I wouldn't have another horse, that I would enjoy other stuff, have more money, do more housework, spend more time at home/with my husband and I would be free to do what I liked. To cut a long story short, I couldn't stand it!! I tried quite hard for a couple of months (did ballroom dancing.......) but found I couldn't live without horses. I bought another in August and am enjoying him so much I can't tell you!! oh yeah - did have stacks more money without the old horse, but didn't want to do anything with it and felt so bereft and depressed I didn't want to do anything!!

 

[Tammytoo]

Give yourself a break and just hack out. Forget "outline" and "schooling" for a while and just enjoy your horse. Most horses enjoy a hack out in company or pleasure rides.

Try a change of discipline, i.e. Long Distance Riding which has more emphasis on fitness than the perfect outline. Western Riding concentrates more on long and low, and the Western crowd are incredibly friendly and helpful. The Western Equestrian Society has a website which lists instructors and clubs in your area.

As suggested change your instructor, he/she sounds as if they're happy to take your money without actually achieving any progress with your riding or confidence. Whereabouts are you? Someone on here may be able recommend a good instructor.

Winter is very depressing, short days, horrible weather, it's enough to depress the most cheerful!

 

[EquestrianFairy]

Tbh my sharer is brilliant in that she takes full care over one horse of mine which is the one shes sharing and even helps out with my 2nd horse (brings in/feeds/turns out). She's done a lot over the last two weeks as I've been housebound with flu/ear infection/tummy bugs you name it I've had it.

I've not missed it greatly but then I've slept through most of it!

I'm on a busy private yard which has its pros and cons, firstly it's a great yard and the only one I've enjoyed. Secondly the people who own it compete international SJ and I've asked about lessons before but they are too busy, however when I asked about having an instructor there that wasn't appreciated either which leaves me having to transport for a lesson.. Another issue! Agh!

 

[sadiedeb]

where are you based?

is there anyone at the yard you can talk to?

Having not been well probably isn't helping as you would have been sitting brooding (exactly what I hve been doing told hubby would be fine for him to go away for nye as wouldn't be staying up - but today I feel so alone and very teary trying really hard to keep positive) son is here but as normal he's upstairs (he'll be 18 on weds)

Difficult not being able to bring instructor in - I've got a lady coming to meet Echo and me next weekend to see what we can do so I can actually ride him (and hopefully do something about getting my nf broken )
(everyone round here has had grown up with horses and all have loads of experience but I feel really embarrased to ask for help as they are all busy with their own lives)

 

[Ranyhyn]

That's a little bit naughty and constrictive of them really. I don't know if I could be on a yard where I wasn't allowed any instructor I wanted TBH, so I think they are in the wrong there - but their decision entirely.

I know how you feel and I think you need a proper break. I think you should possibly send the loan horse back and leave B to A and have a decent break to re-evaluate. Winter is always the hardest time and the least motivating and you have a lot of other things on your plate atm. I think you need some brain space to look at this.

xx

 

[Marydoll]

It sounds as though you have not found the right instructor. I often find that the way the BHS teach does little for teaching people 'true feel'. It all seems to be about shortening your reins and pushing the horse into the contact. If you are being taught this way then you will never know how to ride a horse in an outline and to school correctly. Find an instructor who will spend time getting to know your horse by actually riding it. I do not believe anyone can teach effectively until they have ridden the horse they are teaching their client on.

Agree with this

I wouldnt be on a yard where i couldnt have the instructor of my choice either.
Hack for a couple of weeks, take the pressure off, and if you cant get out to a good instructor, id consider changing yards.

 

[Batgirl]

Just to throw in my two penneths worth.

The instructor, they are quite within rights to restrict other instructors, you say they weren't happy, did they actually say no? I also echo what the others say, I would look more for a 'trainer' type than a bog standard instructor (though I am sure there are good ones out there) Mine is worth her weight in gold.

Also do you actually need/want to get your horse in an outline? Would you be happy hacking or doing TREC or endurance more than needing to get them in an outline? Do flat work, try driving.

I would think more about what it is that is making you not enjoy it before giving up totally, but saying that I took a 2 year break and came back raring to go

 

[Fantasy_World]

I don't think I would stay on a yard that didn't allow me to bring on an instructor, especially when the yard owners are too 'busy' to be able to teach themselves. Bit petty I think of them, it's like well if you can't have us on the yard then you can't have anyone else.
TBH I would tell them literally to go and fck themselves and find a new yard.
Riding to somewhere else to have lessons is a pain if you have a school at your yard already. I think they are being unreasonable.
If having lessons is important to you and you feel you want to achieve more with your horses then I would not give up, just move. It is surprising how much moving yards can spur you on. You get stuck in a rut. Feeling unhappy, not wanting to go down and seeing the horses, feeling as though you don't have the money, time or inclination to do anything with them.
There are only two options really either give up horses or move yards and find somewhere less restrictive where you can have somebody in to help to with your schooling.
The fact that you have posted on here to say about it tells me that you don't really want to give up. I would say exactly that, don't give up. Just move yards and get your life back on track with your horses. No point in staying in a rut if you are unhappy, believe me I know what I am saying through experience.
Good luck and look forward to seeing your future posts on here OP telling us about how your lessons are going

 

[Holly Hocks]

OP - I've been thinking the same recently as well. I don't enjoy doing the horses like I used to - I've got one who is permanently lame and another one which is a youngster. I've been seriously thinking of selling the youngster and sending the other one to retirement livery where she could live out all the time which is what she needs.
I'm not going to discourage you from giving up - because I know just how you feel. It doesn't have to be a sport that you take up as another hobby - it could be anything. A few years ago when I had one horse and he was away at rehab after a fractured leg, for a few months I didn't miss the riding or the horses at all. In fact it felt like a relief not to have to do it.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

This sounds like the aftermath of 'flu talking but it was very noticeable to me in you OP that you didn't mention the horses' personalities at all. Which did make me think that perhaps you were right to think about giving up, until I read that you had had flu.
As others have said, forget about the blooming outline, it really isn't the be-all and end-all, go for some nice hacks (if you get the weather for it), relax and enjoy the views, don't put pressure on yourself or the horse to achieve anything in particular.
I wonder if being on a competition yard doesn't really suit you.
When you are fully recovered and the weather is better/nights are lighter, ask around locally (or post on here) for recommendations for an instructor who will suit you, if you feel that you want some lessons, in order to enjoy your horse.

 

[CarolineJ]

Sympathies OP, I've felt like that before and did give up for several years.

Have you got an Enlightened Equitation teacher anywhere near you? Well worth a lesson or two if you do: http://www.enlightenedequitation.com/teacher_find.htm

 

[Fantasy_World]

This sounds like the aftermath of 'flu talking but it was very noticeable to me in you OP that you didn't mention the horses' personalities at all. Which did make me think that perhaps you were right to think about giving up, until I read that you had had flu.
As others have said, forget about the blooming outline, it really isn't the be-all and end-all, go for some nice hacks (if you get the weather for it), relax and enjoy the views, don't put pressure on yourself or the horse to achieve anything in particular.
I wonder if being on a competition yard doesn't really suit you.
When you are fully recovered and the weather is better/nights are lighter, ask around locally (or post on here) for recommendations for an instructor who will suit you, if you feel that you want some lessons, in order to enjoy your horse.

I agree with a lot of this. I think that when you are seeing well schooled competition horses it makes you feel as though your own are inferior. When in fact they are not. I often think many of the competition types are not happy. Many I have seen at yards are horses that have issues. Weaving, cribbing/windsucking, face pulling, banging at doors and bored.com
Wrapped up in cotton wool, not allowed out in many cases to be essentially a 'horse'.
Perhaps I am a little biased in my views and no doubt there are happy competition horses around the country and good for them.
I have also found the happy hacker folks to be more friendly too as there is no pressure on them as riders or on their horses either.
Personally I think the OP should get off the yard. Go to one with people that enjoy a good hack out. Enjoy yourself. Then think about having some lessons if you still feel that way.
The fact that the OP has been ill as well also makes you feel less motivated as well.
Go and have a mooch around at some local yards. See what else is available.

 

[Ranyhyn]

The instructor, they are quite within rights to restrict other instructors, you say they weren't happy, did they actually say no? I also echo what the others say, I would look more for a 'trainer' type than a bog standard instructor (though I am sure there are good ones out there) Mine is worth her weight in gold.

I don't know 100% but I don't think the yard owners are actually instructors themselves. I think they are one of those you'd like to get lessons off but they aren't actually instructors.
Even though its their right to say no as yard owners I think it's a little bit like "yes come to our yard but don't think you're bettering yourself cause we haven't time to teach you and you aren't allowed anyone else". More than a little constrictive.
I was actually on an instructors yard and even she didn't have a problem with outside instructors, I think she was a rare find that actually appreciated that people need different things from trainers.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Instructors can make or break you - I have found a 20 year old whom has taught me more, with more enthusiasm than many much older has. Nothing is "daunting" - he does not make you feel stupid, inept or thick - and has given me back the confidence i had almost completly lost.

2nd point is - it is Christmas and as much as we long for winters such as the one we have just had, you do honestly want a break from riding, mucking out, clock watching, checking the weather etc - it is nice to be able to kick back, spend time with family and friends and just chill - and tbh it often does the horses a power of good too.

Chin up chuck - your mindset is where you need to be looking too - think of the lazy hazy days of tootling round with your nedster in the summer - the long evening hacks, dreaming of going to the local dressage and stessing over the walk and trot test !

its supposed to be fun - but thing is everyone gets there fun from different ways - mine is seeing my boys race over to get to me first - not cause they love me but because its belting down with rain and they know they have a pile of hay and a warm stable for the night - but it makes me happy !

good luck -

GW
x

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

Some truly wonderful advice given here already that I cannot top.

All I can say is do not rush. I think a lot of owners go through phases of feeling fed up to varying degrees. I really feel you need to stop putting pressure on yourself though

I lost my mare fairly recently as you may know and I do miss it, terribly, even with the hardship that ownership brings on time and finances. For me getting another can not come quick enough.

When I loaned my mare out some years back whilst I relocated I did not seem to miss it back then, I had a break of a year while she was on loan, in fact she was on loan before I relocated for 1/2yrs while I studied before that. At first I missed her so much but I got used to it and did not miss the duties, but I still owned her which was perfect.

Anyway, when I got her back I was so pleased and now I am without life feels empty.

I think it depends on so many factors. I had a break years ago, and now I have an enforced break, and I know I would have another tomorrow.

I think perhaps you should firstly consider selling one, two is quite a burden if your feeling as you are. I think you should sell one and continue to share your other with this girl, well depending on which horse you would chose to keep given that tough decision.
You are then simplifying your situation to some extent.

All I can say is do not rush, perhaps make some changes first before giving up.
Perhaps you do need a break, perhaps it is no longer for you but only you know this.
Best of luck in whatever you decide

 

[Ibblebibble]

what do you want to do with your horse? does it have to be competitive or do you enjoy hacking just as much but feel you have to do a discipline because of the yard you are on?
I think we all get times where we question what we're doing and wonder why we put ourselves through it, especially at this time of year when it's all work and no play I used to feel that i had to justify having my horses by doing something purposeful with them, but a time of enforced no riding made me realise i can enjoy them any which way i like, i ride when i want not to anyone elses timetable, some days i am a super sloppy hacker other days i sit up tall and do some silly circles.

give yourself a break if thats an option with your sharer and then come back to it feeling refreshed and decide what you want to do rather than what you think others expect of you

 

[indie999]

I posted a similar post about this time last year and Wagtail was also one of the first to encourage me to carry on. Thank goodness! Listen to the good advice from the other posters - a good instructor is worth their weight in gold. Good luck and set yourself a new Years resolution.

Absolutely agree and am a bit where you are now! BUT it was by chance a few years ago I use to drive past other riding schools to take my son to learn to a brilliant place in Bedfordshire and the owner was just so grounded and read her students needs and horses well. She never pushed too early and my son became a lovely rider. Much better than me and he found my horse did things I didnt even know it could do. I then went to a local place that is more dressage(& completely not my thing at all dancing with horses?? I am more Hacker). I went to be taught how to ride properly and realised I wasnt as bad as I thought. In fact if I didnt go for a couple of weeks I forgot all the terminology and had to keep asking if this and that was right ie position of my legs hands etc etc. Also depending on the instructor there was a difference. The chief lady just got on with it and so did the horse. But if I had someone who was just trying to waste my lesson we never really got too far. Definitely find someone you trust, who will get on your horse(important) and show you how to do it. Then I hope it will become enjoyable. I only have my old boy and cant believe how easy one is! I think if I got another I would try to find someone who could help out so I can have a couple of days off in the week. Sorry hope you dont give up! But find someone who is genuinely interested in helping. I bet you arent as bad as you think....many claim to be experts with their qualifications! I do think when I had two I didnt have time for the old boy(endless poo picking) and sort of regret it now he is retired. I wouldnt get another unless it ticked all the boxes. Find a good instructor...perhaps just have one horse?

 

[Batgirl]

I don't know 100% but I don't think the yard owners are actually instructors themselves. I think they are one of those you'd like to get lessons off but they aren't actually instructors.
Even though its their right to say no as yard owners I think it's a little bit like "yes come to our yard but don't think you're bettering yourself cause we haven't time to teach you and you aren't allowed anyone else". More than a little constrictive.
I was actually on an instructors yard and even she didn't have a problem with outside instructors, I think she was a rare find that actually appreciated that people need different things from trainers.

If you catually like the yard then I would push the issue then if you have someone you would like to teach you (I didn't mean to sound haughty with 'it's their right' etc, I just meant you should check as they may have been having a bad day or mean not at particular times etc as some yards don't like lessons to upset other liveries time in arena etc (partic show jumping yards). As another poster says, maybe the competition yard isn't for you? It can be awful watching someone go round on an amazing talented creature when yours doesn't measure up (been there!)

Keep chin up and list the pros and cons? Might help you realise that you either need to move (all the cons are about the yard, distance etc), need to have a rest (your tired etc), you need to stop riding (all about the horse) or actually not a lot of cons as you have been poorly and life sucks! (been there too)

 

[EquestrianFairy]

Basically they wanted to sell me one of their horses but there's no way I could afford it; I asked if I could have lessons with them OR would it be ok to get an instructor in (they know the one I wanted well as its a small area and I've heard them talk about her in a positive light)
- anyway the response was that 'x would be happy to teach you on one of ours'

I didn't push this because I like the yard so sort of accepted it in a shrugged shoulders type way.
Sometimes if I'm in the school the same time as them they will automatically give me some help but catching them there is once in a blue moon!

I have one horse I own and one I loan, the one I own has a sharer and the other just has me.

What would I LIKE to do?

I love SJ and would love to compete affiliated to do this I really need a horse that is working correctly hence my issue with schooling. You are all correct seeing those beautiful, expensive horses does make me compare my little bog ponies to them. It's harder in that they don't seem to realise money doesn't grow on tree's and I haven't got £10k to spend on a horse.

 

[EquestrianFairy]

*buy! Not sell! Bloody phone!

 

[Fantasy_World]

Basically they wanted to sell me one of their horses but there's no way I could afford it; I asked if I could have lessons with them OR would it be ok to get an instructor in (they know the one I wanted well as its a small area and I've heard them talk about her in a positive light)
- anyway the response was that 'x would be happy to teach you on one of ours'

I didn't push this because I like the yard so sort of accepted it in a shrugged shoulders type way.
Sometimes if I'm in the school the same time as them they will automatically give me some help but catching them there is once in a blue moon!

I have one horse I own and one I loan, the one I own has a sharer and the other just has me.

What would I LIKE to do?
I love SJ and would love to compete affiliated to do this I really need a horse that is working correctly hence my issue with schooling. You are all correct seeing those beautiful, expensive horses does make me compare my little bog ponies to them. It's harder in that they don't seem to realise money doesn't grow on tree's and I haven't got £10k to spend on a horse.

Well speaking frankly it sounds to me like they are dictating especially with the comment x will teach you on of ours.
That to me is a bit like saying, well actually your horses are not as good as ours.
Do they think they are gods for jeez sake?
If SOMEONE wants to be taught on their own horse they should be allowed to do so. After all we are talking about a livery yard here not a riding school. By the sounds of it, it sounds like they are a dealing yard. Just the kind of yards I hate btw people with hidden motives!
Could also be a bit of sour grapes seeing as you didn't buy the horse they wanted to sell you. Perhaps they are just money grabbing gits as a lot of people are in the horsey world.
Genuine people match a horse to a rider, not just make a sale because they want that bit of cash, sorry big bug bear of mine is that!

With regards to the SJ if you honestly feel that neither of your horses are up to the task and that is what you seriously want to do then you should give the loan horse back and sell the other and get a more suitable horse on loan with a view to buy if funds are limited.
However you don't need 10k to buy a horse that is suitable but unfortunately a lot of misguided folks into horses ( don't mean you) think that you do!
You could perhaps consider an ex racer that has been reschooled as many make good jumpers. Just a line of thought?
I still think you would be better off moving yard so that you can think for yourself and not be led by these yard owners as I believe they are the ones pulling strings judged by your posts.
Perhaps when you are away from their so called perfect horses you may in fact be able to see that your own could in fact be up to the job you want them for.
Otherwise is it a case of getting horses and then changing your goals and what you want from them and realising they are not what you want now?
You see I too would like a schoolmaster and one that moves well, and even has a bit of get up and go. However like you I don't have the funds either to have any more but I do have double the number of horses that you have.
One cannot be schooled for medical reasons and is a happy hack, one is too young, one I am too heavy to ride atm and the other is my lovely lad, the best of the lot. However he is never going to be aworldbeater and has not jumped much but I am not brave enough to do much of that. I don't do dressage as find it too boring, even though I like to watch events. I like long hacks and endurance though but due to no transport I am limited. Now if I got rid of several horses I could afford to get this. But I feel attached to mine so won't do this.
However in your case if you don't feel any attachment then you need to consider if you are going to carry on with one or both of them, or else get rid and start again?
I think to be honest you are being intimidated either by the yard owners, their horses or the horses of other liveries judged by your posts.
Now you can continue in this vein of form and keep beating yourself up over what you ought to be doing with yours, or get rid, start again, or else move yards and see what real potential your horses may have to offer.

 

[angel7]

I think you are feeling intimidated by the yard and its clouding your view of what you can do with your horses.
What level of SJ do you want to do and is your horse capable of?
The modern way of schooling for jumping was not always like this in the past.
Years ago we had "Pony club allrounders", "happy hackers" and "jumping machines".
Ponies and horses were sorted into what they were good at and what they liked. We didn't try to change them or school them atall!!

We hacked the ones that could for fun, jumped the ones that could at shows and cross country and took the allrounders to everything else.

We never schooled or worked the jumpers inbetween shows or events. The odd lunge or hack to keep fitness up but never "proper schooling" as such. The horses could jump so there was no need to keep jumping them for schooling as you often see now... they never got bored or sour from endless circles and kept their jump for when it was needed.
Injuries were few and far between, usually in the field tbh and horses were happy!

We didn't even have a school and still managed to jump affiliated to a reasonable level.
We could only afford a lesson once in a blue moon where our appalling bad habits were exposed, but we were functional and effective riders, if not very pretty looking!!
A couple of our horses were real nutters- only brought out for the speed classes and pointed at the fences with someone hanging on for dear life. But they won... over and over, lived long and stayed sound, and I believe its because of the way we kept them.
Many of the very top SJ work their top horses this way aswell.
Just because the others on your yard drill their horses endlessly, you don't need to.

 

[angel7]

Agree with all of the above fantasyworld!!