Totally out of my depth, and don't know what to do.

[fiwen30]

This is going to be a bit of a moan, I guess, but I don't have any other horsey people to ask for advice, and I really don't know what to do.

I stable my mare, Lola, at my brother-in-law's, fiancee's yard. She has also become a rather good friend; which is why when she said she was visiting my BIL for Christmas, I agreed to hold down the fort. What she failed to mention, was that he had booked it for ALL of the holidays - Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, my birthday on the 30th, New Years Eve, New Years Day, and up to the 5th of January. I was a bit annoyed, as no one had actually ASKED me, it was all just assumed, but I figured I'd make the best of it.

Most of the horses aren't a problem. Her 5 horses are on 24/7 turnout at a second yard just down the road, and there's only 2 which are stabled overnight at my yard - my own mare, and a gelding which belongs to someone else, and is here for training from SIL-to-be. It's the gelding that's the problem. He's a 16hh, 2 year old with a terrible attitude. He barges, walks over the top of you, crushes you against the walls, plants when leading or threatens to go up, and he bites. Not just baby mouthing, actual ears back, teeth first towards you as you're trying to lead him. He also weaves, box walks, has seperation anxiety and is such a bully that none of the other horses will tolerate him in the field.

The last 5 days I've been managing OK, my mare and the gelding are in seperate paddocks, but within eye sight, and they've been turned out in the daytime and in at night. Only yesterday everything froze, and the route to, and by the gate of, my mare's paddock is flooded so it all froze solid. She refused point blank to walk through it, even after I'd broken the ice, so they stayed in yesterday. The only paddock accessible in the gelding's at the front, and I asked SIL-to-be about alternating their turnout days, but she said no due to the gelding's seperation issues. I don't want to turn them out together as there is no one at the yard to supervise, and my mare is such a wuss that she wouldn't defend herself when he picks on her.

I've been forced to keep them in again this morning, and the gelding is getting completely out of hand. He almost knocked me over trying to barge out of the stable, and I'm not too proud to say that I'm almost too scared to handle him now. I can't leave him 24/7 in the paddock, as there isn't any shelter, and he'd probably break out if my mare was brought in but he was left out. I had a very near miss earlier in the year handling another youngster on the ground, when a freak accident caused it to rear up and strike me in the (thankfully helmeted) head, and now any severe playing up while leading makes me really nervous, which of course doesn't help!

There's no one else at the yard to help or in case of an accident, and I just can't believe I've been stuck with this monster, which isn't even close to being my responsibility in the first place, all through the holidays. The thought of handling him makes me sick with worry, I've not been able to enjoy the holidays at all. It's stopped me from sleeping properly, from spending any time with my own horse and I'm actually shaking just thinking about it.

I'm really at a loss as to what I can do to help. Turkey toasties and a big glass of wine to anyone who actually read all of that!

 

[TheMule]

S there an arena you can turn out in?

 

[swampdonkey]

I think you need to be honest and tell owner that you have tried but you can't deal with him anymore.
It could end up with an accident and why should you risk yourself.
I would hold my hands up and say that his behaviour is scaring you and therefore making him more dangerous.

 

[Red-1]

I am sorry you are in this situation.

I would contact the SIL, and explain. Especially as she has the 2yo in for schooling, presumably for payment, it is in her care, custody and control, and if it is getting out of hand she needs to know.

Don't feel bad, you have never advertised your services as a person who can school on for payment a 2yo. That is a specialist job, and it is your SIL who will have to make alternate arrangements. If you contact her she will probably know someone who can step in twice a day to assist, and you can still be thanked profusely for doing the others.

Just be honest, and know that if you were my future SIL I would be very sorry that I had landed you with something you were not enjoying and did not feel safe doing. I was also be eternally grateful that you were willing to help.

 

[Sukistokes2]

Imo this horse is not really your problem. You could do one of two things, rug him up and stick him out 24/7 until your SIL decides to turn up again, or leave him in the stable and care for him over the door. It sounds like he could really hurt you if he decided too. In future I would check how long someone expected to be away before offering, that is a long time for you to be left in charge with no help. Is the owner around, does she know what is happening with her monster....sorry horse? SIL is not doing much work with it if she is not there. Is she bring paid to be working on it?

 

[catwithclaws]

Personally since your sis in law didn't actually ask you if any of this was ok, and she's a good friend, I'd just tell her you're not coping and that you're afraid of getting injured by the horse - and see what she suggests. Can you use a lunge line to lead him so you're able to stay out the way if he acts up? Hope you slept ok last night

 

[debsflo]

I am sorry you are in this situation.

I would contact the SIL, and explain. Especially as she has the 2yo in for schooling, presumably for payment, it is in her care, custody and control, and if it is getting out of hand she needs to know.

Don't feel bad, you have never advertised your services as a person who can school on for payment a 2yo. That is a specialist job, and it is your SIL who will have to make alternate arrangements. If you contact her she will probably know someone who can step in twice a day to assist, and you can still be thanked profusely for doing the others.

Just be honest, and know that if you were my future SIL I would be very sorry that I had landed you with something you were not enjoying and did not feel safe doing. I was also be eternally grateful that you were willing to help.

Poor you. i would definatley contact sil and give her the responsibility of what options are available. please dont risk injuring yourself.

 

[Turitea]

Guess the owner of the geldings lives too far away and additionally might not be of any help since your BIL's financee is training him (because of his issues??). What about getting help from an experienced freelance groom for the remainder of their holidays? I know it costs money but much better than you getting more scared or even worse injured!

 

[Kezzabell2]

Could you at the very least put your gelding and the brat baby out together? At least then he won't be barging you. He'd only in because your mare won't go out? Right? Would she go out on her own over night? Maybe put her out when you get the boys in.

Is it a secure yard could you get the baby to follow a feed bucket rather than battling with him?

Bless you I totally understand your fear. My horse was a brat to lead when he was 2-3. He spent most if his time on 2 legs. I was scared of him too. But it's different when it's your own. I certainly wouldn't be doing that for someone else

I'm going to guess they aren't paying you either?

 

[fiwen30]

Thank you all so much for your kindness, I've been feeling like such a failure to be scared of a horse, but I just don't think I can cope with him.

I don't have any contact with the owner, and yes SIL-to-be is getting paid to work with him, due to his being an agressive bully on the ground. His owner thought it best to have some work done as a 2yo, rather than wait a year till he's even bigger and stronger.

I'll contact her again this morning, and I guess it'll either be keep him out, or keep him in. Trouble is, now I'm worried that he'll hurt himself being out on his own 24/7, but to keep him in for a week would make him far too dangerous for me to get into his stable to feed and water, let alone muck out?

 

[fiwen30]

Could you at the very least put your gelding and the brat baby out together? At least then he won't be barging you. He'd only in because your mare won't go out? Right? Would she go out on her own over night? Maybe put her out when you get the boys in.

Is it a secure yard could you get the baby to follow a feed bucket rather than battling with him?

Bless you I totally understand your fear. My horse was a brat to lead when he was 2-3. He spent most if his time on 2 legs. I was scared of him too. But it's different when it's your own. I certainly wouldn't be doing that for someone else

I'm going to guess they aren't paying you either?

Hi Kezzabell. Sorry if it wasn't clear - there's only my mare and the 2yo on the yard. I'd rather not have my mare out over night, I'm sure she'd cope (being a big fat cob), but there's no shelter, so the 2yo would have to be out in his paddock by himself 24/7.

To get from the stable to the 2yo's paddock, you have to go through the car park. It's a large, but secure area, but there's also 4 yard dogs running around which are impossible to wrangle. I think I could get him over there on a lunge line, but taking him back and forth twice a day is more tan my nerve could handle.

I wish I was getting paid! Unfortunately I think it's being written off as a 'family favour', and like I said, I was never asked to do it, only told that she was going away and so I'd have to take care of everything. 'Everything' being all 7 horses, 4 dogs, 1 cat and some chickens, which I've done before quite happily, but this 2yo is just far too much.

 

[DressageCob]

Can't the gelding and your mare swap fields? if the issue is your mare won't walk across the ice in her field, maybe the gelding won't be so fussy?

 

[TGM]

Can you get some used bedding to put over the ice at the entrance to your mare's paddock so she will go in there? Put a bucket of food in the paddock if she is still reluctant. How far is the gelding's paddock from the stable? Is the yard fairly safe? Could you open his paddock gate, put his feed bucket and hay in the paddock, then open his stable door and let him find his own way out? If the yard is icy and you are worried about him slipping then put some used bedding down on it. To be honest, I'd then leave both of them out at nights unless the weather is particularly vile.

 

[Turitea]

Oh no, you are not a failure! You are brave and smart to admit you are out of your depth in this situation. Ask your BIL's financee if she knows of anyone experienced enough to give you a hand!

 

[fiwen30]

Helenalbert - the only way I got her through the first time is because she's such a gentle darling to handle. I wouldnt even think of attempting it with 16hh of agressive baby.

TGM - it's not just ground ice, unfortunately, it's a flood about mid-calf deep, with a pretty thick skin of ice on top. It extends about 100m to the paddock, then takes up around 1/6th of it by the gate. It's beautiful to have horses grazing in their paddock beside a lake during summer, but in winter when it floods and freezes - not so much!

 

[Kezzabell2]

Ah ok. Not idea for a young horse that is that rude, with separation issues to be on a yard with only one other horse

Poor you.

What someone else has said can you swap their fields around. Get your mare a nice warm rug and just leave them out. 5 days wont hurt them. But 5 days with a bartty horse is more likely to.hurt you.

My 30 yr old mare is out 24/7. She has a shelter but only uses it when it's hot or really wet. I bet your mare will surprise you

But please don't get hurt. Especially when you are doing this for free. If you get hurt and can't work i bet sil won't pay your loss of earnings

 

[RunToEarth]

Can you get some used bedding to put over the ice at the entrance to your mare's paddock so she will go in there? Put a bucket of food in the paddock if she is still reluctant. How far is the gelding's paddock from the stable? Is the yard fairly safe? Could you open his paddock gate, put his feed bucket and hay in the paddock, then open his stable door and let him find his own way out? If the yard is icy and you are worried about him slipping then put some used bedding down on it. To be honest, I'd then leave both of them out at nights unless the weather is particularly vile.

This is great advice OP. I haven't read the full thread properly, so not sure exactly how long he has been stabled for, but for your own safety sake I would not try and turn them out by yourself. If there is no one else at your yard, do you have any other horsey friends, your mum or even someone from the other yard who can help you turn them both out?

 

[RunToEarth]

Helenalbert - the only way I got her through the first time is because she's such a gentle darling to handle. I wouldnt even think of attempting it with 16hh of agressive baby.

TGM - it's not just ground ice, unfortunately, it's a flood about mid-calf deep, with a pretty thick skin of ice on top. It extends about 100m to the paddock, then takes up around 1/6th of it by the gate. It's beautiful to have horses grazing in their paddock beside a lake during summer, but in winter when it floods and freezes - not so much!

In that case, is there any possibility of the 2yo going to the other yard on 24/7 turnout with her other 4 geldings? Just until NYD arrives?

 

[Tiddlypom]

You're not a wimp by admitting you are out of your depth handling this brattish youngster, you are sensible.
Contact SiL to be asap, and tell her that you aren't coping. Let her arrange alternative cover, or return early from her holiday to take over. Its not your problem if it messes up her plans.
In the meantime, keep yourself safe.
Wondering how she is taking money to straighten out this thug, but then disappears off for a long break?

 

[fiwen30]

This is great advice OP. I haven't read the full thread properly, so not sure exactly how long he has been stabled for, but for your own safety sake I would not try and turn them out by yourself. If there is no one else at your yard, do you have any other horsey friends, your mum or even someone from the other yard who can help you turn them both out?

Ah, I wish SIL-to-be is the only horsey person I know, and the second yard is unoccupied, bar the 5 horses on 24/7 turnout. I have my husband who has been reluctantly helping with yard chores a couple of mornings, but he knows less than nothing about being around horses, and doesn't know the extent of my anxiety about this 2yo, let alone how dangerous horses can be.

Still, I'll have DH with me just in case, when I try and wrangle the 2yo into the paddock later.

 

[Archangel]

SIL comes home and deals with the horse or she calls in a favour from another friend local and they come and help you. I think it is a flipping cheek to dump on you like this - don't they think you might like to enjoy a break too?

If one of mine was playing up I would want to know.

 

[fiwen30]

In that case, is there any possibility of the 2yo going to the other yard on 24/7 turnout with her other 4 geldings? Just until NYD arrives?

Not really, I can't tow the box, and it's too far to walk. SIL-to-be had thought about bringing one of them to the working yard to turnout with the 2yo while she was away, but had changed her mind incase the 2yo got injured since he belongs to someone else.

 

[millikins]

Hi Kezzabell. Sorry if it wasn't clear - there's only my mare and the 2yo on the yard. I'd rather not have my mare out over night, I'm sure she'd cope (being a big fat cob), but there's no shelter, so the 2yo would have to be out in his paddock by himself 24/7.

To get from the stable to the 2yo's paddock, you have to go through the car park. It's a large, but secure area, but there's also 4 yard dogs running around which are impossible to wrangle. I think I could get him over there on a lunge line, but taking him back and forth twice a day is more tan my nerve could handle.

Would it be a possibility to rug your mare and put her in 2yo's paddock and leave 2yo in the car park with plenty of hay if it's a secure area?

 

[fiwen30]

You're not a wimp by admitting you are out of your depth handling this brattish youngster, you are sensible.
Contact SiL to be asap, and tell her that you aren't coping. Let her arrange alternative cover, or return early from her holiday to take over. Its not your problem if it messes up her plans.
In the meantime, keep yourself safe.
Wondering how she is taking money to straighten out this thug, but then disappears off for a long break?

Thanks. I can't help feeling like I should just be dealing with this - I work as yard help/groom with her in the mornings, 5 days a week, in return for livery cost, feed, hay and bedding for my mare, and while I work blooming hard I can't shake the feeling that I still owe her, so I should get on and do it! It's silly of course, I'm more than capable of looking after all of her own horses, but I should not have been left with someone elses uncontrollable youngster.

SIL-to-be hadn't actually wanted to take the 2yo until the spring when we can turn out 24/7 again, but the owner was adamant. It's starting to look like she couldn't cope with him eaither, and wanted him fobbed off for the winter!

 

[Theocat]

It's SILs responsibility to come back or arrange alternative care, but I appreciate it's not as straightforward as just telling her that if you keep yours there and have a lifelong personal relationship to build with her. I'd tell her you're struggling and see what she says, and if you can't get help I'd put them both out 24/7 for a few days. Your safety has to come first and the horses will be fine

 

[Clodagh]

I would leave him in and throw hay over the door. You could perhaps bodge up a water bucket the same way. Tell s-in-law you are sorry but you. can't cope. Poor horse, but totally not your problem or responsibility.

 

[Bojingles]

You poor thing, the whole situation sounds a nightmare. Has SIL contacted you at all over the holidays? I think you need to speak to her urgently and just be honest. You owe it primarily to yourself but also to the 2YO, who is SIL's responsibility! Good luck

 

[fiwen30]

I would leave him in and throw hay over the door. You could perhaps bodge up a water bucket the same way. Tell s-in-law you are sorry but you. can't cope. Poor horse, but totally not your problem or responsibility.

Goodness, that sounds like sense to limit handling, but I don't think my conscience could let me leave him to stand in for a week, and he'll be breathing fire in another day or two. There's an anti-weave grille on his stable too, enough to throw hay over, but I'd be risking getting trampled trying to fill his water buckets.

 

[ihatework]

I'd contact SIL and let her know that there is highly likely to be an accident with either the horse or yourself and that she needs to come back to help you deal with it (even if it's only getting him into a suitable paddock with company 24/7)

 

[fiwen30]

You poor thing, the whole situation sounds a nightmare. Has SIL contacted you at all over the holidays? I think you need to speak to her urgently and just be honest. You owe it primarily to yourself but also to the 2YO, who is SIL's responsibility! Good luck

Only with the whole family on Christmas Day, she's not reached out to me personally since she left on the 24th. I get that she wanted to spend the holidays with her fiance, I spent them apart from my partner for 5 years while we were long distance, but it should've been either Christmas OR New Years, not both; and I certainly shouldn't have been left with this 2yo :/

I spoke to her this morning about not having access to my mare's paddock, and she told me to just put them both out together. This just screams 'bad idea', as there's no one at the yard to keep an eye on them, they've not been properly introduced over a fence, and the 2yo would bully my mare and run her ragged, and I'm not willing to do that to her.