Very Sad Week...

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Taboo1968

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I've attempted to post a few times since Thursday but have always ended up wiping the box and not being able to put into words what had gone on.....

I sadly lost one of my mares on Thursday morning to liver disease..... We knew she had liver damage from blood tests and was on supplements throughout her stay with me.... however she just would not put on weight and became very poor and weaker by the day.... So on Thursday morning, the decision was made to have her PTS......

I was and am still, heartbroken, although I dont cry as much now...... but deep down I know I made the right decision although it is still very hard to come to terms with....

Its very hard going back up to the yard each time, but I have to as I still have to care for the others.... and in all honesty I keep looking for her in the field or end up making that extra feed for a horse that is no longer there.....

Unfortunately we will never know what caused the irreversible damage to her liver and I am glad that I owned her for a short time, albeit on borrowed time......

It was the first time I have had to deal with this..... and although the decision came easily, I am finding the aftermath hard to deal with.....
just thought I would share this with you all....
 
Your reactions are totally normal. It takes a while to get used to them not being there. Liver damage is so hard to deal with and you often dont know what caused it. I lost a fab pony at 14 though LD and we never found out what caused it but it was heartbreaking to lose him after a long battle. So I know how you are feeling.

It will get easier but you wont ever forget her.

Huge hugs. RIP little girl.
 
Deep down I know it was the right thing.... and I do find comfort in the fact that there was nothing I could ever do that would have made her better..... the damage had gone too far.....

people have always said or I've seen it written how they know by the look in the animals eyes that they are asking us to let them go (oh dam I'm blubbing again) I knew what she was asking me to do. Luckily quite a few of my friends were with me and stayed with me thoughout..... But there is a rather large hole at the moment which no one can fill.... Am meant to be competing tomorrow and heart is really not in it right now.....
 
I know how you must be feeling, i have also lost a horse to liver desease when i was younger. I certainly sympathise with you, its nothing anyone should be made to go through. You know you did the right thing, having a horse PTS is so much kinder than having to watch it suffer. I do hope you feel better soon. My thoughts are with you- RIP.
 
They definitely tell you. One day they are still with you the next day they have given up. You made the right decision and had fought as hard as you could for her.

I cant tell you whether to compete tomorrow. If you dont feel like going with a horse dont go. Especially if your heart isnt in it. But maybe you could go along with a friend to watch. It sounds like youve got some really caring friends.
 
I really cannot imagine what you're going through
frown.gif
. Been sat here for ages trying to find the right words, but I just can't.
Except: you did the right thing, you gave her dignity and peace when she needed it most, and you gave her a good life in that short time.
Big hugs to you ((()))
 
So sorry to hear your news. It's the hardest thing our horses can ask of us and you can take consolation that she is now safe because you did the right thing by her.
It does get easier, honestly although it doesn't feel like that now; perhaps even if you don't feel like competing, you should go tomorrow, just to get out and away for a short time.
 
Tomorrow is the C&T champs, which looking back on, I've worked hard to get there, getting used to my newest horse..... So much time and prep has gone into it and is still going in now! Mane pulled last night, brush up lesson booked today.... plaiting lady booked for the morning etc etc...... Everyone keepstelling me to do it and do it for my little girl, but I have visions of trotting up the centre line and bursting into tears.... I owe it to my other horse to get on with it, but feel so bloody deflated that any competitiveness I had, has suddenly run out the bottom of my feet! Heart is really not in it...
 
Big hugs. You know the decision was the right one, but that is of no comfort at the moment. Time truly does heal, and your hurt will become less raw as time goes on. Sadly, this will happen to most of us; it's the price we pay for the joy that our horses bring.
 
So very sorry to hear this. Jen_Kelly has just been through what you have and is missing her man terribly. However, LD is not something there is a choice of action for. The decision is made by the disease and you did only have the one option. If only doctors could dispense bravery pills it would make this difficult time a lot easier. My (((((hugs))))) to you for the coming days. You obviously loved her greatly. RIP little lady.
 
Just a few more (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

There's only you can decide on tomorrow hon, you know we're all right behind you, but if it doesn't feel right, then you know that you won't enjoy it or put your best test in, but by the same token as you already have said, you've worked bloo8y hard to get where you have with Mr Man and long term you may regret not doing it.
confused.gif


xx
 
You have done a very selfless thing and probably one of the hardest things you might ever do..When my mare was getting on i went out and got another one so i knew when the time came i HAD to carry on going to the yard.I think if i hadent i possibly would of give up horses i was so crushed.But i am very glad i dident.The big hole you feel right now will slowly heal and be replaced with such lovely memories that you shared with your mare.Sending you very bigs hugs.It is an old cliche but time will heal your hurt i promise.Take care.xx
 
Im really sorry to hear that, its something we all hope we never have to deal with. It sounds like she couldn't have hoped for better care, and she would be happy that you made the decision when you did and didn't allow her to suffer on..

BIG hugs

Try and take some comfort from the horses you still have around you hun...
 
Hi Ovidius,

As brighteyes said i have just been through the same with my old boy Kelly. He had liver failure also and you will know what i mean when i say you know when they have had enough and if they could ask you to end it for them, they would. The day that Kelly was PTS, he didnt even want Polo's, i knew then enough was enough. He was so weak and you know there is no going back, you just have to do the kindest thing for them. All i can say to you is it does get easier. Now nearly 4 weeks on i can look at photos of him and watch videos and remember the happy times and also remember how lucky i was to have such a special pony in my life (actually nearly crying now!) it just comes over you in waves.

I really do know how you feel xxx
 
Ovidius, I have tried to reply to your pm you but your pms are full.

It was a long time ago. But Ive never forgotten as it was a very heartbreaking time. The pony gradually lost weight and went off his food. We couldnt get him to eat so called vet who did bloods and diagnosed liver damage. The pony was on medication for some months but continued to lose weight and refused to eat anything but the best grass. We had him in the garden in the end! Ive still got photos of him lying on the lawn!He'd stand with his front feet in the kitchen when we were having tea! He laid down a lot towards the end. One morning we went to his stable and we knew he had lost the will to fight. he didnt want to get up and was not distressed but had given up. At that point we knew we had to have him pts. My biggest regret is that I was unable to be there for him at the end. I was sent to school and the hunt came and took him. I would never allow that to happen now. I would have my horse pts at home as you did. Last summer I had to have my old pony pts and she was pts at home. Im glad I did that for her.

We never found out what had killed our pony but we are pretty sure he was poisoned. Our field backed onto houses and people were always throwing garden rubbish over the fence. The field also had terrible ragwort which we cleared religiously but we were never certain if he had eaten some.

So that was hard to deal with.

I also had to have a 2 yr old pts a few years ago through injury. I knew she had given up the fight one day. The day before she had still tried to jump the gate despite being lame! But as I say the following day she'd given up. The glint had gone from her eye and she'd had enough. So I let her go.

You made the right decision. Dont feel guilty. She had given up and once that happens you have to help them. She was probably feeling very poorly but of course they cant tell you that you only see the external symptoms. You were with her and she was pts in her own surroundings. You'll never forget her and this will live with you for ever but hopefully you wont have to go through it again.

She is no longer suffering and as an animal lover you made the decision through kindness.

What you must do though is to go round your fields and check for any poisonous plants to make sure theres nothing in the field and check your hay carefully for ragwort. You will probably find nothing but it might take your mind off what has happened.

Hope this helps.

You will feel better in time.

XXX
 
I'm very sorry to hear your news, we haven't spoken in a while and I really wish there was something to say to help with the pain but I know there isn't. I just want to let you know that I know exactly what you are feeling having just lost my beautiful stallion in March and then has if that wasn't enough my beautiful pony was kicked last weekend and dispite all efforts I had to have him pts on Tuesday. It is the toughest thing ever to deal with and if you ever need to talk just contact me.
Take care and lots of hugs xxx
 
Time does heal but you never forget or replace them.

With your champs, if you feel up to it go, and if at the last minute you cannot face it, then withdraw.

Hope your pain lessens, and as everyone else has said, you did the right thing for her.
 
I am really sorry to hear your sad news. I know its not the same but one of my two Burmese cats had liver disease and I had him PTS last summer. It was a horrible time but, like you, I know that it was the right thing, the kindest thing that I could have done for him. Have a cry whenever you need to and you will start to remember all the good times you had and look back with happiness on the times you shared together.
Hugs, Annie x
 
im sorry to hear about your loss. my mum lost a horse last year to a rare colic. she only had her 4 weeks however it was still hard to come to terms with. i must stress though, things will get better! time will heal. x
 
Very sorry.
I know how you are feeling right now, and to say it will get easier is not really true, i miss my boy every single day. Remember all the good times you shared, and smile about them. Your memories are yours forever.
You did a brave thing, and it was the only decision you could have made
xx
 
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