Training mares

[Cluelessblonde]

Hi guys,

I've always been a gelding person!

So now I have a mare... I've ridden plenty but I'm worried about personality stash and my controlling nature on a everyday basis. Normally this doesn't impress mares. Is the approach work on myself try to stay in balance and let them sort themselves out the right approach? When do you leave something vs push through? Any other mind frames or ideas all welcome

TIA guys

 

[shortstuff99]

You say controlling, what do you mean by that?

Fairness and consistency is what mares (and horses generally) prefer, not one day something being allowed and the next it's not.

 

[PapaverFollis]

Don't worry. A decent mare will straighten you out. ? Call it personal development.

 

[Cluelessblonde]

You say controlling, what do you mean by that?

Fairness and consistency is what mares (and horses generally) prefer, not one day something being allowed and the next it's not.

It's more from my last horse to be honest. He was quite sharp so I ride every stride exactly where I want. I very very rarely lose my patience I'm not one to raise my voice. And when I do I mean it. I don't use the whip but if it's taking the piss I work harder. I don't mind dripping sweat or blood if that it takes but generally it's not ego I'm driven by its belief that they can do it. If they're fighting my favourite saying is your only wasting your own energy. But I don't want a resentful mare because I don't let something go

 

[Cluelessblonde]

Don't worry. A decent mare will straighten you out. ? Call it personal development.

Hahahaha I had a baby over a year ago and were hitting toddler stage tantrums and people go wow how u coping with the mood swings n I'm like eh he's nothing compared to the last comp horse

 

[milliepops]

I think the difference i find with my girls is that to get the best from them you have to find a way to make them think it was all their idea.
Whereas if a gelding says nope, you can often say "er, you mean yes" and sort of railroad them.

I find sometimes we skirt round things a bit with the mares if there's a nope moment. But there's mares and mares. They aren't all the same. I just happen to have a bunch that know their own minds ?

 

[Cluelessblonde]

I think the difference i find with my girls is that to get the best from them you have to find a way to make them think it was all their idea.
Whereas if a gelding says nope, you can often say "er, you mean yes" and sort of railroad them.

I find sometimes we skirt round things a bit with the mares if there's a nope moment. But there's mares and mares. They aren't all the same. I just happen to have a bunch that know their own minds ?

Would you mind giving me an example of how u make them think its they're idea? A lot of people seem to say it and I'm kinda confused

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

It's more from my last horse to be honest. He was quite sharp so I ride every stride exactly where I want. I very very rarely lose my patience I'm not one to raise my voice. And when I do I mean it. I don't use the whip but if it's taking the piss I work harder. I don't mind dripping sweat or blood if that it takes but generally it's not ego I'm driven by its belief that they can do it. If they're fighting my favourite saying is your only wasting your own energy. But I don't want a resentful mare because I don't let something go

I can't see that method working with a mare tbh, riding a mare is very much having a conversation with an equal partner, rather than ordering someone about. I have had a lot of different mares with very different personalities but they have all had that in common.

 

[Cluelessblonde]

I can't see that method working with a mare tbh, riding a mare is very much having a conversation with an equal partner, rather than ordering someone about. I have had a lot of different mares with very different personalities but they have all had that in common.

Yup that's why I'm trying to understand what's OK and what's not. I obviously can't completely change who I am but if I draw awareness to it and I can at least try. Tbh I'm an emotional person and I've learned how to control that with the last horse and adjust how I rode and I'm happy to do it again. At the start I had to get down regroup and try again

 

[Cluelessblonde]

I can't see that method working with a mare tbh, riding a mare is very much having a conversation with an equal partner, rather than ordering someone about. I have had a lot of different mares with very different personalities but they have all had that in common.

Sorry meant to ask example of what that looks and feels like

 

[PapaverFollis]

Honestly I think you have to let your mare teach you. It's not something that is easy to put into words or explain in concrete "do this, do that" terms. I'm a horrible perfectionist and my old mare and me had a somewhat turbulent working relationship. But through lots of trial and error I eventually found the knife edge between asking enough and asking too much. It was like balancing on a breath. But it feels like magic when it's right.

I'm back on a gelding enjoying being a bossy boots at the moment because my young mare has put me right back in my place. For now!

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

I’d always had geldings before and I kind of think of my relationship with them as like brother and sister. You get on really well and it’s easy and you might bicker but then 5 mins later it’s like it nevee happened.

with a mare, it sounds cheesy but it’s like a soul mate when you click. I know exactly what she’s going to do a millisecond before she does it and I know how she thinks and how I can break something down for her. And vice versa, she knows what days I can handle a bit of sass and what days I just need a friend.

I think with mares you either have that soul mate feeling or you just don’t get on at all whereas with geldings you can like them a lot but maybe not get that overwhelming obsession. That’s just my experience anyway!

I’d say don’t expect to click straight away, she’ll most likely have quirks and it will be a while until you can recognise them and react to them how she likes. Just keep quiet, try a few different things and take it one day at a time, at the end of the day they are “entire” which I think a lot of people forget.

 

[paddi22]

one of my mares went to a quite controlling no-nonsense trainer danish style trainer who is an amazing rider and had brilliant results with my gelding. I got a call two days later saying there was no point her training her as they just didn't click at all. I assume she sat up on her and said 'right you are working now, do as I say' and the mare just went 'who the f*** are you and why exactly should I be doing what you order, and I don't like the way you asked anyway, so to be honest I'm just not going to move at all'. the trainer tried a few times and just said the mare was intentionally trying to wind her up. trainer was wise enough to admit it was a personality clash.

the 'push through the fight' thing would absolutely never work with my mare. if she comes into an arena in bad form, I find I nearly have to flatter her into performing. so if she even does a semi decent transition I praise and then she changes and is like 'oh my god you thought that transition was good? wait till you see the leg yields I can do!' and she starts to show off.

I can get on my gelding and ask him what to do, but with her she is just 50/50 in the process and it's an equal conversation. I absolutely adore that about mares. You have to give up the idea that you are in control a bit, and learn to trust them. and when they know that you trust them and they trust you, they will give you their heart and can be just magical. but I found I did have to give up a lot of the controlling more aggressive ways I used to ride.

 

[milliepops]

yeah I would agree, pushing through a fight is absolutely the wrong way with all of mine.
Current one especially, she is very trainable but it has to be in a way that she agrees with, otherwise she will either down tools or spiral into worse and worse behaviour. escalating a fight just ends badly, but if you approach her in the right way then she will give you all she can.

I would say there's 2 things to bear in mind - head off on a slight tangent if you feel a NO coming your way. avoid getting to the NO point by thinking laterally about how to ask for what you want. and then allow time for the question you've asked to percolate in the mare brain. Mine have all needed a split second to just consider what you've asked them, and then they generally agree. (I mean, i would try to avoid a hard NO on any horse because it's often simply because they have misunderstood, but you get the point).

By contrast if I hesitate like that with my scatterbrain gelding, he will exploit that and go and do his own thing. I am much more of a dictator with him, he doesn't make good choices by himself, whereas the mares generally will do, but ever so slightly in their own time. that's one example of how you make it seem like it's their idea IMO.

 

[PapaverFollis]

? "doesn't make good choices by himself" is so "gelding". Bless their cottons. My natural style is definitely better suited to riding geldings. But that makes riding a mare even more important and transformative.

Good advice about feeling the "No" coming and sidestepping it. And about telling mares how wonderful they are even when they aren't being that wonderful. There's nothing better than when a mare is so puffed up and pleased with herself that she's just hitting every stride like a champion.

I really have to start getting back on with The Beast. She has so much to teach me but I'm so scared of learning it.

 

[tda]

Love and agree with all the answers, love my mares ?

One thing I have realised recently is just how long it can sometimes take them to truly settle in. Just noticed a definite change in one after a long time, but she is quite unusual in many ways ??

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Love and agree with all the answers, love my mares ?

One thing I have realised recently is just how long it can sometimes take them to truly settle in. Just noticed a definite change in one after a long time, but she is quite unusual in many ways ??

Oh yes, I've had mares who have taken a year to settle fully, although they haven't seemed 'unsettled' in the preceding months. It's when you look back that you realise that now they truly are settled.

 

[tda]

Oh yes, I've had mares who have taken a year to settle fully, although they haven't seemed 'unsettled' in the preceding months. It's when you look back that you realise that now they truly are settled.

Yes definitely, I've had this one 3 years now ??

 

[SEL]

I've had my Appy mare 5 years now and I still think of her as a teenage daughter who'd stomp upstairs yelling her head off and slamming her bedroom door if we fell out!

I tend to handle her a bit like you would a hormonal teenager too. We have rules and boundaries and we both promise to work within them ?

Like others have said you need to work WITH most mares. Mine has a horrible habit of running backwards when she is stressed. I used to try and push her forwards - like I do with my gelding if he's having a moment - but that just used to result in a dangerous meltdown. So now we pause, we sit and we discuss what is stressful and both decide together that really forwards is best. I went through a stage of having to get off so the goblins would eat me first & that did seem to build up trust so we have less meltdowns.

There's only 3 mares in our little yard and their personalities dwarf those of the boys! Pretty much every horse gives the little section A mare a wide berth - small but feisty ??

 

[Buster2020]

You asked a mare . You tell a gelding

 

[PSD]

I guess I’ve been lucky with my mares, my late Connie mare I swear was a gelding in disguise. She was so laid back, never mareish and I almost never argued with her. My current filly, is slightly sassier but she’s young and still very placid and willing. Haven’t really encountered many arguments with her yet.

I agree with ownedbyaconnie, you either meet your soulmate with a mare or you just don’t get along. I had a section c mare once who was the loveliest little thing, never put a foot wrong but I just didn’t “like” her. It’s hard to explain, but I sold her for that reason. So I can’t really offer advice on what to do for the best as I’ve always been lucky to buy quite cooperative mares!

Having said that, I’ll always have a mare over a gelding. Once you gain their heart, they will do absolutely anything for you

 

[milliepops]

I've had my Appy mare 5 years now and I still think of her as a teenage daughter who'd stomp upstairs yelling her head off and slamming her bedroom door if we fell out!

I tend to handle her a bit like you would a hormonal teenager too. We have rules and boundaries and we both promise to work within them ?

hahahaha
Kira is like a toddler that's on the borderline of getting too tired
she doesn't really know why she's having a meltdown, it just happens. and then she clings on wanting cuddles afterwards

I think lots of people can cope with mares but to really enjoy them you have to go along with the baggage they come with and not get emotional about it.

 

[Kahlua]

I find this image an accurate representation of life with a mare ? but I LOVE mares. I’ve ridden many different types over the years and whilst I have fond memories of very reliable, trainable geldings who love smooches, my most exciting, rewarding and fun times have been with mares. Mine have always tolerated smooches, but never tend to hang around for them ?

I have always found you can’t tell a mare, some do need very clear guidance, but they will never be “told”. In saying that I have also ridden geldings that act more like mares and more rarely mares who are more like geldings. Don’t write off getting a mare because you’re worried about a personality clash, but it may not be the best idea to go with one that has strong ideas about life as you may end up in war of wills ?

 

[oldie48]

After having had a succession of geldings, I bought a mare 20 months ago. She's bright, a little bit opinionated and can be lazy. I pretty much asked the same question on here as you and got similar answers but tbh she's not a lot different from a bright gelding, give her an inch and she'll take a mile the next time! She needs clear boundaries and firm but fair handling and riding. She quickly susses out her rider and will always test them out at some point, if she's ridden through it she will then work nicely and be onside. She doesn't suffer fools gladly and is quick to take advantage if she thinks you are intimidated by her. I am making her sound horrible, she's not, just an opportunist. Last year she started slamming the brakes on in canter, threatening to rear and doing a lot of half hearted bucks tbh it did intimidate me and she knew it. Eventually I plucked up my courage and gave her a good smack expecting to get bucked over her head! She went forward and did some lovely work. She's never done it again. It may not be the same with every mare or every horse but with this one she needs to know where she stands in the pecking order and it needs to below her rider not above, this has been my experience with every horse regardless of sex.

 

[scats]

I’ve had plenty of both, but give me a mare any day of the week! Love them.
They are different, as is every horse, but as a rule they are easier to clash with so you soon learn ways not to clash with them! I’ve had mares since I was little, so I sort of grew up with them and how to deal with them.
They generally don’t like someone who comes in all guns blazing and wants things doing their way. They can have quite strong opinions and what might be a little disagreement with a gelding, can easily turn into WW3 with a temperamental mare. I think you have to be easily adaptable and be able to diffuse conflict, have different tools up your sleeve and be able to pull things out the bag if need be.
Mares are simply wonderful. Entire, opinionated, but wonderful.

 

[daffy44]

I love all my horses, but the mares are just special, to generalise they are more sensitive, and I find they need the partnership more, but once you have that relationship with a mare its a very special gift.

 

[Cluelessblonde]

Love and agree with all the answers, love my mares ?

One thing I have realised recently is just how long it can sometimes take them to truly settle in. Just noticed a definite change in one after a long time, but she is quite unusual in many ways ??

Yes agree with this definitely with my mare. She came and spent 2 weeks with her ears back at me... All I kept thinking was crap what have I done this horse obv hates me... Most horses like me cause I'm quiet and I never push too much... But a month and a half chilling feeding her (not treats just feeds) finding itchy spots. I get regular hand licks and made it quite clear to the farrier that yes it's fine mum touches me no its not OK u touch me I don't bloody no u so that will definitely take time.

 

[Cluelessblonde]

I guess I’ve been lucky with my mares, my late Connie mare I swear was a gelding in disguise. She was so laid back, never mareish and I almost never argued with her. My current filly, is slightly sassier but she’s young and still very placid and willing. Haven’t really encountered many arguments with her yet.

I agree with ownedbyaconnie, you either meet your soulmate with a mare or you just don’t get along. I had a section c mare once who was the loveliest little thing, never put a foot wrong but I just didn’t “like” her. It’s hard to explain, but I sold her for that reason. So I can’t really offer advice on what to do for the best as I’ve always been lucky to buy quite cooperative mares!

Having said that, I’ll always have a mare over a gelding. Once you gain their heart, they will do absolutely anything for you

Yes I had a mare before this years ago and I think I wrote them all off as a result...!! We just didn't understand each other. Nothing dangerous or mad but just never clicked ever. We both tolerated each other so I sold her. I think this is my main worry that I'll do something that is very simple don't do that with a mare thing and it would just sour our relationship. But as above said the gelding was quiet full of his own self importance so I used a lot of good boy wow ur so clever and that worked a treat so ill definitely go in with that frame of mind and making sure every lil effort is rewarded if it's not working be flexible

 

[Cluelessblonde]

I find this image an accurate representation of life with a mare ? but I LOVE mares. I’ve ridden many different types over the years and whilst I have fond memories of very reliable, trainable geldings who love smooches, my most exciting, rewarding and fun times have been with mares. Mine have always tolerated smooches, but never tend to hang around for them ?

I have always found you can’t tell a mare, some do need very clear guidance, but they will never be “told”. In saying that I have also ridden geldings that act more like mares and more rarely mares who are more like geldings. Don’t write off getting a mare because you’re worried about a personality clash, but it may not be the best idea to go with one that has strong ideas about life as you may end up in war of wills ?

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Haha I'm actually extremely patient it's not I drill or get annoyed it more because of the last gelding I had to be clear and accurate of where to do what. He mentally couldn't cope if you just chilled in the saddle even in a walk. If your moving the rider was working otherwise get off my back or I'll remove u. So as a result I'm programmed to get up and ride so that's where the concern is really where the line is. But only she can really tell me that I no that too. But I always admired the mare that have that work ethic that are just so up for it. I just don't see the same spark in a gelding

 

[Cluelessblonde]

After having had a succession of geldings, I bought a mare 20 months ago. She's bright, a little bit opinionated and can be lazy. I pretty much asked the same question on here as you and got similar answers but tbh she's not a lot different from a bright gelding, give her an inch and she'll take a mile the next time! She needs clear boundaries and firm but fair handling and riding. She quickly susses out her rider and will always test them out at some point, if she's ridden through it she will then work nicely and be onside. She doesn't suffer fools gladly and is quick to take advantage if she thinks you are intimidated by her. I am making her sound horrible, she's not, just an opportunist. Last year she started slamming the brakes on in canter, threatening to rear and doing a lot of half hearted bucks tbh it did intimidate me and she knew it. Eventually I plucked up my courage and gave her a good smack expecting to get bucked over her head! She went forward and did some lovely work. She's never done it again. It may not be the same with every mare or every horse but with this one she needs to know where she stands in the pecking order and it needs to below her rider not above, this has been my experience with every horse regardless of sex.

I'm actually so glad u said this because there was two days where she tried to bite me. My horses are not abused by any stretch of the imagination. If anything I'm told by hard core friends ur too soft too slow training ur horses push on but I'm a real step by step girl. Anyways I gave her a proper smack both days and told her who the hell do u think u are then completely calmed went over scratched the two other who looked at her as if to say what the hell did u do?! Went back over she kept her head low licking my hand tail between her legs so she then got scratches too. I try my best to be clear. We have a absolutely no kicking no bitting rule in this house.