To buy/loan or not? Opinions please!

Do you use fly spray on your equines?

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Acolyte

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I'll try and make this as brief as possible...

OH left me at the beginning of October - no-one else involved, he just couldn't take our dodgy financial status any more. We sold our house, financial stuff now sorted and we are renting seperately, but he is still unsure whether he wants us to get back together.

Luckily I had sold my last horse just before we separated, but there is now a gorgeous SF gelding for loan/sale at my yard who I would love. Financially on my own I can JUST afford livery etc each month, but ABSOLUTELY no spare cash for emergencies/replacing beaten up car etc. If OH and I got back together I would be rolling in it (relatively of course) but he keeps telling me he hates horses!

Horse is just so good for me (a completely naff rider) as it is really sweet natured but also very easy on the flat/to jump - he has 4 BE points but would be easy to do small stuff on too. I've ridden him loads at the yard and he is just like a Ferrari to me compared to any other horse I have ridden...

 
Oh and be nice to me please - still feeling kinda fragile about all this several months down the track
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but ABSOLUTELY no spare cash for emergencies

[/ QUOTE ] ......was the phrase which says to me you can't really afford one, therefore perhaps you should wait until your financial situation is better?
 
None.... Buy it.... OH would come in handy but need to think of your own life and look after your self and things. Face problems like smashed cars as they come... things always work out. If you can keep him alive not much more to it. A horse its for life tho.
 
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ABSOLUTELY no spare cash for emergencies

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Then IMO it would be silly to buy him ATM.Dont let your heart guide you on this one,sounds like you are just getting back on your feet financialy and dont need the expense of a horse as well.
 
Oh dear, yes I know really you are right - just trying to persuade myself that it would be OK.....which it would be if OH and I were back together.......but he is the one who doesn't like horses......so he wouldn't want me to get the horse!

There I go again, round and round in circles again. I will try and speak firmly to myself - repeat constantly "I WILL NOT LOAN OR BUY A HORSE, I CANNOT AFFORD IT!"
 
No don't say ....

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I WILL NOT LOAN OR BUY A HORSE, I CANNOT AFFORD IT!

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......but rather place "at the moment" onto the end. Just bide your time until your finances are more stable.
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I wouldnt do it, its not fair on you (you would be worrying about money while having him), its not fair on your OH (you split up because of money issues and he doesnt share your passion) and it wouldnt be fair on the horse (what if a few months down the line you couldnt afford him anymore and had to sell him on?)
 
dont do it. sorry to say that.. but i had an oppertunity to take a horse on and was just about to then i realised.. what would happen if my car broke down or something and the horse went lame. you would be stuck.
 
Unfortunately its not time - his owners are selling him as an eventer/hunter, as the husband is v ill and no longer rides. The horse has a really odd canter so lots of people who just try him once are put off - plus he cribs without a collar, and the price was quite high originally despite that.

I'm amazed, he has been at livery at our yard for about a year now, I would have thought they would have been desperate to sell but they are quite happy to keep on paying out for him!
 
Thats a very fair observation, and I'm a bit shocked with myself that I am putting myself across like that.

I have told my OH that I am very happy to give up horses completely (and I GENUINELY mean it) if we get back together, and I will find a different hobby. I think it is because he is dithering that I am getting side-tracked back into horses.

I do know he is far more important to me than any horse.
 
WOW.... i can honestly say know one has or would ever be so important that i would even consider parting with them altogether. Horses arn't a hobby to me so i couldn't just start golf instead. But still why does he want you to give up something you *i would of thought* love? I guess in my head people arn't important unless they accept me with horses!
 
Im going to be honest..you live one life.. so LIVE it!

Loan him, enjoy him.. take each day as it comes and smile for it! Im not in the best financial situation- although i earn alot of money being stupid in my early years means i pay alot off on debt so its not all mine so to speak, however.. i love my boy and would never ever get rid of him even though he is worth a fair few. He is my only luxury in life and my god, do i make the most of it!

I also have an OH who doesnt support me financially unless i need it so i rely on no one.

Get a second income if you need to, plenty of easy work from home stuff for xtra cash!
 
I would think of it as if you weren't getting back together then if you would manage the horse on your own then fine everything else is a bonus.I had a horse for 4 yrs without driving -used public transport and my feet(yrd was bout 2/3 miles away from bus stop) so can be done without a car as long as yard close to bus route.Feed etc can now be delivered in most places.
IMO I would only give up my horse cos it was MY decision not because OH didn't want a horse as I know I'd eventually resent person for it !!So if you want to give up horse do so but because YOU want to !!
 
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I also have an OH who doesnt support me financially unless i need it so i rely on no one.

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Unless you need it? So he is there to rely on financially in emergencies? The poster is saying that she has no-one to rely on financially, so if the horse needed emergency treatment or a new rug then she wouldn't have any money at all to pay for this. I think there is a very big difference.
 
Blimey...Ok so what would I do if this was me?

I would loan the horse and deal with any financial situation as it comes.

As for your OH, I am rather shocked that he will not tolerate the horses. Horses are obviously a huge passion and a big part of your life. How dare anybody tell you that you cannot have that? Seems to me he does not like horses because of the financial issue, but because he is jealous of the time you spend with them.

Ok it would be lovely if we were all sensible and planned things carefully, and thus in your case, did not have a horse so that OH stays happy and you have lots of dosh. But wont you get bitter with him if you feel that you have given up horses for him? You only live once- do what your heart is telling you to do. Dont let anyone be in control of that.You want a horse, then have a horse.
 
Well yes, thats the other side to it - part of me thinks that if he really loves me he will accept the horse ownership part of me too. It is the time AND the money commitment he doesn't like - and lets face it, I love going on holiday etc so sometimes in the past even I have resented how much horses cost at times!
 
Thats good idea TM - and at the moment it is just too tight financially for me to go there. Perhaps in another 6 months - I'm going to look for somewhere cheaper to rent, plus I get a payrise
 
In all honesty? If it leaves you with no spare cash and you and oH get back together how's he gonna feel if he has to shell out in emergencies? Not too impressed I'd imagine.

Personally, I'd look for a share, perhaps the owner, knowing you, might consider that? Or could you work for livery costs?
 
Unfortunately true Tia - you have a wonderful knack of getting right to the point! I guess my parents would help out if it was dire, but I am 36 now and I do think that is a tad old to be running to Mummy and Daddy for money, especially when I am (sorry, this sounds boastful) on a pretty decent wage.

I would insure the horse so vets treatment would all be covered, but you never know what horses are going to get up to that might not be covered!
 
It does seem a tad ironic to me about the horse thing - it is the time and the money factors he resents as I have already mentioned. At the same time OH loves his job but he is also a shift worker, which for me was hell to live with as he was either (a) not there at all or (b) dead tired from early starts/late finishes. But there is no possibility of him ever giving up his job!

And although when he first left I was TOTALLY genuine about giving up horses, and it would have been my decision not his, the longer this goes on the more I miss having a horse! Is that because they are my escape from the 'stress' of life and the 'too difficult to do' bits like relationships?
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It really sounds like a share would be a good idear for you at this point.
It would cost a hell of a lot less, take up less time and still give you one on one time with a horse that you wouldnt get from lessons at the same time as being a comprimise with your OH.
It can be tricky to find the balance if you are not lucky enough to have a horse loving OH, to someone who isnt into them it must seem a huge waste of money and time.Mine has look very confused and asked "so WHY do you do it??" a few times when we have been chatting about horses from past- I have now accepted we are a strange lot from the outside!
 
You need to listen to what Tia & Jacqszoo have been saying, they are talking sense. You are not in a position to afford a horse at the moment & wanting a horse is not reason enough to get back with OH. I think you need to decide what you really want?

Most people posting seem to be of a similar opinion except one - Forget-Me-Not, but I'm afraid that having the philosophy that things will always work out & telling you to buy the horse is a recipe for disaster.
 
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