Update on my confidence crisis..........(with pics!)

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nikkiportia

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So, for those of you that remember my post on Sunday, I thought I'd give you a little update.
Here's the original thread http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showflat.php/Cat/0/Number/3172893/page/0/fpart/1/vc/1
Thankyou all for your advice, it spurned me on enough to get on my friends bombproof cob today. I watched Mike ride Ellis (who was a little bit naughty! And threw some tantrums when asked to canter!) I envy mikes sticky bum and determination to see it out! Ellis was going into canter fine when he realised he couldn't win
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So I tacked up Chesney and went for it! I felt very sick and started sweating so badly. But got on and walked him around by myself. Sounds so stupid and simple doesn't it? But after Sundays episode, I am chuffed to bits. I walked until my heart rate went down and I felt relaxed. Then I hopped off feeling calm and relieved.

Baby steps........
Thankyou all for your support xx

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Thats brilliant! Well done!
My confidence has been knocked big time with jumping, I schooled Bear today and I popped over a little x pole today so Im chuffed too! It might sound silly to other people but I know how you feel and its not nice.
Lovely cob BTW!!
 
Nikki I haven't read any of your previous posts so i don't know your story. But I just want to say I know EXACTLY how you must have been feeling, I've been there myself and I know how hard it is just to tack up and get on. It's hell.

From your photos i can see how tense you were feeling, you've got that sort of 'I'm not breathing' look. I can promise you that it will get better, you just have to keep at it. I don't know who Mike is, but he sounds a useful bod to have around, it always helps to have a laid back rider person in the background.

Chesney is gorgeous. You see in the first, second and fourth photos he is listening to you with his ears cocked back at you? He's asking you for direction, he knows you are tense but he's still looking to you for what's next. It's up to you to be his good leader. You can do it.

Have fun, and don't forget to breathe!!!!
 
Thanks epsom, yes it is absolute hell.
I have never had a phobia of anything before. And to suddenly develop one doing something I love is destroying me. I am however very determined to see it out, as I know I am a capable rider physically. I just have to remind my brain that!
N X
 
Yay! - very good to see this and fwiw your position looks very secure
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Keep going & hopefully soon you'll forget what it was you were worried about.
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