Very close to giving up

Serephin

Serephin

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I just wanted some thoughts and advice really, please. I have recently sold my TB who I owned for 2 years after a long break from horses - I loved him dearly but he knocked my confidence somewhat so I ended up selling him. I have a new horse now who is very sweet but is taking his time settling in (its been 3 weeks so far) and is not acting like he did when I bought him - he is a bit nappy, joggy and spooky - all things he was not before. I think it is because he has realised he is staying where he is and just doesn't trust me yet.

I have been having major panic attacks - the worst were when I first got him and they came out of nowhere in the middle of the night - I didn't sleep for four days and ended up having blood tests etc at the docs. I was just starting to get better, sleeping at night and feeling almost human, when, this weekend, they have come back again, not as strong as the last lot but still heart racing, burning up, feeling sick, stomach cramping and not being able to sleep.

All this started with the new horse and I am seriously thinking about getting rid of him just to get back to normal - I can't take feeling like this anymore - when I think of selling him I feel relieved. I am really upset because I have always loved horses but now it all feels ruined as I am just not enjoying it anymore. I am a fairly good rider and have ridden since I was 13 - but this feels like torture. Last night I was in bed and was dreading the panic so much that I made it happen - and I am not even thinking about the horse at the time! But I am pretty sure it is the trigger cos I was totally fine before - I can be a stress head but this is just ridiculous!

should I just sell and be done with it? and go back to being a couch potato (I was bored out of my mind until I got a horse and pretty lazy too!) I have only had for 3 weeks, so who is going to buy a horse from someone like me? I won't be able to show him to his true potential as we haven't bonded or anything yet and he is wary of me. He is a really nice sort, the perfect horse for me, but I just don't seem to be able to get past this anxiety and I really can't handle it. I feel pressured to do stuff with him and this makes things worse. arrrrghhh - this is supposed to be fun! please help me

cookies for getting this far.
 
You sound as if you need a bit of help and support. This may sound strange, but is there any chance you could find a sharer for your horse...that may take the pressure off you, and let you see what your horse can do.
Or find a good, helpful instructor who will help you progress without pushing you completely out of your comfort zone?
My final suggestion is to go for some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to address your anxiety issues, and help you distance yourself from your worries - this is reputed to be very successful.
S
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I have been through a very similar thing. I have had my new horse a week and it has taken large quantities of rescue remedy to get on him.

I have just had the most brilliant weekend though and have managed to hack out down the bridle path next to us twice over the weekend with my friend on her horse.

I still feel ancious but know if I relax so does he and it is getting easier each day.


Only you know what you want to do. Is he the right horse for you? I have just down graded to althoug a youngster somthing far less spooky and stressy because I knew if I didn't I would pack up and never ride again.

Try some rescue remedy

Good luck and let me know how you get on.
 
I understand where you're coming from - it's really hard to get through that afraid stage when you've lost your confidence. I wouldn't sell your horse right now because he hasn't had a chance to settle. I'd give him a 3-4 month trial period - you don't have to ride him, in fact it might be nice for you to get someone else to ride him so you can see him settle without being panicked. Imagine if you dated someone for 3 weeks and then got dumped - you'd feel you didn't really get to know the person, same for the horse! If by the end of the trial period, he's really not the horse for you then you might think about selling him but right now just let him be a horse and get to know you. A good instructor can work wonders as well, it takes the pressure off you and if he or she is reassuring can really build up your confidence. Also, the weather's nice right now - imagine your summer without your boy! When mine are pratting about, I always think about what I'd do on a sunny Saturday without them and it makes me feel better!
 
Poor you! For what its worth, I think you shouldnt do anything hasty as it might well work out in the end - 3 weeks is not very long. Here is what I would do.... make a decision you are not going to ride him for (lets say) 3 weeks. Instead do some lunge work with him to build up a bit of a partnership, take him for a walk in hand - just around the field to start with if he is a bit jumpy going out. AND pay someone to come and ride him a couple of times a week. They could school him one day and hack him out another. That way he wont get out of the habit of being ridden but the pressure is off you. Good luck!
 
Huge hugs to you, it's a really horrible place to be. But don't give up. You can ride, don't forget that. This is just a tempory thing which WILL pass! I am a real beginner who has started sharing a horse probably a little sooner than I should have and am finding out the hard way how different they are to RS horses! I find that my horse can be spooky and nervous because I am tense and although I know that I have to be calm and confident to give her the right messages, it is very very hard to do. What has helped me more than anything is having lessons on her with a lovely instructor who is kind and seems to know when to push me a bit or praise me. It makes such a huge difference. I know that lessons are expensive in addition to owning a horse, but if you could have some, they would really benefit you I'm sure. I am a completely different rider when I've got someone standing in the school with me. You have got an advantage in that you CAN ride, keep telling yourself that and that this is just tempory. Good luck x x x
 
Been there, done that, got the tee shirt
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((hugs))

You need to get a really good sympathetic instructor and rescue remedy. Where are you?

I had a youngster who completely shattered my confidence, she threw me into a fence and almost broke my back and i said enough is enough and I'm giving up.

But a friend of mine found Boss for me, and it took me about 3 months of having him before i actually got on him.
I found a good instructor, a online friend actually, told her EXACTLY what was wrong - don't be embarrassed and be completely honest - and she helped me get on.

Yesterday i went for my first solo hack, if you had told me 2 months ago that i would be going down a road ON MY OWN, i'd have laughed in your face.

So please dont sell your horse. Get some help. Again, where abouts are you? Maybe someone on here could come and see you?
 
Thank you for all you replies - I really appreciate it

I don't want to give up, but in the middle of the night when my heart is pounding and I feel physically sick I just want it all to stop. I am just surprised at my reaction to this, its come out of nowhere and makes me feel horribly out of control!

I am in South Lincs, near Stamford - I do have an instructor, haven't seen her for a while - I might sound her out about her possibly riding him a few times for me. A girl at my yard promised to help me, but she is going through some tough times in her personal life at the moment, so hasn't really been able to, and I don't want to be a pain on top of everything else she is going through at the moment.

*sigh* I just want my nerve back - I hate feeling like this
 
google Jo Cooper and try TFT as well as getting a sympathetic instructor-an instructor cant help you with the night terrors but Jo will give you a way to cope with them.
 
Don't worry about riding at all - give up for a while and enjoy your horse if need be until you're feeling better
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as above in the mean time you could look for a sympathetic instructor but if it's effecting you that much I'd stop riding for a while.

Just to add if you haven't got a bond with him + you've only had him 3 weeks, all the more reason to just care for him - no riding for a while. I get nervous on horses I don't know well, although never on my own. It makes a big difference if you know the horse so to speak and have a bond there.
 
Right Ive had my horse two months now and last week very nearly gave up as she is very forward going making me nervous riding her thinking she is going to bolt like my last horse did. What changed everything for me was getting an experienced friend to ride her out and me seeing actually she will stop when asked, wont run off in canter etc etc plus her telling me how to ride her which has changed us both beyond belief.
When I tried her she was very quiet like yours sounds like but she jogged constantly with me and was very unsettled and i couldnt do anything with her. Get some help and it will help you both out. Good luck x
 
I always buy bombproof/spookproof plods but find that they are all unsettled by a move and a new owner.

I allow 2 years yes! 2 years for them to settle in and become totaly reliable.

After that period of time they become completly laid back.

If the horse was bombproof/spookproof in it's previous ownership it will come back but you must give both of you time to get used to each other.
 
It may take a while for your new horse to settle into it's new home. My new horse arrived about 5 weeks ago and he's only just really started to settle down. I was concerned like you because I'd sold a horse that had knocked my confidence and was really hoping to get it back with the new boy.

Lots of sound advice above. Definately agree you should get a good instructor. Spend time working on him from the ground, lunging, lots of grooming even grazing in hand - all helps to gain confidence and trust.

Also, for a few weeks, cut his hard feed right down. It might just take the edge off while he's settling in.
 
Oh, I really feel for you, I was like this with the last horse I had (I bought her with a friend). I would be physically shaking when I got on her. As a result, when I was going to get my own I thought that maybe I shouldn't bother getting a horse.

I had a good chat with a close friend of mine and bought K. I was seriously worried all the time. However, with good support and meeting a really kind girl at my new yard who would hack out with me and was understanding of my nerves, I have slowly overcome it. It really was difficult, but with a good support network, I have and you could too.

The trick is not to rush it and get a good bond with your horse. I have had K for 3 months now and it has only been the last 5 weeks that I have made any real progress. Now I am cantering all over the place and hacking out on my own - this I never thought possible!

Each time you do something, you will discover that it wasn't as bad as you thought and you will be so proud at having done it that you end up pushing yourself that little bit more.

You can do but give yourself time. Once I realised I didn't have to do anything at other peoples time scales, it really helped.

Good Luck and do persevere with it. I can promise you that I am really glad I did.
 
Please don't give up! I know exactly how you feel. I totally lost my confidence a few years ago and did have TFT with Jo Cooper (website here ) which helped a bit. My fear was riding in open spaces after a bad fall where a horse spun and took off with me and bucked me off, I then had a bad accident with a horse which meant I couldn't ride for over a year - this all combined to make me a nervous wreck, I would wake up in the night literally sick with fear, even though I have had horses for 30 years. I bought a new horse 2 years ago (and yes OWLIE is right, I agree that it takes a long, long time for a horse to settle) as a happy hacker and was very very nervous of riding her - she is now the most wonderful confidence-giving plod BTW and can only be bothered to trot on a good day
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Get someone to ride your horse for you, get to know him on the ground and build up a bond with him. If you trust each other on the ground, you can start to trust each other when you are riding him. Your horse is very unsettled by the move - he has had to leave everything that is familiar to him and needs patience and reassurance. It doesn't matter if it takes weeks, months, etc. just take your time and don't let anyone rush you.
 
i would just handle him from the ground for now.cut out all his hard feed and make sure he gets plenty of turnout.
some horses can take a while to settle.
prehaps someone else would ride him for you once he has had a week or two to settle more and you can gain confidence from watching that?
doing lots of ground work with him and building up a friendship will help-the pressure is off when you dont 'have' to ride.
and you dont have to do lots with him-take all the pressure off yourself.
it certainly wont harm him to have even a few months off work.
maybe even if you start by just going down and grooming him and sitting with him in the stable or field(esp now its lovely and sunny).
chat to the other liveries too,maybe hold a barbeque or something down there and make the yard a place of relaxation,rather than a source of stress.
i would also consider seeing a counseller-it could be not related directly to your horse at all.
they will be able to help you through it even if it is to do with your horse.i saw a counseller once for having anxiety attacks-they werent full blown panick attacks.they really helped me see how i could control things in my power and cope with the things that werent.
panic attack symptoms are not pleasant and the more worried you are about having them the worse they feel.
 
I agree do lots of ground work and lungeing that way you'll still be keeping him fit so won't be totally fresh when you do feel you can ride again. I gave up a horse I loved but was too much for me and got another and it took ages for us to bond, still a bit of a one way street still even after 9 months. Good luck, superdrug lavender bubble bath is lovely keep falling asleep in the bath very relaxing
 
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