totally heartless :(

[Ibblebibble]

how can someone have a pony put to sleep and then stand there and tell someone that they're not overly upset about losing the pony but more upset because it has brought back memories of losing an old pony
I can understand how it can bring back memories of course but to not feel sad about the one you have just lost please of i ever get that way shoot me instead of the horse

 

[sarahann1]

Some folk have different coping mechanisms I suppose.

Sounds like they were much more detached about this pony than the old one, I guess some people don't 'bond' with all the horses they have in life in the same way.

 

[vieshot]

I dont think thats 'totally heartless'

I personally have only ever truly bonded with one pony. I always refer to it that 'I like horses, I love him.' Ive had a few horses, some ive liked quite alot but up until having my most recent I had never 'loved' them.

When he dies I will probably be a complete mess, if it had been one of the others ive owned then yes it would be very sad but nothing in comparison to him, hes the love of my life. So yes, I can understand it.

 

[Littlelegs]

I can understand being more attached to one over another, but even when I've held horses that aren't mine I don't tend to think about how much more upsetting it was when I did lose one of mine.

 

[Shysmum]

people say weird things under stress. x

 

[Buds_mum]

Maybe it was completly different circumstances. I loved and adored my old horse who was pts for various health reasons last month. I miss him dearly.

However his death at 27 was not half as 'sad' and upsetting as holding my friends 6 yr old mare who was hit by a speeding driver. That was horrible, words cannot even describe the anguish in that situation.

It does not mean I am heartless, just personally seeing my long loved old boy ending his life with strength and dignity was actually ok, not great, not a happy experience but the best it could be.

Holding Gem's head whilst she lay in her own blood, screaming was sad, horrific and will stay with me forever.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

people say weird things under stress. x

Just what I was thinking /\
Perhaps they were in shock still. We can all say some funny things we don't actually mean....

 

[Ibblebibble]

it was the way it was said, so cold, no sadness at all, but i have seen her after the death of 2 previous ponies and she was honestly devastated the total lack of empathy for the latest one left me feeling cold

 

[Foxhunter49]

Not heartless at all - just truthful.

I have been around horses and other animals for 60+ years and have not cried over an animal since I was about 8 or 9.

I was told that if you cry over one then you cry over them all and never stop crying.

If I have to have an animal sent over the bridge then it is the deciding time that gets to me, not the actual doing.

Does this make me heartless? I think not. It makes me a person who accepts that everything has a life span.

I fully admit that I will bawl my eyes dry watching a sad film or reading a book but in life I am accepting.

 

[Lippyx]

I knew someone whose horse had to be PTS. She was already looking for a replacement before he had even gone. She found a new horse and telling her parents to get the vet done to do the deed as she wanted the new horse. When it had been done she just walked.about the yard saying how devastated she was and how lost she felt. I stayed away needless to say!
Some people maybe just don't know how to deal with it.

 

[Jazzy B]

People deal differently and deal with different horses differently. I lost two horses in the space of ten months how I dealt with them was so different. The first, was a planned PTS (very bad arthritis and weight loss) my boyfriend held her and I decided not to get her ashes back - I cried more about making the decision then after I'd had. My second mare I lost to colic she was retired after 17 years and was 27 I was there and made the decision and got her ashes back and still cry about her a lot! I don't know why they were both very special and both my beautiful girls.

 

[TrasaM]

it was the way it was said, so cold, no sadness at all, but i have seen her after the death of 2 previous ponies and she was honestly devastated the total lack of empathy for the latest one left me feeling cold

I think you have your answer. Loss is hard and we try to protect our emotions through detachment.

 

[Paint Me Proud]

my grandad died last week and I feel no sadness at all. I do not get upset when my pets die either, I am just like that though, people are all different.

 

[YorksG]

I think we should be very slow to judge how others respond to death. Some people put on large displays of emotion, but recover quickly, others show no emotion and have deep feelings about their grief. Not for others to decide they are heartless.

 

[Queenofdiamonds]

People say weird things.

When my friend was killed i was very calm and told my boyfriend i had to pop into work. I then proceeded to ring my dad and when his girlfriend, who i'd never met, told me he was driving i shouted at her a lot. It was so out of character for me. I don't even remember doing it tbh.

 

[igglepop]

I knew a lady who was was buying her next horse as the meat man arrived for her first she didnt care (actualy passed meat lorry as she arrive at yard with new horse), i fould that cold. I love some horses more than others but i hope that any horse pts is in a better place. People cope in different ways ans as long as she wasnt curel or mistreat the horse who are we to judge.

 

[*hic*]

I knew a lady who was was buying her next horse as the meat man arrived for her first she didnt care (actualy passed meat lorry as she arrive at yard with new horse), i fould that cold.

That would be my coping mechanism. It doesn't mean I love the one thats died any the less , it means that I now know that I can't cope with just the memories and need something to keep me looking forward for my own well-being.

 

[Baggybreeches]

To be honest I think it's a coping mechanism. When I lost Emerald I honestly didn't shed a tear until about 8pm that evening. The whole time he was down, and we untacked him and then they took him away was like an out of body experience. My mum was sobbing and crying but I just felt numb so to an outsider they probably thought I didn't care.

 

[BillyBob-Sleigh]

Maybe it was completly different circumstances. I loved and adored my old horse who was pts for various health reasons last month. I miss him dearly.

However his death at 27 was not half as 'sad' and upsetting as holding my friends 6 yr old mare who was hit by a speeding driver. That was horrible, words cannot even describe the anguish in that situation.

It does not mean I am heartless, just personally seeing my long loved old boy ending his life with strength and dignity was actually ok, not great, not a happy experience but the best it could be.

Holding Gem's head whilst she lay in her own blood, screaming was sad, horrific and will stay with me forever.

Oh my god - this sounds truly horrific, poor mare and everyone involved x

 

[Ashleigh_]

It's a tricky one as it's so individual for each person. I'm very quiet about things when it comes to any death. When a very close family member died I did not cry/appear upset, and been the same with pets. It's just how I cope - The best way I can describe it is knowing something hugely important in your life has just been 'taken', and by remaining normal and not hysterically crying/getting angry etc you are stopping those emotions being 'taken' too. It's fear - you almost over compensate to make sure YOU don't fall apart when everything else is.

That might sound completely mental, but the girl is probably really upset and is coping in her own way. I might well look heartless and uncaring too, but I can assure you my insides have been dying on all occasions.

 

[igglepop]

That would be my coping mechanism. It doesn't mean I love the one thats died any the less , it means that I now know that I can't cope with just the memories and need something to keep me looking forward for my own well-being.

I wish with this lady it was but sadly she was vile but it does make it a nicer idea to think about.

 

[Marydoll]

I think you have your answer. Loss is hard and we try to protect our emotions through detachment.

Agreed, ive seen this often, when its obvious the end will be soon, for some people it is almost easier to try to step back and detach, than go through the pain being truthful to the feelings inside will bring.

 

[LittleWildOne]

Everyone has different ways of coping with death.
I lost my last pony just over a year ago. I had a phone call while I was at work on the Friday to say that she wasn't well. She had given birth to her first foal and he had died an hour later.
I stayed with my 5yo mare all night. Managed to stay "calm and sensible" the whole time, holding her and reassuring her during the 6 hours my vet was examining her, washing out her uterus, tubing her and so on. I went with her to the equine hospital the following morning, and held and reassured her while yet more vets examined, washed out, tubed, clipped and scanned her. I led my beautiful mare round to "the box" where she was put to sleep after being diagnosed with acute grass sickness, then sat by her head stroking her as she took her last breath and her heart stopped beating.
My sister, her boyfriend and I sat by her body, hugging each other and crying, even the vet was crying.
I started looking at adverts for a new pony 4 HOURS after my mare died, and found the pony I have now, just 3 days later. That isn't heartless, it's just the way I managed to cope with the death of my young pony who I had since she was 2yo, never handled ever in her life and terrified of everything (she was born wild on the New Forest and never handled at all until I got her).
The day my beautiful pony died will stay with me for the rest of my life, but buying a new pony straight away, doesn't make me or anyone else heartless.
I still cry buckets over her now, and have tears rolling down my cheeks as I type.

R.I.P. Florrie, My Beautiful Angel

 

[Ladydragon]

how can someone have a pony put to sleep and then stand there and tell someone that they're not overly upset about losing the pony but more upset because it has brought back memories of losing an old pony
I can understand how it can bring back memories of course but to not feel sad about the one you have just lost please of i ever get that way shoot me instead of the horse

I really don't see the problem - or necessarily presume it was a coping mechanism of some sort or 'cold' in any way... Perhaps she's just fairly realistic but she had developed a much deeper attachment to the previous pony... Perhaps she never bonded with this one particularly well - so long as it was well cared for and the pts decision was responsible that wouldn't be something I'd worry about either...

A family member is critically ill at the moment... It's certainly not a good time and we all hope he pulls through... Whatever happens though, it has pulled the rug out from under my feet because it has taken me back a couple of years to waiting for, and watching, the death of a loved one I was much more emotionally invested in... It doesn't mean I don't care, just that some deaths hit a lot harder than others...

 

[tinap]

Not read all the replies but probably under different circumstances.

I had a cat pts a few months ago. It was only young & had been run over, fine in himself but lost the ability to know he needed the loo so just did it everywhere without knowing. It was heartbreaking because he was so happy other than that - it was a decision that came as a shock & so sudden, I was distraught.

I'm having my other cat pts any day. He is 18, is deaf & has now gone blind. He keeps walking into things & I keep finding him walking in circles in the road meowing his head off. Putting him to sleep will be a huge relief to me because I can't stand to see him suffer any more. I know I won't cry because I know its the best thing to do & it will certainly remind me of the kitten too

 

[fatpiggy]

I suppose for some people a horse is just a tool, no different from buying a car, or a hairdrier. It breaks, you chuck it and replace it. Their loss though because the bond with an animal is so special and their lives are clearly lacking in something. My old girl is seeing out her last summer now. I can't imagine my life without her, but I've made the decision and I know it is the right thing for her to not have to face another winter. I've discussed the practicalities with the vet at length. Now all I have to do is select the spot and name the day. But every morning and evening when I see her sweet, trusting old face (and it took years and years for her to become like this) I feel so awful, words can't describe it.

 

[Nightmare before Christmas]

my grandad died last week and I feel no sadness at all. I do not get upset when my pets die either, I am just like that though, people are all different.

I am like that, I tend to move on quickly. If my horse was PTS I would be sad, but it happens. I would be able to talk to yard people and get on with the day

 

[*Maddy&Occhi*]

Some people put on large displays of emotion, but recover quickly, others show no emotion and have deep feelings about their grief. Not for others to decide they are heartless.

Totally agree with you. I had my mare PTS on monday, my horse of a life-time. That day, and when I held her until she went, I was in agony and un-controlably cried and cried. I have cried every day since, but when im on my own. I tend to carry alot of the pain very deep.

 

[luckyoldme]

I don t suppose it really matters how she feels about the death of her horse. If it was properly cared for when it was alive then what does it matter if she did nt show emotion when it was put down?
One person might take years to get over it and one might not evan miss a beat.. I don t think either person is wrong.

 

[Capriole]

I think we should be very slow to judge how others respond to death. Some people put on large displays of emotion, but recover quickly, others show no emotion and have deep feelings about their grief. Not for othrs to decide they are heartless.

I completely agree.
Not everyone will break down in public about having a horse PTS, doesnt mean they arent upset.
If I can possibly help it Id rather not cry in public either and would prefer to wait till Im alone, even if it leaves me open to criticism from the ghouls who are happy to sit in judgement and rank me on a scale of how upset I must be, or not, depending on how I react when in public.