Those of you who have lost a horse and feel it's your fault

[Shadow the Reindeer]

We all blame ourselves for accidents that happen we feel we could have avoided.. the kick at the gate, that results in your precious horse sustaining a life threatening injury, not shutting a door properly, which results in your horse escaping and injuring themselves in the process..
Please guys, share your experiences, for those who struggle to cope when this happens to them. Accidents do happen, and hindsight is a wonderful thing, but sometimes, no amount of fore-thinking can prevent the inevitable, resulting in the loss or serious injury of a beloved friend.
In these times, support from people who have been there themselves is really worth it's weight in gold, and the poor person who is suddenly thrown into this nightmare, may no longer feels alone in this, and be able to turn to someone who knows exactly how they're feeling at that moment.

 

[Erray]

I once turned out 2 hunt horses together who hated each other (didn't know they did until this happened) they had a big kicking fight which permenantly lamed the most valuable one who eventually got put down due to muscle wastage. This happened 15 years ago and will never forgive myself.
Earlier this year my homebred filly foal got stuck in a fence, the farmer found her and she was hanging from the wire and was so bad he had to shoot her and bury her as I was not reachable at the time. She was my pride and joy and I am heartbroken especially as it could have been so preventable had I found her sooner.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

My first mare was ill . I tried long and hard 6 months, she strarted to put weight on so I thought feed her more hay. Sadly this started her gut going faster again and she had a stroke.
The mare I just lost got lami because of too much grain After box rest foir a while i forgot to put pin in her door and she escaped and ate half bin barley rings which made her 10 x worst I know have lost her

 

[benson21]

I was out riding with a friend when we were hit by a speeding car. Benson, the horse I was riding died on the road, and Charlie, the horse my friend was riding was PTS 8 weeks later. i have been through the thoughts of we should of turned a different way so we could of avoided the car, should of stayed in the field longer so the car would of already gone, etc etc etc. Its never ending. But it will never bring them back, and thinking like that just makes me feel worse.

 

[Abbeygale]

Last year I had to have my beloved 5yo purebred Arab pts. I had sold another youngster earlier in the year, and when my Roo had to have some unridden time, I had offered to look after my sisters horse for a little while.

Roo and sisters horse got on quite well, until one morning I went to fetch them in, and Roo had a small but deep cut (end of a hoof) on his front leg, just below the elbow from being kicked. The kick had caused a star fracture, which appeared to be ok for the first few days, and then ruptured about a week later. Whether this was from him getting up from lying down in the stable I do not know, but he then just went downhill, gave up eating, and was stood with his nose in his Haynets to support himself. This image was the most depressing and lasting image I have ever known - he had just given up at this point . I will never forgive myself for turning him out with the other horse

What then made it worse was the whole cycle that I went through, with if I hadn't sold the other youngster I wouldn't have brought sisters horse in. The beautiful youngster I sold is now looking at either a life time of lameness of being pts as well, which I suspect is a lot to do with her management after she left me - so double gutting and totally blame myself.

 

[figgy]

In April this year was taking my lovely 5 year old to his first big showing show, he fell up the ramp landing on his neck :-( we have been to Rossdales and RVC and he now has the onset of wobblers and can never be ridden again :'( but I keep thinking if onlys, breaks my heart! But I do feel lucky to still have him and his happy in the field with his friends . It's crap what life brings us something's .

 

[Maesfen]

Not fatal but I will never forgive myself for the injury to my very favourite horse of all time.
He was a hunter livery here, this was his fourth season with me and he loved rolling when he had clean sheets but always liked to kick the shavings about himself. Normally beds would have been done while he was out but I had been waiting on delivery for them so he was in the box, I put the bale in then realised I had left my knife in the windowsill outside, shut the door without putting the kick bolt over and he got down and rolled as I was on my way back, kicked at the door and his hind hoof pushed a gap between door and frame and then got stuck catching on his cannon bone. I can still hear his call of pain as I tried to release it by myself; I had to run for a hammer to get the top bolt open (both door frame and door were steel) He was incredibly lucky which was helped by him not panicking and came out with a long deep scrape down to his cannon bone but which healed incredibly quickly and well thanks to my wonderful vet, Ray (who sadly died very recently) and he wasn't lame on it at all, back hunting within six weeks.

 

[Polos Mum]

I think I'm right in recalling that Zara Philip's horse Toytown didn't go to the Olympics last time round because someone forgot to shut his door properly and he got out and injured himself. Clearly not as bad as some injuries but still it definitely proves that simple mistakes/ accidents can happen to absolutely anyone at any time and we have to try not to be too hard on ourselves (

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Indeed benson21. Talk about 'that way madness lies'! What is done is done. Yes if there really was something you could have done differently, then learn from the mistake and make sure that it never happens again. But no-one should ever blame themselves for doing what they thought was best at the time or for a genuine accident.
Going over and over an incident, wishing you could change it, will not bring the animal back and simply stops you moving on. IME, dwelling on such things is counterproductive and people would do better to consciously stop doing so.

 

[Maesfen]

It certainly makes me paranoid about kick bolts now that's for sure but you're both right; you can't undo what's done, you just have to move on else it will eat you away.

 

[be positive]

Not fatal but I will never forgive myself for the injury to my very favourite horse of all time.
He was a hunter livery here, this was his fourth season with me and he loved rolling when he had clean sheets but always liked to kick the shavings about himself. Normally beds would have been done while he was out but I had been waiting on delivery for them so he was in the box, I put the bale in then realised I had left my knife in the windowsill outside, shut the door without putting the kick bolt over and he got down and rolled as I was on my way back, kicked at the door and his hind hoof pushed a gap between door and frame and then got stuck catching on his cannon bone. I can still hear his call of pain as I tried to release it by myself; I had to run for a hammer to get the top bolt open (both door frame and door were steel) He was incredibly lucky which was helped by him not panicking and came out with a long deep scrape down to his cannon bone but which healed incredibly quickly and well thanks to my wonderful vet, Ray (who sadly died very recently) and he wasn't lame on it at all, back hunting within six weeks.

I have one currently recovering from a similar incident, he got cast against the stable door but managed to kick out the top bolt, bottom one stayed firm as his leg gradually went further down, I heard a commotion, thankfully I was in, came out to see just his hoof outside the door wedged between the frame and the door. He was crying in pain and shock, it took 3 goes with a hammer to release the kick bolt so he could get up.
He is still recovering 4 weeks on and he is going for an MRI in the new year as the vet thinks his collateral ligaments are damaged, the numerous scrapes have healed well but pulling against the door frame has caused some damage which is not doing as well as we hoped, although having found him I am surprised he even had his foot attached, the gap is tiny my finger can hardly fit in it.
If he had been in a flimsy box with poor fittings he would probably have managed to kick himself free with only the stable suffering not the horse.

 

[Gloi]

This happened to a friend of mine many years ago at a riding school when we were about 12. A pony she was tacking up liked to squash people against the wall given chance and the riding teacher had told her to take her crop in and prod him with it if he tried to do it to her. He did and she poked him in the ribs, but as he came towards the wall the other end hit the wall and it snapped the crop which was made of fibreglass. The broken end went between the pony's rib and punctured a lung and he died a few days later.

 

[Partridg3]

All of these are examples of where the consequence faaaar outweighs the tiny mistake made in the first place. So sad but it's best not to dwell...you can't prevent fate I feel

 

[Elsiecat]

My feeling of fault isn't horsey related but I can certainly understand the feeling. My uncle asked me for a hug and being the moody young teenager I was I said no and stormed off to bed. He killed himself 5 hours later. Deep down I know it isn't my fault but if I'd hugged him, maybe, just maybe, he'd have known we all loved him.

Hindsight is a powerful thing.

 

[Emilieu]

These are heartbreaking. I think it is human nature to blame yourself. When I lost milieu I could have blamed myself - I think a lot of people expected me to (judging from the amount of people who told me not to blame myself). After all if we hadn't gone for one more canter up that hill... but we did and his heart gave out. I try to think that it was his time and at least this way I was with him. If it had happened in the field I wouldn't have gotten to hold him as he went or to say goodbye.
Everyone makes mistakes. No-one should blame themselves for them. Sadly those who let horses die through poor management are the ones who will not blame themselves at all

 

[BlackVelvet]

I still feel gulity, like i should have known earlier he was poorly. Even though how am i meant to predict heart failure? Its not how i wanted him to go, i wanted to be right by his side but i was too late. I owed him that. RIP my lovely boy.

 

[catembi]

Next door has an overgrown field/garden next to one of our paddocks, & they used to let the people who owned this house before us use it for grazing in the summer. They asked us if we wanted to do the same & we did. However, Catembi became seriously ill with protein losing enteropathy & after a harrowing 6 month battle, I lost him.

Next door said that they let the excess water out of their septic tank down the field but said that it was fine as it was only water, and I didn't think anything of it til Rossdales asked if he'd been in contact with raw sewage... and I said no at the time cos I genuinely didn't put 2 and 2 together til later.

My other horse was fine, & the previous owners had 6 horses which never suffered any ill effects from that field, but I am always going to wonder if what happened to Cat was my fault. And perhaps if I'd thought to say that he HAD been in contact with raw sewage, he might have been saveable? But he was on a ton of antibiotics, which is the treatment for sewage induced protein losing enteropathy, & they tried several different types, so maybe the outcome would have been the same. Althou maybe he'd never have been ill if I hadn't let him into that field.

T x

 

[Ilovefoals]

I loaned out my tb x connie gelding who I'd had for 4yrs when I went to uni. I was very particular about who he went to and the girl had him on trial at my yard for 2 months before I gave her the ok to move him to the yard near her house. The first day he was there, I drove past on my way to uni. I thought about stopping to give him a hug but didn't want to look like I was checking up so I drove on. Later that day I got a call from my mum. The girl had gone for a hack and on her return had put him in his stable. She'd begun to untack him but hadn't shut the stable door, only pulled it to, and he'd barged past her and galloped out of the yard. He was hit by a car on the main road and his hind leg was virtually severed I had told her time and again to be careful as he'd barge if he'd had the chance but she'd been so happy that his first hack had been successful that she'd completely forgotten what I'd said.

It was made all the more horrendous as the police wouldn't let the vet put him down at the side of the road as it was a main road to town at rush hour! The local riding school had come with their lorry and collected him and driven him 5 mins up the road to one of their fields where he was put down. Mum dealt with it all, despite not knowing anything about horses.

I still think about it now and blame myself for loaning him out. I know it never would have happened if he hadn't moved yards He was only 8 when he died

 

[Shadow the Reindeer]

All of these are examples of where the consequence faaaar outweighs the tiny mistake made in the first place. So sad but it's best not to dwell...you can't prevent fate I feel

This isn't about dwelling on things as such, it's more to help those who are feeling as though they're alone, and need some moral support from people who have been there themselves, and know what they're going through.

 

[dunthing]

I allowed my daughter to take my "horse of a lifetime" ( oversized highland) up to Scotland when she moved. I had developed arthritis and couldn't ride him. She had too much grass two years ago and put him on loan to an old woman with lots of experience!! She fed him mollassed chaff and pasture mix and he got lami. Being so heavy, the vets said that the amount of rotation probably would not allow him to live a normal life and he'd always be stabled. He hated stables and would try to get over the door. Between us, we made the decision to PTS for his mental and physical health. Hardest thing I have ever done.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

All of these are examples of where the consequence faaaar outweighs the tiny mistake made in the first place. So sad but it's best not to dwell...you can't prevent fate I feel

I agree with this and I do not think that this sort of thread does help anybody come to terms with their loss, regardless of the cause of the horse's death. If you are already trying to get over your grief, reading everybody else's harrowing tales of loss just drags you down further. I'm sure the OP had good intentions but it doesn't do it for me.

 

[dizzydoo]

I lost my horse of a life time Alfie when I decided to have a lesson on my daughters pony instead of my boy , my daughter took alf out for a hack they went down a track were you can have a good canter, without them knowing there was 2 people picking blackberries (never before had we seen people walking down there) in the bush both people were hidden , alf done one big spook when he saw them and some how managed to break his Pastern, daughter broke her arm but was ok thankgod ..after a 3 hr drive to newmarket with alfs leg in plaster they told us there is no hope ..I will always regret that decision not having a lesson on my boy ... he was the most honest and loving boy he also looked after me in jumping situations I was no good at bless him xx

 

[charliehands]

one of my horses died whilst i was riding him and another on mine died of colic..

 

[Queenbee]

I dont think that there is ever going to be a time when one of us looses an animal and doesnt believe we could have done more... My friend had a lovely old horse, she kept looking at her and dreading the day... one morning her daughter found her with colic in the field, she broke her heart at the loss of her mare and the struggle at the end. Im currently waiting on test results for my whippets lumps, and I dread being told that they are malignant because if that is the case I will blame myself for not finding them sooner, even though she was in the vets the week I found them. I did absolutely everything I could for Ebony this year and lost her, I still regret that I couldnt save her, and despite believing there was nothing I could do... I still wonder. What wouldnt we give for a crystal ball? We are always going to love our animals so much that we will have some level of regret and self blame, whether or not it is true, such is the nature of a good loving and caring owner. All we can do, is everything within our power to fix them, and then everything within our power to give them the most dignified goodbye under the circumstances when we cant fix them. x

 

[Equilibrium Ireland]

Everyone grieves differently. Some people get comfort from this type of thread, others don't. I think everyone can judge for themselves.

In 2008 my mare Stella gave birth to her 4th foal for us. 2 weeks previous another mare had just had her first foal. That mare had 3 days of vicious tempers towards anyone. A complete change from what she was normally. However, she was a super mom. Stella was always the mare that went out with the maidens as she is the natural leader anyway and has always had a happy herd. She had been out with the first time mother since she came back from racing. She adored Stella and relied on her a lot. So for 3 1/2 weeks they lived next to each other in different fields. They hung out together all day everyday.

So as is normal we decided the time was right to turn out the 2 mares and foals together. When I put Stella and Daphne out they all had the obligatory run around that happens with all mares and foals. However, for some reason I just had a bad feeling. Stella kept coming up to stand by me and she had a weird expression on her face. By this time they were all quiet and standing around. Normally you leave them to it. I said to my husband something isn't right here. He's like they're fine and really everyone was quiet. The other mare came over to see Stella's foal and Stella was pretty adamant in not letting her near. That also never happened in previous years. So now we decided to go in and get Stella because I was by this time adamant this was different. As we walked through the gate Daphne dashed behind Stella and the other mare pounced. In a split second she unleashed hell on poor Daphne which ended in her having her leg broke completely in half above the hock.

You think that's the worst part. But it's not. It's your husband having to tackle said filly foal and then having to sit on her for 45 mins because all the sudden a vet clinic that has 6 vets can't get out to you. A vet who lived around the corner came over and put her down for free. And then you have that other horrible mare that you have to get out of the field and not beat the living peat out of her.

I still do not let that go. I knew it wasn't right. My mare grieved terribly too. The following year I kept mares and foals separate. The year after was my last year with foals and I had to put the 2 together because I moved. I must have spent 3 days on watch waiting for the tiniest infraction. Both were long term mares that were pros and had been together ages.

Terri

 

[PandorasJar]

Not fatal but I made the mistake of telling someone I'd be filing a theft report on last yard after catching her theiving my things.
Came back the next day and my littlun who was the friendliest thing was terrified of humans. Jumped and went through fences and gates and thankfully took a right turn to yard instead of left to main road. it's been over a year and am still only taking baby steps with her. She'd bolt on lead rope then stand shaking and sweating where she'd ended up if anyone even entered the yard while I was working with her, can't begin to imagine what was done to her.
For the sake of a few bags of feed and bales of hay I left my mare a nervous wreck. It's taken the best part of the year to get over the guilt and treat her like fresh and her to be like before but I'd never but my animals in danger that way again. Lesson learned that you never know what someone is capable of and would move my horse overnight rather than complain in future.

 

[Holly Hocks]

I lost my last horse in October 2011 and sometimes wonder if I tried all I could have. By the time the vet came out his arthritis was so bad he found it hard to turn round at all without losing his balance. I had him x-rayed earlier in the year and nothing, apart from the arthritis had been found when his feet and knees had been done, but I still wonder if I could have tried anything else, even if it had been some weird and wonderful anecdotal remedy. It's worse that I now read of things on this forum which people have found have worked and which I didn't try and now wonder that if I'd tried, this or that, I would still have him with me today.

 

[MarinaBay]

I lost my foal this year due to wobblers. The vet is adamant it was brought on by trauma / development but I beat myself up so often that she was fed too much etc etc, even though I followed the vets advice completely as she was a poor foal and needed the feed I always worry.