Teajack
Well-Known Member
(Sorry this should be in New Riders but don't know how to move it)
Warning - this is going to be a long and self indulgent ramble where i let it all out ...
I used be a keen rider when I was younger. Never any great shakes and I was always nervous, mainly rode borrowed horses but I *could* school on a straightforward horse, get them working nicely and was told that if I wanted to do the BHS stages I should pass stage IV. If I could stop turning green when I saw jumps that is
That was 20+ years ago. Now mid 50's and in the past decade I've twice fallen apart quite spectacularly - signed off work, antidepressants, counselling. I have always struggled generally due to a damaging childhood. The reason I mention this is I think all that stuff may be reflected in my riding - lack of confidence etc.
I started riding again 3 months ago, my mother had died and i wanted something positive to concentrate on.
Been having one or two private lessons a week and I feel despondent at my lack of progress. Told my position is nice etc, concentrating on gaining confidence, but I'm an ineffective and nervous passenger with no feel and can't coordinate my aids at all. I know what to do but can't do it and between doing what the instructor wants and keeping horse going I can't concentrate on how I'm riding. Will hopefully be able to hack in the spring, which might help. Group lessons are out as they are mainly jumping. Haven't cantered more than a few strides yet!
Yesterday the reasonably forward and easy horse I had already ridden a few times degenerated to moving reluctantly crabwise, shoulder against my inside hand and looking for excuses to plant/cut in. I'm pretty sure it was me and I'm losing what faith I had in my ability. Had to force myself to keep going as I just wanted to get off and as it was didn't venture out of walk. I'm having physio and am using myself very differently, was feeling much better walking/ driving so perhaps yesterday was a glitch as I adapt to using different muscles etc?
I know what correct - or correct to me - work feels like and it is a joy. I didn't expect to pick up where i left off but feel so uncomfortable/ineffective in the saddle, as well as nervous, that I am not enjoying riding at all. I will be in a position to buy a horse next year, but its not going to happen unless I begin to find my mojo again .....
Warning - this is going to be a long and self indulgent ramble where i let it all out ...
I used be a keen rider when I was younger. Never any great shakes and I was always nervous, mainly rode borrowed horses but I *could* school on a straightforward horse, get them working nicely and was told that if I wanted to do the BHS stages I should pass stage IV. If I could stop turning green when I saw jumps that is
That was 20+ years ago. Now mid 50's and in the past decade I've twice fallen apart quite spectacularly - signed off work, antidepressants, counselling. I have always struggled generally due to a damaging childhood. The reason I mention this is I think all that stuff may be reflected in my riding - lack of confidence etc.
I started riding again 3 months ago, my mother had died and i wanted something positive to concentrate on.
Been having one or two private lessons a week and I feel despondent at my lack of progress. Told my position is nice etc, concentrating on gaining confidence, but I'm an ineffective and nervous passenger with no feel and can't coordinate my aids at all. I know what to do but can't do it and between doing what the instructor wants and keeping horse going I can't concentrate on how I'm riding. Will hopefully be able to hack in the spring, which might help. Group lessons are out as they are mainly jumping. Haven't cantered more than a few strides yet!
Yesterday the reasonably forward and easy horse I had already ridden a few times degenerated to moving reluctantly crabwise, shoulder against my inside hand and looking for excuses to plant/cut in. I'm pretty sure it was me and I'm losing what faith I had in my ability. Had to force myself to keep going as I just wanted to get off and as it was didn't venture out of walk. I'm having physio and am using myself very differently, was feeling much better walking/ driving so perhaps yesterday was a glitch as I adapt to using different muscles etc?
I know what correct - or correct to me - work feels like and it is a joy. I didn't expect to pick up where i left off but feel so uncomfortable/ineffective in the saddle, as well as nervous, that I am not enjoying riding at all. I will be in a position to buy a horse next year, but its not going to happen unless I begin to find my mojo again .....