Who’s cried in a lesson?

Flicker

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Had a lesson recently and it all got a bit intense. Instructor is very good but quite full on and the lesson is essentially a running narrative of ‘do this, do this, DO THIS, ok, better, do that, DO THAT, do this, you’ve forgotten to do that…’. I felt just so overwhelmed and useless. I had to stop and was in tears, just trying so hard and still feeling like I was not doing it right. They were very good and empathic and I pulled myself together and the lesson went well after, but I am extremely embarrassed. This is a pro rider, I don’t know how used to crying clients they are.
Has anyone else cried in a lesson? Please don’t let me be the only pathetic snowflake.
 

supertramp

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Hands Up, I have! and fairly recently, it was a mixture of being very frustrated, and as I'm a bit deaf not being able to hear that well, which really frustrated my instructor. I was trying too hard and it went terribly wrong. I have taken a step back, realised I need to find another instructor, and enjoyed some hacking. Although I think this had been brewing for a while. Oh yes, and I've reached the giddy heights of being 60!
Don't be embarrassed, emotions are odd things and catch us unawares, but your instructor seems to have handled it well, and you had a good lesson at the end . x
 

milliepops

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Me, I had a lesson with a pro sjer and I was riding a horse she had previously ridden so she had quite fixed ideas of what we should be doing, only problem is I didn't ride like she would have done so things started to unravel. Horse and I totally lost confidence in each other in the space of 30 mins. At that point I twigged I needed sj lessons from an eventer 😂 not someone to whom sj was so natural.
 

planete

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I will no longer have anything to do with instructors without a minimum of people skills, no matter how famous or brilliant at riding they may be. In order to ride well I need to be relaxed, otherwise it is just an exercise in gritting my teeth and riding my bewildered horse who is now sending me "what the H..ll is up with you" distress signals. I owe it to him to be happy when I am on his back.
 

NinjaPony

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Cried once when I was younger. Instructor kept yelling at me, it was all going wrong and it all escalated. They made me feel like a really rubbish rider and told me I was ruining the pony. Now I only have lessons with people who are firm but fair. I don’t like shouting or yelling, criticism is fine it’s just how it’s delivered. Have to confess I’ve cried after a few lessons recently, not because of the lesson or horse but because I miss my horse so much, and it reminds me that my enforced riding break has really hit both my skills and confidence. Trying not to be too hard on myself, it will take time to get that all back.
 

Flicker

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So glad to hear I am not alone in this! The instructor’s approach is very good, very professional and exactly what I do need - I can’t fault them at all. I think if they had known how I was interpreting their instruction, they would have done it differently and once they knew where I was at, they were very patient and explained their approach.
I’ve definitely had lessons with instructors who are just set in their approaches, like you millipops, or just completely antisocial (and I agree with planete that life is just too short).
Bernster, that is exactly how I felt, and it goes to pieces then doesn’t it! Supertramp that sounds really horrible for you and it is so difficult to do what an instructor is asking if they are not being clear and you can’t hear them properly. This trainer walks around so you can always hear them, which is good!
 

Flicker

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Cried once when I was younger. Instructor kept yelling at me, it was all going wrong and it all escalated. They made me feel like a really rubbish rider and told me I was ruining the pony. Now I only have lessons with people who are firm but fair. I don’t like shouting or yelling, criticism is fine it’s just how it’s delivered. Have to confess I’ve cried after a few lessons recently, not because of the lesson or horse but because I miss my horse so much, and it reminds me that my enforced riding break has really hit both my skills and confidence. Trying not to be too hard on myself, it will take time to get that all back.
Telling a child they are ruining a pony is just cruel. And reflects on the trainer since they are supposed to be there to help and guide. I’m between horses too, and lucky enough to have a regular ride on one but like you I know that without regular riding like I used to do, it will be harder to progress. Don’t be hard on yourself - we are in this position and will just need to make the best of it. I just think of it as keeping myself ticking over for my next horse and better than not riding at all x
 

iknowmyvalue

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I’ve cried in many lessons 😂 a couple of times with my favourite instructor just because she asked me what was wrong (she knew I wasn’t riding like my normal self) or because I was scared/didn’t think I could do something, once or twice because I was happy.

With other instructors: one because she said (when I was 15/16) that princess pony was useless and I’d be better sending her for dog meat and asking my parents to buy me a more useful horse. Didn’t ever have anything to do with that one again. And another who was just generally mean and disparaging…
 

Rowreach

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Me, several times, usually not obviously but occasionally it has been noticed :confused:

Once when I was on a (beautifully behaved, never put a foot wrong) young horse at a camp, and every lesson I was in there were slightly out of control women flying past or ramming her up the backside, despite the arena being vast. It was just putting my horse under so much pressure which, as a four year old, she just didn't deserve. The coach (well known FBHS) was sent to talk to me by the organiser (I was about to walk out) and said "oh I know it can be scary riding a young horse" to which he got a fairly pithy reply because he had totally misread my reaction and he should have been telling the wimmin not to be so flipping inconsiderate.

Another time I'd paid out a shedload of money for Stage 4 training, only to find that the BHS had decided to make it an I training camp. So instead of getting Fellows, me and the other St4 girl ended up guinea pigging for a selection of not very good instructors (even the Fellows agreed on that) who couldn't cope with teaching someone on a very highly strung sensitive type and someone else on an aged slightly stiff former event horse. Several hundred pounds down the drain there, as we got zero attention and no help towards our exam.

Looking back I think my reactions were largely because I was permanently knackered from working with horses, and these camps were meant to be my downtime/me-time, busman's holidays, and they were utterly disappointing.
 

mypegasus

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I've cried in numerous lessons, mostly when I've not been 100% and feeling pretty crap about myself. When I'm feeling as though I'm letting the horse down.

I've cried after a dressage test too - because of the various bits and pieces I thought I'd stuffed up.

Emotions are strange beasts and I always find being around horses draws them out of me - I guess because I can't hide them well enough so the horse doesn't feel them if that makes sense.
 

thingstodotoday

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Me I have. Many times with one instructor cos he made me feel useless but he was resident instructor at my yard and I sort of had no choice till I left.
And then again a few weeks ago in frustration when my new mare would not stop bucking in canter and I could not push her on enough to stop it.
 

SaddlePsych'D

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I have. I was so frustrated at the amount my confidence had dropped - I was nervous riding my favourite RS horse at the time and felt so crap about where I could have been instead of where I was if I hadn't ruined my confidence. My instructor was great about it. She validated how I felt, shared that she'd had similar tearful moments and that she tried to think if it being a sign of caring/wanting to get it right which is a good thing, and also gave me a sense of control in choosing how to go forwards in the lesson which really helped me calm down and end on a better note.
 

Flicker

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Thank you everyone for your honesty, it is so reassuring to hear that others have had the same experiences. For those of you who have been made to feel inadequate by your trainers, everyone deserves better than this and you were right to walk away. A training environment has to be a safe place to learn and anyone who doesn’t make you feel this way does not deserve your money or your time.
For those of you who simply became overwhelmed by the experience, I can completely empathise and am so grateful to you for sharing. The learning process can make us very vulnerable!
 

Celtic Fringe

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I cried out on a hack today! I was not really gelling with my son's horse today then a motorbike accelerated very fast near us (d!ckhe*d) which meant we unexpectedly went VERY fast sideways and forwards. I spent the rest of the ride quite tense and the final straw was when horse spooked round a drain cover and nearly into a car. The friend I was riding with offered well meaning but ultimately unhelpful advice. All just one of those things - I'm sure we will be fine next time.

I did hack my own cob later in the day and fortunately had a very calm and enjoyable time (including a brief chat with a very good-looking cyclist!).
 

irishdraft

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A long time ago I went on an instructional riding holiday in Ireland . The person running it & instructing was a french man he was so sarcastic and condescending about my riding I was virtually in tears most nights but as I was with someone who was apparently the best rider ever I had to stick it out . So pleased to get home.
 

Reacher

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Yes, various times from frustration but the 2 most memorable were when a bhsi was very rude. Gave both the boot and like @Abby-Lou I’m very happy with my current one!

A long time ago I went on an instructional riding holiday in Ireland . The person running it & instructing was a french man he was so sarcastic and condescending about my riding I was virtually in tears most nights but as I was with someone who was apparently the best rider ever I had to stick it out . So pleased to get home.
Awful when you are stuck in that situation for an entire holiday.
Had similar experience with a French ski instructor- what an ar5e!
 

GreyDot

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I will no longer have anything to do with instructors without a minimum of people skills, no matter how famous or brilliant at riding they may be. In order to ride well I need to be relaxed, otherwise it is just an exercise in gritting my teeth and riding my bewildered horse who is now sending me "what the H..ll is up with you" distress signals. I owe it to him to be happy when I am on his back.
This, in spades!!!
 

fiwen30

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Yep. Not even a formal lesson, it was meant to be a relaxed, private, ‘go as you please’ session for myself and a couple of others, over small obstacles to build my confidence for some low-level BHS exam, I think. The owner of the place got the wrong end of the stick and thought I was attempting a higher level exam, and so bullied me into attempting a larger obstacle, jumping downhill, into an open field - none of which I’d ever tried to do before. I unbalanced on the downhill landing, went over the shoulder, and trudged back up the hill in tears.

I think these days I would’ve given a firm No, but back then I was very much a novice, and the owner was a Professional. Not professional enough to stick around after that, I think I embarrassed him and he mooched off inside!
 
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