Very long!! - Don't know where to start - lost and confused!

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Jzo

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I had to give up horses for a couple of reasons, the main ones being that I couldn't support them financially as I wasn't earning enough and my confidence had hit rock bottom to the point where I was too scared to even canter, I felt like I had forgotten everything and even trot was becoming a task, I just felt like I was 10 again and just starting to learn to ride - I am 21 now.

I have had numerous offers from friends who say come ride mine if you need horsey time, but I just can't do it, worried I'll tack up wrong, or ride wrong, or if I asked for trot they will canter and I will fall off, all these silly thoughts going through my head, some people have said don't be silly when you get on and ride, you'll be fine, I tried that theory and nearly hit the deck just asking for trot, my nerves have finally managed to get the better of me.

I have always wanted another cob because my first horse that I actually purchased rather than loaned/shared was a cob x new forest and she was absolutely fantastic, I say horse but actually she was a yearling filly! She was wild as they come and within a couple of weeks following me around without a headcollar, the bond we had was fantastic and I knew that when the time was right to break her, she was going to be very easy to break, but I wasn't patient enough and I sold her on (she will be being broken as we speak if not broken now!)

I have started looking at a few cobs but the bombproof already broken 5-20+ year olds are expensive because so many people love a bombproof cob, and although my circumstances have now changed and I have moved onto a new job which is full time 9-5 and can afford livery, I cannot afford the lump sums needed to purchase a horse of this type so I considered going down the route of a youngster because I know then there will be nothing to correct, and if there was, it would be my own doing, and something I would deal with as appropriate. However 1) I really want to get back in the saddle so unless I buy a 3/4 year old thats ready to back and find the correct help to make sure it's done correctly, that's not going to happen and 2) I am worried that my knowledge in the horse world is too limited and won't be enough to deal with a youngster that needs breaking in should they not be very easy to break.

I have considered going and having lessons again and starting right from the very beginning, I have never been a show fanatic, although one day I want to be it's not something I have ever done much off and mainly I have always been a happy hacker. Lessons would be good but also they are very expensive and again although I have a full time job, right now I am not driving so would need to put aforementioned horse/youngster onto part livery to assist with feeding, rug changes and turnout if a stable is provided, so that plus paying rent and travel costs isn't going to allow me to have weekly lessons. I suppose my question here is would monthly lessons be a waste of time? And in the mean time is there much point me getting a horse/youngster? If I were to get a bombproof cob, I would happily get on and walk around in a school or hack out (providing they really are bombproof) but the cantering would be a step too far and until I have had a lesson with a qualified instructor or a good friend (I have a few that used to be instructors), would it really be fair to have a horse that only gets a bit of walk and trot? Obviously would be lunged and exercised, would probably find a friend to ride a few times a week too.

I know I have rambled but I have literally just typed everything that has come in to my head so you know exactly where my line of thought is!

So sorry for the rambling and I'm proud of anyone who made it this far! :D
 
Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear of your nerve problems however I must urge you not to get a youngster at the moment, if you don't even feel confident enough to canter a youngster will almost certainly knock your confidence further as regardless of breed young horses need a calm, confident handler to produce them successfully!

If you can afford to put a horse on part livery you can almost certainly afford weekly lessons to improve your confidence and ability before you buy your own horse, as your confidence/ability improves you may well feel you can take your friends up on their offer of riding their horses, in the meantime you can be saving up for your dream cob!!!

Good luck
 
Whatever you do do not buy a youngster with your confidence problems. The likelihood would be you would negatively impact both your lives!

Lessons followed by later on sharing your perfect cob type sound like the best solution. I think you need to go back to basics and slowly build up. If you can afford livery you can surely afford a weekly lesson or two instead??
 
hun I'm sorry to hear you have lost your confidence and I know how easy that can happen BUT I'm going to be honest here

There is no way you should get a youngster!! You aren't really ready to get a horse of your own at all.

You do need to go and have regular lessons probably one a week! IF you can't afford a lesson a week you can't afford a horse.

If it is mainly transport then get a taxi and have a lesson every 2 or 3 wks

You really do need to be walk trot and cantering in a school at least before you even think of getting an old plod to share.

If you want to own one out right then you need to be able to take friends up on their offer of riding, hacking etc

Hope you manage to do this and wish you lots of luck
 
I would not buy a horse while you feel like you do I would work on getting lessons or building your confidence on other horses until you are sure that this is what you want to do, and are feeling more comfortable with a horse. Lessons might be expensive but owning a horse is more expensive.
 
I completely agree. If your confidence has suffered such a knock it is heartbreaking but at least you have identified the problem.... don't rush in to buying anything and I certainly would not advise a youngster at this point.

Spend your livery money on a good quality BHS approved riding school and get your confidence back first!!

Good luck!
 
Thanks for everyones reply

I was rambling and didn't really think what I was putting - what I meant was I wouldn't be able to afford to own a horse and have lessons, so if I don't get a horse then definitely yeah lessons wouldn't be a problem.

The strange thing is my confidence wasn't fantastic but I could handle problem horses that were bolshy or difficult and could sit bucking and rearing, and when I gave up horses although my confidence was low, it wasn't rock bottom - it has only been since giving them up that it has hit rock bottom because I have had little or no interaction with horses and my nerves have convinced me that when I go back to it, I will be a complete mess!

I think I am going to invest in some lessons and start from scratch in the hope that this helps me realise somewhere in my body, I have the ability to be the good rider I was once before!
 
Jzo said:
Thanks for everyones reply

I was rambling and didn't really think what I was putting - what I meant was I wouldn't be able to afford to own a horse and have lessons, so if I don't get a horse then definitely yeah lessons wouldn't be a problem.

The strange thing is my confidence wasn't fantastic but I could handle problem horses that were bolshy or difficult and could sit bucking and rearing, and when I gave up horses although my confidence was low, it wasn't rock bottom - it has only been since giving them up that it has hit rock bottom because I have had little or no interaction with horses and my nerves have convinced me that when I go back to it, I will be a complete mess!

I think I am going to invest in some lessons and start from scratch in the hope that this helps me realise somewhere in my body, I have the ability to be the good rider I was once before!
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Good for you hun. sounds like the perfect plan wish you lots of fun :D
 
I think I would look for a share. Riding lessons will be useful but the problem is, you will have to ride different Horses every week so your confidence might fade more. With a share you can build a better bond with. It will also prepare you for getting your own again. You will have to be completly honest with the owner and take things slow. When I had my accident and lost my nerve I started sharing a friends Horse. For the first schooling session all I did was walk, then the next introduced trotting. It was a good couple of months before I felt confident to canter. 2 and half years later and I now have my own Horse. Good luck with what you decide
 
Hi, this is a similar scenario to me.. I had a nasty fall about 5 years ago and completely lost my confidence. I couldnt get back on and I didnt.. until 4 weeks ago!

I was so nervous i almost had an asthma attack! :eek:
I had a few private lessons and started from the beginning, the instructor said she saw me getting my confidence back and last night i went out on a hack, it was brilliant!! Enjoyed it so much im going out again later!.. the lessons are exspensive but soooooo worth it and like you I hope i can get my dream (skewbald) cob one day, but iam going to save up and in the mean time learn as much as i can at the yard and really get my confidence back to where it was.

The last few weeks have been fun, and thats what it should be like! Good Luck :-)

X
 
I too would love to ride again as I havnt ridden really for twenty years. The children and their ponies were more important and the years slipped past and although I am happy with my broodies (which are not in foal) and youngsters and manage all the ground work, I would give anything to put my arthritic old leg across a nice well schooled horse/pony.
I even went as far as buying a pair of nice long leather boots with wide calves for my short stumpy w-i-d-e feet off ebay. I have had them a year and still not plucked up the courage.
And now I have broken my leg it will be even longer until I can try.
I was a decent rider and schooled eventers, broke the kids ponies,but whether its an age/confidence thing I keep imagining the feeling when I might hit the deck. And now I know I wont bounce.
Go get lessons for a good long time until your confidence bounces back, and then when you feel confident look for a share/loan. Dont look at a youngster as that would shatter any confidence you might gain.
 
Hey,

I rode when I was a youngster, just got on and blasted everywhere...There were no consequences to our actions we just had fun, there was no sense ov danger and if ya came off ya got right back on.

Then I packed it in and took it up again after 25 years....To say my confidence had gone was an understatement...OMG the fear I can't describe but I'm sure you know what I mean.

After 2 disastrous attempts with 2 very nice horses I found Marley a 12 year old Welsh Section D....He was very green and lacked confidence when I got him home...I thought OH NO here we go again....But he never did anything malicious, he was just scared and green....I have had him now two n half years...we have brought each others confidence on and I wouldn't canter as he had tanked with me a few times.

After various instructors I have found a brilliant one...She has helped me immensley and we are going back to basics as my core and legs are weak n my boy needs to be taken charge ov....We have successfully shown locally and have come 2nd in one class and 4th in another overall.

My confidence is still not as high as other peoples but I do well with my boy even though he is not an easy ride....Take your time looking for another, get the right instructor and go back to basics, you will fall in love with it again and the buzz when your having a blast and blowing the cobwebs away after a bad day will pay off.

Good luck and don't give up :D
 
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