Queenbee
Well-Known Member
Many of you will know what happened this time last year. It was this month last year that my beautiful irreplaceable girl got ill and I embarked on a long fruitless struggle to save her... It was the most terrifying and heartbreaking journey I've ever been on and what's worse was the feeling of impotency, no matter what I did, what we tried, no matter how excellent her vets... My darling girl was only ever going to have one outcome. She left me, and I found myself throwing myself into taking care of Ben who was shaken by her loss. Everyone on here followed her story, followed my desperation and without you all the journey would have felt far more desperate, you kept my hopes up and gave me and my vets other avenues to explore... You picked me up and cyber-held me tight whenever I needed it. What people on here provided for me in the way of support can never be fully explained... I couldn't do it enough justice, and I could never than you enough.
Without having Ben. I would never have continued with horses... I know what I'm like, when I had my heart broken by a failed relationship it took me six years to let another person in... And that was just a man! If ebony had been my only horse, I would not have been able to bear the idea of even looking, and if I'd ever stumbled across another, I'd have kept walking. But I did have Ben. I loved him, but he was always number two, love is different from that 'bond' with ebony I felt I could look into her eyes and see her soul, and when she looked at me, she knew exactly what was going on. She gave me so much solace, support, happiness, excitement and peace.
With the added complications of my personal life during the period that I had ebs, there were periods that I didn't ride, that my time with her was wasted to some extent and I regretted that more than I could ever say.
The day I said my heartbreaking goodbye to my girl, she gave me a final gift in her own way. As my heart was breaking at her loss, so too was bens, his distress at losing his mentor, boss and companion was soul destroying to watch, and in the moments after ebony was PTS... That special 'something' clicked into place for Ben and I. I no longer saw him as just a horse, but as my horse to be loved and cherished and protected, and over the days that followed this didn't weaken it got stronger.
So now a year on from the onset of ebony's illness, I was sat her reflecting on the changes to my outlook with regards to riding and my bond with Ben.
Well, Ben will never be Ebony, he is shall we say the anti-Christ of Ebs. Where she would skip around the field not wanting to be caught... Just because she could, he sees me and comes trotting or cantering over to me calling... I can't describe how heartwarming that is. She was a flighty diva, fierce passionate and strong... He is a great space invader, a lummox, he is a blank canvas and reminds me of that description of children's brains being like sponges... He loves his work. They are so different in every way and I think that makes it easier... With him it's a different kind of bond... But he warms my heart everyday and I'm grateful that he was in my life before I said goodbye to ebony.
And my pledge to live life, to appreciate every day more and to not waste my time?
A year on and it's not a pledge now, it is a way of life! I enjoy every aspect of riding and caring for my horse even more than ever. I have to force myself to give Ben his days off, because if I had my way I'd be riding everyday. On his days off, we still do something, a walk out in hand at the moment... Teaching him leading for the show and a good groom. Other than when ebs was poorly I simply can't remember the last time I groomed a horse without riding it! I even enjoy poo picking... I find it clears my mind and I enjoy seeing the clean field! No more do I do the minimum amount of work required... I spend a good couple of hours up at the yard, doing something horsey... Giving Ben some time off over the winter was so hard, in the past it would have been a break, but now... Well it seemed like I was deprived of one of my limbs!
My life is a lot poorer without ebony in it, but at the same time the experience of losing her and how it's changed me, has made my life richer.
A very sappy post I know, but a post about how even your worst nightmare situation can result in some truly wonderful repurcussions.
Who'd have thought it hey... Me, enjoying poo picking...
Thank you Ebony x
Without having Ben. I would never have continued with horses... I know what I'm like, when I had my heart broken by a failed relationship it took me six years to let another person in... And that was just a man! If ebony had been my only horse, I would not have been able to bear the idea of even looking, and if I'd ever stumbled across another, I'd have kept walking. But I did have Ben. I loved him, but he was always number two, love is different from that 'bond' with ebony I felt I could look into her eyes and see her soul, and when she looked at me, she knew exactly what was going on. She gave me so much solace, support, happiness, excitement and peace.
With the added complications of my personal life during the period that I had ebs, there were periods that I didn't ride, that my time with her was wasted to some extent and I regretted that more than I could ever say.
The day I said my heartbreaking goodbye to my girl, she gave me a final gift in her own way. As my heart was breaking at her loss, so too was bens, his distress at losing his mentor, boss and companion was soul destroying to watch, and in the moments after ebony was PTS... That special 'something' clicked into place for Ben and I. I no longer saw him as just a horse, but as my horse to be loved and cherished and protected, and over the days that followed this didn't weaken it got stronger.
So now a year on from the onset of ebony's illness, I was sat her reflecting on the changes to my outlook with regards to riding and my bond with Ben.
Well, Ben will never be Ebony, he is shall we say the anti-Christ of Ebs. Where she would skip around the field not wanting to be caught... Just because she could, he sees me and comes trotting or cantering over to me calling... I can't describe how heartwarming that is. She was a flighty diva, fierce passionate and strong... He is a great space invader, a lummox, he is a blank canvas and reminds me of that description of children's brains being like sponges... He loves his work. They are so different in every way and I think that makes it easier... With him it's a different kind of bond... But he warms my heart everyday and I'm grateful that he was in my life before I said goodbye to ebony.
And my pledge to live life, to appreciate every day more and to not waste my time?
A year on and it's not a pledge now, it is a way of life! I enjoy every aspect of riding and caring for my horse even more than ever. I have to force myself to give Ben his days off, because if I had my way I'd be riding everyday. On his days off, we still do something, a walk out in hand at the moment... Teaching him leading for the show and a good groom. Other than when ebs was poorly I simply can't remember the last time I groomed a horse without riding it! I even enjoy poo picking... I find it clears my mind and I enjoy seeing the clean field! No more do I do the minimum amount of work required... I spend a good couple of hours up at the yard, doing something horsey... Giving Ben some time off over the winter was so hard, in the past it would have been a break, but now... Well it seemed like I was deprived of one of my limbs!
My life is a lot poorer without ebony in it, but at the same time the experience of losing her and how it's changed me, has made my life richer.
A very sappy post I know, but a post about how even your worst nightmare situation can result in some truly wonderful repurcussions.
Who'd have thought it hey... Me, enjoying poo picking...
Thank you Ebony x
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A beautiful tribute to your special girl 
