unknown time limit

[pippixox]

HI, not really sure what to say, or what advise there is, but basically need to get it off my chest.
had more bad news today. posted a while ago about my new forest pony (7 this year) who was diagnosed with liver damage/ hepatitis in May, after he suddenly badly burnt his white socks. bloods showed very raised liver enzymes and markers than suggested fibrosis. biopsy showed severe fibrosis in the samples. so we began steroids to hopefully improve inflammation and keep him with enough liver to function. as he was so well in himself, other than burnt socks and a slight yellow tinge to his eyes he has remained his happy self, the vet was very positive, as she has treated over 50 liver cases and only 1 has been PTS, most with treatment can cope with liver damage for many years....
however, after a month of high steroids his bloods had got even worse. so we started a very expensive fancy drug that targets fibrosis (at £20 a day, thankfully he is insured as first bill without fancy drug was £1300 in drugs and biopsy). after a month of that there was only a tiny improvement. even moved him to a different field, although bloods suggested no current toxin and no other horses had issues- I blood tested his field companions as well), but as a just encase. so we gave it another month with all the drugs....
he still seems well in himself and no new burns since he started medication, but new bloods came back today, and there has been no improvement and some levels have got worse. so the vet has said that sadly there is no point in continuing with all the drugs, when after 3 months it suggests damage is too bad to improve. financially I will soon meet my insurance limit, but even with endless funds (I don't have them as have just had my second child) there is no point. so we are going to continue a few more weeks at current dose and slowly decrease.

sorry essay of a background.
just after some tips I guess, how do you cope when you know the inevitable will happen, but not sure when?
she has said she really can't give a time scale as it is so individual. So it could be after a few weeks of no drugs he goes downhill fast or he could manage with whatever liver he has left functioning for months and months.
of course I do not want him to suffer, but he is currently very happy and I would not want to PTS while he is still happy.
however, from what I have read, when the liver fails, it can be quick and very distressing- they can even go mad mentally. which I don't want to happen.

thanks to whoever reads all this.
its been a very hard day- trying to celebrate my sons second birthday when I just want to cry as my pony, who my son loves to ride, and has done from only just being able to sit, will not be there in the future. he was meant to be my hardy native who I had forever, for me and the kids.

 

[SEL]

I joined the FB page for horses with liver damage and there are quite a few people on there who have had equally devastating news - they're very supportive.

Thinking of you - awful news to have on a day when you're supposed to be celebrating xx

 

[pippixox]

thanks I will have a look
we were getting a tiny tiny bit hopeful that there had been a very very small improvement a month ago.
I seem to get blood results at bad times for emotions! last one was a month ago when I gave birth to my second child!

 

[Sandstone1]

Im sorry for your bad news. Are there any herbal/ natural supplements that might be worth trying.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

I'm so sorry. It must feel very raw now. Give it a day or two and have a talk with your vet about options and potential timelines. Thinking of you.

 

[Talism4n]

I had almost exactly this experience with my old boy, whom I lost in January. He was the love of my life and just waiting to lose him was heart wrenching.

With my boy, the vet advised to do what makes him happy for as long as I could, so we carried on hacking until the end as he lived to run. In the last 6 months, he started to lose concentration more often, gradually increasing over time. He tripped more often and struggled to stay in a straight line as his mind would wander - not enough that I think he would have noticed, but for an exceptionally bright animal it was clear to me. He seemed happy though, so we carried on, riding bareback as he seemed to take a dislike to saddles but still came running to his bridle. We stopped schooling in all forms as I didn't want our last ride to be one where I was strict with him and I knew it could be any day. If he wanted a fast ride, I let him run, if he wanted to (safely) hedgerow graze and amble about, we did that. One day I got on him and he walked about 100 yards away from the gate and stopped. I patted him and asked if he'd had enough. He turned for home, as if he knew what I meant, and we said goodbye the next day.

He was my boy until the very end; he was happy, and cheeky and affectionate as ever until he was ready to go. I think with things like this you have to trust that they'll tell you when it's time, and when you get there move fast. My boy dragged me into jumping 1m fences left up in our field less than a month before he was gone - he looked fine until that last ride. If you're listening to them carefully, it doesn't have to be a dragged out, painful ending. In some cases, it can be a very fast deterioration, so I'd suggest having everything planned and ready, then just make the most of the time you get.

My heart goes out to you, it's a horrible situation to be waiting on the inevitable - I still can't tell this story without crying - but you'll know when it's time.

 

[pippixox]

Just welled up reading your story talisman. So sorry for your loss.
Nearly 2 years ago my old boy was very unwell with either a brain abscess or tumour and vet and I decided to give him 2 weeks on painkillers grazing with his mates- as he was still eating and peeled up with pain relief, despite not being able to see out of one eye due to swelling. Luckily he must have had a abscess and swelling went down and 2 years on he is happy in retirment. So I know the numbers/people to call from 2 years ago as I was prepared for PTS quickly if needed.

But it has hit me hard that my ‘baby’ who is only 7 will be taken so soon. I’ve known him since he came off the forest as a foal with his first owner and owned him for 3 years.

 

[BBP]

So sorry to hear your story. Can I ask what his blood results were?

I’ve been on both sides, I’ve seen some recover and go back to full work (no biopsy done but high enzymes in blood, bile was not affected though) and seen one die. The latter was pretty distressing and completely out of the blue, apart from itchy legs we hadn’t realised there was anything wrong with her.

 

[hopscotch bandit]

Didn't want to read and run but wanted to say so sorry OP for the horrible inevitable you appear to be faced with. I hope your horse has a happy and peaceful end whenever that might be and you get many more months with him. It is very sad.