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popeyesno1fan

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As some of you know, my bf comitted suicide in feb. and i have had good days and bad days, in the last few months, have been having good days, but in the last week, have not been able to sleep, having really shocking dreams, and just not really handling it all of a sudden. Please tell me it's a phase, cant go on like this. I miss him so so much, but cant cope with crazy!!! :(
 
Regular late night reader here I often catch your posts! How are you doing? Not so great at night I see, but in general? Such an awful situation, I don't know when it will get better, but I hope it does in some way soon xxx
 
Couldn't read and not comment. I am so sorry, what an awful thing to have to deal with! Have you had any bereavement counselling, or other support? It's a huge thing to cope with and perhaps it would help to talk. Other than that, I can say nothing that will make it better, just that I am thinking of you, and sending you love and peace xx
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. Someone at my work committed suicide recently and that was hard and he was just a friend. I really feel for you. Although yes time does help, there is no set time. Some days I am sure will be better than others. Nothing anyone can say will make it better, but sending hugs to you xxx
 
Oh hun, so sorry for your loss. I really think you need to speak to someone professional about your loss.

I lost a dear friend to suicide a few years back and I have to say that what his teenage son said at his memorial will never leave me it had a profound effect and made me completely rethink my thoughts on suicide.

He said "my father suffered for years with his depression to the point that he was continually in pain. If my father had had cancer, everyone would be happy feeling that he was now at rest and not in pain any more. Well, my father is also at rest and his pain will never bother him again" I never thought of depression as painful in a way similar to cancer and of course if someone close to us was in physical unbearable pain every day, we would want it to end for them too. Morphine is a wonderful drug for physical pain and many cancer sufferers slip gently into continuous sleep with it's help but emotional pain is not as easy to control.

Please try to think positively about your BF's rest. God I know it is hard but please try to celebrate the time you had together and not think negatively. When a negative thought pops into your head, try to reroute it to a happy memory you had together. Think of a funny joke or incident you shared.

Thinking of you!
 
Sorry to hear that you are suffering at night like this. I do agree that you may need some counselling as it may be that you are coping during the day suppressing your feelings and they are coming out in this way and what you need to do is acknowledge the feelings and talk, cry or scream them out.
Sending you massive hugs and I hope you find peace as time goes on - in the mean time this forum and it's great people are here to listen and try and support you xxxxx
 
So sorry for your loss, and agree with the others and suggest you have some counselling.

The loss of a loved one, is always going to be very difficult to come to terms with. I have seen the affect suicide can have on those left behind so please speak to someone who can help you move forward.

If you need an ear to bend at anytime, pm me x
 
I'm so sorry to read about this, I lost a friend to suicide and that was bad enough, I can't imagine how much worse it must be when it is a boyfriend. Go to your GP, you sound as though you may need professional help. At the very least bereavement counselling, but possibly something like CBT. Also try talking to Cruise the bereavement charity. Best wishes, and look after yourself.
 
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Things will get easyer just give it time. As others have said counselling Would help if you arn't already going and try to focas on the happy times you shared (often easyer said than done I know espesialy at night but it's how he would want you to remember him). As always i'm here if you need me. xx


mcnaughty said:
He said "my father suffered for years with his depression to the point that he was continually in pain. If my father had had cancer, everyone would be happy feeling that he was now at rest and not in pain any more. Well, my father is also at rest and his pain will never bother him again"
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Had me in tears, so very very true.
 
So agree with you there mcnaughty. Terrible how people underestimate psychological illness :(


Not the same but I have OCD and anxiety and panic disorder and I find this far more difficult to cope with on a daily basis than an incurable life long autoimmune disease I have :(

OP please please speak to someone like a counsellor, your GP can refer you. Another thing I like to do is look up inspirational quotes on the internet it often makes me feel better and like other people know what I'm going through. I know it is hard but the saying time is a great healer is true you just need to get through this :)
 
My friend is a berevement councillor and I spoke to him briefly after a colleague commuted suicide. What he said made so much sense and brought me a lot of comfort. Please do contact someone, I'm sure you will find it brings you a measure of peace.

Big big hugs xxx
 
I hadn't seen your previous posts so didn't know of your tragedy. I'm so sorry about what you've gone through and still are going through.

There are some moving and very sensible posts here. I agree with what others say, don't try to go through this alone. Professional help is a really good idea (you should be able to access through your GP) and call on other offers of support too.

Don't try to struggle on, take all the help you can get. (((hugs)))
 
My first husband committed suicide many years ago. I cant tell you things will all get better soon or that the nightmares will stop completely. I am happily married again and I still get the odd nightmare.

I can promise you though that it does get a bit easier every day - although I hit a bad patch at the anniversary of his death. My feelings were all over the place. I couldnt imagine life without him. I was also angry that he had done this to me. I was so angry and so guilty because I was angry. Remember, no matter what you feel, its okay. After the first year, I got to being more sad than angry and now I can look back on all the happy times we had.

Life does go on - but not the same as it was before.

You are very welcome to pm me if you need anyone to talk to xxxx
 
Again, I couldn't read this post and not comment. Death, whether accidental, suicide or through illness, leaves a devastating and catastrophic hole in those left behind. What you have experienced is uncomprehensible and my thoughts and prayers are with you. You will have to go through a catharsis and experiance all of the emotions...anger, guilt, sadness etc. You will hopefully come out of the other side and although you will never forget him, the pain does get less. I lost my mum at four years old and have been through every emotion known to man since then. I was angry for her leaving me, I missed her, I needed her and still do......but....... my life had to go on.
Are you close to your boyfriends parents and perhaps you can find peace and solace together.
Take care, and pm me if you ever need to chat.
 
I really feel for you. My dad committed suicide almost 6 years ago now, and not a day goes by where i dont think of him. Please dont blame yourself, i was told the exact same as what Mcnaughty has just said ( i constantly thought if id done something different i could have helped stop it) .... My dad was really ill with depression ( gulf war syndrome ) and was far too proud a man to even contemplate getting any help so this was his way out. I like to think he's pain free and is now back to being the man he was. Thinking this helps me get by, and remember the good times.
After, i sought counselling but im useless at talking to people about my feelings so i ended up on anti-depressants. My GP pointed me in the right direction so that would be the first place to go. Im now drug free and have a far brighter outlook on life.
Try to stay positive, dont worry about things you cant change and things WILL get better it just takes time.
 
So very sorry hunny big hugs. It is so soon you know it took me 2 years to feel like me again after losing my mother slowly and terribly to cancer and I can't imagine the impact of suicide in one so dear. As other have said cherish yourself you are special and valuable , you have a life to live, not the one you chose but a new life with things missing that can never be replaced but also new opportunities and future joy. I wish you the joy very soon hunny chin up xxxx
 
Thank you all so much for your lovely words of comfort, I'm sorry for bothering you all, I do well during the day most of the time, as I am busy witht horses, children, dogs, etc.... I find night-time harder, as i have more time to think. I have been putting off going for councelling, but I know I need it. I will take the bull by the horns, and organise it this week, save all ye lovely people from listening to my ravings. thanks again though. xxxx
 
So sorry for your loss. Death of any loved one is always very hard - especially in the first year, so this is all still very new. It will get better - and if youlook back to the first days of your loss you will see how very far you have come - even though it still hurts.

Find someone who you can trust to talk to
 
popeyesno1fan said:
Thank you all so much for your lovely words of comfort, I'm sorry for bothering you all, I do well during the day most of the time, as I am busy witht horses, children, dogs, etc.... I find night-time harder, as i have more time to think. I have been putting off going for councelling, but I know I need it. I will take the bull by the horns, and organise it this week, save all ye lovely people from listening to my ravings. thanks again though. xxxx
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So glad that you're going to organise counselling, it really will help. Don't apologise, you needed to say it, and the advice and support you got helped. Great place this :). Keep your chin up, hope each day ( and night) brings you more peace. Xxx
 
I couldn't read this without commenting.
(((((HUGS)))))
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sorry that I just don't know what to say.
Take care hun, and please don't ever feel that you are bothering anyone.
(((((MORE HUGS)))))
XXX
 
A psychiatrist colleague of mine, in response to the suicide of a patient, once said that many people have terminal illnesses and will die of them, some people have a terminal psychiatric illness. This is sad, but true and it sounds as if your boyfriend was one of those very unlucky people. Do please try and find some support for yourself, CRUISE, grief counselling or a group of people who have also had those close to them complete suicide.
Please do take care of yourself.
 
Oh goodness, I can't imagine what you must be feeling! My mother lost her brother to suicide and a friend lost her father and almost her mother to it as well (Mother tried, but failed, Father tried after her and succeeded) I know it's affected all concerned very very deeply.

Night time is the worst for visiting bad memories :( I really wish I could help, but I simply don't have the words. You'll be in my thoughts <3
 
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