what would you think about this? please help.

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millieconnellx

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I live in the UK, in Nottinghamshire. I'm going through a reasonably hard time, and my parents are thinking of getting a divorce, not going into details, but I feel that my pony's best option would be livery, but even though they were together, they still said i couldn't put her in livery at ￡25 as they said it wouldn't be fair on my other siblings, who are none horsey. Christmas is coming, and my birthday is in march, what would you think of me asking my mum if I could not have alot of christmas or birthday presents and give up my spending money of ￡10 a week, so i could put my pony in livery for ￡25 a week? What do you think? And how would I ask without her thinking i'm spoit and ungrateful?
 
Bless you. I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. It is lovely that you have thought of a way to pay for things without impacting too much on the rest of the family. I am sure your parents will think you are very unselfish and sensible. Why don't you just say exactly what you have written here to your mum? You could even show her this post?

Most parents only want their children to be happy no matter how difficult their own lives are. I am sure they will listen to you and agree if it is possible. Good luck x
 
millieconnellx said:
I live in the UK, in Nottinghamshire. I'm going through a reasonably hard time, and my parents are thinking of getting a divorce, not going into details, but I feel that my pony's best option would be livery, but even though they were together, they still said i couldn't put her in livery at ￡25 as they said it wouldn't be fair on my other siblings, who are none horsey. Christmas is coming, and my birthday is in march, what would you think of me asking my mum if I could not have alot of christmas or birthday presents and give up my spending money of ￡10 a week, so i could put my pony in livery for ￡25 a week? What do you think? And how would I ask without her thinking i'm spoit and ungrateful?
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It doesn't sound like you're being spoilt or ungrateful rather you are taking responsibility for what's best for your pony which should be admired. Is there anyway you can get a pt job to help cover costs?
 
Sorry you are having a tough time :(
What do you mean by livery? Around here (Notts), £25 would be for DIY livery where you still have to do all/most of the day to day stuff yourself. Is your pony at home currently? Or do you mean an extra £25 would pay for full/part livery?
 
I think you would be in the wrong to ask for this. Your parents have already said you cant do it (so its probably because they cant afford it as well as show favourtism to one sibling and not the others) so you shouldnt be putting more pressure on them when they are having such a hard time together at the moment!
 
Do you have any other options such as looking for a sharer who will pay a contribution, or as someone else suggested getting a part time job?

I don't think you are selfish, just want the best for your pony
 
Thanks for all your replies. I do try and make as much responsibility as I can. I'm 13, i have looked for jobs, and have discovered as i'm not over 14 i cannot even get a small job:(. The reason i want to keep my pony so badly, as it's a way to get away from everything. So, i'm not attempting to 'put pressure' on my family, and I feel upset that you made that comment. I am in no way wanting my parents to give me what I get now, and recieve payment for livery as well. With my weekly spending money, i save to ensure i can buy my mare what she needs I have currently got ￡40 saved, this is going towards feed etc. I really want my pony. And im currently in notts, and I keep her at a field near my home, but this is hard, as i have to keep my tack at home, and if I was to live with my dad some days and my mum other days, i'd have to take my tack with me, if i was to ride. I have to ride alone as well. Hope i answered all the questions x
 
Where in notts are you hun? I don't think your are selfish you seem very responsible and your parents issues are between them and I'm sure they are trying hard to make sure it doesn't affect the children.
 
(((((HUGS))))))) hang on in there. I think a sharer is a good idea. Try and not put too much pressure on your parents they may decide to simply sell the pony!
Do you go to pony club? Its a good way of finding horsey friends.
 
millieconnellx said:
Thanks for all your replies. I do try and make as much responsibility as I can. I'm 13, i have looked for jobs, and have discovered as i'm not over 14 i cannot even get a small job:(. The reason i want to keep my pony so badly, as it's a way to get away from everything. So, i'm not attempting to 'put pressure' on my family, and I feel upset that you made that comment. I am in no way wanting my parents to give me what I get now, and recieve payment for livery as well. With my weekly spending money, i save to ensure i can buy my mare what she needs I have currently got ￡40 saved, this is going towards feed etc. I really want my pony. And im currently in notts, and I keep her at a field near my home, but this is hard, as i have to keep my tack at home, and if I was to live with my dad some days and my mum other days, i'd have to take my tack with me, if i was to ride. I have to ride alone as well. Hope i answered all the questions x
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:( feel for you, I know what it's like. I've highlighted that bit in bold because it's not correct, you can get a job once you're 13. It would only be something like a paper round or leaflet distribution or similar, but as long as you can get permission from your parents and from your head teacher/head of year, you are able to work a certain amount of hours per week. If you contact your local LEA they will be able to tell you exactly what you can and can't do. Good luck!
 
If you were my daughter I would be utterly devastated you were worrying about this so much. I think you need to speak to whichever parent bought you the pony and ask them if this would be an acceptable compromise. I think you are showing a good deal of maturity but I don't think you should be needing to worry about this because you are after all a minor. Your parents may already have a plan as to what will happen with the pony and haven't thought about explaining to you with everything else going on, so I think really you need to speak to them and explain you know things are very difficult just now but etc etc. Keep calm and maybe write down the points you want to make in advance. Calm discussion is more likely to get a solution than screaming and crying, which is tempting when things feel unfair, I know! Good luck :)
 
Quick hug for you - it's a miserable situation. The pony Club have a website and you can track down your local club secretary through that.

Would your parents consider a sharer for your pony? A notice in local livery yards and tackshops may help you find someone to share.

I think you're being very responsible about this, giving up your spending money to help with livery is very thoughtful.

Do try and speak to your parents and let them know how frightened you are at the thought of losing your pony and suggest the sharing option.
 
I do like the idea of sharing, but i'm worried, because my pony has a few problems, such as not being responsive, she's only 13.2 so she's reasonably small, and i feel she will probably be a target for younger children, and i know she's not particuarly a novice, and needs quite a strong rider, i struggle sometimes. But i've had her for 3 years so know when she's going to misbehave:p, do you think others will understand?
 
Shivvy said:
Where in notts are you hun? I don't think your are selfish you seem very responsible and your parents issues are between them and I'm sure they are trying hard to make sure it doesn't affect the children.
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This, I think you are coming across on this forum as a very responsible and caring young lady, I know things are hard right now hun, but if I was your mum, I would be so proud of raising a child like you.


CatStew said:
:( feel for you, I know what it's like. I've highlighted that bit in bold because it's not correct, you can get a job once you're 13. It would only be something like a paper round or leaflet distribution or similar, but as long as you can get permission from your parents and from your head teacher/head of year, you are able to work a certain amount of hours per week. If you contact your local LEA they will be able to tell you exactly what you can and can't do. Good luck!
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Totally agree with Catstew

FfionWinnie said:
If you were my daughter I would be utterly devastated you were worrying about this so much. I think you need to speak to whichever parent bought you the pony and ask them if this would be an acceptable compromise. I think you are showing a good deal of maturity but I don't think you should be needing to worry about this because you are after all a minor. Your parents may already have a plan as to what will happen with the pony and haven't thought about explaining to you with everything else going on, so I think really you need to speak to them and explain you know things are very difficult just now but etc etc. Keep calm and maybe write down the points you want to make in advance. Calm discussion is more likely to get a solution than screaming and crying, which is tempting when things feel unfair, I know! Good luck :)
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Great post.

millieconnellx said:
I do like the idea of sharing, but i'm worried, because my pony has a few problems, such as not being responsive, she's only 13.2 so she's reasonably small, and i feel she will probably be a target for younger children, and i know she's not particuarly a novice, and needs quite a strong rider, i struggle sometimes. But i've had her for 3 years so know when she's going to misbehave:p, do you think others will understand?
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Millie, definately, my pony was a deamon and he was 13.2 he wasn't naughty, but he certainly had some quirks which scared the living daylights out of some :D I did manage to find someone though, and she actually was more inexperienced than me, as a result he behaved better for her and took care of her, when I sold him, I also managed to find a smaller adult to own him, the right person is out there, just a case of looking and advertising in the right places. The other option is keeping him at a local riding school, they use him for lessons and you ride him at a time arranged between you, or keeping him as yours, paying DIY, but coming to an arrangement where you pay half the livery and do chores at the weekend for them. Hun, there is always a way, the fact that you are seriously thinking about this in a rational manner, is fantastic, you should be proud of yourself, and If you do as Ffion suggests, write it down and sit down with your parents and discuss it, I am sure they will guide and support you in getting an arrangement that suits you all best.
 
Massive hugs. My parents got divorced when I was 13/14 and it changed everything. They sold the horses, the horsebox, I wasn't allowed to compete etc. I was left devastated but did whatever I could to make some money and in the end managed to buy one back :)

You are fantastic for thinking so logically, and I'd be super proud if you were my sister (I won't say mum cuz i'm 20 :D). I'd try and catch either parent at a quiet moment and see what you can sort out. Working livery is a fab idea, it would also get you out the house and spend time with more horsey orientated people your age! :) Hugs xxx
 
how mature and responsible you are and you clearly are totally horse mad and very responsible for your horse! If you were my daughter I would be firstly quite upset that you were on this form but secondly I would be very proud that you were trying to think of ways to keep your pony!

I think a sharer is a good idea another idea (which is how I manged to afford my pony) was by having her on working livery at a riding school - I then worked there at weekends to pay her keep. I think my parents only had to help me find shoe money in the end..
 
FfionWinnie said:
If you were my daughter I would be utterly devastated you were worrying about this so much. I think you need to speak to whichever parent bought you the pony and ask them if this would be an acceptable compromise. I think you are showing a good deal of maturity but I don't think you should be needing to worry about this because you are after all a minor. Your parents may already have a plan as to what will happen with the pony and haven't thought about explaining to you with everything else going on, so I think really you need to speak to them and explain you know things are very difficult just now but etc etc. Keep calm and maybe write down the points you want to make in advance. Calm discussion is more likely to get a solution than screaming and crying, which is tempting when things feel unfair, I know! Good luck :)
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Same here....I would be so upset if my daughter felt this way, yet so proud that she was looking for a solution.

I would show your mum this post if you can.

Hope everything works out for you:)
 
I feel a little uncomfortable telling my mum I wrote a post on a website, concerning my mum and dad. I don't even know where to start:(.
My mum and dad are still living together, but they haven't even spoke, my mum keeps saying things like 'I wish one of them houses could come up for rent, we could move there'. My mum and dad have had bad fallouts in the past, and said they were splitting, but I feel that my mums serious about this, more serious than my dad. I think my dad feels the same as me and my siblings- that it's not actually going to happen.
How would I even begin to tell my mum?:)
 
Horsesforever1 said:
Can you talk to your dad Millie? Could you tell him ?
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My dad doesn't actually do things he says, I know it's awful to say, and I love him, but whenever I say or ask him to do something simple, he will not do it.
I feel easier talking to my mum.
Also, I've just overheard a conversation between my sister and mum, and they were joking, and then my mum went 'we're not that poor, not yet anyway' or something along those lines.. How can I ask her now!?
 
If a saturday job is out of the question(I did a paper round and then worked after school in a sweet shop at 13). Share sounds a good idea. At 13.2 a lightweight adult would be able to ride, so dont aim your pony at just a child market?

Good luck am sure it will work itself out but its good to get some options. Families eh!
 
If you speak to your mum honestly and in the same sort of tone as you are using here I feel sure she would listen. As I said before parents want their children to be happy. Sometimes we can do something about that, sometimes we can't. But I would be very sorry if you were my daughter and felt you could not at least discuss your concerns. You sound as if you have been well brought up so your parents must be doing something right!:)
 
Millie, please speak to your mum. Ask her what will happen to your pony if the worst happens and your parents get divorced. Tell her you are willing to give up your spending money, cut back on Xmas and B'Day presents and find a sharer to keep costs down. It may not turn out to be as bad as you think, but until you talk about it you won't know what to expect.
 
I'm going to go against the grain & say not to mention the livery. I think you should tell your parents how worried you are about losing your pony, but the extra cost is no doubt something they don't need, & having to refuse you will just make them feel guilty. Also, I don't think a sharer so you can afford livery is a good plan. If the sharer gives up, or pony becomes lame etc you could end up having to sell pony if your place in the current field isn't still available. I think for now you should show how mature you are by asking for bday & xmas money towards ponies care, & save the extra, until your parents know where they are financially if they go ahead with the divorce. And meantime keep an eye out for jobs so you can pay the livery yourself if your parents do split.
 
Do you have a riding school local? Would putting your pony on working livery be a solution. You could have a say on how many lessons your pony would be used in and you would get free livery in return.
 
misst said:
If you speak to your mum honestly and in the same sort of tone as you are using here I feel sure she would listen. As I said before parents want their children to be happy. Sometimes we can do something about that, sometimes we can't. But I would be very sorry if you were my daughter and felt you could not at least discuss your concerns. You sound as if you have been well brought up so your parents must be doing something right!:)
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I have discussed it with my mum, and she has said that she will sort it when we all get sorted. My mum has 100% confirmed that they are splitting, I have no clue how i'm going to cope, got tons of questions, but this probably isn't the best place. Oh well, not the end of the world I guess:-) Thank you for ALL your comments, I feel so grateful!
 
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