Unprofessional YO

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flygirlkath

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I have to post this as I am feeling absolutely devastated. I went to visit a yard last week and arranged for my two mares to move to the yard on a DIY basis, so that I could be next to my trainer. The YO seemed really nice.
I have been involved with horses for 25 years and am a freelance instructor with a good client base. I am also on the area Committee for the BHS. I worship my horses, and spend every penny and effort looking after them. Anyway, I made all the usual arrangements needed to move them, transport etc and the day before I was due to go, I had a really nasty voicemail left on my phone telling me that they (the YO) had been talking to a couple people about me (his liveries), that I was really hated and that I was not wanted on the yard! he was scathing... and I have since found out that the YO and 1 of the liveries has been spreading really nasty gossip/lies about me in the local area... YO even told the next door neighbours whom I have been friends with for over 20 years! my friends delivered my hay to me last night and told me what was being said... apparently what the YO and livery is saying about me left them speechless!!! I have been crying about it since the weekend and can't sleep, its really made me frightened that someone will believe it.. I have never caused trouble on a yard (I have my own, private) and have done for a number of years having owned a farm previously.. I have never been in trouble with anyone over the way I keep the horses, In fact only a few weeks ago a TB stud gave me one of their top racehorses having known me for a long time.
I am truely devastated that a YO would listen to and even spread evil gossip and rumours in the local area without even knowing me or speaking to me about the allegations first.... I am so upset...
I don't now what to do? how do I get it stopped as it could ruin my name. what they are spreading is aweful.. and its all such lies!! has anyone else ever had to cope with this? a livery doing it is one thing.... but for a YO doing it...?
 
I am so sorry - it continuously amazes me how nasty some people can be.

If it was me I would go an see the YO and the other person involved and tell them - probably best to do this in front of others that if they continue to tell lies about you, you will sue them for slander. Tell them that you have been told what was said and that if you hear anybody else spreading the same gossip you will contact a solicitor, so you suggest they retract their comments immediately and contact everyone before they contact you...

Best of luck.
 
mcnaughty said:
I am so sorry - it continuously amazes me how nasty some people can be.

If it was me I would go an see the YO and the other person involved and tell them - probably best to do this in front of others that if they continue to tell lies about you, you will sue them for slander. Tell them that you have been told what was said and that if you hear anybody else spreading the same gossip you will contact a solicitor, so you suggest they retract their comments immediately and contact everyone before they contact you...

Best of luck.
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^^^^^^this most definitely

Poor you - I do hope all is resolved soon
 
mcnaughty said:
I am so sorry - it continuously amazes me how nasty some people can be.

If it was me I would go an see the YO and the other person involved and tell them - probably best to do this in front of others that if they continue to tell lies about you, you will sue them for slander. Tell them that you have been told what was said and that if you hear anybody else spreading the same gossip you will contact a solicitor, so you suggest they retract their comments immediately and contact everyone before they contact you...

Best of luck.
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Ditto ^^^

Really hope you sort it out xx
 
I'd get in touch with a lawyer as they are threatening your professional integrity - a £30 letter should be enough to shut them up and revoke their accusations. You could always write a warning letter yourself threatening your lawyer if the malicious lies continue. Some people really are dumb - and nasty grrr!
 
Thanks for all your kind words and best wishes... I shall speak with a Solicitor in the morning and see what they can do... I just don't want to make the situation even worse..by giving them something to really have a go about... it just really frustrates me that I have to spend the horses hay money (which is badly needed at the moment) on paying someone to sort out this horrendous situation.. it almost makes me want to take up black magic or something (joke).
 
Some people can down right nasty, but people that know you will not take a blind bit of notice of what they say and hopefully put them in their place. But a letter would tell them you mean business. Could you find out what started all this from your friends.
 
Unfortunately I know what started it all.The person (livery) used to be my boss, very many years ago and at the time my father was dying of cancer, he wanted to die in peace at home and so I helped nurse him. The person, was very jealous as I had previously backed and brough on the mothers horse and the mother commented on how sympathetic I was as a rider and she wouldn't allow her (person) to ride the mare. The person (livery) then started to cause trouble for me at work during my father's final few weeks, I then suffered a nervous breakdown (at the age of 18) and HR at work had to step in, this person got a rollocking... they have hated me ever since!
 
some b@stards around I am afraid....rumours are proof that people seriously need to get a life and sort out their own problems - obviously got nothing better to do...it makes me so angry as I have been the subject of vile rumours before too!!! x
 
flygirlkath said:
Thanks for all your kind words and best wishes... I shall speak with a Solicitor in the morning and see what they can do... I just don't want to make the situation even worse..by giving them something to really have a go about... it just really frustrates me that I have to spend the horses hay money (which is badly needed at the moment) on paying someone to sort out this horrendous situation.. it almost makes me want to take up black magic or something (joke).
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I don't think it'll make it worse. They'll mutter, sure, but they'll realise they can't get away with spreading lies.
 
Ted's mum said:
some b@stards around I am afraid....rumours are proof that people seriously need to get a life and sort out their own problems - obviously got nothing better to do...it makes me so angry as I have been the subject of vile rumours before too!!! x
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Me too :( Apparently I am cruel as I don't rug my horses (natives), cruel as when I had my horses in a field not at home I didn't check on them ever (I did but usually at 6 am and 10 pm), and can't ride as I don't ride them (18m and 2y6m old horses!). Yep the rumour mill can be a horrible thing!
 
Is it slander? I would pop into the Citizens' Advice Bureau and just get some advice, then speak direct to the relevant person. What an idiot he/she must be to go round spreading lies!
 
I think you will find it is defamation of character, speak to a solicitor and get this stopped. What makes these sort of people think it is acceptable to do this and make someone miserable.
 
How horrible for you, some solicitors offer a free 30 minute consultation, it might be worth ringing round to find one & get some proper legal advice. I think Citzen's Advice will have a list as well.
At least the people who know you won't believe it & hopefully they will stick up for you & spread the word that these people are liars.
Good luck
 
Having been in a very similar situation myself, and having wasted a lot of money on legal advice (bottom line of which is if you want to spend a whole lot more money bringing a case which may well "clear your name" but won't achieve much else:() I would give you totally the opposite advice of what is being said above.

If you have a good reputation and a good client base, then rise above all this, find somewhere else to put your horses, and get on with your life:)

I know how upsetting it is - believe me I cried buckets over what was being said about me, and ranted and raved at other times, and sank into depression etc etc - but hold your head up, smile, and be the better person.

18 months on from when the defamation (which is what it is) began about me, I am still here, doing more business than I ever was, and the person who started the rumours about me has had to move out of the county and is under police investigation, all her cronies have had to disappear into the woodwork, and every time anyone directly asks me what happened, I tell them the truth calmly and quietly and remind myself that what goes round comes round;)

If you need a sympathetic ear, please feel free to pm me - sometimes talking to someone who has been in the same boat can be helpful:)
 
What absolutely vile behaviour. I agree with above ....it's tempting to seek some kind of action to take, but what would piss this person off far more is to see you carry on with your head held high, they are clearly a jealous person and i reckon you continuing about your business, being sucessful would be just what they dont want to see. You and anyone who matters will know this is all lies. Stay strong x
 
Is it worth the hassle of solicetor fees and you have to prove slander this could cost you more in cash and heartache and get more people involved,i would try and rise above it all, dont go to said yard just be polite (grr) make a feasible excuse and stay were you are or find elsewere at least there colours were shown now and not after you arrived and were stuck you can not go .Tittletattle is normal in horsey world at all levels and if one person has known someone longer than you....they believe them ....
Keep your head up and sanity sane dont go, dont bother with sols and get letters itll cost you money and hassle just make an excuse not to move /go elsewere and stay clear.I wouldnt worry about your client base they must be happy with you .
Do yourself a favour and stay clear of these lot !
 
nativeponies said:
Remember, there is always 2 sides to a story.
;)
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Very true indeed! The OP may have well been wronged, on the other hand the YO might have had just grounds for refusing livery, or it might have been six of one and half a dozen of the other! But without hearing the other side from the YO, we can never know!
 
TBH I think it would be very hard to prove slander and although its wrong and not nice people talk about each other all the time and no legal action will stop that.

IMO I would take it at face value that these are not nice people, find a new livery yard and anyone you teach will know you as you are and not listen to the views of others. God knows if we all listened and took notice of every bit of feedback from everyone we'd never find anyone to do any business with. Some people get on with certain trainers, others don't, it doesn't make them a bad trainer or a nasty person.

Rise above it, its not the end of the world and in most cases people spreading the poison are seen straight through by everyone else.
 
I'm sorry to hear that you have had all these problems, and the YO was very stupid to leave a voicemail since that is clear and irrefutable evidence if you did decide to go down the legal route. However, the other side of the coin is that many yards end up with very undesirable liveries simply because they don't make any background enquiries before they let someone on. We have a few doing the rounds in my area - they go from yard to yard and either do a moonlight owing hundreds in rent etc, or get chucked off for the same reason. Having been a victim of a substantial tack theft at my old yard by a livery who had been chucked off, some discrete enquiries afterwards revealed he had been on every yard in a 20 mile radius, been kicked off all of them and named as the likely suspect in other tack thefts. But outwardly he comes across as a nice, helpful person! I've also known liveries who have been nasty *****stirrers and made nice yards unbearable and everyone wished the YO would get rid of, but they wouldn't. We had one nutter who having left and gone to another yard, claimed we all beat and abused our horses (most of which are elderly and retired!). I wish we could have warned the new yard what she was like. Actually she only lasted a few days there before the police were called to escort her off! So you see, there are always at least two viewpoints!
 
Thanks for eveyone's advice - I have written to the YO stating that I am extremely unhappy with the situation... and that I am considering legal action.

I also agree that in many circumstances there is no smoke without fire, and I have been taken in, in the past, however, in this case I have never had any conflict with the YO before and have actually recommended the yard! I have also advised the yard owner that he might like to get references from several of the professional institutes that I have worked at.. independant references.

I am feeling much better today about it all, and am determined to get it sorted out one way or the other. I am thankful that my horses didn't end up being on a miserable yard with incredible amounts of tension in the air.. I like my horses to have happy peaceful lives and would not ever want them to be stressed.

To anyone out there suffering the same, be strong and we can all get through this... I find it so sad that despite "gossip" and direct competition between owners which did happen in times gone by... it seems to be a thousand times more vicious and vile now... what ever happened to the traditional quiet happy yards and genuine people who loved their horses, instead of those who seem to have them as a status symbols and set out to make other peoples lives so difficult!? or maybe I am just getting old
 
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