What have I done wrong?? CC please guys!!

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CobGal

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Below is the ad for my darling pikey pony.
Since re-advertising last week I have had just one phone call.

Any ideas why?
Is it a bad advert?
He was advertised about 2 months back - Vetted and passed and the purchasers pulled out, should I put that in the advert?
Will people be put off by the fact he is still for sale/re-advertised?
Have put him in HH next week.


http://www.horsemart.co.uk/advert/9_yrs_15_0_hh_piebald_surrey/39283
 
Perhaps putting a sideways on pic so viewers can see his conformation. It is difficult to see him properly in the first picture as he is quite far away.

Lovely horse though
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Your photos could definitely be improved - I'd put in a really good flatwork one of him trotting in a lovely outline, and a decent photo of him jumping as well (preferably a spread with a filler, or a decent cross country jump, rather than just a single pole in the school). I'd also leave out the bit about 'trying his luck' and needing a 'stern growl' - think it is just fine to say he is not suitable for a complete novice.

Another advantage of changing the photos is it makes it less likely that people will realise he has been re-advertised.
 
He sounds lovely - all I can think of is maybe some more pics - jumping and flatwork ones? Closer up maybe so that you can see confo/general type, you can't really see what he looks like from those two pics.
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He looks gorgeous! But yes, put a bigger, closer pic up. Preferably a profile, and preferably with a load of kids clambering all over him
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I agree I think a side on photo would help...

However apart from that I think it looks like a lovely advert... I am not sure but maybe if you get a good side on photo it may be worth putting it as the main photo to catch peoples attention more!?

he is a smart lad though!
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He sounds delightful, I can't think why he hasn't sold from the write up. Maybe some different pics would help but the description is good so you would think people would ask for more pics if interested.
 
Ok - Will get some better pics.
Price wise what do you all think?
He's worth ten times that to me!!
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He sounds delightful, I can't think why he hasn't sold from the write up. Maybe some different pics would help but the description is good so you would think people would ask for more pics if interested.

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The thing is, it is often the photos that draw people's attention to the advert in the first place, so they might not ever get to read the description if the photos aren't eye-catching enough!
 
My first thought is that you have him on there as a private advertiser, but then have other adverts linked. To an outsider that may make you look like a dealer who is trying to evade liabilities - sometimes it is all about how it looks.

So my advice is to improve the pics and sell one horse at a time, or don't call yourself a private advertiser
 
I might be put off by the 'wordiness' of the ad... I might be inclined to cut it down to:

Sad sale of handsome forward going gelding. Succesfully competed SJ, XC, RC, and hunted with ???

Striking gelding with nice paces who is always placed in the show ring. 100% shoe, box, clip, traffic and with kids and pets.

No vices, tonnes of character and a real pleasure to own.
Sad sale after 6yrs, right home is a priority.

You can give them the rest of the info when they telephone!!
 
The other horses are for being sold by a friend using my acc but yes agree - I do look like a dodgy old dealer!!
 
How about this, just taken out a few bits : -

Heartbreaking sale of much loved lad, same home since breaking as 3yo.
Has been there and done it all!
Forward going yet sensible ride, not suitable for a complete novice.
Works well in an outline with steady and rhythmic paces
Has never bucked or reared.
Good with traffic, farm machinery, dogs, adores children!
Hacks alone or in company, SJ, XC, RC sponsored rides, superb safe lively hunter that will go first or last
Always placed out showing - has real presence.
He has even tried polo!
Good in all ways, tonnes of character, a real pleasure to own and have around.
Right home is a priority.
 
I looked without reading the comments and thought;
1. I can't see what it looks like properly from that pic.
2. I don't like the bit about 'trying his luck' and needing growled at - if he doesn't buck/rear then what DOES he do?
3. It's a lot of money for a horse that has complications.
4. Oh my Devil she's a dodgy dealer (trade pretending to be private).

Hope my thoughts help...not saying any of them are true...
S
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I thought the same as Mother hen about having the other adverts.

Change photo's, get a good one of him in an outline side view and one jumping. It's always the photo that catches my eye first

Not an expert but think price is good
 
I would put this bit first:

"Hacks alone or in company, SJ, XC, RC sponsored rides, superb safe lively hunter that will go first or last. Always placed out showing - has real presence. He has even tried polo!"

People are usually more interested in whether the horse will do the job they want it to, rather than how long the previous owner has had the horse!
 
I always prefer to see a conformation photo without a rider/
saddle, preferably so that I can see his his feet head and quarters, then it doesn't look at though anything is being hidden.
I, too, immediately thought 'Why has a private advertiser got so many for sale?' I have no objections to buying from a dealer but would not want to buy from a dealer masquerading as a private seller.
If your friend has so many to sell why on earth is s/he using your account? I think you would do better without these ads being linked to yours.
 
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He looks gorgeous! But yes, put a bigger, closer pic up. Preferably a profile, and preferably with a load of kids clambering all over him
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Personally I really don't like sale photos with children climbing "all over" a horse, unless it's sold as a vaulting horse of course.
 
The dealer worry ran through my mind too, I'm afraid....

Also totally agree with what TGM has said
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Good luck finding a nice new home.
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I think the text waffles a bit. I didn't much like the 'trying his luck' & 'growling' etc. Be accurate & to the point.

You shouldn't have friends using your account to sell horses because you are linked to those horses thus you appear to be a dealer trying to sell as a private individual..... not good.

You need to get rid of the photos you are using, they are snaps you probably like but they do nothing to enhance the advert. Take photos specifically to sell your horse. You can have 3 photos on Horsemart so use 3. Prospective buyers want to see conformation, if he jumps then one of him jumping & possibly one of him being riden in outline.

He seems a nice lad, good luck with the selling.
 
'will try his luck. But usually a stern growl will overcome this'- would probably be better to just remove this bit I think. Good luck.
 
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