When do you admit a horse is too much for you?

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Hovis_and_SidsMum

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We have now had Pride for about 12 weeks.
During that time he has decked my husband 5 times.
When we went to see him he was a chilled out dude, obviously very fit, a superb jumper, hubby hacked him alone etc and he was lovely.
We got him home and all hell broke loose. He ran through his stable chain the first day and buggered off. Two days later he decked hubby during the saddle fitting. Fair enough he'd moved home and was clearly a stressy horse. We had his back checked, xrays done, physio out the works.
He decked hubby twice more and then we moved yards. Here he seemed to settle and became far more relaxed and happy. Until last week.
Its like he is possessed. He is running off in the school, bucking, rearing out hacking and being an absolute sod to lead between the field and stable. In the stable he is stressed and bargy. Its like he has a demon on his shoulder.
The lady who runs the yard used to event and rides him beautifully. He dicks her about but she just laughs at him and said hes a typicaly highly talented comp horse. He jumps 1.20m like its not there and his dressage is to die for. His paces (when he stops being silly) are amazing. My friend hacks him out and he fannys about on her but again she is an amazing rider who just laughs at him and he stops.
So is there something wrong with him or is it true that the more talented they are the more quirky they are?
He is a WB so i know he wasn't going to be a dope but this chilled out horse we met has vanished and been replaced with this talented loon head. Hubby has had enough and we need to make a decision about his future.
I don't know the purose of this post really but any ideas/ feedback/ suggestions as to what to do would be appreciated.
Failing that anyone know of anyone looking for a superb talent who isn't fussy about the horse being a tad nutty?!!!
 
Quite a few warmblood competition horses are quirky rides. It seems to be the quirkiness which gives them the talent in some way. It does sound as if your husband is rather over-horsed. Sad as it may seem it is seriously worth considering selling the horse and getting a steadier one.
 
I agree, it sounds like you need to call it a day before either your husband gets hurt or looses interest! (mine did both and now only gets involved when he wants to, which doesn't really work well)
 
He may have been calmer when you saw him as he was doing a huge workload - WB do like to work - the devil finds work for idle hooves!:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Sadly it does sound as if your husband is over horsed and agree with Divasmum - sell him to a competition home and find something a bit steadier.:o

In answer I guess you admit it BEFORE you get hurt/lose your confidence.:(
 
Boo, poor you and hubby. Sorry to hear this, it's a really **** situation to be in. How experienced is your hubby? I would say admit he is too much before confidence is lost. It's so damn difficult to get back and ultimately horses are for fun and it doesn't sound as if your hubby is having much of that atm!
 
Hubby has had enough and we need to make a decision about his future.
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There's your answer. Advertise the horse sooner rather than later.

It doesn't really matter what the reasons are for wanting to sell - if it's not the horse for you, get rid.....
 
I wouldn't rush to make any decision until you've reviewed his general management and routine. I think I'd first be asking what is he fed and how much turnout is he getting? Many WB's do very well on just grass at this time of year and that coupled with 24/7 turnout could well turn him around. Also don't forget he's been moved twice in 12 weeks and may have been working a lot harder previously especially if he came from a 'professional' yard if you get my drift, he could also be fitter than he needs to be for your husband.
 
I think you and your hubby are probably at that point :(

Someone will be able to keep topside of him and bring out the best in him without a fight.

Your hubby will find another horse better suited to his abilities. As it sounds as if you haven't particularly formed a bond with this horse, could your YO help to find him a new home?

It would be such a shame if you/he lost confidence over this - some horses just aren't right for us - no matter how much we try to make it work, it's no reflection on your hubbys riding :)
 
Divasmum said:
Quite a few warmblood competition horses are quirky rides. It seems to be the quirkiness which gives them the talent in some way. It does sound as if your husband is rather over-horsed. Sad as it may seem it is seriously worth considering selling the horse and getting a steadier one.
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I would have to agree its also not worth hurting yourself over as its supposed to be a sport we enjoy !
 
When do you admit a horse is too much for you?


When the professionals also admit they can't do anything with it either.


Get rid tbh, hard as it sounds horses should be fun and there are plenty out there who are easier and more suitable.
 
When do you admit a horse is too much for me?

When i stop enjoying being around it, riding it and handling it. I am not one to give in easily and i think most horses try it on in a new home, however if i had tried regular lessons, different riders, calmers and given things a couple of months and could still see no light at the end of the tunnel i would hold my hands up and say enough is enough for both my sake and that of the horse.
It's not a nice decision to have to make and i don't envy you or your OH. Good luck with whatever you choose.
 
My aunt had a Arab like this, I put it down to the work load he was doing, he knew his job and all the time he was doing it he was fine the minute it dropped he was an arse.
 
I agree. Having had a Warmblood myself which sounds rather similar to Pride. He was only well behaved if ridden every day and in a constant routine which made him very high maintenance. When we moved yards he would take months to settle. Something else to bear in mind is if he is like that at home what would he be like in an 'exciting' environment like a show? On the other hand maybe he just needs longer to settle. Having lost my confidence though I am finding it almost impossible to do anything with my horse and I wish I had packed the last one in while I still had mine intact! If I was your OH five times of being decked would be more than enough for me!
 
It sounds like you are already there, and IMO should sell before the relationship is damaged further, it could be that he takes longer than most to settle, but if you are already questioning things he is not the right horse.
 
That is a difficult one to answer.

Horses do take time to settle and even longer for a bond to form between horse and owner. I think just about everyone who is honest will hold their hands up and say during the first x months they thought of selling I know I did and I know my OH did.

However it's not just the riding aspect it is also the ground handling aspect in this case and he does sound to me a bit much.

What does evil army man say I know you have lessons and that is always the first thing I would normally say to do.

If though the damage has already been done, the fun aspect has gone, going to see horse never mind ride is filled with dread then I think you should sell and look at getting another Hovis :-)
 
12 weeks = change of rider, change of routine, change of surroundings, hmmm hard to say at this stage really.



Is the horse getting as much work as he was with the previous owner as in keeping him mentally challanged and without getting him too fit?

Do you think the horse gets on better with lady riders maybe?

Perhaps taking things back to basics and doing some ground work, hubby shows the horse who's the boss in the outfit so to speak.

I'd stick it out and suggest some lessons to confidence build them both (not saying your OH needs lessons, but sometime its just a boost and fresh pair of eyes can really help) but like someone has said, if its no longer pleasure and he's getting worse not better, maybe better that your hubby looks for something else that he can click with and enjoy?
 
Been there done that got the T-Shirt!!

It definitly sounds like not enough hard work. Do as I say not as I did.

I kept going round and round in a big loop of it must be a failing in me and kept banging my head against a brick wall for 18 months. (When I say head and brick wall it was more arse and floor if u know what I mean) yeah I had lessons lots of them.

Lovely Horse but I had inadvertently bought a Ferrari when I should have a Ford Focus and even Lambourginis do not fill me with excitement anymore just dread!
 
Sooner rather than later would be my personal advice as I know from hard experience how easily confidence is lost and how hard it is to regain.Sold the last one.Was heart broken at the time but I am having SOOOOO much more fun now.Ask the evil army man though BUT does heknowhe is called the evil army man???
 
Having had a very talented, and at times very quirky WB, I wish I had not spent 5 years and thousands on trainers, lessons etc before I admitted she and I were not suited to each other. She was most of the time an angel to handle, could be nice to ride, but at other times, very difficult and this was also with professionals.

I think the relationship has gone sour, and would be looking to sell and move on as it sounds like your OH has had enough and a few more knocks will take all the joy about owing horses out of him.

Can you not find another Hovis type for him but maybe with not so much hair as he sounds like he wants something like him but a bit more sporty, maybe a clyde x TB - which will hopefully have the sensible clyde in the temperament.

They are all a bit daft at the moment, lots of spring grass and Farra and Stinky broke their halos at the weekend and galloped off with a couple of my friends and Farra appears to be the fastest - my OH is over the moon at that bit of news:D That said, they are still easy to handle and ride apart from being a bit frisky (he was a lovely hack with me last night) and have not being decking anyone.
 
I don't know whether things would get better with more time, I suspect they would, but I think you have made an extremely adult and rare decision.

I see so many good horses either dumped in fields / livery or given five minutes in the school once every blue moon because they are far too much for their riders and yet the rider won't admit it and just buy something more suitable.

Always remember, we ride horses for the pleasure of it. If a quirky WB does not tick your box, get something that does.
 
As the owner of a 9 year old competition WB that I have owned since a foal I can confirm that they can definitely be quirky! For the first time in 5 years I got well and truly decked the other weekend and still have the aches to show for it. He lives out most of the time to keep him more relaxed but due to the heat I had ridden him less than usual.

If he is regularly worked hard he manages to keep a lid on his stress but has become too unpredictable to hack other than round the little block. Fortunately he seems to thrive on working in the school and I am fortunate to have his half brother who is much more straight forward and good to hack.

I think you know that Pride is not the horse for your husband and there is certainly no shame in calling it a day before he gets injured.
 
from what you have said i would agree that it sounds like your OH is overhorsed. there is nothing wrong in admitting this (in fact i have a lot of respect for people who can admit this)... at the end of the day you need to assess what you want to do with the horse- do you want to jump 1.20s and do high level dressage? if not then do you need this horse? probably not... a friend of mine had a horse that sounds similar to your guy. it took 12 months and lots of falls etc for her to get to 'that point'- it seems a shame to wait. i would send him to a good dealer to produce for sale to an exerienced/competitive home.
my 5 year old has had me on the deck numerous times (i bet over 50!) since i got him...but there is a reason to it all, he doesn't scare me and i have a lot of fun with him. if the fun side stopped then i would sell him. i think in 12 weeks he should have started to settle a bit.... sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear :(
 
It took me a long time to admit one of my horses was too much. Until I was too scared to get on her, then she was a cowbag in the stable. Eventually I burst into tears on my Mum, and she helped me feel I was doing the right thing. She's in a lovely home now (I bought her at 3) and she is now 18 and has only had the one home, and one yard since I sold her
 
12 weeks is really not at all long especially given that he has been moved twice. Have you contact previous owners to talk about workload/feed/management etc? It can take much longer than this to settle and if things are very different for him ,less work routine etc then that may be having an effect. He could very well settle but it could take another 6 months (one of mine took almost a year and I was very close to giving up)

Saying that, it sounds like hubby has had it with him. So you may not have the option of waiting it out. Luckily I didn't hit the deck with mine, and tbh if I had done more than a couple of times so early in the partnership I don't think I could have kept him.

Really feel for you. Hope you all stay safe.
 
CxLBx said:
could he have been drugged when you went to see him?
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I was going to say same thing! Did you have a blood sample taken when you bought him? If so, you can check if anything was in his system. If so, you have some comeback on vendors.
Otherwise difficult as it is, get him advertised through your YO. If he goes nicely for her and others he shouldn't be difficult to sell and you and your husband can find a horse more suitable. Life is just too short to mess around with unsuitable horses who may end up scaring you or at worst injuring you. Move on and don't feel guilty!
 
There is no "one way" that warmbloods are - we're talking about a HUGE number of horses, bred for a variety of jobs. The are no more or less "quirky" (which people define differently anyway) than any other group. Sorry, but I really don't think the horses suitability or lack there of is as simple as saying "this breed will suit".

That said, there are horses for courses and yes, one that's bred and produced for a competition environment will not necessarily thrive in another situation. It's like asking the family cob to jump 'round a 4*.

Now, whether or not THIS horse is/can be made suitable for the situation he's in in impossible to tell from the internet. I very much doubt he was drugged, I'd more readily suspect he's having trouble adjusting and showing a side of his personality (EVERY horse has different aspects) other than the one most obvious when you tried him.

But the fact that he settles well with other riders is a bit of a concern. What does your YO think? Does she think it's merely a matter of him settling in and learning a new job, or does he feel to her like a horse more suited for a set up closer to the one he was in before?

Is there anyone else you can get to give you an impartial judgement? Has your instructor seen the horse? Did he/she see it before you bought him? It would be interesting to compare notes if so, but even if not, he/she could assess the current situation.

All that said, if you've lost confidence in the horse and are genuinely worried, this will be a tricky thing to overcome. It may also turn out you need to make some changes in the way you deal with the horse and what you expect, both from him and from your own riding. In that case, only you can judge how to go forward. I've "fixed" horses for sale then had people decided to keep them, sometimes deciding it's worth it to change a lot/work very hard to do so. But I've also sorted horses out for people who intend to keep them but then, in the end, decide to sell because they find they can't truly be comfortable with the horse again. It can only really be your call with the help of impartial, knowledgeable help.
 
As Diggerbez says unless your husband wants (and is capable of) jumping 1.20m and high level dressage then this is not the horse for him. I can only agree with many other posters that it is better to sell now before husband is injured or horse soured. I suggest husband assesses exactly what he wants to do with the next horse realistically and takes his time before buying another, as it seems that there have been other false starts.
 
CxLBx said:
could he have been drugged when you went to see him?
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i wondered this.. if it makes you feel better op i have a 5yo tb x wb mare.. her saving grace is she isnt chestnut. (and generally really good so long as shes being challenged and ridden forwards. but her hissy fits are spanish riding school style..)
 
I have to say I think the 'he needs more time to settle' is complete nonsense especially when applied to competition horses. My competition horse is expected to go to different yards, stay there for random periods of time, be ridden by me and anyone else I choose (trainers, friends, someone I want to show the feel of something to who has less experience than me, whatever) at whatever time I decide, has no fixed routine and yes, I do expect him to come out the same every single time - there would be no point in having him as a competition horse if he didn't because every time I did a stay away show I'd have no clue what was going to come out of the stable or off the lorry and what would be the point?!

I guess what I am trying to say is that if he is/has been a 'competition horse' and used to going and doing stuff, then there is even less of an excuse for his behaviour than if he was a homebred who'd never been off the yard or with different handlers until you bought him - and in that latter instance maybe it would be worth giving him more time to settle. But if he's not suitable, he's not suitable - sounds like he's saleable as other people can ride him and are happy on him, so just get rid and buy something your OH can have fun on.
 
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