Trying too hard and feeling hopeless...

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Switchthehorse

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Ok so I either need a kick up the backside, a slap and a good shake or I need some advice! Not sure which!

Have had my horse nearly 5 years, she is rising 8, but very slow learner. We have had our ups and downs (spinal boards/broken bones etc) but we have stuck together and gradually come through it. I have posted some vids on here before of us jumping as she is very nervous of fences even now after 3 years of trying!! Anyway recently we have been making good progress, had a try at xc, won our first ever BD prelim, and been jumping better and refusing less, and generally slow gradual progress.

I have two great instructors, and things have been going well. To be honest things havent actually 'gone bad' as such, I guess they have just levelled off. But the last week or so has been HOPELESS. Mainly because I think i am trying too hard schooling her and it always ends up in a row. I end up getting tenser and tenser trying to be perfect, and she gets angry and we both lose our rag and I end up miserable as sin. To be honest it doesn't help that i am surrounded by either superb competition horses, or what you might call 'normal' horses who are legends, gorgeous but are straight forward and just DO everything. No arguments, no refusals, they just do. My horse looks like a donkey on the flat so everyone thinks she is an angel but she has a mean bronc in her, is very tempremental and opinionated and is the complete opposite i.e. she doesnt 'just DO' anything... she needs hours of coaxing etc.

Recently when I have finished schooling i am so tense I literally have pins and needles in my jaw and am tight across my back, mainly with frustration. And then I want to bawl a lot a) cos i feel guilty as I love my nag and b) because i just feel SO hopeless compared to everyone else! i have tried singing (!) when riding, have tried having a nice 'don't care' hack or schooling session but as soon as I try to school properly i get frustrated again.

WAIL.

I dont ride with a stick so don't worry there is no beating or horse cruelty involved!! I do love my nag as I say and always end on a good note with a reward.. just with me feeling thoroughly *****!!

This is a rant really but anyone feeling the same? Is it just the weather? I am getting to the stage I struggle to be happy for everyone elses ENDLESS achievements which is making me a hopeless friend and a miserable old bag!!?? Any tips on relaxing and removing competitive head and chilling out a bit??? Or do I literally just need a slap and a kick!!???
 
Sounds like you tensing is making it worse. Try schooling on hacks, once its established its much easier to replicate in a school. Stop comparing yourself to others too, it will come in time. I'd also guess you might be expecting too much from both of you in your sessions, i'm not saying aim low, but make the targets achievable so you finish feeling positive. And try & start & finish each session with something you already know you both do well, even if its something basic like 20m circles, the boost to your confidence at doing it well will do more good in the long run than trying to improve every minute you ride.
 
Why not take the pressure off, and simply stop schooling for a bit?

As Littlelegs has suggested, schooling on hacks is a great alternative.
 
You need a slap....and a kick! :rolleyes: it sounds like a) your being far to hard on yourself and b) under pressure because of the other horses. Every horse is different and they are not going to be perfect as we want them to be.

As you've said your horse is a slow learner, so take that into account when schooling. Time, patience & encouragement, some horses get bored when being schooled. Maybe add some trot poles into schooling so it's something different in your schooling routine.

I find it usually keeps the horses brain ticking over nicely and they start to listen to you. I use to be like this with my 16'3 wb. He was a strong minded bugger and when we had an 'argument' it was like a divorce.

This was down to me thinking he wasn't 'going good enough' on the flat. This change when my instructor recorded my riding & then played it back. He was actually soft and rounded and basically told me your being hard on yourself and him.

Just relax and think she's a slow learner you will get there! :D good luck & sorry for writing too much!
 
would you consider having someone else school her maybe once a week for a month or two? Not saying that you aren't completely capable of doing it yourself, but I think it can be a massive help to have an outsider come in and do a bit of work with them. When I've stopped making progress with horses in the past I've done this and it has made a huge difference.

At the moment my instructor schools my horse one day a week, and then I have my lesson with her the following day, and it's great - she has the experience of hopping on and off different horses all day long and can find ways round problems that would never occur to me, then she can drill me in the tactics the next day. It helps me to find a different way of asking him for the result I want that he'll actually listen to - as my instructor enjoys telling me 'if what you're doing isn't getting the result you want from your horse, you need to do something differently'
 
No slapping have a large glass of something and relax. We are so emotionally attached to our own horses it can be come too pressured. Try no schooling just going forwards for a bit. I also have to say I struggled with a quirky (too smart) horse for 5 years and did achieve some results but I could no longer manage the emotional and physical requirements. So sold him to a wonderful home where he just hacks and I bought a smaller confidence giver and life now is much less stressful I have more time and energy for other parts of my life. Good luck :)
 
I don't really have any advice just a lot of sympathy. I was the one with the naughty horse for 2 years and although my fellow liveries were all really kind and sympathetic it used to really get me down hearing about their achievements and feeling I had achieved nothing with my horse. She was a very difficult horse and severely damaged my confidence (not helped by a near fatal freak accident) and in the end I just had to give up as I was becoming obsessive about getting her right and no longer enjoying my riding.

My friend bought her as a project and has found her a rider who is really enjoying her and now keeping her and I have now got a new horse who is of the more saintly variety.

I'm not saying you need to do that with your girl just really to say remember we do this for fun and if the bad days start to outweigh the good there is no shame in saying this isn't working and moving on.

I hope you can get your girl through this blip and get to the fun bit at the other side x
 
Very different situation but I only school for very short periods - 20 mins - and I find that helpful.

My very experienced instructor advises trying a few times and if something doesn't work, leave it, end on a good note (do something you can do), and don't practise your mistakes (something you can end up doing very easily).

And every time you find yourself comparing yourselves to others on the yard. Stop. Force yourself to stop and think of something else. It is about the most unhelpful thought you can have in every aspect of your life - really.
 
Agree with ghostie. Find an instructor who will ride your horse & then teach you. I can 'see' but am not so good at 'feel'. My instructor will ride my horse & talk me through what she feels, how he feels & how she is riding him to get what we are after. Then I ride him & she talks me through what I should be feeling & how to get it. (She rides lots of horses every day, I only ride mine) 12 months on horse & I have come on so much, my 'feel' has improved & often I have the whole lesson myself from start to finish.
 
I'm not the only one then :) I someyimes end up crying because we row so much, but she can make up for it when she is out of season(mares eh!) try and take a plod hack, that's what I do when we are(me*cough*) are down in the dumps! Try counting to ten before you row and remember, BREATH ;)
Also everyone thinks my girl is an angel, sadly I 'show' them her bucks at the wrong time :/ aha dont worry we can have donkeys together :D
 
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