Where has my mojo gone?

Teajack

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(Sorry this should be in New Riders but don't know how to move it)

Warning - this is going to be a long and self indulgent ramble where i let it all out ...

I used be a keen rider when I was younger. Never any great shakes and I was always nervous, mainly rode borrowed horses but I *could* school on a straightforward horse, get them working nicely and was told that if I wanted to do the BHS stages I should pass stage IV. If I could stop turning green when I saw jumps that is :)

That was 20+ years ago. Now mid 50's and in the past decade I've twice fallen apart quite spectacularly - signed off work, antidepressants, counselling. I have always struggled generally due to a damaging childhood. The reason I mention this is I think all that stuff may be reflected in my riding - lack of confidence etc.

I started riding again 3 months ago, my mother had died and i wanted something positive to concentrate on.

Been having one or two private lessons a week and I feel despondent at my lack of progress. Told my position is nice etc, concentrating on gaining confidence, but I'm an ineffective and nervous passenger with no feel and can't coordinate my aids at all. I know what to do but can't do it and between doing what the instructor wants and keeping horse going I can't concentrate on how I'm riding. Will hopefully be able to hack in the spring, which might help. Group lessons are out as they are mainly jumping. Haven't cantered more than a few strides yet!

Yesterday the reasonably forward and easy horse I had already ridden a few times degenerated to moving reluctantly crabwise, shoulder against my inside hand and looking for excuses to plant/cut in. I'm pretty sure it was me and I'm losing what faith I had in my ability. Had to force myself to keep going as I just wanted to get off and as it was didn't venture out of walk. I'm having physio and am using myself very differently, was feeling much better walking/ driving so perhaps yesterday was a glitch as I adapt to using different muscles etc?

I know what correct - or correct to me :) - work feels like and it is a joy. I didn't expect to pick up where i left off but feel so uncomfortable/ineffective in the saddle, as well as nervous, that I am not enjoying riding at all. I will be in a position to buy a horse next year, but its not going to happen unless I begin to find my mojo again .....
 

LaurenBay

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Firstly I am sorry to hear about your mum.

Regarding the confidence part, I could have written your post. I had a nasty nasty accident and I lost all of my confidence, when I decided to return to riding I was a mess. I cried, I got off to throw up, I had to be lead on a lead rein. I think part of me feeling like a failure is I was so occupied with what other riders were doing and I constantly compared myself to them and therefore made myself feel worse that I wouldn't/couldn't do anymore. Once I had realised that I am riding for my own benefit and stopped comparing myself to others I felt much more positive about it. I would set myself little challenges and the feeling of achievement was brilliant and helped build my confidence. Be honest with your instructor so that they are able to help you, if you feel you can only walk at the moment, then who cares! no one is going to judge you and you are doing this for yourself, getting on in the first place is a victory for you! Ask for a lesson at walk, then challenge yourself and say ok, today I am going to do some figures of 8, or 3 loop serpentine, practice square halts etc. If you set yourself up for small challenges then the confidence you will get from achieving them will be great. Once you feel confident in the walk then progress to some trot. Take the pressure off yourself, you don't have to canter if you feel you are not ready and any decent instructor would not force you too.

Gradually I did build my confidence up, it took a while. I still will never be what I was but that is ok. I still like to set myself challenges.
 

Annagain

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Sorry you're feeling like this. I think you could tackle it in one of two ways depending on your personality and what would work best for you. Option one is to forget about the horse and focus on you - maybe go for some lunge lessons somewhere that specialises in them and really focus on your position and aids before trying to make them work on a horse? The other option is to take the pressure off completely and just enjoy it for a bit - book hacks in lovely countryside (there will be places that do them even in winter) or could you even find a share horse to hack a couple of days a week? There are lots of people looking for someone to help them keep horses fit over the winter, especially if you're free at all in the week. Ultimately as long as you can stay on and make the horse stop, go and turn enough to be safe does it matter if you're not perfect for a while?
 

HeyMich

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I think riding/learning in your 20s and riding/learning in your 50s are very different things. It takes time, and repetition for the muscle memory to return for a start, and you have 30+ years of different posture/habits to unlearn.

As other have said, set yourself small goals and discuss your concerns with your instructor. It will take time, but you will get there, just relax and enjoy the journey xx
 

blitznbobs

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What is wrong with you? You’re depressed and have had a huge bereavement... isn’t that enough? It’s an illness of course you can’t do things as well as when you are well ... of course your confidence will be hit by this kind of illness . The real question is why are you so hard on yourself? Spend a few weeks spending the money you do on riding lessons on proper counselling / psychotherapy/ grief therapy to see if you can start getting better and then see if once you are better your riding improves ...

Ps btw sometimes my advanced medium horse crabs sideways - horses are allowed an off day too ...
 

starfish8

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"I'm an ineffective and nervous passenger with no feel and can't coordinate my aids at all
Read more at https://forums.horseandhound.co.uk/threads/where-has-my-mojo-gone.770321/#5Oc13tOM5CFiacDL.99"

If you are quoting your instructors comments on your riding directly - I would switch instructors! You need someone who will build you up not tear you down. I'm not saying your instructors should tell you you're the next Charlotte Dujardin, but they have to be able to look at what's in front of them (horse and rider) and figure out how to get you to be more ineffective, confident and co-ordinated - not just point out that you're essentially a normal novice rider, albeit with a few confidence issues. You need someone who knows just how far to push you out of your comfort zone so that you continue improving. I will say that the worse thing I did for confidence issues was ride less frequently - the more you ride, the more your confidence grows. And that a quick swig of vodka or rescue remedy can also help no end!

We all have off days, horses have off days - don't be disheartened.
 

Teajack

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Firstly I am sorry to hear about your mum.

Regarding the confidence part, I could have written your post. I had a nasty nasty accident and I lost all of my confidence, when I decided to return to riding I was a mess. I cried, I got off to throw up, I had to be lead on a lead rein. I think part of me feeling like a failure is I was so occupied with what other riders were doing and I constantly compared myself to them and therefore made myself feel worse that I wouldn't/couldn't do anymore. Once I had realised that I am riding for my own benefit and stopped comparing myself to others I felt much more positive about it. I would set myself little challenges and the feeling of achievement was brilliant and helped build my confidence. Be honest with your instructor so that they are able to help you, if you feel you can only walk at the moment, then who cares! no one is going to judge you and you are doing this for yourself, getting on in the first place is a victory for you! Ask for a lesson at walk, then challenge yourself and say ok, today I am going to do some figures of 8, or 3 loop serpentine, practice square halts etc. If you set yourself up for small challenges then the confidence you will get from achieving them will be great. Once you feel confident in the walk then progress to some trot. Take the pressure off yourself, you don't have to canter if you feel you are not ready and any decent instructor would not force you too.

Gradually I did build my confidence up, it took a while. I still will never be what I was but that is ok. I still like to set myself challenges.
Thanks LB for your helpful post. You have crystallised for me how I am comparing myself, not so much to others but to the me of years ago, who may as well be another person. The lesson in walk is a great idea, now I'm trying to remember the aids for a turn on the forehand :)
 

Gloi

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Sometimes I think lessons make you feel worse about yourself because you are being criticised and your faults picked up. You might feel better finding a way just to go out for a quiet hack with someone where you can just enjoy being on a horse and not having to worry too much. If you aren't confident a friend could walk with you.
 

Teajack

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Sorry you're feeling like this. I think you could tackle it in one of two ways depending on your personality and what would work best for you. Option one is to forget about the horse and focus on you - maybe go for some lunge lessons somewhere that specialises in them and really focus on your position and aids before trying to make them work on a horse? The other option is to take the pressure off completely and just enjoy it for a bit - book hacks in lovely countryside (there will be places that do them even in winter) or could you even find a share horse to hack a couple of days a week? There are lots of people looking for someone to help them keep horses fit over the winter, especially if you're free at all in the week. Ultimately as long as you can stay on and make the horse stop, go and turn enough to be safe does it matter if you're not perfect for a while?
Thanks - yes, I do need to concentrate on myself rather than the horse. If you specify that you are nervous you tend to be given something which takes all your time to motivate! Lunge lessons freak me out a bit as I'm not in control (I know that's not logical) but hacking would be good. There is one place nearby which might well do hacks in winter as they are beside a moor, so I will investigate there.
 

tda

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Sorry you are feeling low. I agree with what other have said, don't have lessons, they make even the best people feel rubbish ! If you are happy enough to hack out safely, try and find somewhere that can do this with you on a 1 -1 basis, you can learn a lot this way
 

Skyscraper

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Sounds like you need to give yourself a break :) as you're only 3 months in! First of all, well done for getting back on, especially after having had falls which have affected your confidence.
As others have said, riders and horses at all levels have off days. There's never any shame in going back a step our two in your training if it helps you. Sounds like you're doing the right things and lunge lessons could be great for you to work on improving your seat if you can find a suitable horse. By having physio, you're already addressing postural issues. Do you get much time around horses on the ground, so its not just about the riding? For what its worth, I'm a little further down the line, having had access to decent training for 4 years. I've never been able to have my own horse, but have shared some lovely ones (something you could aim towards if you're not quite sure about owning straight away) Hope you feel better about things and start to enjoy your precious horse time again.
 

pippixox

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I have found that during bad times it is the company of horses that has helped me rather than the riding.

When I am struggling with anxiety or feeling low I avoid riding and just go and groom my horses or do yard chores to clear my head.

Or if any riding- go for a nice group hack. You clearly can ride and just need to relax, which is much easier while out on a hack. With tour terrible recent loss a crisp winter ride outdoors is much better than trying to focus on instructions in a school
 

Teajack

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I have found that during bad times it is the company of horses that has helped me rather than the riding.

When I am struggling with anxiety or feeling low I avoid riding and just go and groom my horses or do yard chores to clear my head.

Or if any riding- go for a nice group hack. You clearly can ride and just need to relax, which is much easier while out on a hack. With tour terrible recent loss a crisp winter ride outdoors is much better than trying to focus on instructions in a school
Absolutely about the company of horses. I'm just a riding school client at the moment and actually attending two different establishments. The first i chose because they mention catering for nervous riders on their website (having had a very confidence sapping experience elsewhere) but there isn't any scope to do more than offer to untack. I don't like just climbing on a horse you barely have time to say hello to. When I turned up early at the second (which I wanted to investigate for possible future livery) it was a lot less posh and they suggested I groom the horse I was going to ride. That half hour was the best bit! Think its now time to stop travelling to the fancy place and spend some more time grooming :) (Also they aren't so fussy about doing things exactly at the markers, which isn't what I need to worry about quite yet IMO)
 

Teajack

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Sounds like you need to give yourself a break :) as you're only 3 months in! First of all, well done for getting back on, especially after having had falls which have affected your confidence.
As others have said, riders and horses at all levels have off days. There's never any shame in going back a step our two in your training if it helps you. Sounds like you're doing the right things and lunge lessons could be great for you to work on improving your seat if you can find a suitable horse. By having physio, you're already addressing postural issues. Do you get much time around horses on the ground, so its not just about the riding? For what its worth, I'm a little further down the line, having had access to decent training for 4 years. I've never been able to have my own horse, but have shared some lovely ones (something you could aim towards if you're not quite sure about owning straight away) Hope you feel better about things and start to enjoy your precious horse time again.
Thanks Skyscraper - Horse time IS precious and we are lucky to be able to spend time with them. I will try and live in the moment! Sharing is certainly something I would do once I get a wee bit more competent.
 

Teajack

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Thanks everyone for boosting my morale which was rock bottom :) I now have a plan - lessons at local riding school where things are more relaxed and find some relaxed winter hacking to enjoy.
 

Cortez

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I wonder if having some lunge lessons might help you? That would allow you to concentrate on just you and your position, and it'll really help with general riding strength and fitness. Never give up; everything worth doing well takes time.
 
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