When does it get easier?

Tern

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I keep thinking about my pony that was PTS yesterday.. All I can remember is being told that he was no longer alive.. my mare has lost her spark and it doesn't feel right to be feeding only one. I don't feel ready to get another one.. all I can think of is that I'll be replacing him and that I'll forget him. Seeing his tack around the house just kills me. Having to say my last goodbyes to a body was not comforting in any way shape or form but I'm glad I was able to say goodbye. And when I get a new one will they ever be the same? My little man was my life and I also noticed I hadn't taken any recent photos of him.. all my photos are of my mare.. how could I do that?! :(

Pointless post and I am sorry.
 

ljohnsonsj

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First of all, massive hugs. It is absolutely awful, I can't even imagine how you feel right now, but it is still raw and in time it will ease, you obviously made a very brave choice and put your ponies well being over yours which is incredibly brave. You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to cry, but you must try to stop thinking about yesterday and remeber all the happy memories and years you had. This is not pointless at all, and I'm sure I speak for many of us on here when i say if you want to speak, you can always drop a new thread or an inbox. Hugs x
 

Redders

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Huge hugs. I've not lost a horse, but I lost my dog last year, he was my rock and it hit me like a wall- time off work sort of thing. In my experience, it's not something you ever 'get over', you just learn to live with it and then things get easier. It took me about 6months to be able to look at a photo of him without crying or feeling dreadful. One thing that helped me was thinking about how nice a life he had as a part of my family. And that we can't keep them forever, that's what makes them so special.

Keep yourself busy, and be kind to yourself, and when your ready, think about all your special times. I got a photo book made that I couldn't look at for ages but when I did I found it really comforting.

You'll get there.x
 

Notimetoride

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Ive had 2 horses pts (several years apart) and 2 cats. I lost my latest horse in November. I could waffle on and on to you but it will make no difference, but please believe me when I say it DOES get easier. One day at a time. There are no short cuts. It helps having understanding people around you, and cry whenever you want to. It absolutely will get better I promise. We're all different and deal with it differently, but be kind on yourself and give it time. xxx
 

Peregrine Falcon

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You're grieving. Of course you're going to be thinking of him and what a huge loss he is, that is totally understandable.

Am sending huge hugs, I had a pony PTS Sept 2013 and lost a foal a few weeks later. Loss of life is difficult at times. XXX
 

Shady

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not a pointless post at all , massive hugs to you, i lost my dad, it's bl**dy awful and i have no pictures of him apart from my wedding day 23 years ago but if i close my eyes i can see him clear as day, your boy will always be with you, that won't change if you get another horse. give yourself time to grieve, it will get easier. xxxxxxxx
 

dollyanna

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It does get easier, I can't tell you when, and it won't be quick, but it does. I lost my girl 12 years ago and it still hurts more than I could imagine, but time does make it easier. Just let it hurt, because it means you loved him and he knows that, let him in and keep him in your heart.
I know of a poem about dogs that talks about them just going to sleep one day and then waking up next to your heart - they never leave you, they just sleep in a different place, and the pain comes from them wagging their tails against your heart. Each time you feel pain it is just a wag from them to remind you they are there. I think maybe it is the same for horses, they are giving us a nudge to remind us they are still with us, so cherish those nudges.
 

Shantara

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*big big big hugs!*

My dog of a lifetime, Annie, was PTS earlier this year and it broke me. She had been my best friend for as long as I could remember!
I miss her every single day, but the pain is less now. It will get easier!
 

Emma_H

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Tern, so so sorry for your loss. (This is not a pointless post so don't be sorry xx)

It does get easier, but it does take time, how long it takes can't be measured really. I never thought I would get over losing my first boy. It took a while and a bit of counselling . Now I can laugh about him and say that he was a pain in the butt and I can do this without crying.

Sending a huge hug xx
 

pansymouse

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It took me year to be able to look at photos and several years before I stopped crying at the sight of silver bute packets. I still miss my precious old boy 7 years on but can talk about him now with happiness. I lost him very suddenly to colic.
 

Merlin11

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It does very slowly get easier. I lost my boy last August. I found keeping myself busy helped. I even wrote down what I had to do and when each day for a start to keep me going. I had recently got a puppy and that helped as she needed me. I also still had two other horses to look after but it was hard as they were a reminder of his loss. I got another pony before Christmas and that has helped. He is young and needs a lot of work. Having other things to focus on is good. I still think about him nearly every day but I tend to think of the good things now rather than the sad ending. Hang in there it will get better.
 

Orangehorse

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You won't forget him, and any new pony will be a new and different personality. I still miss the companion pony I had to have PTS last year, but what tends to happen is that you remember with affection, and gradually the raw grief subsides.

Don't feel that you are the only one to feel like this, it is natural, and it will get better.
 

3OldPonies

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Firstly, this is not a pointless post. Support from others who have been where you are now can be incredibly helpful and I think I speak for everyone when I say that if you need us - we're here for you.

Secondly, it does get easier - when depends on circumstances and how and when you are ready. It is always awful when we lose one of our dear friends, and the grieving process is totally individual. Some may find that keeping busy helps them, others that going shopping for a new horse helps, just do whatever feels right for you. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into anything while the grief is so raw. If you can face clearing out the stable or sorting out tack then do it, if not then don't. I know of a very self composed lady who didn't even visit the yard for four months after losing one of her horses, and relied on other people to help with her other horse, whereas I've always had to go back to see to the others and found that it helped - for her though it just wasn't the right thing to do. Personally nearly eight months after losing B in a traumatic emergency situation, I still find going into his box difficult, but I can see to the other two quite happily, although a pic of a Shetland can send me right off on one!

Look after yourself OP I'm sending big hugs of sympathy your way, and remember, like I said we're all here for you and will help if we can.
 

leggs

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many huggs to you!
when in 2011 my horse, that i'd had for 29yrs died I did't get out of bed for a week, only to feed my other horses, but my then 23yr old (whom i'd also had as a foal) put a stop to that by deciding to become really sick (ulcers- not lying down to sleep anymore) She had my full attention again. I lost her august last year. To be honest, it's only the last few weeks that i've got the strenght to be there for my other 3 horses.(2 mini's and a anglo-arab)

I'm fine as long as I keep working, when i'm at home a couple of days even i can still find a sinkhole to go into, it just happens. Anything can trigger it, even a song likte "let her go" by Passenger, the imprint of her hoofnails on my new concrete floor in the barn (only seen on a Sunny morning when the light shines in) The anglo is 9 now....very little milage as i've still had so much fun with my oldies.

My parents, friends, farrier are really pushing me to buy another horse, and I do really want another horse, but it's got to be right.

it's hard, that's for sure xx
 

flirtygerty

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Having lost a horse to colic in the space of an hour, I don't think it gets easier, you just learn to cope better, but still miss him daily four years later, his field mate watched the whole thing and grieved terribly, refusing to eat or leave the barn, a friend lent me her pony short term and seeing my lad take an interest in the hoofbeats coming down the yard as she arrived made my day, I found him another potential friend shortly after, another mare and with us still
 

Meredith

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huge hugs It's definitely not a pointless post. I have lost horses too including a home bred one and still after about 15 years I can suddenly remember and burst into tears. It does get easier, but you must keep hold of the wonderful memories of your special friend. They are to be cherished and treasured. To replace him is for you alone to decide and you will know whether or when that may happen. Again, I understand and send more hugs.
 

FfionWinnie

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Getting another one did help me. Gave me something else to focus on. Still hurts terribly over 3 months on but I don't cry daily now. Sorry to hear you have lost your horse. Animals give us so much but hurts when they go.
 
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