What helps you at wobbly moments?

[SaddlePsych'D]

Gah! I am getting so frustrated with myself (unhelpful I know) but trying to think constructively through the problem.

Basically I am struggling with my confidence with share horse and it's starting to get me down. I think a lot of it is to do with hacking as that's mainly what we do and this is less familiar to me. Share horse and his owner have been fab, it really is me that needs to sort myself out! Example - share horse is quite a happy chap out hacking, he has his ears pricked and likes to look around, sometimes he's a bit lazy and bimbles along, and if something does bother him he stops (at most with a bit of a startle) or walks wide of whatever it is, but he hasn't done anything silly at all. Leg on and some talking to him and he's passed everything we've come across. Me on the other hand, seems to be anticipating problems that aren't there and I struggle to fully relax and enjoy the experience.

In my RS lessons things are generally better but if I'm in a new situation (on new horse, riding in group for first time, also hacking etc.) I do find those wobbly moments come around for me. Weirdly when 'a thing' does happen, I manage it better than predicted - like when horse and I had a real disagreement about which direction we were going in (my vote was 'canter 20m circle', his was 'down long side towards friends!'), if you'd told me in advance that he would do that I'd feel like I couldn't manage it but in the moment I felt secure in the saddle and able to ride through it to get back on track.

I'm sure most if not all riders have had a wobbly moment at some stage - either hacking, or even just getting on board, or before a competition, jumping etc etc. So regardless of 'level' of wobble, I'm interested in what people do in these moments to help them through it? And if you've never had a wobbly moment...what do you think it is that stops them coming your way?

 

[Roxylola]

Keep on keeping basically. I dont terrify myself by constantly being million miles out of my comfort zone, but I keep doing a bit and managing ok and it's all money in the bank for your confidence.
If you're an analyser and over thinker, try and think about the situations you've handled well, what went right etc. If you find you're dwelling on what might go wrong etc, think of ways you can deal with that rather than catastrophosing

 

[Bernster]

Plenty! And will continue to do so I’m sure. There’s a lot to unpick and lots to say, read and research on it.

understanding your fears, having tools to deal with them, and planning how you will deal with them, will all help. And putting good experiences into the bank and limited the ‘bad’ ones. Pushing yourself carefully out of your comfort zone, then going back to consolidate it at times. Being ‘present’ and limiting the negative thoughts, a bit of positive mindset if you will eg not what will he do, what’s going to happen, I’m scared/nervous - but if he does this then I will do that, or I will do this and then he won’t do that...

I ended up getting a few sessions with a sports coach (flying changes coaching) which really helped me. Covered lots of the above and then some!

some recommend books like mastering your inner chimp (the chimp paradox) but I found it a bit ‘sciencey’ for me.

 

[Bernster]

duplicate post

 

[PatchyBabyHorse]

Someone recently said to me

‘You need to conquer the fear. And if you can’t conquer the fear, do it scared.’

It’s changed my whole outlook. I was waiting for this magical point when I’d build my confidence slowly, and eventually reach a point of not being scared anymore.
Ive now accepted that this might never fully happen; but I want to do it so much that I’m willing to sometimes just do it scared!

 

[greenbean10]

I quite like the quote, 'if you can't beat the fear, just do it scared'

I tell myself this before I go into the showjumping ring. I will ALWAYS be scared before I go in the ring, no matter what class I am jumping, whether it's 80cm or 1m30 I am sure I'll feel the same level of fear. Whenever I feel scared I tell myself that last time I was scared and I still did it, so I can this time too. If you are someone who will always experience wobbly moments (like me!) then I would just try to accept it and crack on anyway!

 

[greenbean10]

Someone recently said to me

‘You need to conquer the fear. And if you can’t conquer the fear, do it scared.’

It’s changed my whole outlook. I was waiting for this magical point when I’d build my confidence slowly, and eventually reach a point of not being scared anymore.
Ive now accepted that this might never fully happen; but I want to do it so much that I’m willing to sometimes just do it scared!

Wow how funny we have just posted virtually the exact same thing at the same time haha! Great minds.

 

[DiNozzo]

Realising that if I recognised I was having a wobble, I had time to take a breath regardless of what else is happening.

Then doing more and more. My confidence didn't really develop until I was doing all sorts of stuff outside of the arena.

 

[ycbm]

Sing! My favourite is 'Whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune ...'
.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Keep on keeping basically. I dont terrify myself by constantly being million miles out of my comfort zone, but I keep doing a bit and managing ok and it's all money in the bank for your confidence.
If you're an analyser and over thinker, try and think about the situations you've handled well, what went right etc. If you find you're dwelling on what might go wrong etc, think of ways you can deal with that rather than catastrophosing

I'm definitely an over thinker! And tend to forget the bits that went well, usually because I think that I should just be able to do them anyway. Like today I've focused on the bit where share horse stopped at a scary thing and I had a wobble - my brain went 'crap I can't do this, I'm not good enough for this horse', prompt from owner to get leg on and speak to horse, and we were past! Of course I'm forgetting literally all the other little things that went absolutely fine (like passing cars and cyclist without batting an eyelid, and being followed by a giant truck with no issue whatsoever).

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Plenty! And will continue to do so I’m sure. There’s a lot to unpick and lots to say, read and research on it.

understanding your fears, having tools to deal with them, and planning how you will deal with them, will all help. And putting good experiences into the bank and limited the ‘bad’ ones. Pushing yourself carefully out of your comfort zone, then going back to consolidate it at times. Being ‘present’ and limiting the negative thoughts, a bit of positive mindset if you will eg not what will he do, what’s going to happen, I’m scared/nervous - but if he does this then I will do that, or I will do this and then he won’t do that...

I ended up getting a few sessions with a sports coach (flying changes coaching) which really helped me. Covered lots of the above and then some!

some recommend books like mastering your inner chimp (the chimp paradox) but I found it a bit ‘sciencey’ for me.

Being present sounds like a good tip, it's made me think of an exercise I've used in other situations that I could do while out riding - to get my mind off of feared imminent doom and into the 'here and now'.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Someone recently said to me

‘You need to conquer the fear. And if you can’t conquer the fear, do it scared.’

I quite like the quote, 'if you can't beat the fear, just do it scared'

I like that this came up twice at the same time - sign of a good top tip I think!

 

[Bernster]

Definitely - there’s one which is to think of 3 things you can see, then that you can hear, then smell, then feel. That’s quite handy.

Positive mindset ?

eta in a similar vein, accept that you will have some fears and that’s ok, accept them and think how best to manage them

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Definitely - there’s one which is to think of 3 things you can see, then that you can hear, then smell, then feel. That’s quite handy.

Positive mindset ?

That's the very one! Perhaps I will combine it with this tip and sing what I can see

Sing! My favourite is 'Whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune ...'
.

 

[Sarahkinks]

‘Confidence comes with familiarity’ my instructor said this to me when we first started to work together a few months ago and she was absolutely right!

the more I do (sometimes I have to do it scared, as others have rightly said), the more confidence I get. The more times you have a little wobble and manage to deal with it, the quicker you will get to no longer having a wobble about it and it just becoming normal.

acknowledging and verbalising the fact that you are a bit nervous has helped me loads too. If I say it out loud, I accept it and find a way to think positively or re- frame it. If I have something new coming up that I’m nervous about I weigh up how excited I am vs how nervous I am, and the excitement always outweighs the nerves so it encourages me to push on.

keep pushing, you’re doing great. confidence will come

 

[milliepops]

Keep on keeping basically. I dont terrify myself by constantly being million miles out of my comfort zone, but I keep doing a bit and managing ok and it's all money in the bank for your confidence.
If you're an analyser and over thinker, try and think about the situations you've handled well, what went right etc. If you find you're dwelling on what might go wrong etc, think of ways you can deal with that rather than catastrophosing

This, for me. I'm not much good at just doing things scared. It makes me quite ineffective and very very uncomfortable. I am much better if I can gradually expand my comfort zone to envelop the scary thing and sometimes that just takes time, repetition and baby steps.
Replaying the things that went well, or where you overcame a problem are useful to me too. It puts my overactive brain to positive use instead of letting it take me to negative places. Today my horse was a spooky eejit and nearly ejected me. But he didn't, I stayed put, (again, helps to remind myself I've sat lots of his acrobatics ) and we finished up with some good work.
It won't stop him doing it but if I remember that I can sit it, it becomes less worrying. And then I ride more positively so its less of an issue anyway

 

[LadyGascoyne]

Realising that if I recognised I was having a wobble, I had time to take a breath regardless of what else is happening.

Sing! My favourite is 'Whenever I feel afraid, I whistle a happy tune ...'
.

These things. My breathing gets shallow when I’m nervous, and it winds the horse up further. Then I get dizzy. Then my eyes swim and I feel panicked. Then the horse panics. Even if I manage the situation, I just feel like a lump of jelly for the rest of the ride.

So, I control my breathing by singing. The horse feels evenness and rhythm in my breath and takes confidence in that. I don’t hyperventilate, and the panic is almost always avoided.

The only side effect is that I’m always the loon singing away in the traffic or passing the bin men ?

 

[ycbm]

The only side effect is that I’m always the loon singing away in the traffic or passing the bin men ?

I once did it all round the BE Novice showjumping, and it was in an indoor with an audience ! I got round though
.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

I once did it all round the BE Novice showjumping, and it was in an indoor with an audience ! I got round though
.

? and what was the tune of choice? ???

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

This, for me. I'm not much good at just doing things scared. It makes me quite ineffective and very very uncomfortable. I am much better if I can gradually expand my comfort zone to envelop the scary thing and sometimes that just takes time, repetition and baby steps.
Replaying the things that went well, or where you overcame a problem are useful to me too. It puts my overactive brain to positive use instead of letting it take me to negative places. Today my horse was a spooky eejit and nearly ejected me. But he didn't, I stayed put, (again, helps to remind myself I've sat lots of his acrobatics ) and we finished up with some good work.
It won't stop him doing it but if I remember that I can sit it, it becomes less worrying. And then I ride more positively so its less of an issue anyway

It's probably going to be a mix for me because my comfort zone feels pretty small at the moment, I feel like if I stay in it the progress will be painfully slow so the doing things while scared (but not overwhelmingly so!) will be helpful. The replaying sounds helpful, I'm thinking I might jot things down when I get back from the yard each time just to make myself pay attention to the bits that went well (including the fact of having a share in the first place, I am soooo lucky!)

 

[sherry90]

I find it helps to accept that things will be scary and I will be nervous. If I am accepting and acknowledging of the nervous energy I seem to be more at peace with the feeling and overcome it quicker than just stewing in the panic.

 

[dogatemysalad]

I just think that I can't expect my horse not to be scared, if I'm scared. It's not fair.

I remember the story of two fathers walking through a graveyard at midnight each with a small child.
The first father grips the child's hand protectively and keeps anxiously glancing over his shoulder, saying, it's ok, I'll protect you.
The second father walks quietly beside his child and carries on chatting about the football game they played in the park that morning, seemingly oblivious to their spooky surroundings.
No guesses, as to which child clung crying to his father.

 

[milliepops]

It's probably going to be a mix for me because my comfort zone feels pretty small at the moment, I feel like if I stay in it the progress will be painfully slow so the doing things while scared (but not overwhelmingly so!) will be helpful. The replaying sounds helpful, I'm thinking I might jot things down when I get back from the yard each time just to make myself pay attention to the bits that went well (including the fact of having a share in the first place, I am soooo lucky!)

i briefly write something up most times I ride if it's anything other than just a quick bumble around. it helps me to think properly about what we've done. then you notice the good stuff and get in a habit of doing so

 

[RHM]

Oh I feel your pain! I feel like I have had a right moment with my confidence but I have really turned the corner this past month.
What was a big turning point was for me, I was reading a blog and there was a quote which was “ You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it” no idea where it’s from! I think every time I’m nervous and think if I’m still bricking it in 20 seconds then I will get off. Having that out has really helped and I have yet to actually get off. Since then I’ve booked loads of lessons on site and off and it’s really helped me bond with my new mare. I think my issue was that I had my gelding for so long I didn’t know how to trust another horse.

 

[Buster2020]

Nappy horse can make you lose a lot of confidence to me he sounds like that type of horse. I would say you should focus on something when you feel nervous.

 

[Trouper]

Pretending I'm not me! Engage your inner actor and imagine anything you like - sometimes something as simple as imagining you are the instructor advising someone how to deal with the situation. Or immerse yourself in helping the horse to deal with the situation telling yourself you will deal with "you" later. It all boils down to the same thing - taking yourself away from the scared you and pretending to be something/someone else.

 

[scats]

If I have a confidence wobble, I pretend I’m the most confident rider in the world. Weirdly, it actually does work. The brain is a fascinating thing!

 

[taraj]

As has been said above all seem to reall6 help my wobbly moments, especially talking/singing!
A slight differant approach, maybe try some "calming cookies" i have heard good things about them (apart from the taste apparently!) Or some rescue remedy, may help change your mindset.

 

[Gloi]

https://paulocoelhoblog.com/2016/12/26/bene-gesserit-litany-against-fear/
Well either that or singing ?

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

As has been said above all seem to reall6 help my wobbly moments, especially talking/singing!
A slight differant approach, maybe try some "calming cookies" i have heard good things about them (apart from the taste apparently!) Or some rescue remedy, may help change your mindset.

I think I have some rescue remedy somewhere - probably lurking in a bag somewhere, I will hunt for it!