What do I do with a horse I can't face keeping and can't sell??? Sick of crying

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dolly dimple

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I am at my whits end now. had my horse for a year and a half and it's been tears from day one. I have had some great moments with her, but it's every other week I seem to falling off, can't catch or being knocked to the floor and walked all over. Saddle, back, teeth and management is all fine, but I have become a very nervous rider since having this horse and it's putting me off the thought of riding all together.

I have to build myself up everytime to ride, if all goes well I don't feel pleased, I feel releived that it's over. But i just dont know what to do. If i sold her, anyone that comes out would just laugh. I have to lunge before I get on and it's still debatable as to whether I stay on. We're both only doing each other damage by trying to work it out. I really can't afford to send her away to a professional either or on a sales basis at a dealers as I've spent all my emergency money to go through 2 saddles, varying saddle checks, several back checks, vets out and it's just out of hand now.

If I sold her from the field and explained why, people would be expecting to pay less than £1000 which puts me at a huge loss along with leaving me with nothing to get a new horse.
 
Gosh poor you. Horrible situation. Forgive me if this seems blunt but in your situation I would sell her from the field and do my very best to check the home she is going to. Try word of mouth first rather than advertise cheap. Yes you may make a loss but TBH that loss has already been made and keeping her will just cost you more and also keep you being unhappy and crying all the time. It is a tough decision but reading your post IMO it is the only thing to do. Good luck and (((((hugs)))))
 
Unfortunately sometimes you just have to put things down to experience.
If you sell her from the field at a cheap price at least you aren't paying to keep her any more and you can start saving up again.
The alternative, if you think she is a valuable horse and it's just that you aren't a good match is to send her to someone to produce for sale. It would cost you money but if she is good you will get a better price.
 
If you are honest with the buyer they won't necessarily expect bargain price. Don't you have any friends that could ride her for you, or even pay for a few schooling sessions with a local instructor / decent rider (rather than a sales livery) maybe even offer a friend a percentage of the sale to exercise her and ride her for potential buyers?

I would definately sell her - she's a wasted horse stood in a field and I'm sure the right rider for her would bring out the best - and you need to get yourself a nice horse to build up your confidence.

Honesty is always the best policy but to deter you from "cutting your losses" and loosing out you really need to get someone to ride her for you rather than selling from field. There's bound ot be ample riders who cannot afford there own who would probably appreciate the ride of her for a bit commission at point of sale.
 
I sympathise with you but you really need to sell this horse, for both yours and her benefit.
This is a hobby for most of us and it should be reasonably safe and fun.

I understand about losing money on her and its difficult but sometimes we just need to take the (financial hit) and stay safe.

Be open and honest with the people who buy her and it could turn out well for your horse.

You could always try to loan or share while you save money and build your confidence up.

I hope you manage to sort this horrible situation out.
 
Oh you poor thing, that must be really stressful for you.

The way I look at it is that she is obviously the wrong horse for you, and making your life miserable as well as costing you money.

I'd sell her, but explain that she is just too much horse for you. People won't laugh and it is better that she goes to a home that understands what her quirks are. I've viewed and ridden a horse that the owners wouldn't ride before, people end up with the wrong horse it happens and I don't think any serious buyer would judge you for it if the horse is right for them, there's no shame in it.

If you have to sell her at a loss then I would, the sooner she goes then the sooner you can start saving money for a more suitable horse, by saving on feed, livery, shoes etc you'll soon find your fund totting up.
 
Look up project horses for sale it's a website dedicated to these type of horses who perhaps need someone bossy to put them in their place whilst being calm and collected.

Sorry to hear how upset you are :( x
 
I feel for you - you seem to have chosen the wrong horse for you, yet it might be the perfect horse for someone else, but very difficult to explain this in an advert.

Try popping an ad on Pre-loved. It's free and you can put down all the positive details like whether she is good to box, shoe, clip, catch, traffic etc. Then be totally honest and say what she did with the previous owner, but that you realise you have over-horsed yourself and lost your confidence. Do you have an experienced friend or instructor who would be prepared to come and ride her for prospective buyers?

How was she described when you bought her and was she as described when you got her home and started riding?
 
It's horrible when you loose your confidence, you could sell her and either
1) pay someone to rider her for prosepctive buyers - this may only cost you £15/20 ish and hour for someone good
2) find a sales livery that will take a percentage of the sales price
3) tell buyers of your nervousness and that you won't be riding her for them - hence they should only view if they are happy to be first on.

Me personally I would sell from the field asap (good time of year with spring on the way). The cost of keeping a horse (livery, shoes, etc. etc. ) is way way more over time than the cost of the horse. You could share a really quiet horse for a few months to get your confidence back up before you start looking again and save money in that time.

I had one that was fine in hard work but my job changes and I could only ride 2/3 times a week and I fell off EVERY time I rode for months! I sold him for a technical loss of £4,000 but I'd spent £20k on livery (not inc. competitions, shoes etc.) in the 6 years I'd owned him so TBH the loss on his purchase price was nothing.

My lovely last horse I sold for £1k to a great home, I bought him for £6k and could have advertised him loads and sold him to a stranger for probably £3/4k but that £6k was spent a long time ago so I don't really think of it as a loss.
 
Where abouts are you based? you might find someone could recomend a good local person to help you out.
I was gutted when i had to sell my rescue filly as she didnt grow big enough for me to ride and she was a problem horse an i had to get a good rider in to get her going nicely before i sold her as i wanted to make sure she was doing well before i found her a home but i still advertised her as a project horse as her nature meant she would never be an easy animal but if handled right had lots of potential i spent a fortune getting her right in the 2yrs i had her and made a massive loss selling her but it was more vital to me that she went to a good home than got passed from pillar to post as a problem animal if id of just sold her as thetalented horse she was and her stunning looks and breeding got her alot of attention from wrong buyers i actually rejected several offers to unsuitable homes for the horse and furture owners safety. i ended up horseless for a year before taking on my new boy as it left me a bit penniless
 
This time last year we were where you are now. We bit the bullet and sent him away for professional schooling. I know you say you cant afford it (neither could we) but at the moment you're paying for both of you to be miserable and you'll keep paying out if you don't think she'll sell. Professional schooling was the best thing we have ever paid for and our boy came home a changed horse. The break did us all good. It wasn't dramatically expensive, you may find it's not the burden you think it'll be. You sound utterly miserable, I know exactly how you feel. Maybe just a few weeks schooling and a few weeks break for you would help you look again with fresh eyes.
 
Oh God I have been there and if you are anything like me you see it as failure! It isn't, its that you are incompatible. I had my wrong horse for 18 months.
Sell sell sell before you break each other. Now in the cold light of day I realise we were incompatible and I should have sold sooner. I made a big loss but it was the right thing to do.
The right rider for her will be there take a loss if need be, take a break be nice to yourself and then find a way of having the right horse. If its too hard find a reputable dealer to sell on your behalf.
Until I bought my current lad I was quite spoilt with offers of rides and suddenly realised that I wasn't a Lemon flavoured muppet and I could ride.
 
I agree with Polosmum, firstly when you buy a horse you should consider that money 'gone' unless you are a producer. Horses are very good at devaluing themselves and to think otherwise only leads to resentment!!

Secondly, why not offer for LWVP. That way you can ensure that she is getting on with her rider before finally parting with her and also hopefully get some satifaction out of seeing her progress. I think that when you have put that much into a horse it is always nice to see them set on a good path, rather than being sold down the market to the inevitable end.

Thirdly, I suspect you shouldn't get a new horse for a bit anyway. I suspect this horse has destroyed your confidence to the extent that you would possibly ruin the confidence of any new horse. Spend a bit of time riding other horses, learning to find the fun of it all again! Maybe see if you can be a sharer for a bit and let your next horse find you (it will when you are both ready.)
 
I worry about asking anyone to ride her as she is a pony so I need someone who is a petite rider. My friends are not far off my level of riding and only know one person who i'd trust to sell her without making her worse and she is 6'5.

It's horrible because I feel so pushed to stick with it but I am beginning to worry how it's depressing me. I did have help but been on hold for a while as can't afford it. It's horrible when you have to worry about where they might end up too! Would hate to see someone punish her. I've tried to be firm, kind, go back to groundwork for months before picking up riding again, lots of hacking instead of schooling as she's only young but even that can be nerve racking.

Wouldn't wish this on anyone but wouldn't wish to see a horse in the position she is in either. She was sold as a youngster backed at 4, easy going, 'anyone's ride'

I wanted a youngster and have experience with youngsters but this is something unreal. She is so well behaved for things you wouldn't expect but it's still not long till you find your face in the sand and can hardly figure out what bronking, rearing fit went on as it always happens so fast when I fall off.

Thanks for all advice though. Maybe need to search round at dealers but hope they would let me stay involved with selling her so I can ensure buyers know the truth and can speak to me also?
 
You could always regard her as a teacher and a challenge, and learn what it is you need to do to get a decent relationship going with her. Get more experienced help, do the research, ask others, evaluate what they are telling you, learn what it takes and start over. Step back and look at what the problem is, and then how to solve it. Pain? Discomfort? Fear? You won't have lost money and do you know what - you will be so much much better horseperson for it and you will end up with a horse who is one in a million. Strong willed horses are great if they are on your side, less so if you are fighting with them.
I have had two now who have been challenges, and the journey you make to see the challenge through is fascinating and frustrating but a very worth while one. Stop thinking she is doing it all wrong and start looking at what she is telling you. Are you her ideal owner for starters?
 
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If you are this unhappy in all likelihood she will be unhappy to (otherwise she wouldn't be introducing you to the floor all the time!), think of it as finding her a home she will be suited to and hence happy in.

Horses for courses is the right description.

Don't feel pushed to 'stick with it' it will only spiral further down for both you and her.

Admiting a horse isn't right for you isn't something that comes naturally to horsey folk but I eventually came to see it as walking around in shoes that don't fit, wondering why I hurt all the time but not being willing to tell other people I'm going to change my shoes!!
 
it can be difficult to face making a loss, but unless the horse is extrmely valuable, I would sell from the feild and face that you'll lose money. Better that you're safe and happy.

If she is talented and purely in need of direction, why not look into sending her for schooling and sales livery? There are some really good pwopl out there and it would take the pressure off you immediately.
 
It is debatable though as to if it is us being unsuited or not. I sometimes feel she was rushed with backing and when I got her, have just been at a battle to help her see ridden work as a fun thing.

I have been very kind and firm with her. I love classical training, would like to do a bit of competing but not seriously. She has improved in many ways, she was a nervous reck I couldn't tack up at first to now that not being an issue at all. But I can't crack the riding and her fear of new objects. You can't just walk up in the field and change rugs, she has a rug on and off everyday and night but depending on the situation she is in, it will be a rug with teeth. But then in the stable you can chuck it on and flap around with it for hours.

If I sent her for training and someone who can 'bomb proof' her a bit more as to speak, how do I trust someone that isn't going to use freaky training or make things worse? It's scarey to choose or think of letting anyone else claim to improve the situation if this makes sense
 
dolly dimple said:
If I sent her for training and someone who can 'bomb proof' her a bit more as to speak, how do I trust someone that isn't going to use freaky training or make things worse?
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There's no point in doing that unless you are going to up your skills as well.

Do you have a trainer at the moment, and where are you based??
 
A change of scene and new owners who don't have all your history with her could well totally change her - BUT when she comes back to you, your memory of what she was like will always be there.

We sold a youngster (bred by friends of mine) that we all thought was evil, horrible in all ways! Lady that bought him thought the sun shone out of his bottom from day one - she just hadn't seen all the c&$p we had so took him totally at face value and treated him as the horse he was not the one he had been.

Your first post sounded really unhappy, horses (for most) are a hobby we do for fun, if you've spent 18 months not enjoying it and being unhappy that is a fair try and anybody that critisises you for 'giving up' after 18 months has clearly never been in the same situation!

If you have thousands £'s to spend on different trainers for you and her and something calm and nice to ride to get your enjoyment/ confidence back while she's off being reschooled - great (but that didn't sound like the situation you initially described).
 
Aarrghimpossiblepony said:
Get some help.


You've tried by yourself (from the OP) for a year and a half.
Find somebody sympathetic and with the time to give some help.
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Agree. And you have my sympathy because you are in exactly the same place my friend is in with her horse. ( in fact I'm not convinced you are not her:) Luckily he behaves for me when I ride him or I think she would have given up ages ago. Because of this she knows that he can be a good horse but just needs a calm confident rider. Sadly he's dumped her so often that she finds it difficult to be confident on him. We are working in it though. This will be difficult for you too if he's knocked your confidence so much. Do you have anyone who will help you out? I think there was a recent post on here by GrumpyMare? About how she dealt with the same situation.
Big hugs..I know how hard it is.
 
Well if you think that she would come right with the right training, and you are prepared to do that, then you could try to find a suitable trainer, people on here may be able to recommend sombody if they know the part of the country you are in. I'd recommend going along, viewing the horses they have in and watch them work and discuss you pony's issues with them. It sounds as if she may need restarting.
Changing rugs in the field isn't something I'd recommend with youngsters anyway, better to have them in or tied up, there are lots of things that can spook them in the middle of the field with a half done up rug.


Is she a registered breed?
 
I would advertise and sell her yourself "from the field" as it were, and disregard the "loss" - another way to look at it is that she is losing (costing) you X amount of money per month, so work out how many months you would be without a horse (who is a burden, source of stress and danger to you at the moment) until you recouped the difference - and make sure you set up a DD to save that amount per month so that it is there to buy the next one when you are ready.

If you sell her yourself you will be able to vet the new homes thoroughly. Project horses would be the ideal place to advertise. What type of work should she be good at, once somebody worked well with her?
 
Another thought OP is that often horses go through a 'teenager' phase around 6 years old, plenty of sweet calm lovely 4 year olds turn horrible for a while. So she could get worse before she gets better, you'd really have to commit to somethimg long term if you go down that route.
 
What region are you in? Someone could suggest a good trainer/instructor or a reasonable dealer who may part ex for you.

Sounds like you are going to have to grit your teeth and accept that you will lose something on her really.
 
To be honest OP I would cut your losses and just get rid of her to a good home. Do not worry about the money, you will only end up spending more to keep her
 
I hear you it must be a very difficult situation. What sort of price region are we talking if she behaved better? If it were 4k say then obviously spending a couple of hundred to get her to that standard would make sense... If you can find the money obviously. I think at the very least you need to get a decent trainer recommended who can come to you and assess, have a good talk with them about their approach and how they might deal with it, then work out options. She might just need a few weekly sessions with them. Your nerves will be doing no good I'm afraid, I hope you are able to feel confident around a nice horse in the future :-)
 
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