Totally gutted / fed up / at a loss ....

W

wonkey_donkey

Well-Known Member
Joined
27 December 2006
Messages
1,710
Location
S. Lincs
Visit site
Teenage daughter has 'out of the blue' declared so no longer wants to compete with the horses/ponies. She has layed in bed until mid afternoon throughout the easter holidays and is only interested in going out on the ' lash' with her pals at the weekend. Will only do the bare minimum on the yard and that's with a load of nagging and usually a row! I am now stuck with a fit Grade A showjumper who has turned into a light hack overnight, an expensive lorry stood doing nothing that I worked my butt off to buy for her, and her smashing jumping pony that she can't be bothered to ride and keep fit while we sell him - as she is now out of junior's. Her answer was 'can't you pay someone to ride him for YOU!' Mmm it's great being a horsey parent.
mad.gif
 
Unfortunately you are not alone...I've seen a lot of my horsey friends go through the same thing with their kids
frown.gif


It's a shame, after you forking out a lot to get her all she needs
mad.gif


I'm sorry I can't help much, so all I can do is send out hugs to you <><><><><><> I hope it turns out okay
 
i am going through the opposite but can relate to you . spent all my savings on a lovely grade b (nearly a) only for 6 weeks later for her to throw the towel in jumping then for her to have a panic attack on the lorry and cause £800 of damage to partitions. (have since found out that she was stopping with the owner i bought her from dealer who had her 4 weeks . sold the lorry i remortgaged to buy and bought a trailer. have been looking now for over a year for something else but am so wary. none of them seem right. found one this jan 07 had it 1 week and found out its passport etc where false so sent that back i was worried as she started to lose interest as she could not compete. worse she turned into the teenager from hell. talking weird, drinking alchopops. i could throttle the dealers as my daughter was so commited. the last month or so she seems to have got the interest back. i let her go semi wild and i don't think it was as good as she thought it would be. good luck
 
this is gutting and happens all too often when they get to a certain age sell the horse and get something for yourself i have a freind who has kept two for her daughter neither have been ridden for years and she could ahve sold them and got one for herself .they are now very expensive pets and will prob never be used
 
hi my friend has just gone through the same thing and had to sell her daughters horse, she sent her away to be sold . She was gutted too but it has taken her along time to accept the situation her daughter has just lost interest and the horse was wasted....... one thing that is positive about the situation is that i dont have to put up with them arguing at shows anymore peace and quite. goodluck with the situation she just needs to come back when she has done all the other things she wants to do., and unfortunatley that means selling the horse think of the money you will save treat yourself to a holiday!!!!!!! you proberbly deserve one.
 
oh dear I feel for you, I had a son and he has never lost interest, thank goodness. But I have seen teenage girls give up as soon as they hit 16, weird
confused.gif
I would give her a shock, put the horse and pony out on loan for a while with the intention to sell them, that way at least they are being ridden, kept fit, and your grade A can be seen at competions by potential owners. See if she bucks her ideas up.

Kids they are put on this planet to drain your savings and break your heart
crazy.gif


Hope something works out
hugs, Alma
 
If you still want to be involved and go to comps why not offer the ride to someone else. I'm sure there are many capable riders who would love the chance. I know I would.
 
I gave up riding at about 13 and came back into it at about 27!

Unfortunately it happens so you just need to find out whether she wants the pony to go or not really.

Not an easy situation...hope it works out x
 
this seems to happen a lot, most of my friends gave up at around 16, a few are now trying to get back into it now at 21. Its such a shame, me and my sister would have killed for an opportunity like that (my sister still would at 13!) but things are never easy with teenagers it seems!
 
If the horse has ability and results, I suggest you consider leasing it out for a year before you make any final decisions..although teenagers do go off the rails, this is quite a sudden change of heart and may simply relate to problems with friends/ at school/boyfriend

Maybe you can reach a compromise by taking a little pressure off for this season
 
Erm can I be your daughter?

I have got a great horse with no supportive parents (they never have been -despite the fact my mum used to event. I have been jumping since I was 7 and until I was 17 it was on other peoples horses - now have perfectly good jumping horse and no lorry, have to rely on others - and never have anyone to help me!)

So I will be your daughter if you like! Your daughter sounds a bit like she is acting like a spoiled brat!
 
[ QUOTE ]
Your daughter sounds a bit like she is acting like a spoiled brat!

[/ QUOTE ]

C that's a bit harsh - forgotten what it's like to be a teenager!!! haa haa
grin.gif
 
I do feel for you as an 18 year old teenager that didn't give up at 16, lots of other girls at the yard where the beast lives did. Putting the horse and pony on loan may shock her, and make her regret the descision!
 
I was exactly the same at 18.

Didnt wanna keep my pony fit coz i couldn't compete her, didnt wanna ride the new horse because he was a nutter..


now look at me.. 21, horseless, desperate for another one...
stuck lurking on online forums
frown.gif
 
I really don't think she realises how lucky she is to be honest. If people havent gone without they don't realise what they are missing. Maybe put them out on loan so that you still have the option to take them back if she changes her mind. So many people would absolutely jump at the chance to have those type of opportunities and I wouldn't have thought you would have any trouble at all finding riders or loan homes
 
tbh I would put the whole lot on the market. Either she will throw a hissy fit and change her attitude or she will let you get on with it.

You have put a lot of time and money into this hobby, why not get something back and do something for yourself for a year or two?
 
I went the same at 16 - ok I did not have a lorry or 2 SJ'ers but I did go from pony mad to boy/ciggie/green hairdye/alcopop mad pretty much overnight. I gave up the horses in the end and had a break for a few years - was the best thing as I just did not have the enthusiasm for it anymore and wanted to spend my sunday mornings in bed, not plaiting up for a show.

Can you have a frank talk with her? Perhaps some type of deadline to put the effort back in or reach a compromise? The pony is kept fit until sold then if she still does not want to dedicate her time then the horse is sold as well?
 
problem is aswell that when you're young, no matter how grateful you are you don't feel the financial strain of owning a horse.

I'd say I actually enjoy it more now than I did as a kid as I know that I'm paying for everything myself! x
 
I agree with Spans... sell up and let your daughter move on. She's growing up, it's only right that her interests should be allowed to change. No-one stays the same foe ever. If she comes back to horses later, that's fine. If she doesnt, that's fine too.
 
[ QUOTE ]
tbh I would put the whole lot on the market. Either she will throw a hissy fit and change her attitude or she will let you get on with it.

You have put a lot of time and money into this hobby, why not get something back and do something for yourself for a year or two?

[/ QUOTE ]

Echo Spanial. Put them in H&H. Then see what she does. If they sell, fine, buy yourself a horse.
 
My parents were so worried about this happening that they made me prove my committment to horses for many years before they decided to help me buy my own at 16. I rode from the age of 5 and had lessons up to 11 and then worked at my local yard on the weekends for numerous yrs for lessons. Finally at 16 my parents decided I wasn't planning on giving up and helped me to buy a horse. My Dad said to me the other day that he feels bad that he didn't help me get me a horse/pony when I was younger so that I had been competing at a younger age but I always assure him that what they did was great as it taught me to me committed to riding and horses and also all those years of working around horses made built up a tonne of experience. I had a number of friends who had ponies when they were younger and gave up when they were about 16
 
Some people don't know how lucky they are!
I had similar experiences to KatieJaye, my parents wouldn't let me have a horse for ages, always using the excuse that i would grow out of them, pah! Eventually at 18 they helped me buy the horse I'd had on loan for two years as i said i wasn't going to uni without him (i know that sounds spoilt but i really didn't wantto go to uni and i couldn't leave my boy behind!) Anyway now i'm soon to graduate uni after doing an equine degree and lovehorses as much as ever, i want to spend my life working with them. I feel very sorry for you having this situation thrust upon you, you only tried to do the best for your daughter and she throws it in your face. I agree you should probably either sell the horses or loan them, (or get me to come and ride them!), if she is still interested she'll change her attitude, if not then there's no point spending all your time and money looking after them. I hope you can sort something out.
 
Yep same as you Katiejaye, wasnt allowed one until I could look after and support one without the help of my parents. Brought my first horse at 17 after being incredibly lucky and having free use of 4 horses from 13 onwards, and by showing commitment to them, I was finally aloowed to get one of my own! However, recieved no financial help for it, and still don't to this day.
smile.gif
I sometimes get incredibly green at people that have it brought for them at an early age, but at least I know I have worked for everything I have achieved with my ponios!!
grin.gif
 
get a rider/riders for them as she might not like the idea of someone else riding them, i was always told that i would at 15, but here i am and want to get as far in bsja as poss so its not everyone!
 
[ QUOTE ]
tbh I would put the whole lot on the market. Either she will throw a hissy fit and change her attitude or she will let you get on with it.

You have put a lot of time and money into this hobby, why not get something back and do something for yourself for a year or two?

[/ QUOTE ]

Agree totally with Spaniel! What a brat! Take it all back and invest your time and money in something you want to do.
 
I had similar situation a year or so ago with my daughter. So i decided to have the horse for myself which i love. There's no point spending all your time arguing, it is supposed to be fun.
 
Thanks everyone for your advice etc. It's good to know I'm not alone !! A nice girl has taken the pony on trial to buy today so hopefully he will be sorted. Some of you guys expressed an interest in having the ride on the Grade A, so if your serious and in my area (South Lincs), PM me folks !!!
 
[ QUOTE ]
At 27 am I too old for you to adopt me?
wink.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

Im 40 would you sponsor me as well?! My God I would have loved a horse of my own at 16 but had to work damn hard and wait til 25.

I'd sell the SJ (unless you fancy it for yourself) and get myself something flipping stunning to enjoy/compete/love
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top