What would you do?

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Tilda

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Hi all

I really need some impartial sensible advice and I hope you can all help me.

I have a beautiful 14.3 TBx mare and for the 2 years I have owned her we have had a real roller coaster time.

She has lovely paces, a real natural flair for jumping and is 100 percent in traffic and to shoe and box. She is a very insecure pony and whilst she is never nasty she is very spooky and really needs an experienced, confident rider who can instill confidence in her.

Due to a freak accldent last year (no one's fault) I have been battling to get my confidence back and whilst 95 percent of the time we are fine we seem to be at stalemate with the other 5 percent where she becomes very stubborn and opinionated and just will not listen to me. For example in my lesson this morning she worked lovely for 40 minutes then just as we started cooling down she did a huge spook and spin for absolutely no reason other than she could.I feel like as soon as I begin to enjoy riding her she puts a stop to it (sounds silly I know) and I am really getting fed up with it.

A couple of friends have suggested maybe putting her on loan to a confident rider and then getting myself a loan horse to help my confidence.

So my question is would anybody be interested in loaning a horse like this for potentially a couple of years or potentially longer depending on what happens with my confidence?

Any opinions very welcome but please be gentle despite the fact that she frustrates the life out of me I love this little horse!

Sorry it's long glass of wine for anyone who has read this
 
Hey to be ok 95% of the time is pretty good going! What did your instructor say in your lesson? I'd be tempted to give it more time and build up trust. I'm sure that you could loan her out to someone more confident, but could you be sure that you could find something suitable for your confidence? Most horses would pick up on your nerves and may start acting on them. Also, what if you had another horse on loan and something went wrong with your pony being loaned out - you may end up with two to keep...
 
I would be working with a good instructor and/or IH type horse person, I do not think putting her out on loan will help you. She may be ok with someone else, but it is you that needs to deal with the moments she has. If you are really not coping then consider replacing her. But from what you descibe it is nothing that cannot be sorted with some help. I have seen many nervous riders or people with difficult horses be helped though these kind of little hiccups, with really good instructors.
 
Thank you Ho Ho Honey, weirdly I read the post back and thought she doesn't sound that bad and to be honest she isn't I think it is just we seem to be taking 2 steps forward and then about 100 back in a split second over and over again and I feel like we are stuck.

My instructor (who is fab) said that the reason she spooked today was because we'd stopped in the middle of the school and then when I made her walk forward she decided she'd had enough so he suggested that for the time being I don't stop in the middle of the school. He also pointed out that she worked better than ever today and that her spooking is much much less than when he first started teaching me in July.

I don't feel at all nervous riding other horses and I have a contigency plan if she did come back.
 
Thanks Jeeve -I probably sound a bit like I am giving up too easily and I am probably just having a bad day I just had so many plans for us and 2 years later having not achieved them and not feeling any further forward I am just feeling a bit disheartened.
 
I would get yourself a good instructor if you haven't already and crack on with her. It sounds to me like she's just being a horse they all have their moments no horse is perfect at the end of the day. My horse is similar to yours and was an absolute nightmare when I first had him he knocked my confidence but I thought oh well i've bought him now I have to work through it. Just be determined and keep on with it you will get there and 95% is pretty high anyway. Personally I wouldn't risk her going to a loan home if you can keep her. Sounds like your frustrated with her just keep at it you will get there in the end. :)
 
Tilda said:
Thanks Jeeve -I probably sound a bit like I am giving up too easily and I am probably just having a bad day I just had so many plans for us and 2 years later having not achieved them and not feeling any further forward I am just feeling a bit disheartened.
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What has happened to your plans?? It may be a good idea to have something to aim for to give you some motivation and a focus, it does not have to be anything too ambitious possibly a local dressage or clear round jumping.

If the lessons are going well that shows you are progressing and many horses will have a spook when you are relaxing after a hard lesson.
 
The answer is to stop her spooking!

If she had done that with me there I would have made you circle her in the opposite direction she spooked to - very firmly and determinedly.
If she spooked out riding I would firmly make her go up to whatever she was spooking at and not allow her to go anywhere until she had touched it. No anger or panic, just determination. It takes them about a dozen rides to realise that spooking is just not worth it.

In the stables I am not very nice - I allow the dogs to run in and out of the stables (all mine are behind chains across the doors during the day) I kick a football around, I carry a golfing brolly into the stables when I feed them, kids ride bicycles up and down the aisles - they are well use to ATVs driving past them.

Would your horse spook at a blowing polythene feed sack? Try leaving it in range and watch how after a moment or two she will take it into the stable and proceed to chew it up! (Not a good thing to let them do but they will!) So, if she will do this she has no right to spook at a bag blowing around.

Stick with her, as said 95% is better than most get from their horses!
 
Foxhunter I do make her go back round and face the thing when there is something there to spook at and today I made her circle back round to where she spooked but there was absolutely nothing there. The other night for example I rode in the school and it was fairly windy but again she worked well for 30 minutes and then decided the hedge was going to eat her - the same bit of hedge she had walked past hundreds of times! When she is in that mood she then plants and when I eventually get her moving she then tries to run away from the spot she spooked at. She is very frustrating!

I do lots of in hand stuff with her and she is actually great in hand she seems to really relax when I am next to her it is just transferring that to the saddle I am struggling with which is why I thought some confidence building for us both might help.

Be Positive - I have just filled out a form to join an RC and those are the exact 2 things I have put as my plans for the year!

Thanks all for your replies I think I will stick it out to the spring and see how much improvement we make before making any decisions.
 
Tilda said:
Thanks Jeeve -I probably sound a bit like I am giving up too easily and I am probably just having a bad day I just had so many plans for us and 2 years later having not achieved them and not feeling any further forward I am just feeling a bit disheartened.
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I had great plans for my horse when I brought him 2.5 yrs ago ...... needless to say it hasn't worked out quite as planned and last weekend I had one of those days when I took about 10 giant leaps backwards! But although I was upset at the time and still am a bit,.. he doesn't do it all the time and I have had a word with myself!! and decided to start having more lessons and get my confidence up before I ask him to do it again - We only hacked over for a group lesson but he was a bit of an idiot and it really knocked my confidence in him.

Only you can decide what to do but I would say that the feeling of acheivment of over coming the obstacles together will far outweigh the feeling of getting on him after someone else has put in the work with him.
 
my old horse was like that it was 10 steps forward 20 back he would do the same just flip out and in the end i lost my confidence yet i was fine on everything else then in march he unfortunatly died and i got my new horse and i am so much more confident in fact i said last week to my freind i wish i still had Mac as he wouldnt scare me anymore now i am 100% confident so maybe it would be a good idea to really get your confidence back on another horse
 
From personal experience I loaned mine out with view to buy. I'd tried for over a year, used countless instructors, had him professionally reschooled - the lot.

I've now got a mare that is perfect for me yet still fun. Had I not found this mare, i'd have given up riding completely. I was so scared about riding my gelding that I'd shake from head to toe!

Leaving it until the spring sounds reasonable :) I hope that you both work it out.
 
Thanks Cassie and Lauren for the alternative view its good to know that sometimes a change of horse can be the right thing.

I will plod on over the winter and see how we get on as I'm sure in the spring there will be more people looking for horses and I will have plenty of horses to ride if I don't find something straight away.

Horseback rider the thought of what it would feel like to achieve everything with her myself has kept me going this long I guess its the lack of achievement that is now getting me down but if I look at it objectively she is working much better in the school and really showing her potential so I will try and focus on the positive Thanks
 
I don't have the answer, but I do know how you feel. My TB mare was absolutely fantastic to hack out, her schooling was coming on well and she was an absolute dream. Then for no reason (well no reason at the time) she started to rear and spin - from hacking quietly along the road to mental in a nanosecond. And there was no trigger - nothing to spook at. At one time she almost sat down and my friend was coming up on her horse behind me. As it is, we have since found out that she has a suspensory ligament injury and navicular which I now honestly think was something to do with it - I think it was a sudden pain trigger.
But like you, she lost my confidence and I was scared to ride her. I went back to long reining and leading her out and eventually managed a 30 minute hack on her without her doing anything mental. We then found out about her problems and she is now off work - possibly permanently, we're not sure yet. So I can't offer you a solution, but I can totally sympathise. I was a confident rider and would happily ride most horses, but I now think twice about riding, although I did ride a connemara a couple of times who was fabulous to hack. So maybe you need to ride something to get your confidence back and then transfer your refound confidence to your horse. Good luck.
 
Thanks Holly Hocks its not fun is it. Sorry to hear about your mare I hope you do get to bring her back into work. I am riding my friends super duper mare tomorrow and am really looking forward to it :)
 
Tilda said:
Thank you Ho Ho Honey, weirdly I read the post back and thought she doesn't sound that bad and to be honest she isn't I think it is just we seem to be taking 2 steps forward and then about 100 back in a split second over and over again and I feel like we are stuck.

My instructor (who is fab) said that the reason she spooked today was because we'd stopped in the middle of the school and then when I made her walk forward she decided she'd had enough so he suggested that for the time being I don't stop in the middle of the school. He also pointed out that she worked better than ever today and that her spooking is much much less than when he first started teaching me in July.

I don't feel at all nervous riding other horses and I have a contigency plan if she did come back.
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OP, I have been where you are, it is heart breaking and wearing, my mare was a nut job, she would rear on hunts and in the stable, jump out of her stable, spook at anything and everything, wasn't confident to jump or school, hurt her back and became a rodeo horse and ripped your hand to shreds on the lunge, hurt my back when falling off, got a second opinion and fixed her back, and it was still a long haul from there because I was shot to pieces and scared to get back on her.... if you have time take a peek at my album, she is still with me 10 years on, a fantastic school mistress, relaxed and calm in the stable, still sharp for a good rider but can take a 6 year old child up and down the lane too. Stick with it if you can, and maybe get some support with your confidence, there are people who specialise in helping people with this :D
 
Prancer and Vixen said:
OP, I have been where you are, it is heart breaking and wearing, my mare was a nut job, she would rear on hunts and in the stable, jump out of her stable, spook at anything and everything, wasn't confident to jump or school, hurt her back and became a rodeo horse and ripped your hand to shreds on the lunge, hurt my back when falling off, got a second opinion and fixed her back, and it was still a long haul from there because I was shot to pieces and scared to get back on her.... if you have time take a peek at my album, she is still with me 10 years on, a fantastic school mistress, relaxed and calm in the stable, still sharp for a good rider but can take a 6 year old child up and down the lane too. Stick with it if you can, and maybe get some support with your confidence, there are people who specialise in helping people with this :D
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Wow thats fabulous thank you for sharing that it does give me some hope! I have had help with my confidence in fact last weekend I attended a 2 day NLP course, I actually think my confidence is less of an issue now and I think this is probably why most of her work is improving it is now my frustration that is getting to me. I will perservere a bit longer and try and take inspiration from people like you x
 
Prancer and Vixen said:
OP, I have been where you are, it is heart breaking and wearing, my mare was a nut job, she would rear on hunts and in the stable, jump out of her stable, spook at anything and everything, wasn't confident to jump or school, hurt her back and became a rodeo horse and ripped your hand to shreds on the lunge, hurt my back when falling off, got a second opinion and fixed her back, and it was still a long haul from there because I was shot to pieces and scared to get back on her.... if you have time take a peek at my album, she is still with me 10 years on, a fantastic school mistress, relaxed and calm in the stable, still sharp for a good rider but can take a 6 year old child up and down the lane too. Stick with it if you can, and maybe get some support with your confidence, there are people who specialise in helping people with this :D
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And me! My first pony was difficult in many areas and I lost my confidence for a while - he terrified me for the first three years to be honest!! Lol! But I didn't have the option of getting another and to be honest glad I didn't because although I disliked him to start with I ended up having him until he passed away at the age of 40 and loved him to pieces! I got more confidence in the end from sticking with it and not giving in to my fear.
 
Hi Tilda, give yourself a break. You are doing really well with her. Don't focus on the negatives (I have a problem with that too) but instead think of all the positive things about her and what you have achieved. You sound like you're making real progress and focus on that as you should feel proud of yourself. If I have a bad day / lesson / competition with my girl (also 14.3hh TB x) I remind myself how amazing it is that a "prey" animal trusts me enough to sit on her back. It's amazing really. She has her own character and likes and dislikes, and like most mares thinks she knows best : ) Mine certainly does! Tomorrow give her time with you and a hug and accept her for just being her and for all the good things about her and the relationship you have. On Sunday ride her and don't be so hard on yourself, or on her, you're a team and, like you say, you love her xx
 
Wow thanks Moomin and Shygirl I am overwhelmed with all the support I am being given on here

Shygirl you are totally right I do focus on the negatives too much and today I am going to take Tilly for a little walk in hand and just spend some quality time with her.

Thanks again everyone I feel a bit daft now as I probably just over reacted after a slightly disappointing end to an otherwise very successful lesson :-)
 
You remind me a bit of myself, confidence does seem so hard to gain and so easy to loose?

To add to the other very good advice on here, have you thought about doing masses of desensitising work? Think Le Trec (under washing lines, playing with balls), Michael Pearce despooking book and also I think it is Tazzle who is always posting amazing pictures. Anything and everything you can think off - putting plastic bags/balloon round her field, balloons, banging a dustbin lid to indicate supper, cycling around the yard, whatever (obiously in a gradual inclemental fashion).

My old mare is spooky, but I now trust her if she spooks not do anything so it doesn't worry me - I suspect it is the spinning/what comes after not the spooking that upsets? Whatever her future, it is always to the good and can only help.
 
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