time to say enough is enough??

[Balibee]

I posted a while ago about my Ankylosing Spondylitus. I was told I could carry on riding etc but would need to be careful and manage it. I have tried everything but my problem is I have a big young horse who needs a lot of physical riding strength to keep him between hand and leg. (He is a big 17hh beastie!)
Every time I ride when I get off it is agony. I can barely move my neck at the moment as I was jarred the other day

So again I am unable to ride until it eases which could be a week, 2/3? I just don't know and when I do get back on I just don't have the fitness or the strength to ride him properly. I am very lucky I have my best friend and fellow livery who loves riding him so he has a rider but it is just so depressing

I have been talking to hubby/friend and we all feel it is time I let him go.

I am not sure what to do. I just can't imagine a life without horses but do I get an older horse who will happily just have a plod round the tracks when I am sore and a horse that is happy to have a week off when I have an episode or If I feel I can only manage a couple of rides a week?

It is real dilemma and I can't imagine life without him. I have had him for nearly 3 years and we have an amazing bond.

I have considered just advertising for someone to ride/compete him but I am not sure how I would feel seeing someone else do it all.

Does anyone have any advice or personal experience of having to give up an exciting young horse because of a medical reason? Did you regret it?

 

[Chellebean]

Oh I am so so sorry to hear your not well! I have no advice to give you really but would wish you luck in your decision, it isn't an easy one xx

 

[brighthair]

could you get a sharer for him?

 

[hollyandivy123]

ok you are paying livery for a horse which you admit after you have ridden him you can ride for up to 3 weeks, if we look at the worse case you get to ride 17 maybe up to 30 times a year.
questions for you to answer
1. would you be happy just being an owner?
2. would you love to ride more a year, which means you would have to find/use a horse which is further in their education and smaller and lighter to keep working as you would want them?
3. but would this mean you would have more fun?
4.by keeping him, would this mean you get more frustrate with your condition?


it is a horrible choice......................but i have to agree with your husband and friend i think it is one you know the answer to

sorry not to give you a more hopefull answer

 

[Balibee]

thanks Chellebean

a sharer is something I would definitely consider but I am not sure I could actually sit back and watch someone else really enjoy riding my horse when I can't I love the stable management side of things but I can't imagine not riding and I think Wal needs a one on one rider.

BUT i am willing to try anything!

 

[juliette]

If I was you I'd get a sharer, any decent person would sympathise with your situation and be happy to take a bit of a back seat when you are feeling well and do more when you aren't. This should mean that when you are feeling well the horse is not manic and wearing you out too much.

I can't see your horse letting it spoil "your bond" it will just give them the opportunity to have another friend.

 

[Balibee]

ok you are paying livery for a horse which you admit after you have ridden him you can ride for up to 3 weeks, if we look at the worse case you get to ride 17 maybe up to 30 times a year.
questions for you to answer
1. would you be happy just being an owner?
2. would you love to ride more a year, which means you would have to find/use a horse which is further in their education and smaller and lighter to keep working as you would want them?
3. but would this mean you would have more fun?
4.by keeping him, would this mean you get more frustrate with your condition?


it is a horrible choice......................but i have to agree with your husband and friend i think it is one you know the answer to

sorry not to give you a more hopefull answer

no don't be sorry for not giving a hopeful answer I ahve so many things to consider.

I adore my horse but I did buy him as a young dressage prospect for myself. I could in a way see myself as an owner as the pride of seeing him out and about and doing himself justice would be amazing but at the same time I am still capable of riding and think I would so miss not being able to.

I could give the 'owner' thing a go and see about getting someone who wants an opportunity to ride and compete and amazing horse. I could then give it 6 months/a year and re-evaluate.

Please keep advice coming, I am open to any ideas for a solution

 

[MrsHutt]

thanks Chellebean

a sharer is something I would definitely consider but I am not sure I could actually sit back and watch someone else really enjoy riding my horse when I can't I love the stable management side of things but I can't imagine not riding and I think Wal needs a one on one rider.

BUT i am willing to try anything!

Don't watch, then!

I think a sharer would solve your problem if you really want to continue with him. You never know, you might find the perfect sharer and a new friend and support.

If you really can't face it, I think you have to consider either giving up all together or getting a little, old plod that will suit you better.

I think I would go the sharer route first.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

 

[hannahmurphy]

Well firstly, don't give him up!
I'd say get a sharer, then for half the week you know he is being ridden properly, taking the pressure off you & making it easier for the days that you do ride. Also if you couldn't ride for a few weeks you know he would still be ticking over etc. It might take some time finding the right person, but that way the pressure is of you and you won't have to give up your darling.

 

[Balibee]

Don't watch, then!

lol That made me smile and stopped me feeling like blubbing!!

I have a big decision to make. I am only 38! and don't want to feel like my riding days are over, but I know I am not going to be the same rider again and I know I can't do my baby any justice at all. So the decision comes down to sacrificing my riding for the pleasure of seeing my baby progress! Tricky one!

 

[nikkimariet]

Hi, my mum has AS and even though she was never a competitive or particularly advanced rider, she's dwindled down to a walk hack once a week....she just can't do any more than than (Do you do any other exercise? Mum finds yoga and pilates once a week on alternate weeks really helps). A member of my family also has the gene for it, and often gets a stiff back and neck from it. I would say, honestly, if it has come to this point now....it's time to let go. If I wasn't finishing uni and willing to take up riding 24/7 and competitive riding, Bruce would be one expensive lawnmower than my dad wouldn't be willing to keep....It's a tough decision but you do have options as others have pointed out:

1, be just an owner
2, put him on a loan and just hack him
3, sell him and buy a golden oldie that doesn't mind just hacking once a week, it would give you the contact with horses you desire?
4, ask around to see if there is anyones sensible horse that you could hack once a week or something to hack out

It's slightly related, and slightly not, but my next point is that I know how tough it is to sell such an exciting prospect. I had to sell my pony in order to pursue my higher education....and it was a horrible decision. But my way of thinking was "Is it or is it not fair to keep something with so much talent in the field?" xoxo

 

[xxMozlarxx]

Oh bless you, xxx. In answer to your confusion, ask yourself honestly, can you see life without this horse and with another? I ask you this because my horse, is my horse of a lifetime...... no question. He has developed KS and resultant issues and I will do anything to get him right, there is no question in my mind that I would be totally devastated without him and cannot imagine another horse taking his place. If you feel like this too then you really need to explore all options before moving him on., and as others said a sharer, no matter how difficult for you, is something you need to try. I think you should anyway or you will always be asking yourself....'what if' xxx

 

[flyingfeet]

You haven't said how this affecting you - sacroiliac, lower back or just neck?

If you are willing to splash the cash I would suggest a WOW saddle to help absorb impact and kvall stirrups as this can take all pressure off the lower back

However if you have a big moving warmblood I think this is likely to be more jarring than a less athletic beastie. So if you are keen I would have thought your horse career is not over, but about to take a different direction

Also I think sitting trot is likely to be the worse thing for your condition

 

[Balibee]

Hi, my mum has AS and even though she was never a competitive or particularly advanced rider, she's dwindled down to a walk hack once a week....she just can't do any more than than (Do you do any other exercise? Mum finds yoga and pilates once a week on alternate weeks really helps). A member of my family also has the gene for it, and often gets a stiff back and neck from it. I would say, honestly, if it has come to this point now....it's time to let go. If I wasn't finishing uni and willing to take up riding 24/7 and competitive riding, Bruce would be one expensive lawnmower than my dad wouldn't be willing to keep....It's a tough decision but you do have options as others have pointed out:

1, be just an owner
2, put him on a loan and just hack him
3, sell him and buy a golden oldie that doesn't mind just hacking once a week, it would give you the contact with horses you desire?
4, ask around to see if there is anyones sensible horse that you could hack once a week or something to hack out

It's slightly related, and slightly not, but my next point is that I know how tough it is to sell such an exciting prospect. I had to sell my pony in order to pursue my higher education....and it was a horrible decision. But my way of thinking was "Is it or is it not fair to keep something with so much talent in the field?" xoxo

Thank you That is my problem, if I had a horse that had been with me forever and was happy for a quiet life I wouldn't even be posting. I would quite happily just get on as and when I could. The problem is I have a big young talented youngster who at the moment is wasted. As much as he has an amazingly good character, he does need to work and as patient as he is he needs so much more. He could be out giving those PSG's and Grand Prix horses a run for their money! That is part where the jealousy comes in! I want to be doing it! and as much pleasure it would give me seeing him do it with someone else it would kill me! that is my selfish side coming out

I think my only options are

A rider
Sell him
or see what happens over the next 6 months.

 

[stencilface]

I would see what happens over the next 6 months, then try being an owner - then if you don't enjoy that - sell

You don't have to get 'an old plod' necessarily as a replacement, there are many forward hacks out there that are happy to not be ridden for 2, 3, 4 months then be taken out for a hack.

 

[Honey08]

Forgive me, I've not seen your other post, so don't know much about your condition. Is it progressive, or will you be able to ride properly in the future, and continue down the competition road with him?

If not, you have two choices - he doesn't become a competition horse, which he won't care about. A pro once asked to buy my mare, and when I wibbled and said that I ought to sell because she'd go further with him, he replied, yes but he will have a much happier horsey life with you... Would he be ok for you to ride if he wasn't so fit? The other alternative is to sell him and get something that you could perhaps compete at lower level/hack out. It doesn't have to be a total plod.

If you will be able to ride him in the future, then you have to decide whether you share/loan him for a while, which seems to upset you a bit, or rough him off for a while - how old is he? It doesn't harm many horses, and they usually get back to where they were...

Hugs to you. Its not easy. I'm awaiting an op this spring, which will result in me not riding all summer - following a summer last year when I got injured and couldn't ride. I too wonder if I should sell my 7yr old, who will have another year of no competitions. I think he will get roughed off/hacked by my husband. He is a sensible horse that you can pick up again, and he's not aimed at Badminton so time doesn't really matter, its just frustrating!

 

[nikkimariet]

I'm glad I could offer you another perspective on things

I would definitely advise taking your time with the situation, you might have a breakthrough and discover something that makes everything a little easier, you never know!! Fingers crossed for you xoxo

 

[brighteyes]

It's that old 'my horse's talent is being wasted' thing again. Can I ask, 'So what?' Has he got a solicitor to sue you for not producing him to his limits or is he going quietly mental with the lack of stimulating work and competition? If the answer to both is no, keep him until it is yes! He's safe and loved and well cared for with you - that is all that matters to him

 

[Balibee]

You haven't said how this affecting you - sacroiliac, lower back or just neck?

If you are willing to splash the cash I would suggest a WOW saddle to help absorb impact and kvall stirrups as this can take all pressure off the lower back

However if you have a big moving warmblood I think this is likely to be more jarring than a less athletic beastie. So if you are keen I would have thought your horse career is not over, but about to take a different direction

Also I think sitting trot is likely to be the worse thing foryour condition

It started off as lower back pain which got progressively worse until I could walk without crying! My mum has RA and AS so I got an appointment with the doctor and after tests confirmed I had AS. I had quite a nasty bout which I was taking some strong pain killers and anti/inf for about 3 months. It seemed to improve and I was able to do more and then a few weeks ago my neck went and now it is hard to move my neck properly. My back is on and off. Ok out hacking but when schooling within about 10 minutes I can't carry on.
With this condition it does mean eventally the pain will go once the spine etc has ankylosed but that could be 30 years away.

Wal is a big moving warmblood but it's not that he is uncomfortable I just don't have the core strength to hold him together and it takes so much effort it is just finishing me off. I get home from the yard, in the bath and in bed by 8.30pm -9pm! my poor hubby and kids don't see me!

 

[Elsbells]

We could all say don't sell, that's easy and it makes us nice careing people.

But consider your husband and your friends feelings over all others. They love you. They see and feel your pain every day and of course they want to help you more than anything else in the world. They only want what's best for you.

 

[Balibee]

It's that old 'my horse's talent is being wasted' thing again. Can I ask, 'So what?' Has he got a solicitor to sue you for not producing him to his limits or is he going quietly mental with the lack of stimulating work and competition? If the answer to both is no, keep him until it is yes! He's safe and loved and well cared for with you - that is all that matters to him

Thanks You are right, they don't know how talented they are but I miss riding. I am finding him increasingly hard to ride as he is a big moving horse and not the sort of horse you can mosey around on. He needs someone with a lot of core strength to keep him together and I don't have that at the moment. Maybe I could be patient and see how things go.

Thanks for that though, you are right, he has no idea that he is being wasted it is all in my head

 

[Balibee]

Forgive me, I've not seen your other post, so don't know much about your condition. Is it progressive, or will you be able to ride properly in the future, and continue down the competition road with him?

If not, you have two choices - he doesn't become a competition horse, which he won't care about. A pro once asked to buy my mare, and when I wibbled and said that I ought to sell because she'd go further with him, he replied, yes but he will have a much happier horsey life with you... Would he be ok for you to ride if he wasn't so fit? The other alternative is to sell him and get something that you could perhaps compete at lower level/hack out. It doesn't have to be a total plod.

If you will be able to ride him in the future, then you have to decide whether you share/loan him for a while, which seems to upset you a bit, or rough him off for a while - how old is he? It doesn't harm many horses, and they usually get back to where they were...

Hugs to you. Its not easy. I'm awaiting an op this spring, which will result in me not riding all summer - following a summer last year when I got injured and couldn't ride. I too wonder if I should sell my 7yr old, who will have another year of no competitions. I think he will get roughed off/hacked by my husband. He is a sensible horse that you can pick up again, and he's not aimed at Badminton so time doesn't really matter, its just frustrating!

It's a weird one. It is a form of spinal arthritis. BUT in AS the vertabrae will eventually fuse which could mean I ahve slightly less mobility on my back and neck BUT the pain will stop.

My mum is 64 and has been pain free for about 3 years, She doesn't have a major deformity and apart from on occasion you wouldn't think there was much wrong with her, it is just the fusing of the vertabrae which causes immense pain. So could be 25-30 years before th flare ups stop.

I need to keep moving and exercising as that is what helps this condition but it is finding a balance between crippling myself trying to ride a horse that takes so much physical energy and keeping myself mobile.

 

[MrsMozart]

Oh hunny.

I have had to accept that, thanks to the broken back, I have to have D1 ride the Dizz. To do the things that I don't have the strength, etc. to do now. It was hard at first, very, very hard, but then I started to enjoy the time that the Dizz and I spent together just doing nothing. Talking. Grooming. Even tacking her up for D1 to ride.

I started to play with her in the school, just having her follow me and almost playing tag .

Yes, I'm riding Dizz again now, but I still need D1 and now I enjoy seeing them together. It's quite an amazing feeling really

So, I'll stop woffling, but if I were you, if I could afford it, I would get a horse I could ride as and when, who would enjoy mooching about and I would get a rider for the current lad if he enjoys going to parties, etc.

Gentle hugs hunny.

 

[Honey08]

Have you tired riding other people's horses that aren't so big moving - to see if its more comfortable for you? That may help your decision.

 

[Balibee]

Oh hunny.

I have had to accept that, thanks to the broken back, I have to have D1 ride the Dizz. To do the things that I don't have the strength, etc. to do now. It was hard at first, very, very hard, but then I started to enjoy the time that the Dizz and I spent together just doing nothing. Talking. Grooming. Even tacking her up for D1 to ride.

I started to play with her in the school, just having her follow me and almost playing tag .

Yes, I'm riding Dizz again now, but I still need D1 and now I enjoy seeing them together. It's quite an amazing feeling really

So, I'll stop woffling, but if I were you, if I could afford it, I would get a horse I could ride as and when, who would enjoy mooching about and I would get a rider for the current lad if he enjoys going to parties, etc.

Gentle hugs hunny.

Thanks I have followed your stories and it has been awful for you too. BUt things are really looking up for you now really pleased loved your happy riding again pics!

It is just so frustrating as you have probably found not being able to get stuck in.

Sadly all of my cash goes on Wally, so it's not an option to have another. But people have given me lots of good advice so I have plenty to think about so not in a major rush to make a decision now

 

[Dubsie]

Might be a long shot, but if you feel he has good potential as a dressage horse, can you ask among the dressage trainers locally if they know of anyone good with potential, who may be interested in sharing/would be good with the ride, particularly if they have an older/calmer/schoolmaster who may be a little easier to ride in return?

 

[MrsMozart]

Yes, frustrating!

But, I have found a new level in myself, especially when I've wanted to get on and show D1 what I mean, I've learnt (had to!) to view things differently.

Sorry, not making myself very clear . Maybe it's something that can't be explained, it has to be experienced.

Will stop woffling.

 

[Balibee]

Yes, frustrating!

But, I have found a new level in myself, especially when I've wanted to get on and show D1 what I mean, I've learnt (had to!) to view things differently.

Sorry, not making myself very clear . Maybe it's something that can't be explained, it has to be experienced.

Will stop woffling.

lol don't stop woffling!! It makes total sense. I see where you're coming from and I do get a sense of pride and satisfaction watching my best friend ride him. And knowing that my basic care and ground work have played a major part in the horse he has turned out to be (I bought him as an unbroken 3 year old) I think it is mainly that I feel that when I eventually managed to get back into horses I have not had an opportunity to get on and enjoy myself riding again as so much of it has been spent unable to ride.

BUT I do understand what you mean so woffle away

 

[Balibee]

Might be a long shot, but if you feel he has good potential as a dressage horse, can you ask among the dressage trainers locally if they know of anyone good with potential, who may be interested in sharing/would be good with the ride, particularly if they have an older/calmer/schoolmaster who may be a little easier to ride in return?

another good idea. I have so many options now it is finding the one that I can live with.

 

[Balibee]

We could all say don't sell, that's easy and it makes us nice careing people.

But consider your husband and your friends feelings over all others. They love you. They see and feel your pain every day and of course they want to help you more than anything else in the world. They only want what's best for you.

you are absolutely spot on! My hubby hates seeing me come in barely able to brush my own hair sometimes. Some mornings he has to put my t -shirt on as I can't left my arms up.

I think the advice of riding a less demanding horse is good! If I am still in pain then it is definitely the life of an owner for me!