When to admit defeat?

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Dottyfordylan

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Had Dylan for 18months and Been rather unhappy for a little while . While I know he is young so there are bound to be obstacles I just don't think he's ever going to be the horse for me...:(

I feel in termoil like I'm letting him down but surely this should be fun for both parties? And I'm just not enjoying it anymore. I think he would make a great fun horse for someone but I need something more forward and willing for what I want to do.

Anyone else ever feel quilty about considering selling?
 
I have been guilty of prevaricating far to long when this happened to me and have watched others do it but definatly it's supposed to be fun if it's not do something easy advice to give more difficult to do remember tha horse that does not suit you can be perfect for some one else
 
18months is a good trial so do not beat yourself up about it. Sometimes these things just are not meant to be, only time shows if you are a correct match or not.
I have only had my young girl 1month today, I have no idea if she is going to be right for me at all. I still pine after my old girl, in fact I had a full on crying session today about missing my girl. I loved her so much and was very close to her and knew her inside out and she knew me after over 19yrs together.
I am finding it very tough having a horse who I need to start over with again. It feels like an impossible task ahead. I feel awful and guilty that so early on I feel I am not getting enough from her, silly of me really. She is good really but we are not close, we have a long road ahead.
But if it turns out we are not right for one another I will have to sell her on, I need to give it time though.
You have given this alot of time and thought, do not feel guilty for that, sometimes, like with people we just don't click x
 
Goldenstar said:
I have been guilty of prevaricating far to long when this happened to me and have watched others do it but definatly it's supposed to be fun if it's not do something easy advice to give more difficult to do remember tha horse that does not suit you can be perfect for some one else
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This is what I keep telling myself, he's not a novice horse as he has 'character ' but is generally safe and fun, I just don't think our personalities click.

Good to know I'm not the only one though. He is my first horse so I wouldn't even know where to start with selling him?!
 
It takes a brave person to admit that the horse they have is not for them, too many hold on and things just do not get any better. It should be fun and when its not then you do have to question why you are doing it. I hope you make the right decision for you, its never easy.
 
ebonyallen said:
It takes a brave person to admit that the horse they have is not for them, too many hold on and things just do not get any better. It should be fun and when its not then you do have to question why you are doing it. I hope you make the right decision for you, its never easy.
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Thank you, it does feel like the right decision but it's still very upsetting may still take some time to get my head round admitting it out loud.
 
We are not always going to get on with our horses. If there is a personality clash then find someone who does get on with him and you can then look for something more suited to your personality :)
 
Ive put up with my boy for the past 3 or 4 years and keep thinking of selling him, but ive had him for 8 1/2yrs now, since he was just over a year old, and I just havn't got the heart to sell him.
I know my horse could go really far in Dressage or Showing with someone, or would make a fantastic fun horse for someone who has the time to go competing, but im too scared about him going to the wrong person to sell him on.
I only hack and school him nowadays, and he is a very scatty boy, shying at nothing and jogging everywhere on hacks. He's also very attached to our mare as well which makes it hard as the mare would also be devastated if he went.

As you'd only had him 18 months and your not happy id say sell him now and find something more suitable before you get too attached like me.
 
I've just had to advertise 2 of mine this past week, really hard decision but fact it I don't have time of money and my health isn't what it used to be, really sad as I had loads I planned to do with them, one of them I've had since weaning and was planning on bringing him out under saddle next year, I know he's not really a "me" horse but he's been my baby for 3 years now... :(
 
Thank you all for the support, I think I need to sit down and make a list of good/bad points and decide what needs to go in an advert. I can't say I'm looking forward to telling the y/o
 
QR
Hi, if you decide that selling is the thing for you...
I bought a horse from a lovely woman who had decided that she and her horse were a mis-match. When I went to view I could see an imminent train wreck, so bought the horse thinking I'd get it sorted out and rehomed somewhere more suited. Fast-forward 4 years and the horse is still here; we are a perfect partnership (bad as each other?!) and the woman got another horse - utterly different - that she enjoys, clearly another perfect partnership. So don't think of it as "failing" or "letting your horse/self down". You may be doing the best thing for 2 owners and 2 horses!
 
I also think you'd be doing the horse a favour to sell him. I don't wish to sound harsh, but if you're not getting a fulfilling relationship from him, he probably isn't from you. There are plenty of others who could give him an equally good (better if the gel with him) home, just do your best to find one. Once you appreciate you aren't letting him down, but helping him to achieve a good partnership with someone, you wont feel as guilty. We all worry about the homes we sell our horses to, but remember someone had to sell him in the first place for you to buy him. Unless breeders were prepared to sell, most people wouldn't own a horse. Go with your gut instinct about whether you like potential buyers or not, & more importantly whether your horse likes them. I sold a 3 yr old filly I bred this week (so without wishing to sound arrogant I've had more time to become attached added to the point I bred her), because I could not offer her the best home for her. She's bred to event, so she has gone to an eventing home. I really liked the lady that came to view her, & she has happy being handled by her & was interested in her. Hopefully they'll have a fab time together, but I've done my best for my girl.
 
I know how you feel, was in a similar situation last year. Bought my first horse and I rushed into to it, I was so desperate to have my own. She was incredibly sharp, forward going...everything I didnt want in a first horse. I persisted with her for 8 months (doesnt sound long I know) but I was in despair, tears every single day. I moved to a comp yard to seek help, done everything imaginable to help us bond and gel but in the end I just gave up. I forgot the reason why I had horses, it just seemed a chore, I was so worried about what other people would think and felt I had to keep her. I made the hard decision to sell her... Was the best decision I ever made, I found my new girl a couple of months later and I couldnt be happier. I sometimes think to myself why did I persist for that long when I knew after weeks it wasnt right. Although ive been through a hell of a lot with my current mare... inury after injury, we have a great partnership and I know her inside and out. Love her to death. My old mare is in a lovely home now.

There's a horse out there for everyone, you will know when the partnership is right, and you'll know when its not.

Good luck with everything, I know how hard it is. But I can guarantee if you sell and find a new one your really happy with, you will never look back :)
 
I wish I'd admitted defeat with my first horse - instead she took me to hell and back over 8 years and now my confidence is shot even with my new lovely cob.
I think you're being very brave and it's not about admitting defeat, it's about recognising he's not the right horse for you.
Take time to find him a nice new home and time to look for something that you're better suited to, and better suits you.
Good luck with it all!
 
Me and my cob are so alike mood swing stubborn ask me dont tell me everybody says he me in horse version and we do clash but he still my best friend when we agree to disagree. We shouldnt work but we do somehow. And have a very strong bond but if you feel you cant get on with him sell him with something you can however hard it is.
 
I am currently in pretty much the same situation and I'm selling my boy because after 1yr together, I don't feel that he will ever be the horse I want him to be.

I have beaten myself up over it many times, but have come to accept the fact that some horses and some people just don't work well together.

If you had a boyfriend that wasn't right, you wouldn't keep him now would you? ;);)
 
well ive put the ads up and my yo was so supportive as is everyone ive spoken to. The sad thing is i know he has potential to make someone a lovely horse but its just not me.

I will definately take my time to find the right one for me this time now i have more of an idea what i want,its all a learing curve but best for us both.

ps as far of the boyfriends go i have definately put up with a couple of them for longer than i should of!:rolleyes:
 
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