update on riding after incident last week, ended in tears!!!

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Quartz

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Well just a little update: Rode today, was terrified!!! For some reason instructor thought best thing to do today would be to jump after my bolting incident last week!! It took me about 25 mins just to get the courage to canter him in the ring and that was after lunging. They were only mini jumps, so trot was ok, jumped a few times like that. Lots of deep breathing!! Then horse spooked and darted across the ring, not so good. Nerves got bad!! Cantered a couple of jumps, then took a jump wrong and lost stirrup and horse took that as sign to muck about. Ended up in tears in the corner of the ring and couldn't face anymore!! Got down and instructor rode him the rest of the lesson. So good and bad, got on and cantered even jumped but hated it and felt sick to my stomach. Think instructor now realises full extent of my lack of confidence now though and has offered to help me every step of the way and not to rush into giviing up and selling. And no jumping for a while or hacks!!!!
 
You poor thing - that sounds like the lesson from hell?!

I know you don't want to hear this, especially as you have decided to persevere rather than sell, but are you sure this horse is right for you? What happens if you start to regain your confidence and then it bolts again, or does something of a similiar nature that scares you? I am of the view that horses are too expensive and time consuming for you not to enjoy them, and if it has broken your trust once it will likely do it again.

I bought what I thought was the horse of my dreams, to only discover it would bolt in open spaces. Each time I came off I would lose more confidence and it ended up being a vicious circle. After much heartache I decided to sell and the new owner never hacks in open spaces so gets on with the horse really well.

The horse I replaced him with may not have been what I wanted looks wise, but has re built my confidence and given me years of fun and companionship, even venturing onto the hunting field which I never thought I would be brave enough to do.

Horse are like people - we don't get on with every one we meet, and the same could be said for horses. That doesn't mean that we are bad riders or that the horse is a wrong un, just that the partnership does not work.....

However I do admire your determination so good luck and hope your instructor is kinder to you next time!
 
Yikes.

Either you are one heck of an actress/have amazing emotional control, or your instructor........ :eek::mad:

So sorry you got scared hunny. Please, take it very easy and build it up again in your own time.
 
Wow, straight into it!! :p
When I lost my confidence jumping after a few falls and because my beloved p/l mare is a) very unconfident jumping b) threw in a few nasty stops which were completely out of the blue and c) we were just feeding off each others few nerves and therefore turning the whole thing into a big issue of "will she jump it? wont she? etc" my RI (also my YO) started me off on one of her horses who will jump 100% anything everything anywhere! We started really small and as I started to get my confidence back, went a little bit bigger and bigger until I was jumping WH courses again :)
Now my p/l has just been diagnosed with Cushings so obv wont be jumping her for a long, long time so I have lessons every now and then just to keep me ticking over.
Take your time and don't do anything that makes you feel so sick to the stomach. Nerves are good I find they make you more aware of what you're doing, but feeling that terrified will put everything out of balance!
good luck
K x
 
Blimey, talk about the deep end! Big breath and stand back. Have you tried Bach flower remedy, either rescue remedy or, more specifically, rock rose? My ponio wore his new waterford snaffle yesterday with my instructor, tantrums-r-us, but definitely more respect!
 
Sidney said:
You poor thing - that sounds like the lesson from hell?!

I know you don't want to hear this, especially as you have decided to persevere rather than sell, but are you sure this horse is right for you? What happens if you start to regain your confidence and then it bolts again, or does something of a similiar nature that scares you? I am of the view that horses are too expensive and time consuming for you not to enjoy them, and if it has broken your trust once it will likely do it again.

I bought what I thought was the horse of my dreams, to only discover it would bolt in open spaces. Each time I came off I would lose more confidence and it ended up being a vicious circle. After much heartache I decided to sell and the new owner never hacks in open spaces so gets on with the horse really well.

The horse I replaced him with may not have been what I wanted looks wise, but has re built my confidence and given me years of fun and companionship, even venturing onto the hunting field which I never thought I would be brave enough to do.

Horse are like people - we don't get on with every one we meet, and the same could be said for horses. That doesn't mean that we are bad riders or that the horse is a wrong un, just that the partnership does not work.....

However I do admire your determination so good luck and hope your instructor is kinder to you next time!
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I haven't decided yet. I am waiting to see what oesto says next week. Don't
want to look like I'm just giving up, but have made it clear that I'm not sure I will ever regain enough confidence to go out with him again in which case there is just no point in carrying on. I know my instructor thinks he is the creme de la creme, but for her possibly but then she is a much higher level than me. I just feel lost, I'm scared of riding but also scared of being without it as I don't know who I am without it.
 
I think you need an instructor who understands your fear. I never learned to jump, my first lessons were in the 1950's and I would happily pop small jumps out hacking.

I went to a top class centre to have jumping lessons on well schooled horses when I was in my 50's and had had my own horse for ride and drive for 7 years. After 20 group lessons, I was terrified of jumping and had total paranoia in the arena.

Regained my confidence jumping my old driving horse at a fun event where we had two clear rounds. I still dislike riding in a menage and mine is unused for most of the year.
 
Quartz said:
Well just a little update: Rode today, was terrified!!! For some reason instructor thought best thing to do today would be to jump after my bolting incident last week!! It took me about 25 mins just to get the courage to canter him in the ring and that was after lunging. They were only mini jumps, so trot was ok, jumped a few times like that. Lots of deep breathing!! Then horse spooked and darted across the ring, not so good. Nerves got bad!! Cantered a couple of jumps, then took a jump wrong and lost stirrup and horse took that as sign to muck about. Ended up in tears in the corner of the ring and couldn't face anymore!! Got down and instructor rode him the rest of the lesson. So good and bad, got on and cantered even jumped but hated it and felt sick to my stomach. Think instructor now realises full extent of my lack of confidence now though and has offered to help me every step of the way and not to rush into giviing up and selling. And no jumping for a while or hacks!!!!
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I've read and replied to some of your previous posts. To be perfectly honest, I don't like some of the advice your instructer has given you regarding your horses behaviour or their instruction. From what I have read your horse is telling you, quite loudly, that he is not happy about something. Whether it's a pain issue, a rider issue, a tack issue or a schooling issue, something is wrong and your instructor is just not getting it. Your horse is unhappy, you are unhappy and losing your confidence, its just not working.
 
blazingsaddles said:
I've read and replied to some of your previous posts. To be perfectly honest, I don't like some of the advice your instructer has given you regarding your horses behaviour or their instruction. From what I have read your horse is telling you, quite loudly, that he is not happy about something. Whether it's a pain issue, a rider issue, a tack issue or a schooling issue, something is wrong and your instructor is just not getting it. Your horse is unhappy, you are unhappy and losing your confidence, its just not working.
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Personally, in some way I think she doesn't want to admit there are issues as she was there and adviced me when I brought the horse. I think my horse is telling me there is more than one issue, possibly pain and rider. I just want to wait to make a final decision till he has seen the oesto.
 
Quartz said:
Personally, in some way I think she doesn't want to admit there are issues as she was there and adviced me when I brought the horse. I think my horse is telling me there is more than one issue, possibly pain and rider. I just want to wait to make a final decision till he has seen the oesto.
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Don't have anymore lessons until you have been given the all clear. Preferably by a vet or another specialist. Get his tack checked too. If all is fine, then you have to look at yourself and the instruction you're being given. I hope you find the answers you need. :)
 
I agree that it's a really good idea to get your horse looked at by an osteo or chiro and also get his tack checked, for your own confidence as well as your horse's well being. Also I think once your confidence has taken such a knock as it has it is very important to have an instructor who understands where you are emotionally.

My daughter's horse rocked her confidence to the core, I wanted to sell the horse but she didn't want to, she found a very patient and understanding instructor who seemed able to look at the relationship between horse and rider as a whole and help build their confidence in each other and move forward again. It wasn't an overnight fix but they're getting there.
 
Quartz said:
I haven't decided yet. I am waiting to see what oesto says next week. Don't
want to look like I'm just giving up, but have made it clear that I'm not sure I will ever regain enough confidence to go out with him again in which case there is just no point in carrying on. I know my instructor thinks he is the creme de la creme, but for her possibly but then she is a much higher level than me. I just feel lost, I'm scared of riding but also scared of being without it as I don't know who I am without it.
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It is all very well your instructor rating the horse but as you have said, your instructor is a more experienced rider. The emotions you are describing are not going to go away overnight, if ever with this particular horse......

Does your horse display any bahavioural issues with your instructor? If not, no number of back/teeth/saddle checks will make any difference, other than to your wallet!

Selling the horse is not an admission of defeat - you won't be without riding, as you will then be in a position to buy another, which hopefully will make you feel happier and regain your confidence.
 
I posted on your last thread that it is no shame to sell a horse and find something that is more suitable for you - its your hobby...

To me, it does sound as though the horse is tuning into your fear and playing on it a bit too. I had a pony do this when I was in my teens. I was absolutely terrified of it. After lots and lots of lessons - probably about a year, I became confident on it - and we became a terrific combination, doing really really well together. The pony never bolted or played up again as it knew "that game was over" and it wasn't going to win it. It may be that there is a physical reason too, but its not the whole cause of the problem in my opinion. I've taught quite afew people over the years that had horses with issues like this, and the horse was getting rewarded for its bad behaviour - ie if it bucked/ran off, the rider pulled up or got off, so the horse got out of working... As someone said, if the behaviour continues for long with a confident rider on, then there may be other problems, but if it starts to work better (may take a little while to get it to) then probably there are not..

Your instructor doesn't sound fantastic. It does sound as though they have finally realised how bad things are, so things may get better, however I would be looking around to see if there is anyone else locally that you could try too - have a taster lesson. A fresh viewpoint, or someone who is good with nervous riders may be just what you need.

Finally, hugs to you!x
 
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I hate to say this but it seems like your instructor may have "advised" you to get a horse more suitable for her than you! You may have just over-horsed yourself. They are clever little beggars and can sense your lack of confidence. There is no shame in selling your horse and getting something more suitable. As someone else said on here, your horse doesnt appear to be the same when ridden by your instructor so I dont think there is anything wrong with him at all. Its no fun if youre scared to go out hacking etc and even popping a course of jumps. Owning and riding a horse is expensive and is supposed to be fun. If your horse is too much for you then sell him. Oh, and change your instructor too. She doesnt seem to have YOUR best interests at heart!
 
It is your instructors job to improve and encourage both you and your horse. Yes, sometimes people need to be pushed to improve but you have had a total loss of confidence in your ability and some scary experiences.

You need to give yourself a break, if one of my clients was dreading a lesson as much as you and in tears, I would be changing tact and taking things right back to basics - forget jumping for now.

Sometimes we get the rider/horse balance wrong and it takes courage to admit that it isn't working.

Riding is too expensive and time consuming to not be enjoyed. Get yourself and your horse checked out and take it at your own pace.

Good luck :)
 
It sounds like you need a confidence giving horse and this one isn't it.

I'm sure your instructor will offer to help you every step of the way - at a cost!

Don't think of it as 'giving up' too soon - horses are dangerous, don't wait until he hurts you to decide you would just prefer a quiet horse who you can hack out on without worrying.

You're now in a situation where you are going to be confined to riding in the school and dreading every lesson that comes around - is that enjoyment or expensive stress!?

It is meaningless that your instructor thinks the horse is fantastic. There are plenty of horses that are fabulous and worth thousands but are not suited to an amateur rider. There are also horses that may not look too pretty but will look after you and be a lot more forgiving!
 
Agree with the others re investigating possible physical issues, but at the end of the day the trick with horses that take off is to remain completely relaxed and stop them. Now this is 1000 times easier to say than to do!!!!!!!!!! The problem with having a horse that rocks your confidence is that each time you will be more scared and therefore less able to deal with the situation, which will make the situation itself worse.

No one can decide for you, but it may be that this is just not the right horse for you. Can you try some RS lessons on another horse to see how you feel? You may regain your confidence and your sense of fun in riding, in which case you may find it easier to decide whether you want to deal with this horse or sell him and get another one.
 
I don't know you or your horse so can't comment on the combination.
But what i can say is i think you need to look very hard at your instructor.
I am the worlds most nervous rider. I have had a couple fo bad falls and i get scared very easily.
My instructor is fablous. He admits he'll never understand what it is to be as scared of riding as i am sometimes but he knows how to help me:
The other week i went for my first lessons at his house since the bad weather. It was blowing a gale, Hovis hadn't been there for ages and i was tense = receipe for potential disaster. I told him how scared i felt and he walked around the arena with me talking to me for the first 5 mins. Then he asked me what i wanted to work on. As it happens i said jumping but it was MY choice.
We jumped jumps that Hovis can do with his eyes shut but it was about ME and what i needed to do. My instructor jumping on and bouncing Hovis around 90cm tracks is not going to do anything other than make me feel like a failure.
I'm sure there are days when he wants to kill me for being so stupid (i have a siant of a horse) but he knows how to deal with me. Hubby he just shouts at and pushes really hard because hubby needs that. A good instructor should make you come away feeling happy even if all you've done is trot around the menage twice. Because if thats a step forward for you then it should be celebrated.

I wish you luck on what you decide to do.
 
Sidney said:
It is all very well your instructor rating the horse but as you have said, your instructor is a more experienced rider. The emotions you are describing are not going to go away overnight, if ever with this particular horse......

Does your horse display any bahavioural issues with your instructor? If not, no number of back/teeth/saddle checks will make any difference, other than to your wallet!

Selling the horse is not an admission of defeat - you won't be without riding, as you will then be in a position to buy another, which hopefully will make you feel happier and regain your confidence.
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Shes ridden him on several occassions. Sometimes hes a good as gold (dressage) same as with me but then I have watched him accelerate and buck her while jumping as well as another instructor. But they don't mind, they can deal with it. Yesterday I watched her finish my lesson on my horse and I could pin point every moment he would have mucked me about but she managed to control it and yes she loves riding him.
 
There are two things I would do, after you have ruled all the obvious pain things out.

1) have a good talk to your instructor and be honest. Jumping after an 'incident' is asking for trouble if you ask me. If you feel really bad about doing something, don't do it, esp at this stage. As you build your confidence then yes maybe push yourself a bit but take things slowly now. Cantering would have been enough for me in that position.

2) book a couple of lessons with another instructor. Tell them the issues at the first lesson and see how you get on, they can get an idea of the problems, the horse and you. Then by the end of the second lesson you will have a better idea of whether you want to stick with your original instructor or have someone else. I don;t think one lesson is enough to guage this on though.
 
It's hard to say what you ought to do, not knowing the horse, but it may be a good idea to get your vet to give his back a check over, and tell them about his behaviour. My TB got increasingly dangerous - I know that feeling well, where you are so scared you feel sick to the stomach and faint!

My instructor just said my horse was a b******* and I needed to just sit through his behaviour and force him to work. She even had me lunging him until he was exhausted before I'd get on, and then we'd start a lesson. I knew this wasn't good for him nor me, and (at huge expense) I sent him away to a specialist for schooling. The new trainers asked me to get a full vetinary assesment before they'd start work on him, which is how we discovered he had Kissing Spine.


On the other hand, your horse might just be a very feisty chap, who is pee taking. There are plenty of those types of horses too! Whatever you do, you can't go on feeling this scared, and perhaps a more sympathetic instructor would be better. Your instructor sounds as though she is mainly focused on the horse, and not on you. You need an instructor who is as equally focussed on you, and can make lessons enjoyable and provide tuition to help you and your horse.

good luck x
 
Would love to put up some videos for you all to see, to give a better idea. If I ever get round to asking someone to film bits of me riding I will put them up. Don't hold your breath though!!
 
It sounds to me like you need to sell the horse to your instructor ;) Just kidding :p.

Are you more scared of your instructor or the horse? Is there a little bit of you that doesn't want to let your instructor down because she helped you find the horse and she thinks you're good enough to ride it so you don't want to disappoint her?

I had to go to a different instructor with mine for this reason. My original one had helped me find my boy and I couldn't admit that I wasn't up to the standard he thought I was. After years of riding the most amazing pony I moved onto this 16.2 giant and realised I had been a passenger for 14 years! I was more scared of letting my instructor down than I was of the horse so I would plough on, flying at jumps that terrified me and ending up on the floor, shattering my confidence and feeling like I'd let him down anyway.

I went to somebody else, went right back to basics and a year later had got to grips with my new boy enough to go back to my original instructor. I now go to both and love their different styles, one bolsters my confidence while the other pushes me to my limits but the combination works.

Either you need to try a new instructor or you have to be brave in a different way and be totally honest about how scared you are with your current instructor. Good luck. I know how hard it is when you're scared
 
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