What a mess! (sorry long)

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lara b

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So.. I have got myself into a mess! After an 8 year break I decided to give up my cushty life riding my friends very sedate horse and buy my own again.

This may have been ok if I had bought the kind of horse I had intended to buy (hairy cob, been there done that, so laid back that is is only just breathing!), but no I went and bought a very expensive, fit 8 yo ISH who was hunting and team chasing right up until I bought him..... Three weeks later and said horse is trying very hard to be good (has hacked alone/company and schooled in dark with gale force wind without trying to kill me) but can't understand why the person on top is a nervous wreck who is destroying both his and her own confidence, and also why life now consists of only being ridden four days a week and only tooteling about!

So am now in situation where horse and I don't enjoy each other, on top of which I have realised what a stress monster I am and that owning my own horse really wasn't such a hot idea!

So don't feel confident to keep riding him and then show him to people to sell (which could take ages in this market and don't have the time around work anyway), so what do I do? Your thoughts on the options below appriciated or anything else you can think of!

Option 1 - send him off on sales livery. This would solve the me selling him problem and know they would do their best to find him a good home, but it's very expensive so before I know it I could be eating into a lot of his value. There is also a limit to how long I could afford to do it for and the possiblilty of his getting injured during the time it takes to sell.

Option 2 - ring up some reputable dealers (would obviously be careful where, as he is a lovely boy and wouldn't forgive myself if he ended up in a dump)and see if anyone would like to buy him for half what I paid for him, so that I can at least guarentee some money back and also draw a line under it all and get back to enjoying life. (anyone know of any people I could contact?)

Option 3 - ??????? cry!

Any ideas/hugs anyone!! :confused:
 
Option 4 - Ring his previous owners up, ask if they'd had much interest and if they had would they have him back to sell for you? They know all his little ways and will be more confident showing him than you would be. You will need to pay them livery and/or a %age of the sale costs but might be an elegant solution?

Option 5 - advertise him, being very honest and asking to swap with someone who's bought a confidence giver that they've now grown out of and want to swap for a more tricky horse.
 
I think first thing I would do is phone previous owner and tell them your situation, explain that you are going to have to sell him and ask if they would like first refusal (at perhaps a little drop but not half of what you paid). See what they come up with, they may offer to sell him for you if nothing else, otherwise perhaps advertise in H&H if he is good quality, don't sell him too cheap as it may put genuine buyers off (there must be something wrong with it at that price) or make it more affordable for someone wanting to make a quick profit.
 
Three weeks is such a short time. Could you not get an instructor to come and help you through your confidence issues?
Or perhaps until you are able to sell him (if that is really what you want) then get a loaner who in all likelyhood would jump at the chance to have the option to have a ride like him! At least that way, the loaner will keep him in the straight and narrow, and can also show a potential buyer his talents......and who knows, loaner may even be tempted to buy him themselves!
 
nativeponies said:
i'd go with option 2..you could even swap/px for a sensible type.
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Think I have just had so many sleepless nights over it all that I just want to give up, I had forgotten how hard the dark evenings and wind and rain are!

As I say if I had bought the right horse to start with then probably would have tried to make a go of it, but just really can't risk making another mistake either emotionally or financially, so just want to call it a day now!
 
Are you sure you don’t want to give it a bit longer before you decide you don’t get along? You both need some time to settle in surely?? Just because he’s fit and and not a hairy cob doesn’t mean to say you’re not going to get it together…
 
I think I agree with the people telling you to get an instructor, it doesn't sound like you are a novice ridder, just a bit down in cofidence which we all get, don't forget the dark wet nights aren't here forever and if you have lessons through the winter you will both be raring to get out there in the spring and have some fun. May be give both of you time to settle down, there was obviously something that drew you to buy him in the first place, it may take a few more weeks but you might find he starts to like a slower pace of life! you could regret it if you give up to quickly
 
Bovril said:
I think I agree with the people telling you to get an instructor, it doesn't sound like you are a novice ridder, just a bit down in cofidence which we all get, don't forget the dark wet nights aren't here forever and if you have lessons through the winter you will both be raring to get out there in the spring and have some fun. May be give both of you time to settle down, there was obviously something that drew you to buy him in the first place, it may take a few more weeks but you might find he starts to like a slower pace of life! you could regret it if you give up to quickly
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I do know what you are saying, but I have had horses before that I have not felt confident on and I always end up letting my nerves get the better of me. Yet with others that I do for some reason feel confident on I can be pretty brave. Just don't think we are right for each other. (Doesn't help that quite a few people I know have had nasty falls recently, and even though he hasn't done anything to make me think I will fall off, he can tense up and he only has to toss his head and I start having melt down, poor horse!)
 
I'd give it a while longer too. Try taking rescue remedy before you ride! We all have loss of confidence moments. New horses take time to settle to new owners and vice versa.

Have you got a friend at the yard to help out?

Give yourself a reasonable timescale say January/February and if by then you are still unsure make your decision then. You may have fallen in love by then! (Hopefully). Winter makes things harder and more likely to give up. Also, you probably will have more success selling in Spring rather than winter.

Good luck and keep your chin up.
 
It does sound like you are being a bit defeatist hun! Why not get few lessons on him and see what the instructor thinks. You can't blame him for other people having had bad falls. Its a shame for the horse to be shoved from pillar to post because someone didn't think about dark nights and bad weather - you should really have thought that out before.
 
you sound like i did when i got my mare.

I have owned horses before and had a break - started lessons again then took on a share then bought my own

within a week i went into meltdown and said "i cant do this anymore!...." i felt awful, and stupid and honestly just i wasnt good enough for the horse....(the horse did nothing wrong - shes a super little thing)

solution.... a friend standing in the middle of the arena b0llocking me.... "get on with it etc".....

and it worked!.... unfortunately shes having a month off now due to problems (back/saddle) but i knkow in a month i plan to just hop on and i am good enough for her :)

so to me - have lessons on your horse or a good friend (understanding one) to stand there and help you in a nice way! (i needed shouting at you may too???)

good luck :)
 
Try the recuse remedy I used to think it was all mumbo jumbo but for some reason this really does seem to work and make me feel calmer, not just about riding just life in genral sometime I now swear by it. There is lots of good advice coming your way but don't forget your the only one that know how you really feel, BIG HUGS,
 
You've had what sounds like a wonderful horse for three weeks. Sorry, it's no time. It's always a nervewracking process when you get a new one - but come on - he sounds like a total gent.

Either suck it up - or phone the sellers and ask them to take it back.
 
Please give it a chance!!! I was where you are now.
Last year my OH bought me Ayla, a 3 year old PBA. I`d had a break from riding for 8 years and was nervous to start off...she would play up, rear around new horses (she`s a tart) i became to scared to get her from the field let alone ride her, it came to the point where i took photos and wrote an ad! Then one day she annoyed me so much i just though B******s to this, gave her a stern word and decided I`m not taking any more crap! That day i got on her and she went like a dream!
Your confidence will come! It takes time! I still have moments if my girl does something she hasnt done before; she reared a few weeks ago when a group of nasty dogs went for her, I cried and cried and was a quivering wreck! All because I`d never experienced this with her! The following week she done it again with same dogs, this time i was expecting a little play up, growled at her and carried on!
You`ve got to have time to settle with a new horse, three weeks really is nowhere near long enough! Ask a friend to help, get an instructor. spend some time with your boy and get some trust in each other.
 
If money is not the issue and you are thinking of replacing him then maybe loaning?

Its hard though the first couple of months with a new horse. It takes time to attached a bond. Id say at least 3 months for him to even notice you exsist apart from feeding him!

I would give it time personally.

Liz
 
I go to keysoe riding club with my 16.3 spooky 5yr old mare, indoor safe environment, nice instructors and not dear, wouldn,t cope without it, but thats why i bought a youngster as love going there ond older mare just wants to hack, give them a try.
 
if you are 100% on selling -

ring up previous owners, find out if anyone who showed interest to them would still perhaps be interested in him

or get someone who you trust to show him off to potential viewers. you never know, they make him look so good you might even make a profit! ( that sounds kinda horrible actually!)
 
It sounds like you are going through what every new horse owner goes through, honestly. Your confidence goes, you doubt yourself and your abilities, you think you have the wrong horse and the only way to stop feeling as miserable as you do is to sell. If there really is a personality issue between the 2 of you then yes better to sell now before any long term damage but if it is a case of new horse blues then stick in there.

The best solution is as others have said get an instructor. They will watch you ride and let you know if there is to much horse for you to manage, if not they will be able to build your confidence up and remind you that you can do this, you are the one in charge and you are going to have great fun together.

It really does sound to me though like new horse blues, you are thinking about what might happen and worrying about it, E.g. you've never yet been out for a fast canter on him or if you have you haven't yet learnt which buttons to press to slow him down so you are feeling out of control. A good instructor can help you through this. Nobody can say if you will get over new horse blues in a month or 6 months but most of us do get there and those memories you have of riding other horses and feeling confident will be the same with your new guy.

So think long and hard, your not unique, your not daft, your human :D
 
Ring up previous owners and say that it isn't working - act quickly while he is still fit and well. Surely there is a market for a hunter at the moment?
 
Having done what you have done a few years ago. I would say if you can, see if the old owners will take him back. I bought a horse a few years ago who was always too much for me ]. I kept her for two years and always had confidence issues and didn't enjoy her. I sold her to a teenager who did all sorts with her and kept her busy. Don't be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes.
 
Please give him more time - it sounds like he has not even done anything wrong. It took me weeks to get the confidence to ride my horse on my own, now we get on great (although I am still scared of jumping, but that's just me). Get riding with others, lots of hacking, have someone advising you during schooling - don't ride on your own (as I did with our first mare years back, fell off and then it took me weeks to get back to riding again). If this was the spring/summer it may be a different matter. He may not even be settled yet with you and with the other horses. Also get others riding him if you can. I know it is hard when your confidence is low - I know, I have been there, practically throwing up with fear and anxiety, but I just had to get on and do it, and I had some good friends to help along the way. 3 weeks is too early to make a decision on.
 
Lessons lessons lessson!!!!! I class myself as an average rider. When i got my new horse, things just werent clicking. A weekly lesson and we are now well away! I think it takes a horse and rider a year to build up a relationship!
 
Poor you - I know exactly how you are feeling, I had it with all the horses I ( or even my daughter for that matter) have ever owned - is she too much, have we been duped, will she get ill, will she go lame, will she go mad the first time we take her to a show yadda yadda yadda. Usualy takes me (not the horse) a good 3 or 4 months to settle down.

If you are abs sure you want to sell (might be worth a few lessons first) then I would consider the following.

1 - advertise for a sharer/loan with view to buy. This way you stay hands on for a while in which case you might find you click or you will sell to someone you know gets on with the horse

2 - Find a reputable dealer and sell or PX for another older/quieter horse. Honestly when you do find the right horse and it all clicks into place you will wonder what all the fuss was about.

Good luck whatever you decide.
 
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Ian waite is based in Hanslope. He rides, hunts, competes and schools horses for people and is very good, (I'm a happy customer). He might be able to help you manage the horse or sell him on. He advertises in Chiltern and Thames Rider.
 
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