Whats wrong with me?

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LauraWheeler

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One minuet i'm up and the next i'm down. I've had times like this in my life before but it's never been this bad. The worst thing is I seem to be becoming so paronoid.
I keep trying to convince myself that Herbie is lame when I know he's not. I also keep thinking he's getting the masses on his neck that Lucy had, I keep being convinsed he has had an eye bleed when all it is is eye gunk and everytime I see him wee I have to check there isn't any blood. It's not just Herbs i'm worried about. My dog Charlie sleeps on the bed (I can't sleep if he's not there) but I keep waking up in the night, He has this awful habbit of lying on his side with his legs out ridged. I get so worried and think he's dead. I have to check he's still breathing. I also worry about my OH. If he's not snoring I have to listen so carefully to hear if he's breathing. I've always been a worryer but it's never been this bad.
God having typed it all out I realise just how silly it all sounds. Maybe I just need a good kick up the arse.
Sorry I realy don't know why i'm posting this but does anyone else ever feel the same or am I just strange.
 
Sounds like you're just pretty anxious right now - talk to your GP maybe? Also it sounds like positive stuff is happening in your life, so try and think about how you want that to progress and grow.

You've got a sweet pony, a supportive other half and it sounds like you are diligent and hardworking. Onwards and upwards, my dear!

xx
 
Oh Laura, sounds like you're grieving....just give yourself time. You've just had a big loss and although you knew the time would come it was still a big shock when it happened. You'll be OK, just give yourself time and have lots of cuddles and you'll be alright. And Herbie looks fab by the way (also lame ponies don't win red ribbons :D :D ) x
 
arizonahoney said:
Sounds like you're just pretty anxious right now - talk to your GP maybe? Also it sounds like positive stuff is happening in your life, so try and think about how you want that to progress and grow.

You've got a sweet pony, a supportive other half and it sounds like you are diligent and hardworking. Onwards and upwards, my dear!

xx
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ditto and <<<<hugs>>> xxx
 
I would second arizonahoney's suggestion of talking to your GP. You have had a lot of changes over a short period of time, some of them quite traumatic, and sometimes in your posts you come across (understandably) as a little down and depressed as well as anxious. Speaking as another worrier (fortunately mostly in the past nowadays) I found my doctor really helpful at talking through the options of how to manage my feelings.

And although you have got positives to focus on, sometimes, when you are feeling particularly vulnerable, it doesn't take much of a negative to push you back. Saying "pull yourself together" or giving yourself a kick doesn't always do the trick and you might need a little more help.

But whatever happens, you WILL come out the other side and things WILL eventually all settle down.
 
Thanks guys I know I'm just being silly. It has got worse since I found out we are on the move again. I've never coped with change very well and there has been alot of it lately. Hopefully it'll all settle down soon.
 
Please visit your gp. Sound slike you have anxiety, maybe depression - the longer you leave it the worse it will get - i know ive suffered for years .xx
 
nothing bar a bereavement lucy.You spent alot of time together i was told recently you can bond more with animals than relatives /close ones for the amount of time you spend with them .Think alot of us would be the same as you , you do become more watchful of other animals ,your not mad or anything just going through a bereavement that just needs time try to look at happy times and be positive and make yourself targets for the future .
ps i went to a physic recently and spoke about dead grandparents,< ,they brought me up >other passed away people, i was fine and she mentioned my dog i lost last year and i burst out crying hysterically ! Cue a big box of hankies was handed to me ! I know what you mean it does take time , i promise xxxx
 
I'm a few months away from graduating as a doctor of psychology: my research topic is anxiety, and why women are twice as likely to suffer from an anxiety disorder than men. What you are feeling is not rare and you are not alone - it's very common in fact (with anxiety problems touching the lives on 1/3 people roughly). It is however something that DOES NOT have to be lived with: I urge you to go discuss it with your GP. I know many people think "No, they're under-qualified to help with those kinds of problems - I won't bother". The truth is that although they often aren't able to provide treatment themselves, GPsare in fact the gateway in our health system to getting the care, support and information, from physios, to psychiatrists to the address of the nearest self-assertiveness class.

I sincerely hope that, no matter what you do, that you feel happier and more relaxed in life, and very soon 80) x
 
narkymare said:
Please visit your gp. Sound slike you have anxiety, maybe depression - the longer you leave it the worse it will get - i know ive suffered for years .xx
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As above. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. I am on flouxetine 40 mg a day, it is not a cure but helps a great deal. Please see your GP, you dont have to suffer this as there are people there to help you. Dont think that you are the only one to suffer. Often grief brings this on. My mother has Motor Neurone, and is in the last stages, that is what made me go and get help. Good luck Laura.
 
Just wanted to give you a virtual hug and say that everyone here has given you all the advice you need. You have had a really stressful few months and the latest pending move has probbaly tipped the balance a bit mor ein the wrong direction.

You have taken the first step to helping yourself by recognising the problem and talking about it here, but I think you need to do a bit more now and take some outside help and advice by talking to your doctor. It might also be worth trying taking something like 'Kalms'. I was a bit strung out with stress after Christmas and found that they really helped - I think I picked them up off the shelf in Sainsbury's, didn't even need to speak to a pharmacist. If they don't help then definitely see your doc...

And do keep comig back here, no-one thinks you are daft and I know that it helps to simply get it off your chest.

After what you went through with Lucy it's not surprising you are being so on edge with Herbie - but I really hope that you wouldn't be so unlucky as to have another pony with the same condiition.

Take care xxx
 
Dollysox said:
I would second arizonahoney's suggestion of talking to your GP. You have had a lot of changes over a short period of time, some of them quite traumatic, and sometimes in your posts you come across (understandably) as a little down and depressed as well as anxious. Speaking as another worrier (fortunately mostly in the past nowadays) I found my doctor really helpful at talking through the options of how to manage my feelings.

And although you have got positives to focus on, sometimes, when you are feeling particularly vulnerable, it doesn't take much of a negative to push you back. Saying "pull yourself together" or giving yourself a kick doesn't always do the trick and you might need a little more help.

But whatever happens, you WILL come out the other side and things WILL eventually all settle down.
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DS is spot on, sometimes a little help is all we need.
I read somewhere recently (probably one of those "likey" things on FB) that
depression is NOT a sign of weakness, just a sign that you've been too strong for too long.
That's just about right.
(((( HUGS ))))
 
EdensideEnthusiast said:
I'm a few months away from graduating as a doctor of psychology: my research topic is anxiety, and why women are twice as likely to suffer from an anxiety disorder than men. What you are feeling is not rare and you are not alone - it's very common in fact (with anxiety problems touching the lives on 1/3 people roughly). It is however something that DOES NOT have to be lived with: I urge you to go discuss it with your GP. I know many people think "No, they're under-qualified to help with those kinds of problems - I won't bother". The truth is that although they often aren't able to provide treatment themselves, GPsare in fact the gateway in our health system to getting the care, support and information, from physios, to psychiatrists to the address of the nearest self-assertiveness class.

I sincerely hope that, no matter what you do, that you feel happier and more relaxed in life, and very soon 80) x
Click to expand...

Great advice ^^

Laura, I've been following your posts for a while now and I'm getting increasingly worried about you!!

I have a friend with similar traits, she was a stresser and suffered with anxiety. She was also very emotional.
She was diognosed with cancer at the age of 25 and this sent her into a very quick downward spiral.

No hugs/chat/support/activities/alcohol could help. In fact, looking back I think they they made her worse.

You must, must speak to your GP. They can't make Lucy come back but they can tell and teach you how to cope with her loss.

I really hope you take the advice given to you on here....and I hope to hear some positive things about you and Herbie/OH/Dog soon :)

xxx
 
Laura, I ditto everyone above, you are grieving, but I also here the sound of depression.
I think its important that you talk, to a proffesional.
Since Benson died in such tragic circumstances, I have been see an excellent counsellor. We talk about everything and its because of her I am getting through this.
There was a stage where I was getting like you, anxious, paranoid, stressed, and thats when I decided I needed to do something about it, and luckily for me I have not sunk into depression. I have had it before, and you can work through it, but its best to do something about it now.
I chose a councelloer that had something to do with horses, as I knew she would understand that loosing Benson was like loosing a child.
Please, I urge you, talk to someone, either your GP, who can refer you on, or google counsellors and see who is in your area.
Lots of hugs, and much love. xx
 
Darling girl, what a time you're having. I believe there are special Pet Berevement Counsolers which may help. I also know what you mean about watching your OH breathing, I lost my Dad very young and can remember staying awake and watching my mum to see if she was still breathing.

Please do take the very good advice offered on here.
 
I hate change too and had a lot of changes in my life across the last 18 months. What you're feeling sounds like classic anxiety. Change and upset makes me very anxious and worry for the world and his wife :) You've had an awful lot to contend with Laura over recent months, moving is classified as one of those big stress factors, as is new job, as is death - doesn't matter whether that be a human or in your case your beloved Lucy. I think loss particularly is a very tough thing to deal with. Might be worth talking to your doctor as others have suggested. But also look on the positive sides - you are coping really well and doing an amazing job with everything coming your way at the moment and doing a really excellent job with Herbie :)
 
Nothings wrong with you hun. I lost my darling boy - okay he was a puss and not a horse - but he was soooo special in so many ways that I wouldn't know where to start. I still cry (a lot - in fact I sob) when I think of him (every day) and I miss him terribly - he was very ill and so young too. Maybe its still shock? But having your Herbie should help a lot to take your mind off him.

Sorry, I wish I could say it gets easier - sometimes I feel like it doesn't and I am sure like me, you have "what ifs" and "if only" and I often think its not a normal reaction to be so up and down and upset then okay - but I think it's you body/brain's/heart's way of dealing with something so horrible happening to someone you loved so much.

Hope that isn't too much of a downer (sorry) but think of the good times, especially the funny things she did that made you laugh and made you feel proud to have had her. Lucy was very very lucky to have had such a special mum - and I bet she knew it too. Big teary hug xxxx
 
It will pass in time, but maybe a chat with your GP won't hurt.

I lost my brother to leukemia a few years ago and i was so paranoid after that. My OH bruises easily and everytime i saw one i pooped myself! I even scared him into thinking he had it at one point after he had carried a heavy bag in the crook of his arm and the blood came to the surface like a rash. I was scared silly and didn't sleep for days. But it's faded now and i rarely jump to that conclusion now. It just takes time. Don't pressure yourself to be back to normal already, you lost a very close friend in Lucy and it's bound to affect you. The effects of greif and shock will wear off, but it's a gradual process. Maybe some herbal sleeping tablets might help you relax at night? I don't usually agree with medication as a first step, but there are some good natural sleeping products out there xx
 
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