What to do now with little lad?

Gingerwitch

Gingerwitch

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Well as most of you know i have had a very unhappy turn of events, and am on the point of quitting horses for ever. I have a problem though - my little lad, ex racer - he has put me through the mill on more than one occasion and i have only been able to keep him safe turned out with the big lad -whom sadly is no more.

Do i keep the little un, and leave him in solartary confinement - i dont think i have the heart for this - do i find a field friend for him - again i dont have the heart for this at the moment, - do i find a field freind and another competative horse for me - well no other horse will ever be good enough compared to my old gingerwitch or the big lad.

or will time pass and eventually i will find my heart will open up to another ? or shall i just let the little lad go and go off to keep weeds or something else that cant hurt you when they go?
 
I think for the moment the best thing would be to try to find a field friend at your yard for little lad - give yourself some breathing space. Quite apart from anything else you must be absolutely exhausted, not the best frame of mind to be making big decisions.

When we lost our 1st horse in a field accident, it was 2 yrs before we felt ready to get another horse, although we had been riding regularly in the meantime.

Since then whenever we've lost one, we've always had several others who needed us to help them get over it. They've helped us to get over several disasters. IME sticking to the usual routine works wonders for putting you back on an even keel.
 
We have been in a similar position, more than once, and have always found that having a horse means that you get another. We always have a minimum of three, which means that there is always company for one left at home (I know that doesn't make sense, but have had a very sensible mare for over 20 years who will stay at home with the sheep). Our horses are always part of the family and we have felt the passing of each very keenly. Each one has taught us something, most of them have taught us a lot, and each subsequent horse has benefited from the knowlege we have gained from the one before.
I would say get another horse for little lad to have company and for you to ride. Don't rush it, but do do it.
 
Ithink you need to take time before you come to a decision as to what to do - it has been a traumatic time for you and the last thing in my opinion you should be doing is making any quick decisions. Is little lad coping on his own, could anyone 'lend' you a field ornament if he is not. Perhaps having time is what you need to allow yourself to come to any decision.

Please don't give up - you have too much love to offer any horse.

Take care of yourself
 
How about take on some thing from a local charity? most of them loan that way if in six months or a year, if you want to you could open your heart to another horse?( and either keep or return this new friend), or if you still feel the same way return this (new friend) and re home your current lad? i dont know your story but it sounds at though you just need some time x
 
The problem i have is the little lad needs a really calm infulence in the field - i need a steady eddie to say the least, one that wont go off whooling round the field - one that will keep the little one out of trouble.

How on earth do you find a horse like that - can you imagine the phone call

"hi - just phoning about your dressage/showing/sidesaddle superstar" - "can you tell me what he is like turned out with a fruit the loop ex racer gelding" ----- the phone would go dead !
 
Firstly, it is very early days - you've just been through a truly heart-wrenching sequence of events. It is prob too soon to even think properly about what you want.

I'm not sure about your circumstances but I'm guessing you're not on a livery yard, and I'm not sure if little lad is ridden or a companion? But some options to maybe think about....

If land is your own, advertise to get a 'livery' with another horse - that way no emotional ties but your lad will have company.

If he's rideable perhaps sell or loan?

Could you move him to a livery yard so he'll have company?

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself (easier said than done, I know).
 
What about asking one of the charities for a sensible companion? They all have more than they know what to do with atm, in a variety of sizes. At a later date you would be able to return the companion if you decided that was the best thing to do.
 
I second the small companion route, at least until you decide if you want another.

I know 'pets' (not really a suitable word I feel - more like animal family) cause lots of heartache when they go, but I think the adage, 'better to have loved and lost than never loved at all' really comes into play here - at least it always has for me after losing a friend.

As folk have said, there are so many horses out there at the moment who people would be pleased to have a good temporary home for. How about a shetland? A friend of mine is 'borrowing' a shetland to keep their cob company from a couple who rescue a load and are happy that the little mare is in a good home for as long as she is needed.

Perhaps a donkey might be an alternative - should be a relatively calming influence?

Horse charities defo the best place to get in contact with if you don't know anyone with a suitable surplus of equines.
 
GW, I am so sorry you lost big lad... I followed your posts religiously, sometimes I couldn't post because it was all a bit close for comfort for me, but you and big lad were never far from my thoughts. All I can say is that I firmly believed I would have hung my riding boots up if I didn't already have ben, I absolutely had to make everything right for him and although I was grieving, I knew he was too and I knew I had to fix him and be there for him.

When we lose that 'one and only' there aren't words, I read the poem someone posted on your thread and sobbed, someone posted it on my thread right after I announced that Ebony had lost her battle. They are such poignant words and must have touched your heart, like I know they did mine. It is so bloody cruel, this world, all the money in the world doesn't matter sometimes and its all very well spending all the money and time you can and saying you couldn't have possibly done more, but that doesn't do anything when they are gone, it doesn't ease the pain or loss.

All I can say is that I thank my lucky stars I had ben, I see him as a little piece of her because she and he spent so much time together, and strangely having him in that context has helped me so much. I get what you are saying about not being able to face losing another, I absolutely get that, but I wouldn't trust anyone else with his well being, its not that no one else could care for him, but that in losing her I have clung to him with every fibre of my being, to make things right for him and to help to heal my heart. I would say do whatever it takes to keep you and little lad together, be it buying a companion or absolutely anything, because if you are in anyway like me, he will be your best tonic for your grief.


I am so very sorry you had to say goodbye to your lad may he rest in peace xxx
 
Gingerwitch said:
Well as most of you know i have had a very unhappy turn of events, and am on the point of quitting horses for ever. I have a problem though - my little lad, ex racer - he has put me through the mill on more than one occasion and i have only been able to keep him safe turned out with the big lad -whom sadly is no more.

Do i keep the little un, and leave him in solartary confinement - i dont think i have the heart for this - do i find a field friend for him - again i dont have the heart for this at the moment, - do i find a field freind and another competative horse for me - well no other horse will ever be good enough compared to my old gingerwitch or the big lad.

or will time pass and eventually i will find my heart will open up to another ? or shall i just let the little lad go and go off to keep weeds or something else that cant hurt you when they go?
Click to expand...

Hi GW :).
If you were near me, I'd be happy to lend you my 3 year old NF filly as a companion for your little lad, until you knew what you want to do in the long term.
She is my world, as after losing my 5 year old NF mare and her newborn foal to grass sickness last April, Callie was, and still is, the only thing on earth to help me to get over my loss.
Florrie was my princess, I loved her more than any love I'd ever felt for any human, and I'm choking up right now writing this, even though it's now 14 months since I held her for the very last time.
She was fine on the Friday, and dead less than 24 hours later. Her gorgeous palomino colt only lived for about an hour. My entire life was turned upside down. I was devastated.
For me, I knew that I NEEDED another one straight away. I saw a photo of Callie just 3 days later, and I went on a 1000 mile round trip to buy her. It was love at first sight..Callie was the only thing on earth who could fill the vast emptiness in my life.
It still hurts now, and I still cry for Florrie and Sandy. I was totally choked up the other night when I read your update about Big Lad. I really do know where you are emotionally right now.
Only you will know yourself what's the best for you.
BUT, little lad will be grieving too right now.....
(((((HUGS)))))
Suzanne. xxx
 
Really sorry about your lad and how you are feeling at the moment.

I wouldn't make any hasty decision. Contact a local horse charity, they are all full to capacity at the moment, I'm sure they would lend you a companion. This would give your little lad some company and you some time.
 
I'm really sorry about your big lad. I just wanted to say that it's a really normal reaction to losing what is a much lived member of your family to not be able to face taking on another one, and even to think of giving up all together. But it will pass.

I second the advice to take a rescue conpanion on loan - you will be providing a home to a horse that desperately needs it and it won't feel like you are "replacing" the friend you lost.

Paula
 
GW, my heart aches for you. 30 years ago I lost my beloved Kitty and then her foal a month later. I still cry now when I think about her. I have never had a bond with another horse like the bond I had with her.
What did help me was having 2 others to take care of so I would suggest keeping little lad and getting him a companion. As others have suggested go to one of the charities that are crying out for homes. Big lad would be so proud of you for doing this as some good as come out of his leap over the rainbow bridge. You will never ever forget him but there is love in your heart to give to another, don't let it go to waste, he wouldn't want that.
 
So sorry for the loss of your big lad xx

I agree with the suggestions of a mini from a charity. My veteran sustained an injury last December - did 4 months box rest and then could have turnout but always hoolied around so he now shares with a shetland and they are both happy. Its quite funny watching them groom each other.

I hope time heals the pain for you x
 
I'm sorry to hear about you losing your boy.Where abouts are you? I have a very kind and gentle 12.2 mare that I'm looking for a companion home for.She is 15 and even gets on with knobberpony who can be horrid in the field.
 
Gingerwitch, have only just caught up with your sad news which had me in tears, so reminded me when I lost my big ginger boy who was the same age as yours with similar problems, I was heartbroken when I had to let him go!
I now have a little ex racer too and having him has helped a lot so I hope you find a solution to keep yours as I think to have nothing will not be good for you! Hugs x
 
i echo what others have said, you have been through so much in the last month you need to try and rest and come to terms with what happened...you wont be able to make sensiible decisions while you are grieving for your boy so why not contact one of the rescue centres and have a companion for little lad as a temporary solution...maybe give it 6 months and then decide what you will do......at least you know that there are lots of people on here who understand what you are going through....hugs!!!!
 
I'd get him a field companion, even if it's short term, until you feel up to maybe getting another horse for you to ride. In the meantime, can you empty ypur inbox, so I can message you, it's full, wont let me send. x
 
:) getting fond of the companion is a good sign, means you have a tiny space left to love something else......hope you are feeling a little better and im sure big lad would want some of the love you gave him to be shared.....
 
Sometimes the fruit loopies make brilliant nannies and get on brilliantly with younger horses so could consider doing some fostering for unbroken youngsters.

When Rosie was PTS I thought nugz would lose the plot and that I couldn't bond with him - but he's suddenly grown up, has stopped escaping (which makes me thing it was Rosie all along) and is generally more settled. I am so glad I had him and could quite happily (if I could afford it) have another now. As someone else said, the routine really does help :)
 
Hubby just handed me a picture of a 3 year old mare, that will be arriving at the yard next Saturday - he has been out shopping with the yard owner - I did not know if I should laugh or cry, so I did both! we are off to Portugal in a few hours time - and I have no chance to do anything.

The only criteria the hubby laid down was : must be quite in a field, must be younger than 5, look nothing like the big lad, be of at least 14.3hh and preferably something with more sense than me and the little lad !
 
That's fantastic news !
Enjoy your holiday in Portugal, and enjoy your new girl when you get back. :)
Just remember, NO horse will ever be the same as Big Lad so enjoy your new girl not as a replacement but as a new chapter in your life.
As for anyone who sent you nasty messages....that was TOTALLY out of order.
I know I had a few strong words to say on another thread, but that is in the past and forgotten about. I was really concerned for you as those posts didn't come across as the "real" you.
Take care, and could you please post a photo of new girlie after your holiday ? :). x
 
Thank you Little Wild One -

I never ever thought i would take loosing a horse as badly as i did with the big lad- it was the worst emotional roller coaster i have ever had - i sacrificed a new job, the job of a lifetime, my bank balance... and a few good friends into the bargin.

But i would do it all over again - i am just so sad, i cant remember what he looks like at the moment, and even when i see his picutres its just not the same.
 
You are still in shock hun.
It takes a long time to recover from losing something/someone that you truly loved.
I still cry now since losing my 5yo mare and her newborn foal in April 2011. By christ it hurts and it hurts a lot, but you need to take time to grieve properly.
I made a photo montage video thing from photos of my pony over the 3 years I owned her. Yes, I included the last photo I ever took of her as she lay there dying. I didn't know that was the case until vet tests the following morning. I even put photos of my little foals body on the video...it is all part of THEIR story, THEIR life. I cried buckets a few weeks ago when I heard his sire died ! He is on the video too, one happy family and now they are all back together. My mare was a wee tart and didn't want to leave the stud after she met him. It was like a scene from some romance film when we drove away the day I collected her from the stud. She was neighing frantically to him from the back of the box, he was cantering across the field, following the box and neighing back.
My photo/video thingy is on youtube (there are 2 versions), complete with weepy music. I watch it quite a lot...sometimes I get totally choked up, but other times I admire their beauty. The music I used was Leona Lewis - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face on one, and Matt Cardle - All For Nothing on the other. Missbabybiker on youtube if you want to watch....but please have a million tissues handy.
Anyway, you go enjoy your holiday.
Take care. x
 
LittleWildOne said:
You are still in shock hun.
It takes a long time to recover from losing something/someone that you truly loved.
I still cry now since losing my 5yo mare and her newborn foal in April 2011. By christ it hurts and it hurts a lot, but you need to take time to grieve properly.
I made a photo montage video thing from photos of my pony over the 3 years I owned her. Yes, I included the last photo I ever took of her as she lay there dying. I didn't know that was the case until vet tests the following morning. I even put photos of my little foals body on the video...it is all part of THEIR story, THEIR life. I cried buckets a few weeks ago when I heard his sire died ! He is on the video too, one happy family and now they are all back together. My mare was a wee tart and didn't want to leave the stud after she met him. It was like a scene from some romance film when we drove away the day I collected her from the stud. She was neighing frantically to him from the back of the box, he was cantering across the field, following the box and neighing back.
My photo/video thingy is on youtube (there are 2 versions), complete with weepy music. I watch it quite a lot...sometimes I get totally choked up, but other times I admire their beauty. The music I used was Leona Lewis - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face on one, and Matt Cardle - All For Nothing on the other. Missbabybiker on youtube if you want to watch....but please have a million tissues handy.
Anyway, you go enjoy your holiday.
Take care. x
Click to expand...

watching your beautiful tribute video crying my eyes out, I can't imagine how you begin to get over something like that x
 
victoria1980x said:
watching your beautiful tribute video crying my eyes out, I can't imagine how you begin to get over something like that x
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Thank you victoria1980x :)
It is something that you don't ever get over but learn how to cope with.
I watched both videos myself just after I posted my message above. I had a bit of a cry, but it was more for knowing and understanding the emotions that Gingerwitch is going through just now. I was watching my ponies memorial...but thinking of Big Lad.
 
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