To buy or not to buy?

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fern57

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Hi all, newbie here. Looking for honest advice please.

I've ridden most of my life, saving the odd few years here and there having young children and so on. I'm finally in a good work/life balance and would LOVE my own horse to ride and take care of, and for my daughter to gain confidence on now she's almost off the lead rein. I'm frustrated with riding school horses that I get off and then have to work again for someone else a short time later, so my own riding isn't progressing due to the RS owner not wanting me to over-work her horses. I'm competent, just a little stiff(!) now I'm in my 40's.

My question really is should I bother from those that have actually tried to get a mother-daughter share? Am I just being a dreamer that it could actually be a reality when life is so expensive, without adding livery cost in too. I'd need some hand holding initially as my experience is in riding rather than care. Is working livery actually any good for the horse too?

I should add that I'm chief procrastinator with a sensible everything-has-to-be-done-properly approach which actually prevents me from enjoying things without worrying.

Would love to hear from anyone either in the same boat or who has been there done it. Thanks for reading x
 
I'm not in the same boat as you but did return to riding after a long gap and I quite understand your sentiments. RS horses are a great way to get back into regular riding for a while but, if you love horses and the care of them as much as the ridiing, then they are never "enough" and I soon bought my own.

I would say two things about your ideas - please don't touch working livery. The theory seems fine but your horse is never truly your own and I have known horses get really soured by different riders and endless arena work. That leads me on to my second point - I really don't like a Mother/daughter share when daughter is still at such an early stage of riding. Horses adapt to their riders and ponies learn to take care of little ones and go at their pace. Having a "second" job as a fit, forward going horse for an adult can confuse the picture so neither party is happy - or the horse!!

Just my thoughts!!
 
Hello and welcome to the forum! :)

I'm in a similar position to you though I have owned horses before, just not for the last 9 years. I've started riding lessons again to get myself back riding fit and am quickly discovering that riding school horses don't really do it for me - they don't have the same joie de vivre as a privately owned horse. I will be looking to buy a horse next year (don't know if you're aware but hay shortages are going to be rife this winter so though horse prices are plummeting, there's a good reason for it) and my biggest criteria will be that it's kind as my 6 year old daughter will want to sit on it too.

I'll carry on her riding lessons even when I stop so that she can get skilled up enough to one day share my horse or have a pony of her own (so long as she wants to).

From a cost perspective - my lessons are £35 per half hour so with me having a weekly lesson and my daughter riding every 2 weeks at the moment, the cost of lessons exceeds the cost of livery at a local yard. Yes, there are plenty of extra costs associated with owning your own horse and it's always best to over-estimate what these will be but the benefit of having your own horse to train, love, care for and ride on your own schedule is priceless.
 
Trouper said:
Horses adapt to their riders and ponies learn to take care of little ones and go at their pace. Having a "second" job as a fit, forward going horse for an adult can confuse the picture so neither party is happy - or the horse!!
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I dont think thats right for a good few horses. My fit driving ponies would always amble round on a loose rein for novices and kids, and they both were ridden by novice kids with no issue whatsoever. If OP is small enough to get away with a nice lightweight 14hand cobby type they will find it a lot easier. although my TB was a saint and also would have been perfect. He loved a good lazy slouch about with a child or novice then would pick up and work properly if you aksed. Something whose natural tendency is to be laid back can be razzed up for a competent rider but will happily drop down to lazy mode again when given the option.
 
I so appreciate your thoughts, thank you!

I'm 5'3” and usually under 10st depending on how much cake I've eaten(!!) so am lucky in the respect of being able to ride anything over 13.2ish

Ideally I'm looking at M&M types unclipped and living out to keep costs down, but I've heard that they can get difficult/slightly feral and headstrong if not in some sort of routine.

At my current yard, lessons are £35 and full livery is around £200 per week, even assisted DIY wouldn't be cheap. I'm thinking with a fell/dales/Welsh type I may not need a stable, just somewhere sheltered to tack up etc.

I may have to procrastinate (save up) a while longer but do totally take all points on board.
 
I actually did this when my daughter was 8 years old and we bought a very saintly safe Highland pony . She was 13.2 hands but very wide and like you we planned for her to live out but after a winter of mud and rain and the difficulty of keeping her weight under control we had to use a stable in the end .. The arrangement did work out OK because I was very very determined but there were downsides .. the pony was really a bit too big and strong for my 8 year old and she was a bit too safe/ lazy for me .. and with just one pony in the family I had to do a lot of walking alongside on hacks . For some of the time we loaned a nice little section A Welsh pony so that we could ride together and this was really the correct size for my daughter ..Ideally we should have bought 2 ponies but we didn’t have the money!
In your situation I would buy a nice sensible pony for yourself and include your daughter in all the care .. grooming, feeding, tack cleaning etc and keep her in a riding school until you are sure of her commitment.
 
fern57 said:
I so appreciate your thoughts, thank you!

I'm 5'3” and usually under 10st depending on how much cake I've eaten(!!) so am lucky in the respect of being able to ride anything over 13.2ish

Ideally I'm looking at M&M types unclipped and living out to keep costs down, but I've heard that they can get difficult/slightly feral and headstrong if not in some sort of routine.

At my current yard, lessons are £35 and full livery is around £200 per week, even assisted DIY wouldn't be cheap. I'm thinking with a fell/dales/Welsh type I may not need a stable, just somewhere sheltered to tack up etc.

I may have to procrastinate (save up) a while longer but do totally take all points on board.
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Be aware that the types that find living out in winter easy, often cant live out in spring/summer/autumn as they just cant tolerate free access to grass. But otherwise theres no reason why you cant find something. My friend posted a lovely video of her 15.2hh welsh stallion trotting round the school with a 6yr old with reins like washing lines the other day. Lots of horses wont be suitable, but you will find something, especially as you can look at smaller types. Said friend usually knows of fells for sale as shes involved heavily with the breed, so I can put you in touch if you start looking seriously.
 
I’ve been wondering something similar myself.

My daughter is only 5 and still on the lead so it wouldn’t be for a few years yet.

I got my first pony at 7, she was 13.2 and bought cheaply from beeston market, my mum is short and light weight so she did a lot of schooling with her to start with. After the first couple of months it was mostly me that rode her as my mum had another horse to ride but it was useful that she could get on her if it was ever needed.

I’m 5’4 and 9stone so I’m thinking if I get a 14h fell type pony my daughter could ride that in a few years time and it would be a good test for if she is committed enough to have her own.

I used to ride my mums 14.3 Arab but I think I was about 10 at that point.

It’s all academic at the minute anyway as I won’t be looking to buy anything for at least another 12 months, it’s something to think about though.
 
Depends how old your daughter is.

Examples: I am 5ft4 and 9 stone. I can ride anything over 350kg with my lightweight riding gear and lightweight treeless saddle. That, in our herd, includes 2x 12.3hh New Forest mares (one of whom will take a beginner), a 13.2hh cob and would include the 14hh Welsh D (if she wouldn’t be offended because I’m not her special person). It does not include my daughter’s 13.1hh sports pony or the lighter built ponies between 12.2hh and 13.2hh.

The ponies who can take me, are strong. They need to be, to take my weight. My older NF mare who will take a beginner child now that she is older, is a good size for a 10/11 year old. A 7 or 8 year old would be a pea on a mountain though and would have no hope whatsoever on the ground - she’s not mean but she likes grass and will pull to it if she thinks she can.

When our collection of Welsh As and small ponies found new homes, so so many of them went to people who had bought a 12.2hh or larger ‘to grow into’ and found that while this worked fine on the lead, a pony big and strong enough for an adult is too much for a child coming off lead. Those children lost confidence and ended up with our young but kind, appropriately sized small ponies. The updates were good: children smiling, enjoying themselves, coming off lead with success.

Your weight probably sends you closer to the 14hh-14.2hh bracket. So if your child is older (10 years old up probably) then yes. You probably can share a sweet, safe 14.2hh ish pony. If younger, probably not so ideal.

Maybe find a share first and see how it goes?
 
Good luck, OP, with whatever you do.

You guys do it differently in Britain. I learned to ride on 14.2 to 15.3hh Arabs, QHs, and Appys. As do most people in the States. We don't have as many small pony breeds, so almost no one learns to ride on them.
 
Hi Fern, most M&Ms would be suitable for you but the difficulty will be finding a suitable one. The height / weight at 5’3 and under 10 stone isn’t going to be a problem for the large breeds but living out in winter will mean you have a hairy muddy and potentially fat pony to work with unless you invest in some good rugs. It is possible to find mother / daughter types but be prepared to pay £££££s. hopefully you get what you pay for. If your daughter is still very young it’s sometimes a good idea to wait until she’s desperate for a pony rather than encouraging her to ride unless you’ve a strong circle of friends who are very active in the pony world.
 
Just another thing to consider with costs is that your weekly lesson cost will not disappear as you will still need to pay for lessons on your own horse too so make sure you add that into your budget. Good luck whatever you decide to do. Have you considered 2 x part shares or similar? Might also be an option.
 
If you're going to buy, I would buy a horse for yourself and consider it a bonus if he/she can be ridden by your daughter at some point.
I've seen before (though a husband / wife share rather than mother / daughter) a horse that was bought as the compromise of what two people wanted, and neither person, nor the horse, have ever been truly happy about the arrangement.
 
Orangina said:
Just another thing to consider with costs is that your weekly lesson cost will not disappear as you will still need to pay for lessons on your own horse too so make sure you add that into your budget. Good luck whatever you decide to do. Have you considered 2 x part shares or similar? Might also be an option.
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As Orangina said above, I would try part loaning first - especially going into winter! Winter with horses is not for the faint hearted and if your loan agreement means that you have both ends of the day to manage the pony, so an early start before your normal day and a late finish after, it will give you a good flavour for if/when you get your own.

It will also be better on your bank balance as (depending on the loan agreement) under normal circumstances, you would only pay a "day rate" of £10 - £15 with no financial culpability for farrier / feed / vet / livery costs.

A part loan would also be better to expand your experience in horse management as the owner will give you some good guidance of how they like their pony managed and could also spend some time with you and the pony for the first few weeks if needed. I had plenty of experience in horse management but after a fairly long hiatus, I part loaned for a year to get me back into it rather than jumping out of a life with no horses and all of my spare time being my own, to a life of early starts and late finishes 7 days a week, 365 days a year and the horses taking precedent over every life decision thereafter!
 
Buy an animal to suit you as you ll be the one caring for it day to day especially as your daughter is so young at the moment. It will cost so much more than you anticipate to set yourself up and take up so much more of your time than you realise at the moment plus when your daughter starts other evening activities…Rainbows/Brownies/after school running clubs etc etc it can stretch your time management skills uncomfortably too lol. Having said that few of us on here would say no don’t get a horse…cos we re all mad as can be 😆
 
Speaking as the mother of 3 daughters who apparently never got the "pony mad" bug, despite encouragement, I would say buy the horse you want to ride! perhaps choosing an easy going horse so IF your daughter wants to get involved in the care they would be happy being the only consideration. If they are genuinely keen, something will work out for the both of you over time.
 
I think I've always wanted to put the kids first, hence no horse, so now my daughter is showing interest it's a reason to buy. However, on reading your advice I think I need a horse that's right for me rather than as some of you have said something that neither of us is happy with for different reasons.

I'm going to bide my time and hopefully find a decent share horse for me first, keep daughter in lessons for the foreseeable and see where we are in a few years.

It would be silly to rush into something and then have to go through the painful process of selling!
 
My daughter is 7 and has a very full up 12.2, and shes always been and still is the kid on the biggest pony at PC in her class. The pony is a saint, but really she’s just growing into her now, pony has always listened to her rider even when her legs were no where near the end of the saddle. She’s getting to the age she should be more independent but the pony is just a bit too big for her to tack up unaided.

My son has hacked my 13.2 out since he was 2/3 but he has no aspirations to do PC.

At 10 stone you’d be looking at 14hh+ really.

The only solution is to buy two ponies!
 
HopOnTrot said:
My daughter is 7 and has a very full up 12.2, and shes always been and still is the kid on the biggest pony at PC in her class. The pony is a saint, but really she’s just growing into her now, pony has always listened to her rider even when her legs were no where near the end of the saddle. She’s getting to the age she should be more independent but the pony is just a bit too big for her to tack up unaided.

My son has hacked my 13.2 out since he was 2/3 but he has no aspirations to do PC.

At 10 stone you’d be looking at 14hh+ really.

The only solution is to buy two ponies!
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Haha I like your thinking!

Not sure OH will ever agree to that sadly. We'll see!
 
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