Urgent Help Needed - Emotional roller coaster and I want to get off ... pls help

Archiesmummy

Archiesmummy

Well-Known Member
Joined
13 March 2010
Messages
735
Location
Hampshire
Visit site
I have owned Archie for the last four years and he has been my wonderful, safe, joy to own happy hack. He is just 8.

My job changed at the end of last year and because I wasn't spending so much time with him thought I would get him a little companion to spend his time with.

My boy has changed :(. I was always his blankey, but now she is the centre of his world. She is proving to be very difficult when left and their bond is getting ever stronger. His demeanour is different and tbh my nerves are playing havoc so think it best to loan him out.

Whilst Archie has been a brilliant safe hack he is totally unschooled and even though this doesn't affect our enjoyment together I think it will prove a problem when people come to see him. He is very, very green. He is a blank canvas, which I see as a positive, love mileage, slowly started, but I have done him an injustice by doing no schooling. I have no facilities and he has always done what I want him to do so up till now it hasn't been a problem. He doesn't always do what other people want him to do though and I am sure its just his education needs to be furthered.

Because of the schooling issue, now his demeanour has changed, he doesn't seem to listen as well as he has done and things to be falling apart for me. I am nervous and having a confidence crisis and dont want to ride. I feel all of a sudden over horsed.

What can I do? Its all my fault, I know. I have a million things going through my mind and probably little things to anyone else seem like Mount Everest to me and I am not coping very well.

I have given notice for my beautiful little companion pony to be returned to her owner as I feel I need to get my old horse back before I throw in the towel for good. I feel terrible and a failure.

Pls can someone help me? If possible can someone come ride him for a while and get the pressure off me and advise me what to do.

:(
 
Firstly don't panic. I'm sure when you've returned the companion pony Archie will after a few days return to his old self. Maybe you can get a sharer to help ride him out or maybe school him?
 
Get yourself to a yard with facilities and start having some lessons. Build confidence together in the school with him. If after 6 months you still aren't happy loan him out and he's better school or maybe six months of hard work (use a set deadline date) and you'll have you horse back, but better!
 
I don't have much advice either Archiesmummy but don't beat yourself up too much about this. You did the thing you thought was best at the time by getting him a companion due to your work circumstance and you didn't have the facilities to school him and unless you had nearby facilities that were easy to hack to you wouldn't have had any options.

May I ask how many times a week you were riding him before you got the companion and how many now/since? I'm not that knowledgeable about these things but maybe he has just got used to a quieter riding life and bonded very strongly with the mare. If your confidence is not too far gone, do you have any sort of schooling facilities near you and could you afford to have some lessons - if you can get him and you there that may help get your confidence back up again and he'll learn to listen to you in those lessons.

I don't think it takes much for horses circumstances to change for them to change/test the boundaries. When I got my pony he had been well behaved and brought on schooling and hacking wise but coming to me to a much bigger yard and spending his time with many more horses than before he spent the first year being a challenge and testing me out by napping, being caught and then tanking off across the field with me. His previous owner was giving me lessons initially when I got him and when she saw what he was doing firsthand she knew he was just having me on so we had to get quite firm with him.

If you're feeling as anxious and unconfident as you sound, he's maybe picking that up from you too when you ride him at the moment so I think your thought of getting some help to ride him is a good one - could you get a very confident experience sharer for a while? He sounds like a lovely boy and it would be a shame for both of you after 4 years when things have gone well for you until recently to lose that partnership.

Not much constructive advice there but just feel for you and hope it does come good again :)
 
Hello there, it sounds as if you need to take a deep breath and chill a bit! If you feel the companion has caused issues with Archie, then if you have arranged for the companion to be returned then that could be your problem solved, so I would hold your horses before loaning Archie out too.

The next thing you could try is to have some lessons with Archie, a good instructor will point you in the right direction and build your confidence. Is there anybody you could hack out with to build your confidence up? Hacking is a great education for horses too, you can still ask for different things while out hacking, my mare is seventeen now and since she was broken she's had all her education out hacking, but she can shoulder in, turn on the forehand etc as well as any other horses that are schooled a lot. Opening/closeing gates and standing when told, doing lots of transitions, popping the odd log are all building a well educated horse.

It might be worth seeing if the spring grass is affecting him too, sometimes feeding a magnesium supplement can help when there is a flush of grass.

If you are really stressed then he may well be picking up on that too, and you can always leave him until you feel more relaxed yourself. I'm sure that if you've managed for the past four years that this is just a blip that you will be able to deal with. :)
 
Oh Archiesmummy, I feel for you, but really don’t think you should give up on him, I think you would regret it.

What about getting yourself an instructor? I know you say you don’t have facilities, but is there somewhere local you could hire, or even the instructor could walk out with you? Or they can even ride for you, just until you feel more confident? Lessons really do help so much with confidence.
 
I really feel for you as I have been in this position. Take a deep breath and if possible find someone who is experienced, sympathetic and confident and get them to come and ride him for a while so you can take a back seat and see the bigger picture. I know it all seems hopeless at the moment but believe me it will get better. You need to take a step back and see the whole picture. Changing the dynamics of a horses's routine and structure causes a lot of stress and can make things look worse than they are. Find someone you trust to come in as an outsider and see the situation from a less emotional stance. I have been there and it did work out but I needed someone else to guide me through it. Good luck and lots of positive thoughts coming your way.
 
could you move him to a local yard for a few weeks? with facilities and a good instructor? and people to hack out with?

it would do you the world of good. don't give up on him yet. trust me... look at my old posts and see that a month ago i was so scared of getting on my beloved horse that i'd literally spew at the thought... i took raff to friend's yard last week (with the intention of it only being for 2 weeks whilst i sort my land out) and within two days was riding happily... taking him away from home took the pressure off me. i no longer looked out the window and was reminded of how much i was ruining him.. also it meant when i do get on him, there are other people there. and a school etc.

good luck. i know how hard it can be. please give it a go.
 
Are you sure that your confidence issues are all linked with riding and with Archie? This may sound silly (and may be!) but sometimes with life style/work changes our anxiety levels gradually increase without us realising and then when we feel the anxiety we find something to hang it on. I hope that makes sense, I know what I mean, but may not have made it clear!
 
johnrobert said:
Sorry. Been there done that. Mistake companion pony (female). Give him time to settle down to being on his own again or sell him on it's up to you.
Click to expand...

Thanks JR. You said you have been there, done that. What did you do? And yes, in hindsight, huge mistake re companion, I know that. Why sell? Would you not loan or get help?
 
dixie said:
Firstly don't panic. I'm sure when you've returned the companion pony Archie will after a few days return to his old self. Maybe you can get a sharer to help ride him out or maybe school him?
Click to expand...

Second this. Dont panic. Once you return the difficult companion you can concentrate on building your relationship again with archie. I think you need to do some ground work with him teaching him that you will work with him but ultimately your the boss and what you say goes.
An instructor could really help you. Can you get someone on foot taking you out once the companion has gone.

With the weather improving you will have more daylight hours to spend time with him. Also they do seem to be more relaxed with the warmth on their backs.
What do you feed him? Changed anything there? I presume you feed just a chaff type feed?
 
Sorry to hear about the problems you're having AM, but please don't do anything you'll regret - which I think you will do if you give your boy up.

Give him time to settle and let your bond come to how it was before, it's still there after all, he's just got a little distracted ;)

Consider a different yard? People who can take you out hacking and such will do the world of good to you both. There may even be someone there who'll ride him in the week if they've got the time anyway :)

And agree with Jobo - try to find a good instructor who will either ride him / hack him out for you and your confidence will soon be soaring!

Just imagine warm light evenings hacking out in the sunshine xx
 
Kept horse, seven years now, she loves me and I love her, but still take each day as it comes. I think it all comes down to what you want from your horse and riding. I've got to the age of being just a happy hacker, I'm 61, I've 2 youngsters 5 and 3, still to be broken in, 5 year old strong willed, so taking my time, 3 year old just about ready, again will take my time. The horse I kept is bless her a nightmare, Sweet-itch, nightmare with vet, needles,having teeth done, farrier and her immune system is slowly shutting down.
 
If its any comfort to you I have just had almost exactly the same problem as you with my gelding (whom I've had for 5 years) becoming infatuated with a mare he was turned out with at his new yard. (I posted about it on here a couple of months ago)

I am pleased to say he has now been separated and has returned to his loving self and has gone back to his old level of naughtiness which I can cope with rather than the leaping and bucking and bolting he went through. He also totally ignored me. I also put him on training livery for a month at my yard so that mainly it would give me confidence that he had truly returned to his old self and to get him back into a work ethic after the snowbreak. I thought it money well invested to get me through this blip as I love him to bits and know that losing confidence is a slippery slope. I've now booked my first dressage comp of the season and planning a sponsored ride so its all systems go :). - After separation I would definitely invest in someone to ride him a few times and some lessons and in no time at all you will be back enjoying him - Good Luck!

One more thing - it might be worth giving him a calmer short-term just to take the edge off.
 
I dont think its that unusual for geldings living with single mares to have issues ;) its the situation that we have at home and its not ideal! Frank feels like she is his responsibility so he needs to keep an eye on her at all times. :) I would not worry too much about doing a lot until companion goes back, and be aware that straight away he might be a little worse, am wondering if he is going to be angsty for a bit after it might be better him being on a yard for a month or so for the transition.

I do think it might be beneficial to get someone else experienced to ride him out a few times and see what they think, am not saying you have but you might have built it up in your head more than it really is and fresh eyes would be good.
 
Update - am seeing Tarrsteps, highly recommended from on here, on Wednesday and hopefully she will get us back on track.

Thank you to everyone sending me good wishes and keeping their fingers crossed for me x
 
Hey AM. Just received your PM and came straight to your post. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time, you can almost read the panic in your post! :(

As you know, I've had my share of confidence issues with Freddie. I don't know if it's at all possible but I think if you really really want to keep your boy and overcome these issues, finding somewhere with facilities and more support would be the only answer. It took me four yards to find my perfect home for Freddie and me and I'm soooo glad I made the decision to move that fourth time, when I wasn't going to because I didn't want to uproot him again, as it's been changed my entire horsey world!!!

I have a yard with a fantastic instructor on site, a menage, friends who support me and the confidence I've gained from this has been invaluable and given me hope that I will get my confidence back and be able to enjoy my horse like I used to one day!

Would this be a possibility??

I had my old pony on her own, in a field with no facilities and I found it sooo disheartening! I found that when things went well there was nobody to share it with yet when things went wrong there was nobody to help me out. I just became withdrawn, unenthusastic and terrified of my own pony! It was a vicious circle!

I hope you manage to find a way around this as I know how much you love your beautiful Archie and I think it would be tragic for you to have to give up on him! Let me know how it goes. Thinking of you xxx
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top