what the heck is wrong with some folk?

[my bfg]

Yard is divided into three blocks, my block consists of me, a very good mate and a M and D. M seemed lovely, D (my age) well known for having a chip on her shoulder but I'm pretty thick skinned so just ignore her bitchiness

Last year I lost my girl to arthritis and D messaged me to ask if I would share her horse, which I declined as I knew I wouldn't be able to stick to their forage regime, as in overly strict strip grazing and a token amount of hay when stabled which leads to their horses standing for 16 hours per night without hay (D's horse has obvious signs of gastric ulcers which are untreated) my horses have always been ad-lib

I acquired my current girl two months later and M&D turned a bit funny, as in not acting pleased for me and not liking FB posts about her, thought it odd but didn't say anything.
Things were stilted over winter, then D decided to keep a bicycle in our narrow tack room due to lack of storage at her home, it was in the way and the YO suggested it be moved to one of the barns, but D refused as apparently if anyone broke in to the yard they would take the bike (apparently ignoring the tack and trailers stored on site)
In Jan my mate asked D to move it, D refused but kept talking to her, in Feb I asked D to move it and both M&D kicked off, so far ive had the following:
Them loudly talking about issues I've had at work (I work with the Dad of the family and was being bullied by my then boss)
Them loudly talking about my confindence issues, though M is in the same boat and D can't hack solo, which I've done
D yelling down the yard at me move blocks, M adding if I moved they wouldnt have to share "their" yard with a "child"
Them talking loudly about my tack, I keep it simple, where as D rides in gadets, strong bit, spurs and they lead their horses in chiffneys as they're afraid of them, but others (including me) have led them in headcollars without issue
When I have a hacking lesson they stand in their fields and stare at me leaving the yard
When I'm lunging in the school they stand and stare at me
D unfriended me on FB and I've had to remove M as she was sharing my old posts
Now had to block both as they were commenting on every fellow yard persons FB posts straight after I did
M has stood videoing me leading my girl in from her field
M has told other liveries that I must have gone through their stuff in the feed room as I swept the whole floor instead of to the halfway point like they do

They have got one livery to leave the yard by directing this sort of behaviour towards them, although i find their behaviour pathetic it wont make me consider leaving, im there to look after my girl not to be bothered by a pair of immature freaks

I've ignored them so far, except for one time when they loudly commented on the fact that I had arrived had "lowered the atmosphere" this was just an hour after I had attended the cremation of a very good mate and I was in no mood for their rubbish, so I accused D of stalking me

My question is what do others think may be the root cause of it, I'm thinking some sort of jealousy coupled with an insecurity complex where they try to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better

 

[alainax]

They sound horrible. Can you move to a different block?

You must have the patience of a saint, if someone was speaking derogatory about me in ear shot they would be lucky if all they got was an earful!

 

[full_throttle1]

Since they've already gotten another livery to leave, sounds to me like they've got some kind of power complex going on and they think they can decide who goes and who stays. To me it seems like they've got a tight knit little group between the two of them and don't want anyone else involved.
Hard to say, but maybe D felt insulted when you didn't want to share her horse and the situation spiralled from there?
You've dealt with the situation really well imo, and I would be like you in that I wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction of leaving. That said though, it's bordering on bullying and I don't like the fact that they feel they can video you and b*the about you online - that's cyber bullying territory.
Think it's time to get the YO involved, if they're not already. See if they can have a chat with them as this situation could possibly get worse.

 

[maggiestar]

Ugh, what a nasty pair of bullies. You shouldn't have to put up with this behaviour when all you want to do is enjoy your horse. I'd be having a word with the YO to see if they can put a stop to it. These women sound creepy and deranged!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

What is wrong, IMO, is the YO. If I asked someone not to leave a bike in the way and they declined the offer of a different place, they would be told to take the bike home and leave it there. Because YO didn't follow up when they ignored her request, these two think they can do as they like. They are obviously unpleasant individuals, if YO won't deal with their behaviour, I should think more people will leave.

 

[eggs]

I agree that the YO has certainly not helped and seems rather weak. It sounds like these two are very cliquey and probably would do the same to anyone else in the block. If it were me I would just ignore them, and wouldn't be posting about the ways in which I disagree with the way they keep their horses as there is a good chance they will find out. However it is time for the YO to take some responsibility for what is happening n the yard and take steps to resolve it

 

[skint1]

Honestly, I would just do my best to move to a different block, life is hard enough

 

[cobsarefab]

What a nasty pair! We used to get some nastiness at one of my old RS's where they targeted someone to pick on and it's never pleasant.

 

[ihatework]

YO needs to be shot for allowing this sort of malarkey. The little witches need to be bought down a peg or two. I'd just move blocks if you can, life is too short to deal with bitches.

 

[ycbm]

Is this pair in Cheshire? If so, they sound exactly like the pair my friends threw out of their livery yard a number of years ago. That pair were thieves as well as nasty.

 

[dozzie]

You are allowing them to make you paranoid and spoil your enjoyment. Wave and smile at them when they are watching you. Let them know you know they are watching but make out you don't care. Laugh if they make a comment about tack. Bullies get no joy out of someone laughing at them.

 

[irish_only]

They sound absolutely vile, and I agree that the YO has not helped the situation. How awful for you having to put up with this when being with your horse should be a pleasure and fun. You really need to move to another block. I feel sad that you have to put up with such clearly horrible people.

 

[Kezzabell2]

don't even get me started with "some folk" there are people in this world who are damn right f u c k nuggets! and they do not deserve horses!! I know one who keeps talking to me like s h I t because I'm spending my time fencing the field off, so the horses don't have to live with ragwort, and thinks that I'm out of order for getting the farmer to top the ragwort!! its totally twisted, surely she'd be pleased? Then I've had to fence off a patch for her starving horse, because he can't go out with 2 31 inch mini shetlands, because there is tooo much grass for him, he's 14hh! but this person hasn't even bothered to do anything for her own horse to make him safe!! and I'm the bad person? yeh ok?

 

[chocolategirl]

What is wrong, IMO, is the YO. If I asked someone not to leave a bike in the way and they declined the offer of a different place, they would be told to take the bike home and leave it there. Because YO didn't follow up when they ignored her request, these two think they can do as they like. They are obviously unpleasant individuals, if YO won't deal with their behaviour, I should think more people will leave.

Yup I agree with this! Your YO needs to grow a pair!

 

[mcnaughty]

You basically have three options - you ask the YO to sort it out, you sort it yourself with a confrontation face to face or you leave.

 

[Merlod]

Save and print messages they send you and any facebook comments they make about you, when you are at the yard and they are going off on you just start blatently filming on your phone. If it comes to the worst you will have some evidence either to show your yard owner or the authorities if necessary. I was harassed by a similarly nasty woman and once I told her that I had kept all evidence and that if she did not leave me alone I would be taking it to the police - I have NEVER seen someone backpeddle so fast in my entire life!!

 

[hollyandivy123]

You are allowing them to make you paranoid and spoil your enjoyment. Wave and smile at them when they are watching you. Let them know you know they are watching but make out you don't care. Laugh if they make a comment about tack. Bullies get no joy out of someone laughing at them.

we do need a like button, simply this, don't give them the power. smile and wave and ignore, if they start shouting etc ask them to speak up as you haven't heard them. but at the end do not give them the power. and have fun with your horse.

 

[NOISYGIRL]

You basically have three options - you ask the YO to sort it out, you sort it yourself with a confrontation face to face or you leave.

This ^^

 

[NOISYGIRL]

we do need a like button, simply this, don't give them the power. smile and wave and ignore, if they start shouting etc ask them to speak up as you haven't heard them. but at the end do not give them the power. and have fun with your horse.

Or this, if you see them videoing you, walk right up to them and say HI HOW ARE YOU !

 

[NOISYGIRL]

we do need a like button, simply this, don't give them the power. smile and wave and ignore, if they start shouting etc ask them to speak up as you haven't heard them. but at the end do not give them the power. and have fun with your horse.

Or this, if you see them videoing you, walk right up to them and say HI HOW ARE YOU !

 

[WelshD]

Maybe I am being unreasonable but beyond the bike thing (which I would push the YO to sort out) I think the rest is pretty trivial and unless you are a very young child I think most people should be able to rise above this, like all idiots (I wont use the word bully as I think that is bandied about too much these days) if they see they are having no affect on you they will soon stop doing these things

 

[AFB]

Good on you for rising above it, as long as it's not getting to you and spoiling your enjoyment then ignore!

That being said, your YO really should step up, as others have said, allowing them to ignore requests is just asking for trouble, and it's already very kind of them to allow storage of a bike anywhere on their property - I'll never understand the cheeck of some people!

 

[Maesto's Girl]

I can relate - although I started to hate the atmosphere so much as people were spreading rumours and twisting words that I started to look at other yards...ended up finding a lovely little private yard that's a million times better I'd have never looked otherwise

 

[Kezzabell2]

Maybe I am being unreasonable but beyond the bike thing (which I would push the YO to sort out) I think the rest is pretty trivial and unless you are a very young child I think most people should be able to rise above this, like all idiots (I wont use the word bully as I think that is bandied about too much these days) if they see they are having no affect on you they will soon stop doing these things

It might seem trivial from the outside, but when you're being made to feel like this, its not ok! we've had someone from work sacked for this exact behaviour! its bullying, and it is not ok!!

 

[fattylumpkin]

YO needs to be shot for allowing this sort of malarkey. The little witches need to be bought down a peg or two. I'd just move blocks if you can, life is too short to deal with bitches.

My feelings exactly, though I was once at a yard where YO was the source of nastiness like this. I'm so sorry, bfg, it's awful to be in the center of this you're not alone! I would go there and give them both a massive slap for you if I could!

I used to ignore such behaviour until the bullies got bored and went away, but these days I'm far too crotchety and jaded to put up with passive aggressive stunts like the ones they are pulling. Spoil the party early and confront them in a very direct way - but here's the key bit - in front of an outside audience not involved in their clique. A question like "You and X said some really nasty things about me the other day, what's your problem?" in front of someone not involved puts the individual right on the spot, and you get to enjoy watching them back pedal as if their lives depend upon it. They might puster and blow hot air for a bit afterwards, but bullies like that are cowards and prefer to target people who won't make it into a confrontation, and they'll eventually pick someone new.

 

[WelshD]

It might seem trivial from the outside, but when you're being made to feel like this, its not ok! we've had someone from work sacked for this exact behaviour! its bullying, and it is not ok!!

I have been on the end of behaviour like this and sometimes you just have to man up and deal with the people doing it or just get on with your life and rise above it. People are too quick to pull the bullying card. This sounds like something you would expect from a schoolyard not from a group of people who are presumably in or past their teens

 

[fattylumpkin]

What bfg describes is bullying plain and simple, it's not a question of severity - nobody should have to put up with that. I agree that confronting them is a fast way of getting rid of any bully who likes to use passive aggression, but the YO also needs to keep on top of this or it becomes toxic.

 

[Kezzabell2]

I have been on the end of behaviour like this and sometimes you just have to man up and deal with the people doing it or just get on with your life and rise above it. People are too quick to pull the bullying card. This sounds like something you would expect from a schoolyard not from a group of people who are presumably in or past their teens

When someone moves from bullying one person, on to another, with no regard for their behaviour, why should everyone else just put up with it? its not okay, and they need to realise that its wrong!! in the instance I refer to at work, this person moved from one department to another and their behaviour was the same. my employers took external legal advice and removed them from the company after 5 years of employment because it was deemed by all concerned that this person was never going to change!

I do not see why it should be any different at a yard! we all have horses because we want to enjoy them, and why do some people think its okay to cause drama!! you see it time and time again!! its always the same people and eventually people will see them for what they are! but I do not believe that the OP should have to be subject to this kind of treatment until then! its one thing putting on a brave face to pretending like it doesn't both you, but clearly it is bothered OP as this post wouldn't be here otherwise.

 

[sport horse]

You all pay livery for your horses not a bike. Sad she does not have room for it at home but it has no place in a livery yard. I have seen horses badly injured by bikes etc.

Get your yard owner to get it moved - if she is happy to have it on her yard put it in her own space not that for which you pay rent via you livery charge.

 

[Rosiejazzandpia]

Really feel for you, I had a similar thing at my old yard when one livery decided to take up the storage for four stables with all her stuff. She also had two bikes in a very small feed room and kept moving people's feed bins and saddles to make room for her and her families things. Yard owner did nothing but myself and my sharer confronted her one day after she took my horses haynet down and put all our mucking out tools in the stable. She didn't speak to us again after 4 years if bitching and abuse.
Confront head on infront of others if possible and watch them deflate. Bullying is awful on yards and it makes a fun thing seem like a chore.