Unrealistic Livery/Friend

dianchi

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Just need to vent a little here after trying to be nice its ended up annoying me terrible!

So fellow livery at the yard has a soft approach to her thugish Welsh x, thats fine her call.
She left him out all summer with little contact and now wonders why he doesnt like being in.

Added to this, she always kept him in outside stables, but now he has no company and "creates" (only when she is around but i wouldnt like my horse outside on its own either)
So being nice i offered she could try my spare stable for a night as my youngster is away for winter- although as we have no indoor tie space its been my tie up area too as well as storage for rugs.
And at the end of the month there is another box coming free in the barn she could then have.

Cue long discussion how he wont like it, blah blah blah, but that perhaps she would try.
Bed was banked up straw and i said just use that and see what he does.
No set date as she wanted to wait till it was "cold and he wants to come in"

This was Friday night, Saturday i go out for a lesson, come back to find stable has been emptied bedding thrown away and her bedding moved in!

Called her and she wants him to get used to the stable and his smell in there before he's in overnight (god forbid if she went to a stay away show!), Ok not happy bunny and why not just tell me the night before, but fine get on with it (chants in head, just be nice just be nice) Told her i was busy all weekend but i would order new storage boxes this week and couldn't sort the rugs till this weekend- says not a problem.

This morning she tell me he will be in from Weds and I need to move my rugs!
Like i have the time to just drop everything and sort and the storage units/trunks aren't here till Friday!
That I only have had to buy as I'm trying to be nice!
Plus some of us work 12 hour days plus travel!!

Don't actually have a solution for where to put/store 50 rugs?! Any magic free ideas??
I already have have rug rack in my stable and if i put anymore on it my poor mare wont fit in the stable!

Tis true that no good deed goes un-punished!

Almost want to take back the offer now!!!
 

Holzdweaver

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To be honest for that much mother, id take back the offer, explain that she must have misunderstood as it was only for a night and that she will now have to wait for a free stable before bringing in. Explain that the bedding was meant to stay in the stable so now you are out of pocket and that finding extra storage short notice was not on the agenda. Might seem mean but you tried to do a good thing as a possible solution only for it to be a pain for you and your mare!
 

smellsofhorse

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Yes I think you need to go through what the arrangement is.
She seems to think it's longer term, not just for one night.
Tell her it's your stable and you will do things your way and when you have time. Not when she says!
 

MissMoo

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Yes I think you need to go through what the arrangement is.
She seems to think it's longer term, not just for one night.
Tell her it's your stable and you will do things your way and when you have time. Not when she says!
I agree with this. Also, what does your YM say on the subject?
 

Orca

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It was very nice to offer but it sounds like it was a mistake to. Just apologise, explain that you've had a rethink and that you can't find a solution to storage and tying up through winter. Offer to bank her new bedding in your spare stable until her stable space opens up in the barn. Then padlock the door.
 
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Kezzabell2

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If she is going to try and take over, I'd use her stable as storage for my rugs until she decides what she is doing! at least then you won't feel like you're paying for someone else to use your stable?
 

Pinkvboots

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for someone who you have done a favour for she is now sort of trying to call the shots isn't she, I would tell her that the rugs will be removed at your own convenience as it is still your stable and you are letting her use it temporarily if she is not happy with that well its tough.
 

stormox

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Your mare has 50 rugs????? :D seriously though I'd tell her she misunderstood you if she thought it was permanent, and to wait til a stable became free......
 
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So where is the YO/YM in all of this??

OP you've obviously got a soft heart, and look where its got you. Sounds like someone is taking the P!ss mega-big-time and walking all over you.

Deffo need to Woman-Up I would suggest.

Tell this stroppy little madam that sorry it is YOUR stable which YOU are paying for (presumably??), and you do not have the time or inclination to have to shift your rugs out (FFS why should you anyway), so sorry, no deal, the offer isn't available any more and that's that. And whilst you're at it, she might buy you a bag or two of bedding to make up for the one you put down and she junked!

Tell her if she wants stabling for hers then she must talk to the YO/YM. Not your problem.
 

9tails

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It is your stable after all, make it very clear that she understands this as I think she's decided that you're moving. As Kezzabell2 says, you could use her stable to store your rugs but who is going to lug them all over there? Her? It seems you're getting a lot of crap for a simple favour and I would be unreasonably hacked off if my bedding had been thrown away.
 

Merlod

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Throw her bedding on the muck heap and tell her your youngster is coming back and won't like the smell! Just kidding!

Tell her you would like to help but sadly you don't have anywhere else to put your things but that there should be another stable free soon enough and that she can keep her bedding in your storage stable until then )
 

Annagain

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I'd use her stable to store the rugs, and have a chat to explain that you fear she has misinterpreted your offer of trying the stable to having your stable long term. I'd say that for both your sakes, you want to be very clear that it's just to see if he'll settle and if he does she'll have to make arrangements to have her own stable indoors.

There's no need to be stroppy about it, just clear.
 

dibbin

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I would be telling her that you only offered the stable to allow her to try it for one night, you still need that stable for tying up, and you don't have the time or the storage facility to be able to move your rugs. If she wants a stable for longer than a night she'll need to wait for one to come up, but she can store her bedding in yours in the meantime.

It is a bit of a cheek to take you up on your (very kind) offer to let her use your stable for a night, then chuck out all of your bedding and expect you to move all of your stuff out on 2 days' notice!

Does your YM know about all of this?
 

DJ

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Another here who`d be telling her to jog on >>>>>>>>

I`d explain again it was a temporary offer, not a permanent solution, and with work etc the rugs will be moved when you get the time to do it, not when she demands it.
 

dianchi

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YM doesn't care and leaves us to our devices mostly.

Ironically i am the hardest person normally, i work in a sales team full of blokely blokes.
She is just quite timid and such a softy with her horse than runs circles round her, has this whole idea about the horse wanting to do things, and being led by horse (took her 2 hours to load home from show 2 miles up the road as he kept naffing off and wouldnt wait for her to shut the partition)
So i make a real effort to be nice and not upset people at the yard, as I'm pretty direct most the time.

50 rugs is both horses (maybe slight exaggeration but its doubles of everything!) :D

Her stable leaks it turns out- so using hers isnt really an option- she just says "oh ill help you move them"
And seems to ignore the fact of where do you suggest?!

She cant wait as the rest of us on the yard have already complied with the rule of IN AT NIGHT 1st Dec!
As she couldn't catch/bring in/leave in YM sort of took pity and said could stay out till she worked out a plan.

Somehow trying to do something nice I am being made out as the bad person for saying no!
 

DragonSlayer

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Bah, this is exactly why I am always loathed to help people out - hope you get it sorted and get back to your usual routine!
This really, in the past I've offered to help out a bit to have the hand I'm offering the feed in having a bloody great chomp taken right up to my shoulder....

I'm a right meanie now, except in dire emergencies. :p
 

Hoof_Prints

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I hate people that take a mile when you give an inch , it was a very thoughtful and kind offer, she's taking the mick and being very rude. I'd tell her she misunderstood and you need the stable , it was only for one night ! Tell her to move her bedding or it's on the muckheap and sort her own problems out (in the nicest way possible) It's not your problem!! I'd be fuming if it was me, I hate people like that
 

dianchi

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Am equally concerned that this horse is going to be a nightmare in the stable and upset my mare opposite!

Oh well if it doesnt kill you makes you stronger right?
 

only_me

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Take your stable back, explain that you're sorry but you think she misunderstood what you meant; you meant her to try the stable for one night only to see how she got on.
Then say that you can't give her your stable as you need it, and that she will have to work something out with her own stable.

And then suggest that you will help her move her horse into her stable (or her bedding?) as she was so kind to offer to help you move your rugs which is no longer needed :)
 

merlin12

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You need to make it clear it was for one night. She will walk all over you. Be firm. Your kindness is being taken advantage of. You are obviously a lovely kind person.
 

wingedhorse

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You need to make it clear it was for one night. She will walk all over you. Be firm. Your kindness is being taken advantage of. You are obviously a lovely kind person.
I think you are at HUGE risk of losing your stable. Stand firm NOW. Else if your horse is injured and needs to come in, you wont have a stable (bar the leaking, lonely outdoor one).

I would say you offered for one night, and are disappointed she's removed you bedding. And you've realised you need the stable as dry storage. And are very sorry if she thought there was an option of using stable for more than one night, but that was never your intention, and will not be possible.
 

dianchi

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Lol im sure that there are friends off here that know me in person that will laugh at me being called lovely and that i need to learn to say no!

I offer to people to lend out my inner b*tch :D starting to think someone has borrowed it and not returned it!

She is just one person that comes across as so meek and mild that I feel bad being hard with her.

Although as i was leaving after a quick visit to put to bed my mare i did see her walking her horse towards the barn, so fingers crossed my rugs are all still safe in the morning!

Ive got a short day tomorrow so will try and get up there and sort as much as i can then, But YM has now asked me as my youngster is away and another is leaving at the end of the month (ie stable she can then have) would i "mind" for a few weeks, and I will get this months rent for the stable back/no bill next month as I'm already paid up.
 

EQUIDAE

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Ym has now asked me as my youngster is away and another is leaving at the end of the month (ie stable she can then have) would i "mind" for a few weeks, and I will get this months rent for the stable back/no bill next month as I'm already paid up.
Don't agree to this (as good as it sounds financially) as its a sure fire way to lose the stable 'after all you're not even paying for it...'
 

Jnhuk

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I would ask your YM to provide alternative rug storage and tie up area that is handy for you for the month that your second stable is being used by another livery.

That way your rug problem is sorted and if YM cannot provide you a suitable alternative then you have rights to say that after thinking things through you are retracting your offer
 

Thistle

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It sounds as though the livery was already in conversation with the YO about using your stable, especially as she removed all your bedding without asking.

I would be askingthe YO to provide new bedding at the end of the month too

Perhaps the livery is not quite as sweet and helpless as you think. Some people (my mother in law for example) go through life pretending to be helpless, that way they get things done for them.
 
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