Time to quit?

[blueblonde123]

I'll try to keep this long story brief. I have been riding all my life and I'm now almost 27, horses are everything to me, it's what I'm good at and what makes me happy. But I'm starting to have thoughts of giving it up. Here's why:
I took up eventing seriously in my late teens having showjumped up to foxhunter on many horses. My horse and I were both new to eventing but we went to intermediate/2* in our second season and he was one run away from 3* when he broke his leg and had to be put down. I had many, many offers to sell as he was considered good enough for 4* and thats where we were aiming. My heart was utterly broken when I lost him and I decided to give up riding. 8 months later I had another horse 'just for having fun on', 3 months later I was back eventing.
During the 8 month break I started at uni as I needed a new focus for my life, without my horse and riding other horses I was lost. I tried but I couldn't commit to uni with the same level of dedication I gave my riding - hence starting eventing again - and unfortunately my uni work did suffer.
After getting my new horse I broke my hip at an event and 8 months later got kicked and shattered my knee and needed major reconstruction surgery. The knee healed and I started the next season. Horse wasn't right going 1* and was subsequently diagnosed with a heart murmur, therefore ending his competitive career. I continued to hack him so I could keep riding but I found it hard without a goal to work towards.
Eventually I decided that I needed to get away and I was offered a job in australia riding/managing event horses so I came out here. 2 weeks into the job I had a big accident and am facing the possibility of losing my leg. The plan was to do 2 years in oz then return home to start with a couple of youngsters, obviously this may now not happen.
Sorry that this is long but I am struggling with this situation and none of my close friends are horsey and all my horsey friends are really just acquaintances.
Also I should add that I am from a non-horsey family and my eventing was funded by me working 3 jobs and using a credit card, as none of my family were supportive.
I really don't know what to do, horses are the only thing that has ever made me happy and I am good at it. It's the only thing thats ever driven me to succeed and without it I don't know who I am.
P.S there is more(!) to this story but this is the main bits.
Any advice is very, very appreciated. JD and coke for all!!

 

[be positive]

You have been very unlucky, hopefully you will not lose your leg and can move on in a new direction, if that is what you wish to do. I can not really make suggestions regarding your future career but there are many opportunities with horses that do not require riding if you wish to stay in the horses world. If you are a good manager possibly racing, a good racing secretary/assistant would be one path to consider.
Keep a positive attitude and heres to a good 2012 for you.

 

[cm2581]

What a **** start to the new year for you. I don't know what to say as I've never been in anything like your position. I do wish I could run over and give you a hug though! also if I ever find a four leaf clover I'll give it up for you! You need to message ebonyallen as she has lost a leg (there may be other members too) and she certainly gets on with things in spite of it! Only someone who has been there will understand where you are now.

I don't think its time to quit. Not time to quit eventing, not time to quit riding, not time to quit horses, not time to quit life and most importantly not time to quit dreaming. You've achieved so much more than so many people could ever dream of already so don't be stopping now!

 

[tallyho!]

Aw big hugs! Those are massive setbacks and you kept getting back up and succeeding and now this happens. It's a wonder you still have a sense of humour.

Can't advise as to whether it is time to quit or not but you sound like you need looking after and pampering for a while. A change of scenery might help bring things into perspective for you. Basically, maybe just a bit of time-out!

Look after yourself and I sincerely hope that your leg mends xxx

 

[Kat]

Even if you do lose your leg it doesn't have to be the end of your riding career. There is a lady on here who I'd riding following an amputation. Paradressage or driving could be an option for you.

 

[Spotsrock]

Just sending positive vibes. Suggest u pm ebonyallen for practical advice regarding an injury of ur severity. She is a legend.

 

[eahotson]

Even if you do lose your leg it doesn't have to be the end of your riding career. There is a lady on here who I'd riding following an amputation. Paradressage or driving could be an option for you.

Driving.It can be fast and furious and wonderful.Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[rockysmum]

Sorry to read about your shocking bad luck so far with horses. I can understand where you are coming from, I need something to work towards too, not at your level of course.

Could you get any satisfaction from helping someone else achieve their goals. It sounds as though you have a talent for spotting potential horses and bringing them on. Coaching / Teaching can be very rewarding, but in a different way. I am a teacher anyway but I think my most satisfying times with horses have been helping my daughter to achieve her goals.

Just an idea, but it seems a shame for you to give up something you love altogether.

 

[TicTac]

Well first of all Happy New Year and I sincerely hope that you recover from your injury soon. Of all the disciplines in the horse world Eventing has to be up there in the high risk category. I have been riding and owning horses for 40 years and never once been brave enough to attempt it, allthough have done all three sections individually.

If horses and riding are what you love, you dont have to give up riding just because you've had a few set backs. Heavens, we've all experienced those at some point and there is more to riding than eventing.

One of my horses has a grade 4 heart murmur and he still does everything, allthough I dont event him. I have to make sure he is kept reasonably fit to give him the best chance but he alwyas has plenty of go! You could do dressage or something like Le trec which is a lot of fun. Try a bit of everything.

I sincerely hope you dont loose your leg. I smashed mine up pretty badly a few years ago and was on crutches for 18 months. I even rode again before I could properly bend my leg I was that determined to ride again! Ebonyallen is a H&H poster on this forum who lost her leg a while ago, and if ever there was an inspirational lady, she's the one. She still has a horse and rides.

I know it's easy to let things get on top of you, but sometimes you just have to look around, and see that there is always somebody worse off than yourself. Get yourself better and find another activity in the horse world that makes you smile. Best wishes, you have your life in front of you

 

[karen_c]

I'll try to keep this long story brief. I have been riding all my life and I'm now almost 27, horses are everything to me, it's what I'm good at and what makes me happy. But I'm starting to have thoughts of giving it up. Here's why:
I took up eventing seriously in my late teens having showjumped up to foxhunter on many horses. My horse and I were both new to eventing but we went to intermediate/2* in our second season and he was one run away from 3* when he broke his leg and had to be put down. I had many, many offers to sell as he was considered good enough for 4* and thats where we were aiming. My heart was utterly broken when I lost him and I decided to give up riding. 8 months later I had another horse 'just for having fun on', 3 months later I was back eventing.
During the 8 month break I started at uni as I needed a new focus for my life, without my horse and riding other horses I was lost. I tried but I couldn't commit to uni with the same level of dedication I gave my riding - hence starting eventing again - and unfortunately my uni work did suffer.
After getting my new horse I broke my hip at an event and 8 months later got kicked and shattered my knee and needed major reconstruction surgery. The knee healed and I started the next season. Horse wasn't right going 1* and was subsequently diagnosed with a heart murmur, therefore ending his competitive career. I continued to hack him so I could keep riding but I found it hard without a goal to work towards.
Eventually I decided that I needed to get away and I was offered a job in australia riding/managing event horses so I came out here. 2 weeks into the job I had a big accident and am facing the possibility of losing my leg. The plan was to do 2 years in oz then return home to start with a couple of youngsters, obviously this may now not happen.
Sorry that this is long but I am struggling with this situation and none of my close friends are horsey and all my horsey friends are really just acquaintances.
Also I should add that I am from a non-horsey family and my eventing was funded by me working 3 jobs and using a credit card, as none of my family were supportive.
I really don't know what to do, horses are the only thing that has ever made me happy and I am good at it. It's the only thing thats ever driven me to succeed and without it I don't know who I am.
P.S there is more(!) to this story but this is the main bits.
Any advice is very, very appreciated. JD and coke for all!!

This bit says it all....you obviously have a huge talent and a passion where horses are concerned so don't give up. Whatever the outcome of your injuries there will be a way of building a future that involves using that talent...it just might not be in the way you originally thought.

I'm so sorry you're having such a horrible time - it must be made even harder by being a long way from home on the other side of the world. Can you come back over to the UK for a bit so you can have a bit more support from friends and family? Even if they don't understand the horsey thing!

I hope 2012 brings better things for you...please pop back and let us know how you're getting on.

 

[blueblonde123]

Thank you for your kind words and encouragment. I am still in australia, so a long way from home (scotland) and I think this is making me feel worse, I have been ok'd to fly now and leave on thursday to continue treatment.
With regards to teaching, I am qualified BHSAI and I love doing it, I have helped many horses and riders improve and achieve their own goals and done lots of breaking/training. But if I am teaching I will want to ride, then I'll want to compete, then I'm back in it up to my neck again.
As for other disciplines, I would be open to trying new things, obviously I'm aware of showjumping and dressage but I struggle to see past the 'no guts, no glory' of eventing. Shortsighted of me, I know.
The prognosis with my leg is sort of in limbo at the moment but I have been told not to prepare for losing it but that it is not unfeasible that I will.
I feel that if I walk away from horses then everything my life has been about is wasted but I don't know if I can take more heartbreak. I've had my mum on the phone crying begging me to give up because she can't take anymore.

 

[katastrophykat]

What a crap time you've had, I really feel for you, and totally get where you're coming from. If the worst happens, you can still compete! Driving trials is one of the nose inclusive sports, there is so much support for people who are not fully mobile. If you dont fancy driving, there are plenty of people doing para dressage- my friend is a double amputee, she has a lovely section D mare that she hacks out, schools and does dressage and showing with. She rides with more style than I do and is determined to do as much as anyone else. What I'm trying to say is that your goals may change but there is plenty to aim for.

If the worse doesn't happen, I'd maybe think about eventing on an older horse- eventing is a risk sport anyway but combined with youngsters can be plain dangerous- why not compete on a bit more of a schoolmaster? I'm not for a second saying that you can't ride a youngster at all, but is it honestly worth the risk?

I used to hop on anything, the loopier the better... After a few good falls, a couple of now ongoing injuries and a fair few concussions, I've decided my life is more important!

 

[milesjess]

Take a break. I used to when it all got too much but always went back to riding and enjoyed it all the more as I'd missed it greatly.

Once your recovered maybe just have some fun... Like hacking, beach rides etc...?

I find riding especially can get so competitive and it sometimes takes the fun out of it.

Sounds like you've had a tough time but I wouldn't quit as you seem to be a strong person... Just come back twice as strong and carry on with the sport you enjoy

 

[Kat]

I think you'd find all the fast and furious excitement you love about eventing in driving trials! It is basically eventing but with a carriage and team! Look it up, you may get back to eventing but it is worth knowing the options and being aware that there are other sports out there.

 

[Lwhite]

The passion we have for our equines does not let us quit.
I am almost 60 and have been around horses one way or another all of my life.
I have, like most, bashed myself about stupidly when I was younger and now suffer the consequences but still feel the need for equine companionship, some fun and a little bit of an adrenalin rush every now and then.
I no longer feel the need to be the best at any particular discipline anymore, just to be able to have a go at it and am happy to be accepted within the "horsey" community for what I am, a silly old beggar who loves and has fun with her ponies and can still give some sound advice where and when it's needed.
Just because I can no longer mount from the ground or do anything to outrageous doesn't mean that I can't enjoy my animals and the company of like minded folk.
Never give in, there is allways a little niche into which we fall that provides us with all the challenges and exictement we could ask for. I am now into Native ponies, showing and driving.
Carriage driving is great fun and you can take it as far as you want competitively.
Chin up and keep positive.

 

[Sussexbythesea]

Someone with your drive isn't only going to be good at one thing I'm pretty sure of that and nothing that we experience is ever wasted. There is a wide world out there and it would be a shame if you couldn't open up yourself more to other things horsey and non-horsey. You need to open your mind and your heart before you can begin to see other opportunities.

I think it would be really useful for you when you are a bit further forward in your recovery to go to a councillor to help you not only come to terms with your accident and it's possible outcomes but to help you draw out from yourself what it is you really want or need and to explore other options. A good councillor won't tell you what to do but they help draw out the issues and help you come to your own solutions. You may need to go through a grieving process - maybe you are already on that path because somewhere in your mind you have already decided you have had enough but you haven't come to terms with it yet.

I really hope that you find happiness in whatever you decide.

 

[blueblonde123]

I used to hop on anything, the loopier the better... After a few good falls, a couple of now ongoing injuries and a fair few concussions, I've decided my life is more important![/QUOTE]

I think that you understand where I am coming from, I am proud of my ability to get on any horse and educate it and get it to work well. And it was, and still is, me who got put on the nutters. But now I'm starting to think that maybe it is time to hand the reins over (so to speak), I'm not getting any younger. Only 27 (almost) I know!, but I've also broken my legs another 3 times, had a massive head injury (that left me with dyslexia and dyscalculia), 4 cracked vertebrate and the usual assortment of concussions, broken ribs, fingers, toes, wrists, nose, jaw and a couple of dislocated shoulders. I just think that maybe my luck (haha) is going to run out and my next injury is going to be truly life-altering or worse.

 

[katastrophykat]

I used to hop on anything, the loopier the better... After a few good falls, a couple of now ongoing injuries and a fair few concussions, I've decided my life is more important!

I think that you understand where I am coming from, I am proud of my ability to get on any horse and educate it and get it to work well. And it was, and still is, me who got put on the nutters. But now I'm starting to think that maybe it is time to hand the reins over (so to speak), I'm not getting any younger. Only 27 (almost) I know!, but I've also broken my legs another 3 times, had a massive head injury (that left me with dyslexia and dyscalculia), 4 cracked vertebrate and the usual assortment of concussions, broken ribs, fingers, toes, wrists, nose, jaw and a couple of dislocated shoulders. I just think that maybe my luck (haha) is going to run out and my next injury is going to be truly life-altering or worse.[/QUOTE]

Im your age as well... it comes to us all! ive gone from jumping (lower level but at great speed!) to driving trials- i like to think ive grown up, but to be honest, i havent! I just have a job and a mortgage and two horses that i would need to pay someone else to do if something serious happened. Theres a great crowd in Scotland, some fantastic events and the social side is just as good as eventing, but it's a smaller, closer knit community. I started off last year, and can honestly say theres not one event ive been to where someone didnt offer us help. One lovely man saw my dad polishing the carriage and came straight over with a spray can of silicone car valet spray, sprayed the carriage for us, made it gleam in about 30 second (and i mean gleam) and then left a full can with us for the next time so we could order ourselves some once it was finished!

Once you're home, you'll obviously have a recovery period one way or another, id use it to have a think and take stock. There's always a job for a good instructor- especially one that actually has been out there competing and not walked straight out of college! maybe build up a base of students that are competitive, then you can be a pushy instructor and not be at risk!

whatever you decide, there's always an online friend behind you on somewhere like this- keep in touch!

 

[Lwhite]

Understand exactly where you're coming from. I reached that point when I came off in front of my 7 yr old son and realised what it did to him to see me in that predicament.
From that day on I chose carefully what animals I was willing to ride and school on.
It does not lessen our worth to admit that we no longer wish to put our lives in danger for the benefit of others. If they are too afraid to ride their own animals because they are dangerous then why should we be made to feel bad for sharing their opinion. Your health is worth much more than that.

 

[wowpolo]

Nah don't give up, so you might lose a leg - paralympics it is then! Can you do sidesaddle with one leg? If no guts no glory is your motto then the mere loss of a limb should not stop you doing what you love You can do driven eventing - pretty mucht he same but with a carriage and blooming 'eck, getting a team of four around courses like that would require some amount of skill, certainly a challenge!