Upset about my horse getting old

[Sealine]

I regularly ride with a friend at the yard as her horse doesn't hack alone. As she can be nervous, I've spent years helping and supporting her by riding out with her on routes of her choice or at a pace to suit her and her horse. There were three of us riding this morning and after we'd left the yard she said she wanted to do a short but fast ride with lots of trotting. My horse now has arthritis and can be stiff in the mornings and when we trot I let him decide on the speed and when to stop. I wasn't going to ask my horse to do lots of trotting as it's not fair on him and I said I would do a specific route and she should do her own thing. We got to a junction in the road and the two of them went off to do the same route as me but in reverse leaving me on my own. My horse was calling to his friends for much of the ride as they'd suddenly disappeared (and then reappeared and disappeared again) although he would have been OK if we'd left the yard on our own.

I guess I'm feeling upset because it's another reminder that my much loved old boy can't do what everyone else is doing as he's slowed down alot. I'm feeling a bit used and rejected to be honest.

I don't want another horse to ride I just want my wonderful boy as he was 10 years ago.

Apologies for the self indulgent pity party.

 

[GrassChop]

I completely understand where you are coming from. Even though mine is getting on, she's no different at the moment thankfully but I hate the fact that she's getting older and I can't bear the thought of losing her.

 

[Annagain]

I get it. I think the one thing I would change about horses is the rate at which the age - even if that means they'd have to be 15 before you could start them.

Archie is now 30ish and has been retired 4 years. We lost Monty aged 26 in Oct 2022 after 21 years together. Wiggy is wonderful but there are times I wish I could just take Arch out, even just for a walk round the block. Archie cwtches are the best cwtches but it's not the same as the bond you get when riding them.

You're doing the right thing in looking after him to keep him going as long as possible. Maybe explain to your friend that you've enjoyed her company for years and, while you don't expect her to accommodate you every time, you'd miss riding with her if it stopped so you'd like to ride with her on a quieter ride now and again?

 

[tatty_v]

I completely empathise and I think it was insensitive of your friend to do that. It’s so hard watching them age but I try and just focus on being grateful he’s still with me (as well as having a good old laugh about what a loon he used to be in his younger days!) It’s not easy though xx

 

[NinjaPony]

You’re doing the right thing by protecting your horse and adapting to his level. My Welsh is nearly 24 and I am trying to remind myself what a rare privilege it is to see them through their twilight years and get to spend so many years with them.

 

[Birker2020]

I know how that feels, I really loved Bailey and was terrified of losing her to colic, in pain and scared. As it was she had a lovely peaceful death with us at her side after spending an amazing morning in her paddock at the end of her life because she we couldn't do anymore for her and it was her time.

I think your friends were rotten to do that but do they know your old boy is struggling.
Can the vet help with bute or medication (not so he can trot fast on the road) but just to help maintain him?

 

[Sealine]

The friends do know he is struggling. He's on Danilon and is checked by the vet regularly. Vet is due for vaccinations shortly when he'll be checked over. He's had his hocks injected in the past I didn't find it made much difference or for long.

I'm always asking myself (and my vet) if it's time to retire him. I currently ride 4 times a week and pretty much let him choose the pace. He still offers trot and canter in the right place when the ground is good and he's feeling ok.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I regularly ride with a friend at the yard as her horse doesn't hack alone. As she can be nervous, I've spent years helping and supporting her by riding out with her on routes of her choice or at a pace to suit her and her horse. There were three of us riding this morning and after we'd left the yard she said she wanted to do a short but fast ride with lots of trotting. My horse now has arthritis and can be stiff in the mornings and when we trot I let him decide on the speed and when to stop. I wasn't going to ask my horse to do lots of trotting as it's not fair on him and I said I would do a specific route and she should do her own thing. We got to a junction in the road and the two of them went off to do the same route as me but in reverse leaving me on my own. My horse was calling to his friends for much of the ride as they'd suddenly disappeared (and then reappeared and disappeared again) although he would have been OK if we'd left the yard on our own.

I guess I'm feeling upset because it's another reminder that my much loved old boy can't do what everyone else is doing as he's slowed down alot. I'm feeling a bit used and rejected to be honest.

I don't want another horse to ride I just want my wonderful boy as he was 10 years ago.

Apologies for the self indulgent pity party.

It's not just that your horse is aging though, is it? Your 'friend' was incredibly insensitive and rude. I think you are more than justified in feeling upset about the whole experience tbh.

 

[Birker2020]

The friends do know he is struggling. He's on Danilon and is checked by the vet regularly. Vet is due for vaccinations shortly when he'll be checked over. He's had his hocks injected in the past I didn't find it made much difference or for long.

I'm always asking myself (and my vet) if it's time to retire him. I currently ride 4 times a week and pretty much let him choose the pace. He still offers trot and canter in the right place when the ground is good and he's feeling ok.

Yes that's just like how Bailey was.

I think your friends should have known better, maybe next time you can shout out "hey remember my horse can't do what you want to do". You are right to advocate for him.
My friend and I went on a bridle rides holiday years ago when I had my heart horse. Hers was a hackney cross. She used to love trotting him on the roads fast and on the ride took off at a very fast very strong trot for a very long time. I managed to keep my horse in a slow trot and for a short distance to save his legs. The next day hers was lame, my boy was sound. I was glad I'd stuck to my guns.

Its hard when your horse gets old and you have to modify what you can and can't do with them. I was initially told in late 2016 I couldn't jump Bails anymore, then I was told I couldn't school anymore, then I could hack but not too much. So eventually I had to cut down my hacking to a one hour ride and another 20 minute ride every week before eventually stopping altogether.

 

[humblepie]

I feel the same as you do, would love mine to be 10 years younger. I pretty much always hack on my own as I don't trot on the roads other than getting out the way of traffic and they all just think I am very boring. Hopefully you can come to some arrangement with your friend where you can do some steady hacks and she does fast work other days. It sounds like he is still enjoying what you do with him.

 

[Sealine]

It's not just that your horse is aging though, is it? Your 'friend' was incredibly insensitive and rude. I think you are more than justified in feeling upset about the whole experience tbh.

Thanks for saying that. I was wondering if I was being over sensitive. I came home in tears this morning. I lost my old dog a few months ago and that all came rushing back to me this morning as well.

 

[webble]

Ah thats sad but I'm another who thinks you're friend as mean. I have a friend I hack with who is lovely and her horse is lovely but he is an older chap, I will still hack with her as he starts to slow down, we will go at his pace and distance and if I want to do more I will do more after or another day because I like them both

 

[meesha]

A friendly chat with her to say if she wants to do that kind of ride could she let u know b4 you set off so u can make other plans and setoff slightly b4 or after.

I'm just on way to yard to meet vet as my loan pony is having cartophen injections as older and bit stiff (non ridden) ... Could this be an option ?

We don't hammer any horse in trot on the roads though, today's ride was purely walk as that suited friend ...

 

[poiuytrewq]

You weren’t being over sensitive at all no, she was being unfair. I’d almost be inclined to make the decision and say that your horse struggled and wasn’t very happy so you were just going to do your own thing with him now, and if he’s still offering you trot and canter happily out hacking I’d say keep going. Obviously thoughtfully as you are but I think it’s good for both of you. I had one ridden into his 30’s, like you not daily and he chose the speed but walked out with his little ears pricked. I always think if you can keep them even just pottering it’s nicer all round.

 

[FlyingCircus]

I tend to organise to ride and agree the type of ride beforehand with most people. There are only one or two who I know enjoy similar rides to me that I won't specify if it's a short or long/fast or slow etc ride. Avoids disappointment (I hate expecting to go for a w/t/C ride and just end up pootling at walk, equally I'd hate to be holding on for dear life if we went for an unexpected fast hack) for everyone.

 

[Peglo]

I understand if your friend wants to go quicker rides but after all your help hacking out with her for years the decent thing to do would be to let you know in advance so as Meesha says you could make your own plans and not upset your horse. That seems pretty harsh of your friend to be so thoughtless.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

That is really rude of people to just decide to break of on a ride and leave one person alone, I wouldn't ride with them any more just do your own thing, not much of a friend really especially as you took the time to help with her confidence and now because she is feeling braver she has dumped you.

I rode on my own for years because my horse couldn't do fast rides, eventually another livery had an elderly horse and we started hacking together which was lovely.

I remember a livery asking to ride with me and a friend on my 2 and I said we only walk as my friend is nervous and my horses get too lively for her, she decided to go off on her own and about 5 minutes later the horse came galloping up behind us as she really didn't want to be separated which is normal for a horse to want to stay with the horses they originally left the yard with.

 

[Time for Tea]

It's not just that your horse is aging though, is it? Your 'friend' was incredibly insensitive and rude. I think you are more than justified in feeling upset about the whole experience tbh.

I think this as well. People are thoughtless and just don’t understand. I lost the love of my life (equine) 6 years ago. We had to be very careful for the last few years of his ridden life, which was difficult as he was very excitable. I feel for you. I am also envious you still have him, savour what you have.

 

[Skib]

. I pretty much always hack on my own

That is what I did on the old lesson horse. I hacked her solo till she was 24 and was asked to do as much or little as we both felt like. Very different from my present share where one is obliged to hack round a set circular route.

 

[GypsGal1718]

It scares me every day how much older she is getting so quickly, not about not doing what she could but losing her. I have to keep reminding myself she is only 18 but it still worries me

 

[GrassChop]

It scares me every day how much older she is getting so quickly, not about not doing what she could but losing her. I have to keep reminding myself she is only 18 but it still worries me

Mine is 19 this year and I hate it. She still acts like a youngster a lot of the time but still.

 

[pistolpete]

I had this once so I feel your pain! People really can be mean! My ‘friend’ decided her young horse really needed to trot up this mega steep hill! She said I’ll wait at the top. My old boy was distressed being left so tried to trot after her. It wasn’t ok. I felt let down and sad. I think your horse is very lucky to have you. If you ride with her again explain exactly what the limits are and that splitting up isn’t an option and maybe she’ll realise. Or maybe it’s time to enjoy your time with your lovely boy alone.

 

[irishdraft]

Extremely rude of your friend to behave like this lots of horses would have been thrown by suddenly being left on their own then the same horses appearing & disappearing luckily you have a solid stalwart. If I go out with my friend hacking we are always mindful of each other's horses various mental or physical situations.

 

[Abacus]

I can only agree with what has been said. Regardless of how much you’ve helped her, it’s rude to expect a hacking companion to go at your faster pace or break away, without saying so in advance. I ride often with a friend on both my horses, the one she rides is 26 and I always go at their pace even though my younger horse could do much more - and actually the older one could too but she likes to go steadily. Easier in this case as the horses are both mine but it’s polite to do so anyway. In any case it’s good for their manners to have slower rides sometimes.

 

[lme]

That was a bit rubbish of your friend. We have multiple family horses so don't need to hack with others for company. If we do, its always just in walk - I don't trot mine on the roads other than the occasional few steps as I don't think its great for them.

 

[equinerebel]

It scares me every day how much older she is getting so quickly, not about not doing what she could but losing her. I have to keep reminding myself she is only 18 but it still worries me

Same. Mine is also 18 this year and, though you wouldn't know (beyond her being retired from jumping), I know and sometimes I get myself so sad thinking about it. I know as soon as she starts to slow down, that'll hit me really hard.

 

[Birker2020]

It scares me every day how much older she is getting so quickly, not about not doing what she could but losing her. I have to keep reminding myself she is only 18 but it still worries me

I think everyone goes through this at some stage. We are already wondering how we will cope without Summer in our life .

 

[Chianti]

I used to share an older pony who was very sensible. It used to really p*** me off that other liveries only wanted to hack with me if they had a horse that was coming back into work and they wanted sensible company. I was dropped as soon as they were confident that their horse wasn't going to play up. I nearly always hacked my first horse by myself as she was getting on and had navicular. I found it mush easier to be able to do what I wanted, where I wanted to. People can be very thoughtless when they are riding.

 

[black and brown]

You did exactly the right thing by protecting your valued horse. It's a shame your 'friends' weren't so thoughtful. Enjoy your precious horse and value every day without worrying about the future. I was looking forward to seeing my horse grow old but sadly it wasn't to be and it breaks my heart.

 

[eahotson]

The friends do know he is struggling. He's on Danilon and is checked by the vet regularly. Vet is due for vaccinations shortly when he'll be checked over. He's had his hocks injected in the past I didn't find it made much difference or for long.

I'm always asking myself (and my vet) if it's time to retire him. I currently ride 4 times a week and pretty much let him choose the pace. He still offers trot and canter in the right place when the ground is good and he's feeling ok.

So long as you and he are happy keep on.