What would you do?

[tubby1]

I've had my mare for 3 months. She is my first horse and I'm really enjoying looking after her. I am a bit of a worry wart but am getting better with the care side.
My problem is the riding over the last 2 month my confidence has completely gone. I have sleepiness nights when I know I have to ride her then find any excuse not to e.g. Today it's too windy. She is only 6 . I worry the less I ride she more hyper she gets. I've moved yards & have a lovely yard owner who is willing to help but can't hold my hand every time i want to ride. I also feel she is getting wasted with me. I heard last night she wasn't really looked after by one of her previous owners and has been passed about from different owners. I don't want her to be passed on again if I can help it. I really don't know what to do for the best either to keep her in which case I become a nervous wreck or to sell her and have her passed on again. Which doesn't seem fair to her x

 

[lynseylou1]

i think ou should cut yourself some slack!! 3 months is still very early days for both of you. stop putting the pressure on yourself and things will instantly feel better.
I went through this with my mare when I bought her first. Is your mare actually doing anything wrong? .. as u dont say?
Stick to hacks with company and keep it varied. My mare was very spooky when i first got her and i fell off and hurt myself... it toook months for me to actually get on and ride without worrying what might happen.
What helped me was keeping it fun and setting really small targets . So for instance getting past the donkeys at the end of the lane without fuss was a massive deal. I even broke it done to leading past then riding past with a walker , then riding past eventually. Having a friend wal out with you is brillaint if u can get someone. Just by chatting you will be amazed how much clamer you will be and your mare will feel that.
Plenty of groundwork, even just handling in school or out and about.
Good luck , stop being so hard on yourself , your horse has found a good owner to look after her now and a good home is one where a horse is NEVER wasted! take your time and enjoy the little acheivements xx

 

[darkhorse123]

Ive been in your position - I would suggest regular lessons on her with an understanding instructor.
Also be very honest with everyone on your yard and ask their help - to hack out with you. Start off with small little walks and build up - push yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone each time - here you need to think how much you want to overcome this and use bachs rescue remedy.
Good luck - believe me if i can do it anyone can

 

[Shay]

Everyone goes through the new horse horrors - and everyone forgets about it so when its your first horse it takes you completely by surprise. (And the second too sometimes!)

Somewhere around the 8 - 12 week mark ned figures out your're a new owner, they're not going back to the old one and wants to know how far to go. You will get through it.

Ditto the understanding instructor. Bach's rescue remedy (or a good brandy!) can work wonders. Valerian is a good calmer for both human's and horses. (But not permitted in competition.) NLP can be very good for growing confidennce. There are equine specific NLP practitioners - or Kelly Mark's "Perfect Confidnence" if you can work from a book.

In as much as it is in your control try not to worry. You will get through this and you will have an excellent relationship with your mare. This happens to everyone - even if they forget or pretend it didn't.

 

[Magnetic Sparrow]

Echo the previous posts, but another suggestion as well - how about lunging or longreining as well as riding? That way you are keeping her mind occupied and stopping her getting fizzy due to lack of work without having to get on her. In hand walks are even a possibility as it gives her variety and a chance to get to know her better.

 

[9tails]

Somewhere around the 8 - 12 week mark ned figures out your're a new owner, they're not going back to the old one and wants to know how far to go. You will get through it.

This is so true!

Good luck and take the pressure off, no horse is wasted if it's well cared for.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

no horse is wasted if it's well cared for.

Hear, hear!

I don't know where you are but if you're anywhere near us, I'm not surprised it was too windy to ride! We certainly haven't ridden, we could hardly stand up. We haven't mucked out either, shock, horror!

I think sometimes that it isn't anything that the horse has done which affects our confidence, it is the realisation that the responsibility for this large animal is entirely ours. If you take some of the advice above about getting to know your horse and building up a relationship with her, I'm sure you'll look back in a year's time and wonder what you were bothered about.

 

[trottingon]

Taking on a horse for the first time is a ginormous responsibility and it's perfectly normal to feel a bit over-awed once the reality starts to sink in (we've all been there!!). So much can go wrong, but so much can also go right, and when it does, its the best feeling in the world!
If you book lessons with an instructor it gives you a great incentive to ride inbetween your lessons in order to have some feedback to give your instructor on your next lesson about bits that have been going right or wrong since your last lesson, and show off any improvements you might have made!

 

[cassie summers]

Everyone goes through the new horse horrors - and everyone forgets about it so when its your first horse it takes you completely by surprise. (And the second too sometimes!)

Somewhere around the 8 - 12 week mark ned figures out your're a new owner, they're not going back to the old one and wants to know how far to go. You will get through it.

Ditto the understanding instructor. Bach's rescue remedy (or a good brandy!) can work wonders. Valerian is a good calmer for both human's and horses. (But not permitted in competition.) NLP can be very good for growing confidennce. There are equine specific NLP practitioners - or Kelly Mark's "Perfect Confidnence" if you can work from a book.

In as much as it is in your control try not to worry. You will get through this and you will have an excellent relationship with your mare. This happens to everyone - even if they forget or pretend it didn't.

agree with everything above but what did help me when i became petrified of my riding my old boy (who passed away last year now) i rode a very quiet horse of a freinds for a few weeks and she completely restored my confidence and i got back on him at the end but it takes time with a new horse

 

[SophieLouBee]

3 months is nothing! Give it some time, I'm sure you'll be best buddies

Can I ask why you are nervous of her?

I hate the term 'wasted' used by horse owners. A horse is never wasted as long as it is loved. A horse doesn't know if it's wasted, and will only do what it's owner asks of it, so if a grade a sjer is asked to hack, and it is happy to do so, it will! Don't be hard on yourself over that. I have a adv-med dressage horse at home, he hasn't competed in 3 years, because I don't have time, and I am the least competitive person ever, just not interested! He's used as a nanny horse to my youngsters, and he loves every moment of hacking about all over the place, it gives him an excuse to spook (spooking is his favourite dressage movement!).