To buy or not to buy

[Cloverfield]

A few months ago we lost our beloved section A to chronic laminitis after a long battle. My daughter is / was heart broken. Nothing could replace her but I had to get another horse as a companion to my mare. I got a cob mare 2 days later and it was a total disaster so she went back (hated being stabled), I asked my daughter what she would like and she decided on a cob gelding. Obviously it is way too soon for her and she's struggling seeing another horse in the stable but I had no choice, my mare was on her own. She barely gives him any attention and says he doesn't like her (he's timid and still settling in). I keep saying he's on loan, he's young (6 but green), he just needs time etc etc. But to make matters worse his owner after 2 weeks of loaning has said she wants us to buy him. I've moved heaven and earth to get the money together. I asked my daughter if she actually wants him because we would be buying him for life and she cant give me a straight answer. My dilemma is either buy him at the risk that she never gets to like him or send him back and go through the whole nightmare process of finding and settling another horse.

Not sure what I'm asking really? Maybe just reassurance or other outside views. I forgot to mention my daughter is 12, she hates riding so doesn't ride but loves looking after horses.

 

[Glitterandrainbows]

If she doesn’t like riding I’d get something that suits you or keep him if that’s the case as if he’s not really doing anything wrong and she’s not bothering with him I wouldn’t get another for her incase the same happened

 

[cauda equina]

Your mare needs a companion, so you need something
If he's sensibly priced and you think would be saleable again I would say probably buy him
If he's overpriced or 'wrong' in some way eg poor confomation or not a nice person I'd say probably not

Poor chap, 2 weeks is nothing settling into a new home, give him a bit more time and your daughter may well change her mind about him
In the meantime he probably needs reminding of his manners, the young cob I bought arrived ignorant and rude but was a sweety once he knew what was expected of him

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Echo the others, leave your daughter out of the equation and do what you would do if you were making the decision on your own. Personally, as a companion I'd choose an sensible older or retired pony who needs a home, over a saleable horse who could be ridden. If your daughter never rides anyway, why spend money on a ridden horse when there are hundreds out there looking for companion homes.

 

[Cloverfield]

He’s very sweet and gentle, just jumps if you touch his face or move too fast. He loves being groomed, perfect to lead, very kind with my mare. He’s literally done nothing wrong bless him. He’s everything she’s ever wanted, I just don’t understand. Grief is a weird thing to deal with. They’re asking a very reasonable price.

 

[Cloverfield]

He’s very sweet and gentle, just jumps if you touch his face or move too fast. He loves being groomed, perfect to lead, very kind with my mare. He’s literally done nothing wrong bless him. He’s everything she’s ever wanted, I just don’t understand. Grief is a weird thing to deal with. They’re asking a very reasonable price.

he was backed in October and was going well apparently. A friend is riding him tomorrow to see what he’s like. If he’s suitable my step daughter can hack him out for me or we can get a sharer. He went on a hack last week in hand and was foot perfect.

 

[Caol Ila]

I think this is one of those times where I would tell the 12-year old, "tough." Your horse needs a companion, and it's not fair on any of the horses to be sent back and forth at the whims of a 12-year old who is upset about losing her pony and may not like any horse. As you say, grief is a weird thing to deal with.

If you like the horse, keep him.

 

[Glitter's fun]

I don't think a grieving 12 year old should be asked to carry the additional burden of making a big decision like this. He will mostly be yours/your mare's companion. If you like him buy him & tell your daughter that.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

I would just buy him his fitted in with being a companion for now and I think eventually your daughter will love him, he sounds like he will also be a useful riding horse which is also an added bonus.

 

[Arzada]

He’s very sweet and gentle, just jumps if you touch his face or move too fast. He loves being groomed, perfect to lead, very kind with my mare. He’s literally done nothing wrong bless him. He’s everything she’s ever wanted, I just don’t understand. Grief is a weird thing to deal with. They’re asking a very reasonable price.

He sounds lovely. Kind companion to your mare. Good on the ground so suits a daughter who likes looking after horses but doesn't want to ride. I had to make a tough decision aged 10 (nothing to do with horses) and it was a decision I should have been asked to make. I don't think your daughter is in a place to be making a lifelong decision for a horse. That's a huge decision. In your position I'd make the decision. I'd buy him.

 

[Lamehorses]

If not overpriced I'd keep him. It doesn't sound like your daughter will gel with any horse currently.
In truth, does she even want to be involved with horses, is she just tagging along with your hobby. She's becoming a teenager & will quite possibly be happier out with her mates & no horsey involvement.
It sounds like he's a suitable companion for your mare. He's hopefully a low maintenance type that doesn't need riding daily. A sharer for him may be a perfect solution as would give you a riding companion
I've got a spare cob & he's worth his weight in gold for friends to come out riding with me

 

[Rowreach]

He sounds perfect for what you need. And actually, if your daughter is never going to ride, then he will be perfect for her too if she just wants to handle him and brush him at some point down the line.

 

[Poppy+MrDarcy]

How much are they asking? If he's fairly well priced then I'd go for it, she'll come around (said from experience).

 

[Poppy+MrDarcy]

He’s very sweet and gentle, just jumps if you touch his face or move too fast. He loves being groomed, perfect to lead, very kind with my mare. He’s literally done nothing wrong bless him. He’s everything she’s ever wanted, I just don’t understand. Grief is a weird thing to deal with. They’re asking a very reasonable price.

Aww, he sounds like a darling definitely keep him!

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

A few months ago we lost our beloved section A to chronic laminitis after a long battle. My daughter is / was heart broken. Nothing could replace her but I had to get another horse as a companion to my mare. I got a cob mare 2 days later and it was a total disaster so she went back (hated being stabled), I asked my daughter what she would like and she decided on a cob gelding. Obviously it is way too soon for her and she's struggling seeing another horse in the stable but I had no choice, my mare was on her own. She barely gives him any attention and says he doesn't like her (he's timid and still settling in). I keep saying he's on loan, he's young (6 but green), he just needs time etc etc. But to make matters worse his owner after 2 weeks of loaning has said she wants us to buy him. I've moved heaven and earth to get the money together. I asked my daughter if she actually wants him because we would be buying him for life and she cant give me a straight answer. My dilemma is either buy him at the risk that she never gets to like him or send him back and go through the whole nightmare process of finding and settling another horse.

Not sure what I'm asking really? Maybe just reassurance or other outside views. I forgot to mention my daughter is 12, she hates riding so doesn't ride but loves looking after horses.

Grieving over a lost horse can take a while, some people get another very quickly to soften the blow others need time.


Difficult if this pony needs a stable, tell your daughter the ponies essence is still in that stable, even though he has gone, can you not either make a nice flower bed with name plaque from the pony who died, somewhere she can call the ponies patch and she can decorate it or, put the old ponies name plaque outside the stable so he will never be forgotten. Let her still keep the ponies tack and rugs to remember him by.

 

[Barton Bounty]

He sounds lovely and i am sure she will
Come round, just not yet

 

[Widgeon]

He sounds like a lovely little horse, who will do everything that you (leaving aside your daughter) currently need, and at a good price too. I'd definitely buy. It would be nice to have something your step daughter could hack out on with you, if she'd like that. And chances are your daughter will become fond of him as he settles in and she recovers from the loss of her friend.

 

[meleeka]

I think the seller has got a bit of a cheek expecting you to buy him so soon. I’d ask for a longer trial before you can commit to buying him. Don’t he rushed into buying him just because the owner is in a hurry to sell.

What’s meant to be will be and if he’s not the right horse it’s best to find out now, rather than after you’ve paid your money. Even another month would be a help.

 

[southerncomfort]

I think the seller has got a bit of a cheek expecting you to buy him so soon. I’d ask for a longer trial before you can commit to buying him. Don’t he rushed into buying him just because the owner is in a hurry to sell.

What’s meant to be will be and if he’s not the right horse it’s best to find out now, rather than after you’ve paid your money. Even another month would be a help.

Agree with this. Why the rush?

If you do decide to buy, have the pony vetted even if it's primarily a companion.

 

[Widgeon]

Agree with this. Why the rush?

If you do decide to buy, have the pony vetted even if it's primarily a companion.

Yes, definitely do the whole thing properly if you decide to proceed. I would probably be honest with the seller and say you'd like another month to be sure he will settle. If they respond well to that, great, if they don't - I'd be a little bit wary that they're just trying to offload the pony quick as possible. But definitely vet, particularly if it's a financial stretch to buy him.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

I would also see if you can loan for longer. You wanted a loan, you are not sure if your daughter will take to the pony, or if he will settle. If you refuse to buy, will they end the loan and try and sell elswhere? Or are they happy with you and just want closure? If the latter, don;t be pressured. You agreed to loan not sale.

 

[MagicMelon]

She seems to dislike the horse and doesnt seem phased when you mention returning him to the owner so for me thats pretty clear. I would return it and loan something older / been there done that, which would probably settle quicker. Something easy so if the daughter doesnt like it / has lost interest then it can just be a companion.