TW: what to do when the inevitable happens to your companion

[BlackIrishBeauty]

Hi all,

Trigger warning regarding horses and loss of companion.

We keep ours on our own land; we have 2- one is my 16 yo mare and the other is my 34 yo Shetland.

I’m preparing myself for the inevitable with my shetty after noticing him going a little blind, deaf and struggling on back legs.

I am planning on getting another companion for my mare when he goes over rainbow bridge - but I was wondering a few things-

- how does the other cope with grief and is there anything that I can do?
- how do you manage them on their own during the period of me finding another?

Thanks all as I know this can be sensitive.

 

[TheMule]

I would try to get a companion sorted before you have the Shetland PTS, it's much easier for them if the bond is already established

 

[meleeka]

I’ve been in this situation a few times and this is why I currently have 3. I’d say do let your mare see the body. I thought it would upset my pony more so didn’t the first time and she called for a week After that I’ve always just had it done on the verge on the drive and shut ponies in while the deed is done, then let them out in their field so they are free to go and have a look if they want.

My poor little Shetland has had too much grieving. The last one broke my heart as he really was quite depressed afterwards. When it’s happened before, they are usually just a bit quiet for a day or so. This time round I’ve already got him a friend, who should hopefully outlive him, so it won’t be such a wrench for him when my mare goes.

 

[SilverLinings]

In my experience as with humans horses cope differently; some seem unbothered by the loss of a companion and some become depressed or unsettled for a while. Many people suggest letting the remaining horse(s) see the body of the horse that has died, believing that it helps them understand that the horse is not coming back.

If you think your horse may struggle on their own then have you considered moving them to a local yard until you can find a companion? If you aren't looking for a ridden companion then it will be easier to find one, and several charities use foster homes for their horses which may suit you. You could also advertise locally for a temporary loan to keep your horse company until you buy another. If grazing and finances allow then you may want to consider acquiring another horse now, before you have to say goodbye to your pony.

It can be a difficult time so it seems very wise that you are thinking about the practicalities in advance.

 

[94lunagem]

I don’t think there is any one size fits all to be honest. I keep mine at home too and have gone from 3 to 2, and then 2 to 1.

My 2 to 1 was my horse of a lifetime, he was in his late 20’s and I’d had him 22 years, we had grown up together. I’ve been there many times when friends have had theirs PTS and am very cold and practical, but that wasn’t the case with my own. This one was sudden over a weekend (sods law isn’t it!) and I hadn’t had chance to make arrangements for a companion, I had a little Sec A left behind. A friend took charge and showed him the body before it was taken away, but to be blunt he wasn’t really fussed. I’ve never had clingy horses, even when I was down to 2, and can always bring one in without the other etc. My Sec A was then on his own for a period, he would normally live out but I did bring him in overnight during that time. Obviously one can never be 100% sure but he seemed to behave normally and wasn’t stood at the gate or calling etc. I also knew I had friends who could have their horses with me pretty quickly, had he have been distressed.

That loss hit me very hard and, quite simply, I couldn’t face even thinking about finding something as company for him. After a few weeks, some friends gently started making some enquiries, arranged viewings for me, and took me, and pretty much bought my Native (my companion to my companion) for me. It probably took me 12 months to accept her, and a further summer to bond with her. I can tell because I didn’t start to take photos of them both until then. But she arrived and having been on his own around 6 weeks, they’ve rubbed along together fine. I will say I tend to take a “just get on with it and it’ll be fine” approach to introducing new horses to new environments in general though.

I’ve written far more there than I intended or you’d asked for! What I think I’m trying to say is try not to tie yourself up in knots worrying about how your mare may or may not react, give yourself a few options you can deploy depending on how she (and you) cope, and do enjoy the time with your Shetland while you have him

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

Feeling your pain OP.

And ditto the advice & wisdom from others on here.

My contribution would be to share an experience I had with one of my old boys: he'd lost his field companion/pair-bond and took it very badly. The other horse was dominant to him, and on occasions was actually quite horrid, but when he lost him he just went into a very morose state.

At that time I was offered two young Arabs (unbroken) to share the field with him. Great I thought. What a good idea. He will have some company. I jumped at the offer. These two youngsters however were both patently pairbonded with each other and would hoon around and do all the things that youngsters do, always together, and my poor old lad was just left out of it all, I can still see him now in my mind's eye standing under the tree all lonesome. Think elderly retired vicar placed in the same house as a pair of juvenile delinquents, and you get the picture.

I really wish I'd thought the whole thing through at an earlier stage, like you are sadly having to do OP. It really is vital to think about things like this and to try and plan as much as you can.

Am currently having a similar situation with the doggo's; big Ginger dog will in the next couple of years be going to the Big Kennels In The Sky, and little man will be bereft. I need to plan. But it isn't ever easy is it.

 

[Fransurrey]

In my case it was the ridden pony pts, but I bought another before he was euthanised. He was stable for another 4 months, so my companion and the new horse knew each other quite well (she was actually disgustingly ok with her upgrade of husband!). Now it's the companion, I plan to do one of three things - loan one of the 'spares' at my yard, offer a form of retirement livery where the owner pays costs and I do all day-to-day care or take on a charity pony. In all scenarios I will put the new companion in place a few weeks before, if possible.

 

[ester]

We sedated for a few days because he was otherwise likely to make himself ill and was 28 at the time (obviously we’d rather planned for him to go first and the mare we lost to colic was fine on her own).
Frustratingly the normal people I might ask for a spare from temporarily didn’t really have anything that the time.
It was very stressful for everyone really, even though we were able to sort something with 10days ish.

 

[BlackIrishBeauty]

Thank you to everyone and it's been interesting hearing your experiences.

It's a tough one as he's pretty healthy aside from being iffy on his back legs.

I don't really want 3 on our land for the time being especially given that I don't truly know how long he has left in him... I'm thinking of potentially bringing her in for a few days when "it" happens whilst I look for another.

 

[suestowford]

I had two, and was also looking after a neighbour's pony. One of mine died, so I asked my neighbour if I could put the remaining pony in with theirs. Luckily they like each other and are now best buddies, but what I'll do when one them goes I don't know.
But the night of the death, the surviving one was on his own in the field. He didn't seem that concerned and wasn't really interested in the body of his old friend. I suppose they are all different, some will need to know, others won't. I expect your mare would be fine for a bit until you can find her another suitable friend. Sometimes they might need a bit of time to grieve their loss, just as we do.
I have been offered several ponies since I lost my best boy, so I don't think you'd have to wait long to find a new companion.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

Hi all,

Trigger warning regarding horses and loss of companion.

We keep ours on our own land; we have 2- one is my 16 yo mare and the other is my 34 yo Shetland.

I’m preparing myself for the inevitable with my shetty after noticing him going a little blind, deaf and struggling on back legs.

I am planning on getting another companion for my mare when he goes over rainbow bridge - but I was wondering a few things-

- how does the other cope with grief and is there anything that I can do?
- how do you manage them on their own during the period of me finding another?

Thanks all as I know this can be sensitive.

I find if you let the staying alive horse sniff the one that has crossed it helps. I would get one before the other goes personally.

 

[Waxwing]

There is newish livery on our yard who had two at home; her ridden horse died and she didn't want to get another so the companion is now on livery and doing some lessons in the school. The owner enjoys coming up and spending the time with the pony and the pony is happily living in its new little herd and doing some work. This arrangement has worked well for them both, she said that if she had got another she would have had the same dilemma in the future which was not something she wanted to contemplate.

 

[BlackIrishBeauty]

There is newish livery on our yard who had two at home; her ridden horse died and she didn't want to get another so the companion is now on livery and doing some lessons in the school. The owner enjoys coming up and spending the time with the pony and the pony is happily living in its new little herd and doing some work. This arrangement has worked well for them both, she said that if she had got another she would have had the same dilemma in the future which was not something she wanted to contemplate.

I won’t be going back on livery 1- we own the land so doesn’t make sense and 2- after being on livery for years, I’ve decided that it’s not for me or said mare in question…

Makes sense for others though!